Discouraged

I completely understand. Been there. I've just reapplied for my daughter's visa so now my wait begins for that...thrill.

the dishes thing....it's a Brit thing. And it's not not rinsing plates off after eating  and laying them in the sink...it's washing them and sticking them on a rack to dry without rinsing them off. *gag* we have a dishwasher now, but there's still some stuff that you gotta wash by hand. I nagged about this so much.

OMG YES. So, my husband cooks a lot and I certainly don't so he cooked for me when I was there in February/March. We cooked, ate, and then washed the dishes together. I was picking up a few dishes and he freaking put soap all over the dish and then PUT IT ON THE RACK without rising it!!!  ???I was like, "um excuse me" 

so...much....soap.....residue.

I was like no I'm washing dishes from now on, you can do the laundry or something 

I feel the exact same way about how nobody ever goes anywhere if they're from the South. I know one other person who's been out of the country for pleasure (and not military) and most of the people I've known my entire life have never even been on a plane.

My husband has also said he would move to the UK if we ever had to make that decision...but I couldn't do that to him. the whole Southern culture is just so harsh compared to here. It's strange to be living in a place so open-minded and concerned with their citizens (compared to where I'm from in TN). I wouldn't ever want to go back.

Do you mean he would move to the US? (just checking that I understand!)

I just really, REALLY love the culture in England. I know it isn't perfect. But...sometimes I drive to work and see the litter all over the place or Trump signs on pick up trucks with giant American flags and I just want to facepalm. Louisiana isn't really the best state to begin with. There are wonderful places to live in America, but I don't vote LA as one of the best. I mean, don't get me wrong, it has its charms especially in Cajun country but I'm over it.

Do you mean he would move to the US? (just checking that I understand!)

I just really, REALLY love the culture in England. I know it isn't perfect. But...sometimes I drive to work and see the litter all over the place or Trump signs on pick up trucks with giant American flags and I just want to facepalm. Louisiana isn't really the best state to begin with. There are wonderful places to live in America, but I don't vote LA as one of the best. I mean, don't get me wrong, it has its charms especially in Cajun country but I'm over it.

yes sorry, amended my post. I wouldn't put the South on him. It's miserable.

 Like you said, it has it's charms and is lovely to visit...but it's just effing nice to live somewhere where people aren't racist, sexist, homophobic, @$$h*le$ trying to shove either Jesus or Donald Trump or something down your throat every five seconds.

 I love the wet, windy weather here, the fact that art, and science, history,  and music are all SO appreciated, the news isn't constantly trying to scare you to death, the food can be wonderful once you find what you like, the pub atmosphere is great, the people are mostly great. Do you know that I've went almost an entire year here and have only been made to feel uncomfortable by the opposite sex once? It's just not done.

the only negative thing I've ever experienced here is sometimes some people have a bit of a prejudice because I'm American. Americans have terrible reputations all over Europe, and it's really sad.

yes sorry, amended my post. I wouldn't put the South on him. It's miserable.

 Like you said, it has it's charms and is lovely to visit...but it's just effing nice to live somewhere where people aren't racist, sexist, homophobic, @$$h*le$ trying to shove either Jesus or Donald Trump or something down your throat every five seconds.

 I love the wet, windy weather here, the fact that art, and science, history,  and music are all SO appreciated, the news isn't constantly trying to scare you to death, the food can be wonderful once you find what you like, the pub atmosphere is great, the people are mostly great. Do you know that I've went almost an entire year here and have only been made to feel uncomfortable by the opposite sex once? It's just not done.

the only negative thing I've ever experienced here is sometimes some people have a bit of a prejudice because I'm American. Americans have terrible reputations all over Europe, and it's really sad.

Yes we are in agreement. I'm a liberal, atheist feminist who doesn't want children....so growing up in the south has been woooonderfullll!

I was wondering if there were any prejudices against Americans. Everyone here is under the impression that since I'm American I won't face any issues since Brits don't seem to face any here (I am sure that isn't true) but everyone here, myself included, fawns over British people. It's got to be the accent! Plus, British men are hotter than American men imo

I'm sorry you've experienced some prejudices. I am worried about that as well.

I'm sorry you've experienced some prejudices. I am worried about that as well.

it's really just been within the work industry. Sometimes I feel scrutinized or like a novelty  item. Nothing better than being asked how my buddy Trump is doing these days.

There is literally NO ONE here who has a single clue about what I'm going through. No one here moves out of America, it just doesn't happen. There is one exception: I had two friends in high school, one who went to grad school at St. Andrews (but he moved back to the US) and another friend who is currently getting his Vet degree in London. I don't know if he's moving permanently) Other than that, no one can relate and to be honest, going to school in the UK is different than marrying a UK citizen and moving there on a settlement visa.

Thanks for the congrats! It took me 7 years but I got my two degrees and an amazing job! Which I am unfortunately resigning from once I have the visa. It was an internship and when I graduated in 2016 they moved me to full time. I'm attached to my job, my boss, my co workers, etc. I'm going to actually cry when I resign officially. My boss is coming to my wedding in England!!

4 years? Long distance?! That is another thing people don't seem to grasp....that I am ALONE HERE! I have friends and stuff, yeah and family...but anytime someone complains about their relationship I am like BUT YOU ARE TOGETHER!!! I'm so salty about it lol! We've been long distance nearly 3 years now so I feel your pain.

Thankfully my family has been understanding about my love for Europe and my decision to move. My husband was willing to move here...but it wasn't really his first choice. I was always going to be the one to move and I am 100% okay with that (except this horrible visa process/cost/wait)

My sister lives in TN, so I'm not the only child in my family to move relatively far, but to be honest my family weren't surprised in the least. Especially when I introduced them to my perfect British husband!

Yes, same! I don't know anyone who has permanently moved out of the country. It's a way different mindset than extended travel or studying.

It's sad to leave but it's good you've found a job you love so much! Now you have an idea of what to look for when you move

Yep, four whole years of long distance! My brother complains when his girlfriend goes away for the weekend without him and I'm like yep, welcome to my whole existence. Try doing that every day!

I wish I could say the same about my family... they're trying to be understanding, but are a little too self centered to accept it, I think. My husband would've moved here if I *really* wanted him to, maybe, but I'm like you - I was always going to be the one to move because I'm just more independent and I think the UK is a more pragmatic choice.

Speaking of which, I'm curious: to everyone on this thread, why did you and your partner choose the UK over the US? 

I don't fully understand the chart, but it's good to know that flurries DO happen and if it's been stagnant for a few days/weeks then hopefully we'll all know at the same time!!!

It is a little confusing hahah! The bottom left corner is basically a summary of the decisions made by week. The green boxes next to the dates mean a priority decision came that day, and the yellow means a non priority one came that day (I think).

I know there's probably no rhyme or reason to the dates but I'm bored and was curious to see if there was any sort of pattern at all. Mostly I've gathered that the weeks of non priority and priority decisions aren't the same. I might go through the past few months and do more analyzing... I've got nothing better to do anyway, tbh!

Nothing better than being asked how my buddy Trump is doing these days.

Oh, God noooo!


Ugh. Y'know, I was just visiting in England and loads of people asked me what I thought of Trump. I'm like "uh I'm moving to England" lol

No, I'm not moving here to get away from Trump or America, but I won't lie...I'm eager to get out of the toxic cloud that is Trump's America.

Yes, same! I don't know anyone who has permanently moved out of the country. It's a way different mindset than extended travel or studying.

It's sad to leave but it's good you've found a job you love so much! Now you have an idea of what to look for when you move

Yep, four whole years of long distance! My brother complains when his girlfriend goes away for the weekend without him and I'm like yep, welcome to my whole existence. Try doing that every day!

I wish I could say the same about my family... they're trying to be understanding, but are a little too self centered to accept it, I think. My husband would've moved here if I *really* wanted him to, maybe, but I'm like you - I was always going to be the one to move because I'm just more independent and I think the UK is a more pragmatic choice.

Speaking of which, I'm curious: to everyone on this thread, why did you and your partner choose the UK over the US? 

I work in museums/archives and I'm qualified to handle artifacts. I'm even studying Latin! I spent all of 2016 scouting out every museum in the UK I could find. As of now I get constant job updates, I just can't apply anywhere yet. That's another thing...I keep getting asked "Do you have a job lined up in England?" It's okay...I get that people are curious but I can't apply yet..I don't have my VISA.

I am so sorry that your family isn't being 100% supportive. I am getting a little bit of that from my sister but it isn't horrible, she is trying to be okay with it. Even if she's not, I'm still going.

YES. I am s-a-l-t-y about people who complain for a "weekend apart" or something from their s/o. Like, try MONTHS.

the dishes thing....it's a Brit thing. And it's not not rinsing plates off after eating  and laying them in the sink...it's washing them and sticking them on a rack to dry without rinsing them off. *gag* we have a dishwasher now, but there's still some stuff that you gotta wash by hand. I nagged about this so much.

Ohmigosh, why don't they rinse them!  I cringe when my husband and I do the washing up together... if I'm washing and he's drying, he gets annoyed because I'm so slow.  I think the reason he's faster at washing is because he hands me dishes that are dripping with sudsy water!  What even is that?!

When we do get a dishwasher, my glasses will be hand-washed so they don't go all cloudy.  And anything with non-stick on it.  And non-enameled cast iron... um... yeah.  Quite a few things are going to be hand washed, come to think of it.  But not the plates/bowls/cutlery!  And, my gosh, my plastic storage bowls are going in the dishwasher.  I'm sooo tired of washing those!

I work in museums/archives and I'm qualified to handle artifacts. I'm even studying Latin! I spent all of 2016 scouting out every museum in the UK I could find. As of now I get constant job updates, I just can't apply anywhere yet. That's another thing...I keep getting asked "Do you have a job lined up in England?" It's okay...I get that people are curious but I can't apply yet..I don't have my VISA.

I am so sorry that your family isn't being 100% supportive. I am getting a little bit of that from my sister but it isn't horrible, she is trying to be okay with it. Even if she's not, I'm still going.

YES. I am s-a-l-t-y about people who complain for a "weekend apart" or something from their s/o. Like, try MONTHS.

Hopefully, someone more expert than me will chime in here, but as far as I know, you can actually apply now.  You just can't work 'til you have the visa in hand, so you need to make it clear that you will have the legal right to work on a spouse visa when it's approved but it hasn't been approved yet.  If you've got leads, you should pursue them.

Hopefully, someone more expert than me will chime in here, but as far as I know, you can actually apply now.  You just can't work 'til you have the visa in hand, so you need to make it clear that you will have the legal right to work on a spouse visa when it's approved but it hasn't been approved yet.  If you've got leads, you should pursue them.

Ohh! I was under the impression that applying now was useless. I don't have any leads, persay, but I do get job "updates" for openings mostly around the Greater London area. Me and Tom discussed that I should start applying for jobs after our wedding (after 13 October) because...as of now the lease on our flat is 6 months. That 6 months ends in November, and switches to month by month. So, if I start applying after the wedding chaos is over, I can focus on applying and attending interviews once our lease switches to month by month so if we have to move (which is likely) it'll be much easier than trying to get out of a lease, or missing an opportunity because I can't start the job right away.

Ohmigosh, why don't they rinse them!  I cringe when my husband and I do the washing up together... if I'm washing and he's drying, he gets annoyed because I'm so slow.  I think the reason he's faster at washing is because he hands me dishes that are dripping with sudsy water!  What even is that?!

When we do get a dishwasher, my glasses will be hand-washed so they don't go all cloudy.  And anything with non-stick on it.  And non-enameled cast iron... um... yeah.  Quite a few things are going to be hand washed, come to think of it.  But not the plates/bowls/cutlery!  And, my gosh, my plastic storage bowls are going in the dishwasher.  I'm sooo tired of washing those!

I don't know but it grosses me out. My husband claims that because they wash all the bits off in the hot soapy water and then dry them that there's no need to rinse. I compared that to jumping in the shower and rubbing soap all over yourself and then just getting out and towelling off. He sorta got it, but I honestly think he A. doesn't rinse the dishes when I'm not there and B. if he's hand-washing anything when I'm there he probably only rinses them because I moaned about it so much.

One of my biggest struggles here has been finding replacements for things I like/am use to that either aren't available at all, available in limited amounts, or super hard to find. Like, I don't want to have to drive over half an hour to a health food store to get a bag of dried pinto beans, I want to be able to pick them up at ASDA, 2 minutes from my house. Same with makeup (man, I really miss Covergirl), some clothing items (I don't understand pantyhose/tights sizes here), crunchy peanut butter that's not sweet, anything grape flavoured, dill freakin pickles, lemonade....I could go on for days about food alone.

I just really love it here though. The opportunities to have a better standard of living, to travel, to just be yourself-however weird and wonderful that may be...I went back to TN for a visit a couple of weeks ago and I really don't miss much of anything enough to want to go back. I hate having the people I love so far away...but I have other people I love here in a much healthier environment.

Ohh! I was under the impression that applying now was useless. I don't have any leads, persay, but I do get job "updates" for openings mostly around the Greater London area. Me and Tom discussed that I should start applying for jobs after our wedding (after 13 October) because...as of now the lease on our flat is 6 months. That 6 months ends in November, and switches to month by month. So, if I start applying after the wedding chaos is over, I can focus on applying and attending interviews once our lease switches to month by month so if we have to move (which is likely) it'll be much easier than trying to get out of a lease, or missing an opportunity because I can't start the job right away.

The hiring process over here is very very slow.  Shockingly slow.  The sooner you start the ball rolling, the better off you are.  Since you're coming in on a spouse visa, rather than the fiancee visa, you will be allowed to work pretty much the day you land (though it's much easier to prove that after you collect your BRP ).  If you prefer to wait 'til after the wedding, just because you've got a lot on your plate right now, that makes total sense.  But do not hold back contacting prospective employers 'til you're over here because you think you have to.

You may have difficulties actually applying, because you don't have the legal right to work today (but you will the day you arrive), and you don't have a National Insurance number yet (a problem if applying online).  But you can look and contact people.

You may have difficulties actually applying, because you don't have the legal right to work today (but you will the day you arrive), and you don't have a National Insurance number yet (a problem if applying online).  But you can look and contact people.

When will I get the National Insurance Number??