Moving to the UK advice

Hello everyone!

I'm still in America, waiting on a reply from the Spousal Visa application and I am hoping to be in England by September! *fingers crossed* During that time I've been packing my things, organizing a garage sale, figuring out what to do with my car/cell provider/etc. All of this has kept my mind pretty preoccupied as many of you understand.

Me and my husband have been long distance for three years. (we were married in June 2018, and spent two days together while married and then he flew home )

 We've seen each other plenty of times, but our longest stretch of time together in the same place was three weeks. During that time we got an -idea- of what it will be like to live together, though we won't truly know until I'm there. Additionally, I wasn't working or doing the "daily grind" when I was visiting, whereas once I move I'll start looking for jobs and getting into daily life.

My question is for any of you who went from long distance to living together. How long did it take to feel normal? Or, to get used to actually being together? We're pros at long distance, but haven't had the pleasure of living together or being able to be a normal couple. It's something we've wanted for so long, but it's also going to be a huge change in our relationship.

I'm really independent. I have a full time job, my own bank account, a car in my name, and I pay my own rent, health insurance, etc. I know that when I move to the UK I'll end up relying on my husband a bit, and have to put a few things in his name. That's totally fine-we're a team! However, I've spoken to a few people who immigrated to the UK and they said the first six months was the hardest. I really don't want to become depressed or cling to my husband. But I'm also leaving behind my family and a few wonderful best friends and I won't know anyone else. On top of that, he lives about 2 hours from anyone either of us knows. He's really shy and hasn't made many friends of his own in his new place. That being said, I am NOT shy whatsoever, and we both think that once we're together we will both be much much happier and more motivated to do things. We've been waiting for so long, finally being together is all we want!

What advice do you have for:
1. Finally being together and dealing with the good/bad times that come with that after being long distance for so long? I am really keen on my personal space and "me time" which he is well aware of, but we've not had to deal with our own quirks while living together. We've discussed our likes/dislikes and personal preferences and I have full confidence that we're going to enjoy living together! I think I'm just worried about certain things getting in the way, like things that we haven't had to deal with being apart.

2. Dealing with some possible isolation. I fear that not having my best friends and family around will get to me once the excitement of moving passes. We'll be living in the city center, and I'll be near the train/bus station so I'll have a way to get around without relying on my husband. He moved across the street from the station for me. (He's so sweet )

Do you have any suggestions for activities in the UK that aren't as common in the US. What have you guys discovered you love about the UK that just isn't around in the US? I love taking walks, and there's plenty of that in the UK! I actually love the cold/rainy weather in the UK. I live in Louisiana and the hot, humid weather is disgusting. I will not miss it.

I think I'm just getting nervous as the clock ticks closer to my departure. (well hopefully, if my visa is approved)

Thanks guys.

Hello everyone!

I'm still in America, waiting on a reply from the Spousal Visa application and I am hoping to be in England by September! *fingers crossed* During that time I've been packing my things, organizing a garage sale, figuring out what to do with my car/cell provider/etc. All of this has kept my mind pretty preoccupied as many of you understand.

Me and my husband have been long distance for three years. (we were married in June 2018, and spent two days together while married and then he flew home )

 We've seen each other plenty of times, but our longest stretch of time together in the same place was three weeks. During that time we got an -idea- of what it will be like to live together, though we won't truly know until I'm there. Additionally, I wasn't working or doing the "daily grind" when I was visiting, whereas once I move I'll start looking for jobs and getting into daily life.

My question is for any of you who went from long distance to living together. How long did it take to feel normal? Or, to get used to actually being together? We're pros at long distance, but haven't had the pleasure of living together or being able to be a normal couple. It's something we've wanted for so long, but it's also going to be a huge change in our relationship.

I'm really independent. I have a full time job, my own bank account, a car in my name, and I pay my own rent, health insurance, etc. I know that when I move to the UK I'll end up relying on my husband a bit, and have to put a few things in his name. That's totally fine-we're a team! However, I've spoken to a few people who immigrated to the UK and they said the first six months was the hardest. I really don't want to become depressed or cling to my husband. But I'm also leaving behind my family and a few wonderful best friends and I won't know anyone else. On top of that, he lives about 2 hours from anyone either of us knows. He's really shy and hasn't made many friends of his own in his new place. That being said, I am NOT shy whatsoever, and we both think that once we're together we will both be much much happier and more motivated to do things. We've been waiting for so long, finally being together is all we want!

What advice do you have for:
1. Finally being together and dealing with the good/bad times that come with that after being long distance for so long? I am really keen on my personal space and "me time" which he is well aware of, but we've not had to deal with our own quirks while living together. We've discussed our likes/dislikes and personal preferences and I have full confidence that we're going to enjoy living together! I think I'm just worried about certain things getting in the way, like things that we haven't had to deal with being apart.

2. Dealing with some possible isolation. I fear that not having my best friends and family around will get to me once the excitement of moving passes. We'll be living in the city center, and I'll be near the train/bus station so I'll have a way to get around without relying on my husband. He moved across the street from the station for me. (He's so sweet )

Do you have any suggestions for activities in the UK that aren't as common in the US. What have you guys discovered you love about the UK that just isn't around in the US? I love taking walks, and there's plenty of that in the UK! I actually love the cold/rainy weather in the UK. I live in Louisiana and the hot, humid weather is disgusting. I will not miss it.

I think I'm just getting nervous as the clock ticks closer to my departure. (well hopefully, if my visa is approved)

Thanks guys.

Aww my niece is leaving for LSU in 3 days! Well I have now been here now since Dec of last year so about 7 months. Everyone will have their own journey but for me the first month was like I was in a dream! The fact of doing things other people fully take for granted like seeing your husband laugh in person and to give him a hug when you want to is magical! My fiancee now husband, took two weeks off work when we got the green light to help me get adjusted. I lived in both the north and south in the US so the most different for me and beautiful is the architecture and landscape. For me it made me realize how young the US really is as a country! I wrote a little handwritten notebook of things I did not want to forget with time that seem so funny or weird at first. With your visa like mine you cannot work for a few months so take that time to just socialize when you go to the store or learn the trains etc. I enjoyed watching the morning shows just to see how different they are and it will teach you about just some basic culture and phrases. I had been in long term relationships before but my husband  had not. I feel it is like any big step moving in and learning about each other. Except you both have made huge sacrifices and for us that makes our bond even stronger! Hope this novel lol helps you!x

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First off, let me say how impressed I am that you've written this.  So often people romanticism the UK and that always worries me.  They think it's going to be living "happily ever after" once they get here.  And while that's the case for most, it isn't usually a straight line getting their. 

My situation was completely different, as I moved here by myself for work.  So my now-husband and I met locally, dated, lived together, and then married.  So I don't have the long distance experience.  But I've CERTAINLY experienced the adjustment of life from the USA to the UK. 

So I lived in Florida for 26 years and Colorado for 4 before moving here.  So lots of experience with extreme weather. 

1.  Yes, life will be very different living here.  Your husband will be working and continuing his life as normal and will (likely) think that you'll just slot right in.  It'll likely be a big surprise to him that your needs may differ from his.

2.  Isolation comes in so many facets.  I was CRAZY busy before moving here.  I was working fulltime, teaching dance 15 hours a week, and finishing my MBA.  And socializing with my many circles of friends around all of that.  My life went from 100mph to 5mph and that was tough.  It was also hard as I was very close with my family and when they would get together and I wasn't there, that was really tough.  That's STILL really tough.  I (and now my children) miss out on so much with my family and my "UK family" isn't involved.  But yes, you'll be able to get out and about which is great.  But it can still be tough spending the whole day alone and not having someone to talk to. 

My biggest pieces of advice:

Budget a return flight home every single year.  Some people are happy to see the back of their family but that doesn't seem like it'll be the case in your circumstance.  Make sure your husband understands that this is really important.

Try to establish a life outside of your husband.  Go out to things that interest you and put yourself out there.  It's a bit like dating but without the hope of a good night kiss.  It's hard to put yourself out there but it's the only way you'll make friends. 

Be kind to yourself.  Moving countries is no joke.  You'll be surprised that even though we *mostly* speak the same language how different things can be.  It is 100% normal to have a breakdown and cry at some point in the middle of a grocery store.

Also know that if often can take a long time to secure your first job in the UK.  It's the whole "no UK experience but need someone to give you a chance to get UK experience" that can be a tough circle to crack.  A lot will depend on if you are willing to take anything that comes your way or if you want to be on more of a career track.

And I honestly think the first 6 months are the easiest.  Still in the honeymoon period and enjoying discovering your new surroundings.  I think things *usually* start to get better around the 2 year mark. 

You've got this.  You'll do great. 

I think one of the keys is not to go in there with too many (any?) expectations. Keep an open mind and make the most of every minute! 

What advice do you have for:
1. Finally being together and dealing with the good/bad times that come with that after being long distance for so long? I am really keen on my personal space and "me time" which he is well aware of, but we've not had to deal with our own quirks while living together. We've discussed our likes/dislikes and personal preferences and I have full confidence that we're going to enjoy living together! I think I'm just worried about certain things getting in the way, like things that we haven't had to deal with being apart.

2. Dealing with some possible isolation. I fear that not having my best friends and family around will get to me once the excitement of moving passes. We'll be living in the city center, and I'll be near the train/bus station so I'll have a way to get around without relying on my husband. He moved across the street from the station for me. (He's so sweet )

Do you have any suggestions for activities in the UK that aren't as common in the US. What have you guys discovered you love about the UK that just isn't around in the US? I love taking walks, and there's plenty of that in the UK! I actually love the cold/rainy weather in the UK. I live in Louisiana and the hot, humid weather is disgusting. I will not miss it.

I would say that it didn't take long for me to feel at home with my husband, but it did take a bit to have my actual home feel like home (because it was all my husband's furniture with barely any space made for my trinkets (my husband likes rooms to be more plain while I like things to be more cluttered by some people's standards - homey to me). I felt like I was surrounded by his life that I was just fitting into vs our life together initially. That can't be helped but you can slowly change that by talking and maybe getting some new pieces of furniture you pick out together, making space for your items to be out in the open, and buying things like kitchenware that you're missing (as stupid as that sounds).

1. Communication is key! Communicate, communicate, communicate! As mentioned above, when I felt like I was basically just fitting into my husband's existing life, we agreed that we would paint the place with colours we picked out together and would get rid of some of the really old furniture to make room for newer furniture picked together (nothing insanely expensive or difficult to replace as we knew we'd eventually be moving again). We also bought some shelves to put in the lounge where I could put some of my chachkies out like some of my figures I collected. Problems can't be fixed if you close yourself off and don't talk about them. Same thing if you feel like your partner is doing something that is bothering you (even if it seems small and insignificant). It might take longer or shorter to adjust to your different ways of living but you eventually, over time, find your groove together. As long as you communicate how you're feeling (in the calmest way possible) and look to work through it together, you'll be fine! And don't hold grudges if you can help it. The added stress of the move might cause you to bicker more than you might expect, but just be willing to say "we've agreed to move forward, so lets do it and forgive whatever arguments were had". It sounds like you have everything in hand though and have really properly thought about it so well done, there are so many people who haven't thought about it or discussed it to this level and you seem adequately prepared. I'm really not concerned you'll struggle in that area If you're concerned about having the "me time" enough once you start working, maybe just make sure you take the extra time on specific days to just go to a coffee shop or pub and just read (assuming it's not during a busy evening lol) or that you will go to a certain room for some alone time on a particular day/time.

2. That is not uncommon but start off trying to make sure you plan "skype dates" or Facebook chat dates with the people you care about. For example, try getting in the habit of every Sunday (random day) of checking in at times that are appropriate for both parties for a catch-up. Also, don't be afraid to put yourself out there to meet new people to help fill the void where your normal socialisation would be happening. It's not easy, but I totally find that if you go in with a low expectation of just finding someone to have a good chat every so often and build upon that can be really beneficial as you aren't going in with grandiose ideas of friendship where you can be disappointed, but may end up with quite good friends in the end. Even just being active on here when you feel crap can realllyyy help. Try finding local meetup groups in your area (even ones specific for American expats) and/or try out some new hobbies you maybe wouldn't have done when you were still in your comfort zone. The more you do and the more you put yourself out there, the more likely you are to meet people to help fill the void of your support system back home. Nothing will obviously replace them, but it would be a lie to say that you can be fulfilled (in my opinion, at least) on those long distance friendships/relationships alone because the distance can prove to be very tough - I will not lie to you.

Activities I took up after moving here (not necessarily not happening in the US, just wasn't common where I was) were Pole Fitness and Aerial Hoops. granted I've not done them in months now, but I LOVED it. We also started playing boardgames more recently and attend meetups for that where we've met such friendly people! This existed back in the US, but I just didn't make time to get out of my comfort zone to get into it much in the US.

Agree completely with what KF said - if you can put a budget aside for a trip home yearly - just one - that can help! I go home once a year with my husband. We do every other Christmas (so one year we are with my family and the next we are with his). Outside of the years we go at Christmas, I try to go during a nice time of year (so, summer). If we have a wedding to attend or something specific I need to be there for, I move things around. I also have a relatively open door for my friends/family to come visit me if they want (but I reserve that for people that I genuinely care about and who care for me, not for people that just feel like they want to abuse my good nature because of where I live). My parents try to visit me yearly and I'm trying to get my sister and her family here soon but they just can't afford the flights, unfortunately.

I agree with KF that the first six months are easiest, and about 2 years to fully feel integrated.  And I also agree that it is perfectly normal to break down and cry at some point.  For me it happened at home in the kitchen, which was much better than the middle of a grocery store (*sympathetic glance in KF's direction*)... and it happened at about the six month point.  That fun honeymoon excitement was wearing off, and I had a bad night in the kitchen (which is a room where there's a surprising amount of cultural difference, but you probably won't have this issue given your husband's status as chef!)... anyway, it all just struck me that I had to adapt, because this was my life now, and there was no going back.  So I had my little moment of mourning for what I gave up, and that was that.  Never looked back again.

It takes time to feel at home here, because while it's the same language the culture is very different. I'm not a "city girl" and even the towns/suburbs here are as crowded as the inner city where I was from. The roads and traffic are crazy. Prepping for the road test is hard. And you will lose independence overnight. I have a lot of health struggles that have made the adjustment even harder.

But, give yourself the space and patience to accept that this isn't kansas anymore and you'll need to find ways to work out all the kinks. Communication, willingness to try new things, and making your needs known all help a lot. Volunteering can help, as will local "meetup" groups. And if there's an expat community where you live, join that!

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And you will lose independence overnight. I have a lot of health struggles that have made the adjustment even harder.

Just to add, this was one of the HARDEST things for me. I waited entirely too long to get my license over here (and to even drive on my US license for the first year!). It was something that I didn't realise was even bothering me as much as it was until I started being in a situation where I could have potential good friends and then suddenly it WAS a problem (because I had to rely on my husband or public transport for lifts). Once I had the option to take myself wherever I wanted to go, whenever, it was like this weight I didn't even realise I had was lifted!

my advice would be to get going on the driving as soon as you possibly can just to get it out of the way.

Aww my niece is leaving for LSU in 3 days! Well I have now been here now since Dec of last year so about 7 months. Everyone will have their own journey but for me the first month was like I was in a dream! The fact of doing things other people fully take for granted like seeing your husband laugh in person and to give him a hug when you want to is magical! My fiancee now husband, took two weeks off work when we got the green light to help me get adjusted. I lived in both the north and south in the US so the most different for me and beautiful is the architecture and landscape. For me it made me realize how young the US really is as a country! I wrote a little handwritten notebook of things I did not want to forget with time that seem so funny or weird at first. With your visa like mine you cannot work for a few months so take that time to just socialize when you go to the store or learn the trains etc. I enjoyed watching the morning shows just to see how different they are and it will teach you about just some basic culture and phrases. I had been in long term relationships before but my husband  had not. I feel it is like any big step moving in and learning about each other. Except you both have made huge sacrifices and for us that makes our bond even stronger! Hope this novel lol helps you!x

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I live about an hour from LSU!! Every time we're together it's like a dream come true. Then he leaves (or I leave) and it's like the high comes crashing down to a very low, low. I keep feeling like everything is going to be rainbows and bunnies but then I realize that, that just isn't real life. I think that I'll take your advice and watch a few channels on British TV...get acquainted to the news and such. I already watch BBC but I don't see British commercials/ads/etc. It was actually strange for me to be sitting in my husband's parents house watching tv on a British station because it felt so foreign. I think I'm just worried about being a foreigner and hoping that feeling doesn't linger too long. I am a coffee enthusiast, and my husband moved into the city center for me to 1. Be close to the train/bus station and 2. be near coffee shops. I'm currently writing a novel and studying Latin, so I'm hoping that the atmosphere will help me get out of the house and go out!

First off, let me say how impressed I am that you've written this.  So often people romanticism the UK and that always worries me.  They think it's going to be living "happily ever after" once they get here.  And while that's the case for most, it isn't usually a straight line getting their. 

My situation was completely different, as I moved here by myself for work.  So my now-husband and I met locally, dated, lived together, and then married.  So I don't have the long distance experience.  But I've CERTAINLY experienced the adjustment of life from the USA to the UK. 

So I lived in Florida for 26 years and Colorado for 4 before moving here.  So lots of experience with extreme weather. 

1.  Yes, life will be very different living here.  Your husband will be working and continuing his life as normal and will (likely) think that you'll just slot right in.  It'll likely be a big surprise to him that your needs may differ from his.

2.  Isolation comes in so many facets.  I was CRAZY busy before moving here.  I was working fulltime, teaching dance 15 hours a week, and finishing my MBA.  And socializing with my many circles of friends around all of that.  My life went from 100mph to 5mph and that was tough.  It was also hard as I was very close with my family and when they would get together and I wasn't there, that was really tough.  That's STILL really tough.  I (and now my children) miss out on so much with my family and my "UK family" isn't involved.  But yes, you'll be able to get out and about which is great.  But it can still be tough spending the whole day alone and not having someone to talk to. 

My biggest pieces of advice:

Budget a return flight home every single year.  Some people are happy to see the back of their family but that doesn't seem like it'll be the case in your circumstance.  Make sure your husband understands that this is really important.

Try to establish a life outside of your husband.  Go out to things that interest you and put yourself out there.  It's a bit like dating but without the hope of a good night kiss.  It's hard to put yourself out there but it's the only way you'll make friends. 

Be kind to yourself.  Moving countries is no joke.  You'll be surprised that even though we *mostly* speak the same language how different things can be.  It is 100% normal to have a breakdown and cry at some point in the middle of a grocery store.

Also know that if often can take a long time to secure your first job in the UK.  It's the whole "no UK experience but need someone to give you a chance to get UK experience" that can be a tough circle to crack.  A lot will depend on if you are willing to take anything that comes your way or if you want to be on more of a career track.

And I honestly think the first 6 months are the easiest.  Still in the honeymoon period and enjoying discovering your new surroundings.  I think things *usually* start to get better around the 2 year mark. 

You've got this.  You'll do great. 

Thanks KFDancer It's easy to have -faith- that everything is going to be unicorns and rainbows but life doesn't work that way, and I know better than that. My husband is the most perfect of perfect of husbands but we argue sometimes, and I know myself and I know him and I can just see some arguments arising from things that we've never had to deal with-despite being together 3 years. We just aren't a normal couple, and it's taken me some time to accept that. Even when we finally get to be together it's going to be a massive change from what we're used to. Instead of goodnight phone calls it'll be goodnight kisses/snuggles(finally!) But, instead of me wanting to relax and watch a film by myself he's going to want to come snuggle up on me. And as much as we both want that on a regular basis, I'm not ALWAYS going to want to snuggle. Just those types of things that I just *know* will come up. We talk about everything. I'm very blunt, I'm not afraid to speak up even if I know it'll start an argument. Relationships never work if you don't talk to one another. He is in the same mind set, which is why I am so confident that he is the absolute love of my life.

Responding to your specific points:

"1. Yes, life will be very different living here.  Your husband will be working and continuing his life as normal and will (likely) think that you'll just slot right in.  It'll likely be a big surprise to him that your needs may differ from his. "

-Oh my  I have thought about this so much. While he's going to have some adjusting to do too (it would be selfish of me to think he won't!) he will be able to fall back into his routine, whereas I won't ever be able to again. I'll have to rebuild my routine. I mean, I'll have to re-learn my way around town. I've lived in the same town my entire life. The climate will be an adjustment, the roads, the language "barrier" (lol) and just everything else I'm sure you already know about. I've been very vocal to him that I will need his support and that even on days where I feel like sh*t, I still love him and he was worth every minute of it! He's very worried that he "won't be enough"

"2.  Isolation comes in so many facets.  I was CRAZY busy before moving here.  I was working fulltime, teaching dance 15 hours a week, and finishing my MBA.  And socializing with my many circles of friends around all of that.  My life went from 100mph to 5mph and that was tough.  It was also hard as I was very close with my family and when they would get together and I wasn't there, that was really tough.  That's STILL really tough.  I (and now my children) miss out on so much with my family and my "UK family" isn't involved.  But yes, you'll be able to get out and about which is great.  But it can still be tough spending the whole day alone and not having someone to talk to. "

I am so busy. I work 2 jobs (used to be 3) I have a pretty bustling social life, four best friends, and a family who basically all live down the same street. I've been doing my own thing for a long time. I'm very, very used to being alone, however. I work alone at my desk all day and usually go home and play video games alone. While my social life is there, I also have a lot of "me" time which I will lose completely once I move. I don't mean for that to sound like a bad thing, all I've wanted for the last three years is to be with my husband. However, I know myself...I'll be like "hey you're cute but can you go over there" lol We both agreed that being in a long distance relationship is a weird kind of complicated because you're in a relationship, but on the other hand you're kind of "single" without the desire to date or be with anyone else. So, you have -someone- there emotionally, but we've been living our lives separate for so long.


I'm not shy and I love putting myself out there! I'm hoping that mindset doesn't wither away when I step out into the big bad world which is England. I mentioned in my original post that when I was there in February I ended up having a surprise week, where Tom went back to work and I was left to explore. And boy, did I. I tried out every coffee shop in town, explored the local cathedral and cemetery, etc. And when Tom got home from work we either played video games/cooked dinner together, went to a pub, or went to a movie. It was wonderful!!! In that time, I actually managed to befriend his -then- roomates and add them to Facebook. It helps to know that I'm acquainted with at least a few people near us. Whether they'll be "friends" is yet to be seen. There were several times I was in line at a coffee shop and people spoke to me. Once at a Costa, a woman just randomly sparked up a conversation. (she was British) I was told that never happens there. A second time (Again at a Costa) the barista spoke with me for like 20 minutes. I think I'm "approachable" that happens all the time here, too.


I am very, very worried about the job part. I have a Master's degree in Public History (The job market for historians is higher there, yay!) but, I also know that this field is difficult to gain roots in already. I have a wonderful full time job in a historical Archives, and I'm giving it up. I desperately hope my experience/degree give me some perks when it comes to applying for jobs. Tom is willing to move to a different part of the UK, which makes the future a bit less intimidating. I am at the point now where I'll take any job I can get, and work my way up from there. My job here is full time but it isn't like I'm making thousands and thousands on salary. I'm not so stuck up with my degree that I would turn down a job!

I am looking forward to the good times, but I am mentally preparing myself for the hard ones too.

Thanks for the post. I am so grateful for you guys.

I would say that it didn't take long for me to feel at home with my husband, but it did take a bit to have my actual home feel like home (because it was all my husband's furniture with barely any space made for my trinkets (my husband likes rooms to be more plain while I like things to be more cluttered by some people's standards - homey to me). I felt like I was surrounded by his life that I was just fitting into vs our life together initially. That can't be helped but you can slowly change that by talking and maybe getting some new pieces of furniture you pick out together, making space for your items to be out in the open, and buying things like kitchenware that you're missing (as stupid as that sounds).

1. Communication is key! Communicate, communicate, communicate! As mentioned above, when I felt like I was basically just fitting into my husband's existing life, we agreed that we would paint the place with colours we picked out together and would get rid of some of the really old furniture to make room for newer furniture picked together (nothing insanely expensive or difficult to replace as we knew we'd eventually be moving again). We also bought some shelves to put in the lounge where I could put some of my chachkies out like some of my figures I collected. Problems can't be fixed if you close yourself off and don't talk about them. Same thing if you feel like your partner is doing something that is bothering you (even if it seems small and insignificant). It might take longer or shorter to adjust to your different ways of living but you eventually, over time, find your groove together. As long as you communicate how you're feeling (in the calmest way possible) and look to work through it together, you'll be fine! And don't hold grudges if you can help it. The added stress of the move might cause you to bicker more than you might expect, but just be willing to say "we've agreed to move forward, so lets do it and forgive whatever arguments were had". It sounds like you have everything in hand though and have really properly thought about it so well done, there are so many people who haven't thought about it or discussed it to this level and you seem adequately prepared. I'm really not concerned you'll struggle in that area If you're concerned about having the "me time" enough once you start working, maybe just make sure you take the extra time on specific days to just go to a coffee shop or pub and just read (assuming it's not during a busy evening lol) or that you will go to a certain room for some alone time on a particular day/time.

2. That is not uncommon but start off trying to make sure you plan "skype dates" or Facebook chat dates with the people you care about. For example, try getting in the habit of every Sunday (random day) of checking in at times that are appropriate for both parties for a catch-up. Also, don't be afraid to put yourself out there to meet new people to help fill the void where your normal socialisation would be happening. It's not easy, but I totally find that if you go in with a low expectation of just finding someone to have a good chat every so often and build upon that can be really beneficial as you aren't going in with grandiose ideas of friendship where you can be disappointed, but may end up with quite good friends in the end. Even just being active on here when you feel crap can realllyyy help. Try finding local meetup groups in your area (even ones specific for American expats) and/or try out some new hobbies you maybe wouldn't have done when you were still in your comfort zone. The more you do and the more you put yourself out there, the more likely you are to meet people to help fill the void of your support system back home. Nothing will obviously replace them, but it would be a lie to say that you can be fulfilled (in my opinion, at least) on those long distance friendships/relationships alone because the distance can prove to be very tough - I will not lie to you.

Activities I took up after moving here (not necessarily not happening in the US, just wasn't common where I was) were Pole Fitness and Aerial Hoops. granted I've not done them in months now, but I LOVED it. We also started playing boardgames more recently and attend meetups for that where we've met such friendly people! This existed back in the US, but I just didn't make time to get out of my comfort zone to get into it much in the US.

Agree completely with what KF said - if you can put a budget aside for a trip home yearly - just one - that can help! I go home once a year with my husband. We do every other Christmas (so one year we are with my family and the next we are with his). Outside of the years we go at Christmas, I try to go during a nice time of year (so, summer). If we have a wedding to attend or something specific I need to be there for, I move things around. I also have a relatively open door for my friends/family to come visit me if they want (but I reserve that for people that I genuinely care about and who care for me, not for people that just feel like they want to abuse my good nature because of where I live). My parents try to visit me yearly and I'm trying to get my sister and her family here soon but they just can't afford the flights, unfortunately.

Yes! I was just talking about this with someone the other day. They said, "Why can't you just freight ship your things to the UK?" And I said, "We will be living in a tiny studio flat. I can't fit my things" and it hit me that everything around me would be my husband's things...not mine anymore. While I'm not so attached to things, it's still going to take a long time to feel like my home.

We communicate so well!! We both sort of pride ourselves on our communication skills. I mentioned in an above reply to KFDancer that neither of us are afraid to speak our minds on good and bad situations. If he does anything at all that hurts my feelings, annoys me, etc. I tell him right when it happens even if it's uncomfortable. It's so soooo necessary in a relationship, especially one like this!!!

I'm legitimately worried about missing my friends and family once the excitement wears down. I haven't even left yet, and I am already feeling sad. I keep thinking "ok I need to make plans with so&so NOW before I leave because I won't see them anymore" My best friend has cried on several occasions, and another close friend of mine hugged me for 5 minutes last time we hung out because it would be our "last time" I see two sides to this-I think some people feel like since I'm moving so far away I'll never go home again. I don't plan on moving back home, but I will visit! Did you experience this?

As for the Christmas thing, we agreed on that too! Every other Christmas, switch places so we have time with my family and his. I can't fly back for Christmas this year so soon after moving to the UK, and "odd" years are when my extended family don't get together, so I see my next US Christmas being in 2020. As for flying other times of the year, Tom has expressed his desire to celebrate Thanksgiving.

My sisters are both married with children and have both expressed how difficult it will be to fly over to visit (even though they want to) So, i think a lot of the visiting will be on me. My parents have never left the country, so flying over for our wedding in October will be the first!!

Just to add, this was one of the HARDEST things for me. I waited entirely too long to get my license over here (and to even drive on my US license for the first year!). It was something that I didn't realise was even bothering me as much as it was until I started being in a situation where I could have potential good friends and then suddenly it WAS a problem (because I had to rely on my husband or public transport for lifts). Once I had the option to take myself wherever I wanted to go, whenever, it was like this weight I didn't even realise I had was lifted!

my advice would be to get going on the driving as soon as you possibly can just to get it out of the way.

Oh god the driving!!

Tom moved to a flat directly across the street from the train/bus station and within the city center so I wouldn't depend on him for any transportation. That being said, I don't want to rely on public transportation forever. Especially since I've been driving/had my own car since I was 16!! He has a car and we both plan on taking it out on some back roads (well, some roads, back roads in the UK are nightmarish!) We plan on taking it -somewhere- to practice. I can already drive a manual, but I'm accustomed to using the shifter with my right hand, not my left! It feels soooo unnatural!! I want to start studying UK road signs, rules, etc immediately. Practicing on the road with other cars will take a bit of time, and I hope to have my UK licence before my first year is up. GOALS!

What advice do you have for:
1. Finally being together and dealing with the good/bad times that come with that after being long distance for so long? I am really keen on my personal space and "me time" which he is well aware of, but we've not had to deal with our own quirks while living together. We've discussed our likes/dislikes and personal preferences and I have full confidence that we're going to enjoy living together! I think I'm just worried about certain things getting in the way, like things that we haven't had to deal with being apart.

2. Dealing with some possible isolation. I fear that not having my best friends and family around will get to me once the excitement of moving passes. We'll be living in the city center, and I'll be near the train/bus station so I'll have a way to get around without relying on my husband. He moved across the street from the station for me. (He's so sweet )

Do you have any suggestions for activities in the UK that aren't as common in the US. What have you guys discovered you love about the UK that just isn't around in the US? I love taking walks, and there's plenty of that in the UK! I actually love the cold/rainy weather in the UK. I live in Louisiana and the hot, humid weather is disgusting. I will not miss it.

Hi TeamTollie , great questions.
Like KFDancer, I moved here for work so just had to figure out everything on my own.  My breakdown moment happened about 4 months in, after a work trip back to the USA.  I just realised I had to go back to the UK and everything seemed so hard and different and it wasn't fun anymore. I didn't have a car at that point either and was so annoyed that I couldn't go out and shop easily, etc.  After that, bought a car once I had saved enough money up for a wee one (couldn't get a car loan) and that made a world of a difference to me.
I also had some health struggles about 8 months in and I was so upset everything was taking so bloody long.  Like why did I have to wait 6 weeks for an ultrasound?    I was also angry to be signed off work instead of them trying to fix me.   When you're in pain, you want to be a priority.  Managed to get through all that, so happy days.
I met my now husband but he had his own place set up just so and had never had to share a room with a sibling or had a roommate or anything and kind of had no clue how to share his space.  We moved in together the first time around (we had been together about 8 months at this point)  and it was a disaster.He didn't want any of my stuff in 'his space' ,it was all overwhelming to him to have someone in the bathroom in the morning, or moving stuff around in the kitchen or losing half the closet or didn't want me to put my books on the shelf and we had different housekeeping standards.   I had lived with boyfriends in previous relationships, plus had so many roomates in the past, and had shared bedrooms with my sisters, so I really couldn't see what his issue was.   To be honest, it almost ended us and I ended up couch surfing for a few months until I could raise a deposit for my own place again.    It took us another 6 years!, before we tried again. 
    Key to all of this was communication. We should have taken it slower and I could have spent much more time in his space first (this is how 6 years later we did it)  and I realise you won't have this luxury ,so talk talk talk talk.  We laugh after 6 years when we tried again, it was easy as our lines of communication were open and we slipped into comfortable living. 

Try to make your own friends. It's definitely like dating, as KFDancer says.  Find clubs, find things you would never do, try and try and try.  You may hate it, but you'll have had a fun day. And well if you use social media, try and friend people from your clubs.  Most folks are happy to friend you and then you can connect in a different way.  I've been here 10.5 years and I have such a huge network of friends now. (I am a trombone player. I joined 1 band, and that expanded my network to the 5 bands I play in now. Not to mention the various iterations of things I have played in over the years. So my friends network is amazing).    I have never been someone to have a best friend (except for my middle sister with me and I miss her to bits, because sometimes she's the only one I want to go out with and I can't) and I'm quite introverted (believe it or not, if anyone knows me in person,hahahha) but when I want extroversion, I want it on my terms and I want friends. And so, now, I can usually find someone to hang out with.  So basically, network as you can and have fun!!

Yes! I was just talking about this with someone the other day. They said, "Why can't you just freight ship your things to the UK?" And I said, "We will be living in a tiny studio flat. I can't fit my things" and it hit me that everything around me would be my husband's things...not mine anymore. While I'm not so attached to things, it's still going to take a long time to feel like my home.

We communicate so well!! We both sort of pride ourselves on our communication skills. I mentioned in an above reply to KFDancer that neither of us are afraid to speak our minds on good and bad situations. If he does anything at all that hurts my feelings, annoys me, etc. I tell him right when it happens even if it's uncomfortable. It's so soooo necessary in a relationship, especially one like this!!!

I'm legitimately worried about missing my friends and family once the excitement wears down. I haven't even left yet, and I am already feeling sad. I keep thinking "ok I need to make plans with so&so NOW before I leave because I won't see them anymore" My best friend has cried on several occasions, and another close friend of mine hugged me for 5 minutes last time we hung out because it would be our "last time" I see two sides to this-I think some people feel like since I'm moving so far away I'll never go home again. I don't plan on moving back home, but I will visit! Did you experience this?

As for the Christmas thing, we agreed on that too! Every other Christmas, switch places so we have time with my family and his. I can't fly back for Christmas this year so soon after moving to the UK, and "odd" years are when my extended family don't get together, so I see my next US Christmas being in 2020. As for flying other times of the year, Tom has expressed his desire to celebrate Thanksgiving.

My sisters are both married with children and have both expressed how difficult it will be to fly over to visit (even though they want to) So, i think a lot of the visiting will be on me. My parents have never left the country, so flying over for our wedding in October will be the first!!

You'll totally need your creature comforts, even just artwork hanging on a wall if that's your thing. You need to be surrounded by at least SOMETHING that helps make it feel like you live there too! If you can take extra luggage with you, I would suggest taking sentimental items or photos or whatever that you can surround yourself with even in a smaller space. Trust me, it will make more of  difference than you realise even if you have the same taste as your partner and like how his house is already.

my husband and I are like that as well which is what has made things easier when transitioning into living over here and - again - not holding grudges. That is definitely really good that you guys are already open with your communication so it sounds like you'll be fine!

I definitely struggled leaving my friends and family (I was close with my family - especially my sister who has two kids and is married to somebody that she's been dating since I was a kid and I consider my brother and I spent SO much free time with them). Luckily I didn't have mass amounts of people I considered myself incredibly close with but I had a lot of people I would hand around with. Those people were easier to leave than my best friend but we did keep in contact - initially - on Facebook and imessage weekly. We don't do that so much now, but she's still the person that I go home and see and it's like we've never been apart. I can't pretend those relationships for you won't change but I do, as mentioned, heavily encourage trying to set up "dates" with those people weekly to just get in touch and catch up. Do something fun like if you used to get coffee together, plan to have a coffee on a particular day of the week/time that works for you both and video chat. If it helps, maybe start a blog and start documenting things about your life that you can share with the special people in your life (like videos of where you live how and progress your making) if you think that will help you keep them updated. Ball will be in their court, unfortunately, to keep you updated on their lives (obviously outside of you making the effort to ask them).

I can relate to the first Christmas. I moved here in october so there was NO WAY I could go back home for Christmas the first year. The best I can suggest is to make extra effort to start your own traditions together with how you want to spend your christmases and make sure to set up time to skype your family in to your day. If you buy presents for them, I highly recommend buying on US Amazon and having somebody receive and wrap them for you then you can have a planned time to open up presents together or something (again, if you do presents). Maybe next year, instead of Christmas, do Thanksgiving? We celebrate Thanksgiving in our house (my husband really helps to make sure we do it every November and we will have friend's over to celebrate with us). When you plan a visit, think about the next time you'll visit as well just so you can make sure you've got the spacing out period to your liking. There are times we will visit in summer and then not again until the following Christmas so it's a year and a half before I can see some people (which is a LONG time). 

You'll have such an amazing time getting to show your parents your new home! (and I imagine it'll make them feel better knowing where you are and seeing it for themselves). I;ve got to say that some people do struggle but I know, for me, I've been the happiest I've ever been since living here. That doesn't mean there weren't bumps along the way by any means, but it just shows that different people take differently to this type of move. Some people struggle more than others and that's okay. You won't really know until you're here and properly in it.

Oh god the driving!!

Tom moved to a flat directly across the street from the train/bus station and within the city center so I wouldn't depend on him for any transportation. That being said, I don't want to rely on public transportation forever. Especially since I've been driving/had my own car since I was 16!! He has a car and we both plan on taking it out on some back roads (well, some roads, back roads in the UK are nightmarish!) We plan on taking it -somewhere- to practice. I can already drive a manual, but I'm accustomed to using the shifter with my right hand, not my left! It feels soooo unnatural!! I want to start studying UK road signs, rules, etc immediately. Practicing on the road with other cars will take a bit of time, and I hope to have my UK licence before my first year is up. GOALS!

I was same position as you of driving myself around since I was 16 so it was HARD. I was in a city centre initially so relying mainly on public transport (train station was only 10 minute walk) only and it just got exhausting (especially when the weather was shite). If you can get your UK license before the year is up, you're ahead of the game and it will really benefit you in the end. You'll probably adjust to the roads a lot quicker than you realise (I think sometimes it's the anxiety of the difference that can hold us back more than the inability to adjust). You will probably need to get an instructor to learn how to pass the test and they can be SOOOOO helpful.

Hi TeamTollie , great questions.
Like KFDancer, I moved here for work so just had to figure out everything on my own.  My breakdown moment happened about 4 months in, after a work trip back to the USA.  I just realised I had to go back to the UK and everything seemed so hard and different and it wasn't fun anymore. I didn't have a car at that point either and was so annoyed that I couldn't go out and shop easily, etc.  After that, bought a car once I had saved enough money up for a wee one (couldn't get a car loan) and that made a world of a difference to me.
I also had some health struggles about 8 months in and I was so upset everything was taking so bloody long.  Like why did I have to wait 6 weeks for an ultrasound?    I was also angry to be signed off work instead of them trying to fix me.   When you're in pain, you want to be a priority.  Managed to get through all that, so happy days.
I met my now husband but he had his own place set up just so and had never had to share a room with a sibling or had a roommate or anything and kind of had no clue how to share his space.  We moved in together the first time around (we had been together about 8 months at this point)  and it was a disaster.He didn't want any of my stuff in 'his space' ,it was all overwhelming to him to have someone in the bathroom in the morning, or moving stuff around in the kitchen or losing half the closet or didn't want me to put my books on the shelf and we had different housekeeping standards.   I had lived with boyfriends in previous relationships, plus had so many roomates in the past, and had shared bedrooms with my sisters, so I really couldn't see what his issue was.   To be honest, it almost ended us and I ended up couch surfing for a few months until I could raise a deposit for my own place again.    It took us another 6 years!, before we tried again. 
    Key to all of this was communication. We should have taken it slower and I could have spent much more time in his space first (this is how 6 years later we did it)  and I realise you won't have this luxury ,so talk talk talk talk.  We laugh after 6 years when we tried again, it was easy as our lines of communication were open and we slipped into comfortable living. 

Try to make your own friends. It's definitely like dating, as KFDancer says.  Find clubs, find things you would never do, try and try and try.  You may hate it, but you'll have had a fun day. And well if you use social media, try and friend people from your clubs.  Most folks are happy to friend you and then you can connect in a different way.  I've been here 10.5 years and I have such a huge network of friends now. (I am a trombone player. I joined 1 band, and that expanded my network to the 5 bands I play in now. Not to mention the various iterations of things I have played in over the years. So my friends network is amazing).    I have never been someone to have a best friend (except for my middle sister with me and I miss her to bits, because sometimes she's the only one I want to go out with and I can't) and I'm quite introverted (believe it or not, if anyone knows me in person,hahahha) but when I want extroversion, I want it on my terms and I want friends. And so, now, I can usually find someone to hang out with.  So basically, network as you can and have fun!!

I've only ever had one roommate, which was an ex boyfriend. (Who was admittedly gross. In the end though it helped because I was able to discover what I did NOT like. and I've since told Tom about these things) He's had loads of them, so I'm hoping we can adjust rather quickly!

I think the biggest thing for me is going to have someone else -there- all the time in my space. Sort of like what you said your husband did. I love it when he's there, giving me little kisses and such but when I've just woken up, all gross and smelly before a shower trying to brush my teeth I'm going to be like "ew get away!" I don't want something like that to turn into him feeling like I don't want him around! I just need a few days to wake up