Moving to the UK advice

I'm so glad that this thread has turned up such positive relies. I was reading through and didn't see any posts (at least not recent) that really asked the questions I was curious about, so I started my own thread!!

In regard to point #1. I think about this a lot. He is constantly worried that he's "not good enough" or that he "won't be everything I dreamed of" and I keep reminding him that he is absolutely everything I've ever dreamed of. Working on a relationship would happen whether or not we had to deal with long distance first. I vow to try my best and understand that I am not the only one who is making sacrifices for us to be together. I never want to hold anything against him and feel like "I gave up everything" when he's dealing with his own changes too! I know we're both excited to be together. I think he'll be more willing to go out and do things when I'm there, whereas right now he kind of stays home and keeps to himself. That in itself is lonely.

Point #2. Yes! Communication is key. We've had wonderful and uncomfortable situations both over the phone, text, and in person. We've discussed personal things, giggled and laughed with one another, and always make sure to ask the other "how was your day?" We send daily selfies too! I can't stand problems that fester....we both have a good idea how the other is when it comes to arguments-however, in regard to my original post, we've not had to really deal with that while being in the same space. It's easy to set your phone down and step away. It isn't as easy when you're annoyed or angry with someone and they're right down the hall. I like to have some space because I tend to spew off nonsense when I'm upset and the last thing I want to do is say something mean, or something I regret. He is the same way. We address the issue, take a break, then re-visit it later. I hope it's something we can continue when we're in the same household.

Point #3. I am not clingy! I don't like clinginess...I need my space! That being said, we both have moments where we're like "gimme I wanna snuggle!" We feel it more when we're apart (for obvious reasons) but when we've been together a little while I notice that I'm like "ok we got our snuggles in, I'm gonna go do this thing by myself now" One hobby we do together is video games. I love it! We each sit at our own computer, play separate games, but still lean in for a kiss now and then. It's much more enjoyable than doing it alone and communicating via chat. I don't want to cling to him, or become emotionally dependent on him. I am going to do everything in my power not to sink to that level. I want my own identity.

Point #5. I can't wait for us to buy some things together. We (kind of) have already, in the sense that he went to the store, took photos, and we discussed a wardrobe together via chat. Not the same thing, but it's something!

Point #6. Meeting new people....boy that's gonna be hard. one thing I've had a tough time dealing with is people here saying, "OH but you'll make new friends!!" The fact is, I don't want new friends. I want my old ones. And I think that mindset will be a negative one. I'm going to try to just put myself out there and come to terms with the fact that I won't ever live close to my best friends again. It's a very, very difficult thing to come to terms with. But I am trying. I won't truly know how it feels until I'm there. As much as I love my husband, I do not want him to be my only friend.

I am a big believer in adventure. Not doing things just because they're frightening is no way to life. I believe that life isn't meant to be lived in one spot.

My husband still worries about not living up to my expectations. I have to reassure him after every trip back home or after every visit with my kids that I don't think I made a mistake and I don't want to go back home.

Yes, I gave up a lot to move here to be with him. (That's a lot of pressure!) But if I didn't want to be here and I wasn't happy, I definitely wouldn't be here.

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Point 1: Totally. With our upcoming move, we are mostly moving over there because I'm pushing too. His family moved from the UK to the US and he always expected to live the rest of his life here. But we both love it over there and all his aunts, uncles and cousins are over there. But I've kept asking "Are you sure YOU want to move? I don't want you to regret it down the line and be like 'You made us move!'" haha So, as I'm planning things, I'm trying to plan things around him as well. Ex: We are buying a car once we get over there. He's always wanted a Mini but we haven't bought one here in the States because of the expense to fix. So I told him when we move over there, we'll buy him his Mini. I'm also trying to factor in being closer to his family so that if I'm away from work for a few days at a time, he can still go up there and be around family. Whether it's just moving in together or moving to a different city, its always about BOTH people, not just one or the other.   And I think you are totally right. I think when you get there, he'll be excited to go out with you because everything will be a new experience for you and that will (hopefully) be exciting for him. My husband loves taking me around to the places he grew up with over there and he says he loves seeing the expression on my face when we step into a centuries old cathedral or laughing when I try some weird British food I've never had before. Our family over there says "You guys have seen more of the UK then we have and we live here." So this will probably be great for him as he'll get out and see more of his own country WITH you.

Point 3: Exactly. We are the same way. There will be nights we sit together on the couch and watch TV cuddled up and then there are many nights he's on his computer playing an online game and I'm on my computer surfing Facebook and the tv's on in the background for noise. Sometimes it's just nice to have the other persons presence but you don't need to be ON TOP of one another. haha

Point 4: Furniture shopping is such an interesting way to get to learn things about someone that you might never learn otherwise. haha They always say if you can survive a trip to IKEA together, you can get through anything. haha But seriously, even if we are not planning to buy anything, we love wandering around shops and talking about why we like this or that, or why we don't. To me, a lot of the furniture we have, while I like it, its just stuff. So if we are wandering around and go "Oh, we really like that." I have no problem turning around and selling whatever it is we currently have to replace it. Redecorating is fun, especially when you do it together and you know they've compromised on this and I'm compromising on that and that other thing we BOTH loved.

Point 6: I getcha. It's hard leaving the places/people you love. And its hard creating those NEW friendships. When you are single, you have that time to hang out and get to know people. When you are in a relationship, you don't have that same amount of time (otherwise your partner thinks you're cheating on them hahaha). So I bet the process will take a little longer but... think about all the British accents you'll get to listen to all the time. haha And I think the best friendships just happen organically. You can't really say "I'm going out and I'm making a friend today!" At least not without getting a restraining order put out against you.

wow... I am glad you found the building...that is stressful enough in itself... I will be going to Lubbock TX since I am in Amarillo, just a hour and a half away, hope it will be easy to find, I hate driving there LOL.. Thank you so much for the advice, due to financial situations will not be applying Priority but, maybe it will not take too long..my last day at work will be the end of the year and I know it could still be a few weeks after that it gets approved..
You will more than likely see me back here with more questions LOL..  Again, thank you 

Lubbock? My old stomping grounds. (Lived in Amarillo for a while, too.)

You'll be coming down Highway I-27, I believe?
Take a right at the loop 289 road (go West). Get off at Slide Road (go South - left).
It will be a few minutes until you get to it (just past 34th Street).
There's a CVS pharmacy on your right, and the brown buildings behind it are where you are going.

If you miss that turn for the loop road, you'll eventually hit Texas 82 (Marsha Sharp Freeway). Take it west (right).
Follow it past Texas Tech. You should see an exit after a bit for Slide Road.  Take it, turn left (South). It will be in the next block.

Good luck.

(If you're looking for lunch, if you go east on 34th Street there used to be a place called J&M's. To Die For BBQ. Of course, that was 40 years ago!)

If memory serves, there wasn't really any appreciable traffic there, so it shouldn't be too bad on you to find it.

Point 1: Totally. With our upcoming move, we are mostly moving over there because I'm pushing too. His family moved from the UK to the US and he always expected to live the rest of his life here. But we both love it over there and all his aunts, uncles and cousins are over there. But I've kept asking "Are you sure YOU want to move? I don't want you to regret it down the line and be like 'You made us move!'" haha So, as I'm planning things, I'm trying to plan things around him as well. Ex: We are buying a car once we get over there. He's always wanted a Mini but we haven't bought one here in the States because of the expense to fix. So I told him when we move over there, we'll buy him his Mini. I'm also trying to factor in being closer to his family so that if I'm away from work for a few days at a time, he can still go up there and be around family. Whether it's just moving in together or moving to a different city, its always about BOTH people, not just one or the other.   And I think you are totally right. I think when you get there, he'll be excited to go out with you because everything will be a new experience for you and that will (hopefully) be exciting for him. My husband loves taking me around to the places he grew up with over there and he says he loves seeing the expression on my face when we step into a centuries old cathedral or laughing when I try some weird British food I've never had before. Our family over there says "You guys have seen more of the UK then we have and we live here." So this will probably be great for him as he'll get out and see more of his own country WITH you.

Point 3: Exactly. We are the same way. There will be nights we sit together on the couch and watch TV cuddled up and then there are many nights he's on his computer playing an online game and I'm on my computer surfing Facebook and the tv's on in the background for noise. Sometimes it's just nice to have the other persons presence but you don't need to be ON TOP of one another. haha

Point 4: Furniture shopping is such an interesting way to get to learn things about someone that you might never learn otherwise. haha They always say if you can survive a trip to IKEA together, you can get through anything. haha But seriously, even if we are not planning to buy anything, we love wandering around shops and talking about why we like this or that, or why we don't. To me, a lot of the furniture we have, while I like it, its just stuff. So if we are wandering around and go "Oh, we really like that." I have no problem turning around and selling whatever it is we currently have to replace it. Redecorating is fun, especially when you do it together and you know they've compromised on this and I'm compromising on that and that other thing we BOTH loved.

Point 6: I getcha. It's hard leaving the places/people you love. And its hard creating those NEW friendships. When you are single, you have that time to hang out and get to know people. When you are in a relationship, you don't have that same amount of time (otherwise your partner thinks you're cheating on them hahaha). So I bet the process will take a little longer but... think about all the British accents you'll get to listen to all the time. haha And I think the best friendships just happen organically. You can't really say "I'm going out and I'm making a friend today!" At least not without getting a restraining order put out against you.

Yes! We did a lot of "lounging around" together. I didn't mind it at all. It was wonderful. I think we've got a good balance-I just think it'll be an adjustment. I sleep alone every night. It's a huge change when you've got an entire person beside you when you've gone so long without one! I can't wait for us to actually build a home together. We'll be in a tiny studio to start with, but my dream home is a little cottage <3

I'm not shy, so I'm hoping that works to my advantage and I meet some new people organically, and form some strong friendships! Fingers crossed.

So, are you two planning to move here soon or later down the line?

"It's a huge change when you've got an entire person beside you when you've gone so long without one! "

Yeah, or when they are snoring and keep you up all night or steal the covers or you find out they love it at 60 degrees when you like it at 75. hahahaha My husband and I ended up getting a split king because I'm such a light sleeper that every time he moved, I'd wake up or every time I flipped over, I was worried I was waking him up. So at least now, we dont feel each other when we move. haha And the dogs all stay on my side.

As far as when we move, he just started a new job in March so he wanted to get a couple years of experience with it first, plus he's in a band and are about to record their 4th CD so he wants to get that done (he's been working on ideas for this one for years off and on) which should be done around January or February and then do a quick tour to help sell some of the CDs, PLUS next July his cousin in England is getting married so we've planned to go over for the wedding and then go down to the cities outside of London to scout out the ones I've been researching. After that, then I can start applying for positions in our London office and we can move anytime after that. So we are looking at late 2019- early 2020.

I will send my spousal application at the end of October or the 1st of November... anything i need to know when filing this?

@MrsPoetryMan I don't think you've told us how you plan to meet the financial requirements. I know you've mentioned a couple of times that you won't be using priority because of the cost so just wanted to check that you are all good to go there?

Is your husband employed or self employed or is he in receipt of any of the following benefits?

. Carer’s Allowance.
 Disability Living Allowance.
 Severe Disablement Allowance.
 Industrial Injuries Disablement Benefit.
 Attendance Allowance.
 Personal Independence Payment.
 Armed Forces Independence Payment or Guaranteed Income Payment under the Armed Forces Compensation Scheme.
 Constant Attendance Allowance, Mobility Supplement or War Disablement Pension under the War Pensions Scheme.
 Police Injury Pension.

I love grocery shopping here. I've been here over a year and I'll still spend an hour looking at products. It's one of my favourite hobbies.

Me too. In fact, going to grocery stores is one of my favourite things to do when I go on holiday to a new country. 

I'm going to try that canned sweet macaroni one day! Lol

I have never seen that, but oh I want to now. Macaroni Pudding!

I'm not going to lie, I too like going to the grocery store (but it's easier for me as I don't really have any dietary requirements, I'm just slightly picky on some things lol). I like browsing for new flavours of things to try out.

I was just in NL, I was mad that I couldn't buy everything that intrigued me. Lol. But yes, I could just spend hours looking at the grocery store.

Me too. In fact, going to grocery stores is one of my favourite things to do when I go on holiday to a new country.

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I like going to an EMPTY grocery store.  I do not like going to the ones with people jostling for space. 

Online shopping saves my sanity for the most part.

I like going to an EMPTY grocery store.  I do not like going to the ones with people jostling for space. 

Online shopping saves my sanity for the most part.

I like going on a Sunday morning/pre-afternoon. It's not the most quiet but I go to sainsbury's, we do our shop (husband has to push the trolley so I don't murder someone), I order our coffee at Starbucks (located at the grocery store) as we're getting ready to head to checkout, once we're through checkout, we grab our mobile order on the way out to the car. It's become our Sunday ritual!

One of the chain stores here (Morrisons?) is doing a "quiet hour" shop on Saturdays from like 9-10:00am.  Dimming lights, no loud tannoy, beeps on checkout turned down, etc.

If it just wasn't so early in the day I'd actually schlep over there at that time, just to enjoy the store without the noise and crowd!

I got here 7 May and it’s been good but anything but easy. Still no job (take my CBT for the nursing crew here so maybe I can get back to work asap]  a provisional but no extra money for lessons so it’s up to my husband to teach me a manual for now. None of my own things except for clothes. It’s hard.

Bring as much of your things as you can. The few trinkets I had left are at my moms house in the states. I was thinking we would be back for Christmas. That’s out the window now ($$$). We’ve been repainting the rooms in our new home so at least I’ve been able to put my stamp on it. It’s something I’m good at and luckily hubby loves how my old house was decorated and said I have free reign!

My dads cancer has now spread and if there was a stage 5; he’d be in that stage.

I do get to talk to my mom once a week thanks to paying for my own number on skype. I can text my sister and dad but he doesn’t message back. Fighting to get wedding pictures back after 3 months. Hard to do when all you can do is message.

But with all that, it’s still been worth it. I’m able to wake up next to my husband every day and hopefully soon, we’ll be adding another member. (Aiming for a baby but if that can’t happen, cat!)

I agree to not have any expectations. Getting a job is hard. Being away from everyone you know is hard. Learning a whole new system to do everything is hard. Everything is harder but not impossible (except for finding a replacement to my wonderful bed in the states...that is apparently impossible  )

One of the chain stores here (Morrisons?) is doing a "quiet hour" shop on Saturdays from like 9-10:00am.  Dimming lights, no loud tannoy, beeps on checkout turned down, etc.

If it just wasn't so early in the day I'd actually schlep over there at that time, just to enjoy the store without the noise and crowd!

Can we get Tesco to do that? As small as our area is, it’s constantly covered up. And I’m not all about going at 7am