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Topic: Hubby's Birthday Blues  (Read 1083 times)

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Hubby's Birthday Blues
« on: August 29, 2018, 08:38:32 PM »
Sharing this here because I know there's someone who will totally get it...

Today's my husband's birthday. He's in England and I'm here in the US waiting on visa approval. I know it's his birthday and he's the one who is supposed to be having fun. It IS supposed to be all about him. But I feel so left out of the celebration. He's having a nice tea out with my stepdaughter and probably some drinks with his mates. I can't even give him a hug and a kiss on his special day. Just our regular Skyping (but not even as much as he is out celebrating) and WhatsApp messaging. I keep trying to tell myself that this will be the last birthday without him but I still feel crummy.

Just miss him so much and want to go home.  [smiley=bigcry.gif]
Living with my love in Penrith!
-------------------------------------------------
Married: 17 May 2018
App type: Priority spouse/settlement visa
Online app submitted: 6 Aug 2018
Biometrics & Docs sent: 9 Aug 2018
UPS delivery to Sheffield: 13 Aug 2018
Email - app received/being prepped by ECO: 15 Aug 2018
Decision made email: 14 Sep 2018
Documents returned: 17 Sep 2018
APPROVED!!!


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Re: Hubby's Birthday Blues
« Reply #1 on: August 29, 2018, 09:51:45 PM »
*hugs*

Birthdays were always the worst! I'm glad he's keeping busy without you there, but it is so hard to not be an active part of the celebration. You'll just need to have an unbirthday date once you're back!


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Re: Hubby's Birthday Blues
« Reply #2 on: August 29, 2018, 10:49:34 PM »
Sharing this here because I know there's someone who will totally get it...

Today's my husband's birthday. He's in England and I'm here in the US waiting on visa approval. I know it's his birthday and he's the one who is supposed to be having fun. It IS supposed to be all about him. But I feel so left out of the celebration. He's having a nice tea out with my stepdaughter and probably some drinks with his mates. I can't even give him a hug and a kiss on his special day. Just our regular Skyping (but not even as much as he is out celebrating) and WhatsApp messaging. I keep trying to tell myself that this will be the last birthday without him but I still feel crummy.

Just miss him so much and want to go home.  [smiley=bigcry.gif]

Oh, man I totally get this. Me and Tom have been long distance for 3 years...we've missed so many birthdays, bbq's...anniversaries. It is so hard, but you got the visa sent.....now you wait. Hopefully the wait is coming to an end. Hang in there!
Met: On Facebook, March 2012
Met in person: 22 December 2015
Started Dating (Long Distance): 1 January 2016
Engaged: 21 February 2017
Married: 14 June 2018
Application Type: Settlement/Spouse Priority

Online application submitted: 15 June, 2018
Biometrics appointment & Docs sent: 18 June 2018
Package arrived in Sheffield: 20 June 2018
Email stating my application was being prepared by ECO: 20 June 2018
Decision made email: 9 August 2018 (36BD)
Documents returned: 13 August 2018

APPROVED!!!!! :)


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Re: Hubby's Birthday Blues
« Reply #3 on: August 30, 2018, 02:17:00 AM »
*hugs*

Birthdays were always the worst! I'm glad he's keeping busy without you there, but it is so hard to not be an active part of the celebration. You'll just need to have an unbirthday date once you're back!

Thanks for the encouragement! Yes, we will definitely celebrate once I'm home for good. Unbirthdays and just general partying!  [smiley=laugh3.gif]
Living with my love in Penrith!
-------------------------------------------------
Married: 17 May 2018
App type: Priority spouse/settlement visa
Online app submitted: 6 Aug 2018
Biometrics & Docs sent: 9 Aug 2018
UPS delivery to Sheffield: 13 Aug 2018
Email - app received/being prepped by ECO: 15 Aug 2018
Decision made email: 14 Sep 2018
Documents returned: 17 Sep 2018
APPROVED!!!


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Re: Hubby's Birthday Blues
« Reply #4 on: August 30, 2018, 02:20:31 AM »
Oh, man I totally get this. Me and Tom have been long distance for 3 years...we've missed so many birthdays, bbq's...anniversaries. It is so hard, but you got the visa sent.....now you wait. Hopefully the wait is coming to an end. Hang in there!

Thank you! It feels so long but I know that really, in the grand theme of things, my wait time is pretty short. It'll be here before I know it.  :D

Three years... that's a bit longer than us. So tough. But at least we'll have the rest of our lives with our partners!
Living with my love in Penrith!
-------------------------------------------------
Married: 17 May 2018
App type: Priority spouse/settlement visa
Online app submitted: 6 Aug 2018
Biometrics & Docs sent: 9 Aug 2018
UPS delivery to Sheffield: 13 Aug 2018
Email - app received/being prepped by ECO: 15 Aug 2018
Decision made email: 14 Sep 2018
Documents returned: 17 Sep 2018
APPROVED!!!


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Re: Hubby's Birthday Blues
« Reply #5 on: August 30, 2018, 03:38:04 PM »
Thank you! It feels so long but I know that really, in the grand theme of things, my wait time is pretty short. It'll be here before I know it.  :D

Three years... that's a bit longer than us. So tough. But at least we'll have the rest of our lives with our partners!

We had a lot of obstacles holding us where we were...finally, the time is here!

I keep telling myself that once we've been married 10-20-30 years, three little years of long distance will feel like nothing
Met: On Facebook, March 2012
Met in person: 22 December 2015
Started Dating (Long Distance): 1 January 2016
Engaged: 21 February 2017
Married: 14 June 2018
Application Type: Settlement/Spouse Priority

Online application submitted: 15 June, 2018
Biometrics appointment & Docs sent: 18 June 2018
Package arrived in Sheffield: 20 June 2018
Email stating my application was being prepared by ECO: 20 June 2018
Decision made email: 9 August 2018 (36BD)
Documents returned: 13 August 2018

APPROVED!!!!! :)


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Re: Hubby's Birthday Blues
« Reply #6 on: August 30, 2018, 04:00:12 PM »
We had a lot of obstacles holding us where we were...finally, the time is here!

I keep telling myself that once we've been married 10-20-30 years, three little years of long distance will feel like nothing

That's very true. Just a drop in the bucket. And to be fair, I have been fortunate enough to spend a considerable amount of time with my husband over the last couple years.

The most exciting thing to me is that the next time I go to England there won't be a looming US return date. One way ticket, baby!!!
Living with my love in Penrith!
-------------------------------------------------
Married: 17 May 2018
App type: Priority spouse/settlement visa
Online app submitted: 6 Aug 2018
Biometrics & Docs sent: 9 Aug 2018
UPS delivery to Sheffield: 13 Aug 2018
Email - app received/being prepped by ECO: 15 Aug 2018
Decision made email: 14 Sep 2018
Documents returned: 17 Sep 2018
APPROVED!!!


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Re: Hubby's Birthday Blues
« Reply #7 on: August 30, 2018, 04:20:29 PM »
Definitely been there. The only honest-to-god truth I can tell you is that sometimes, you just have to feel crummy. Sometimes you just need to have a bit of a solo pity-party where you have a good cry, listen to some sad songs or watch a sad movie and just get it out. Eat the junk you don't normally let yourself eat. Normally I say communication is key, but I know in these instances I never used to let my husband know when I was sad for these reasons because there wasn't anything he or anybody could do to fix it, I just needed to be sad and I didn't want to make him feel guilty about the fact he couldn't help or that he was having a good time.

Then, once it's out of your system and you've cried it out of your head (or at least the big chunk of it), you can start to focus on other things - like the positives of how you won't be apart for too many more special occasions. I know people want to tell you to be strong and to think of all the good things yet to come, etc., but sometimes you just need a good cry to help you ease your mind :)
My, how time flies....


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Re: Hubby's Birthday Blues
« Reply #8 on: August 30, 2018, 04:28:42 PM »
Definitely been there. The only honest-to-god truth I can tell you is that sometimes, you just have to feel crummy. Sometimes you just need to have a bit of a solo pity-party where you have a good cry, listen to some sad songs or watch a sad movie and just get it out. Eat the junk you don't normally let yourself eat. Normally I say communication is key, but I know in these instances I never used to let my husband know when I was sad for these reasons because there wasn't anything he or anybody could do to fix it, I just needed to be sad and I didn't want to make him feel guilty about the fact he couldn't help or that he was having a good time.

Then, once it's out of your system and you've cried it out of your head (or at least the big chunk of it), you can start to focus on other things - like the positives of how you won't be apart for too many more special occasions. I know people want to tell you to be strong and to think of all the good things yet to come, etc., but sometimes you just need a good cry to help you ease your mind :)

Thanks for the encouragement. You're so right. And I have been so emotional lately. I've had a few good cries. And a ton of anxiety. But I'm pretty good at letting myself just feel whatever I need to feel at any given moment. I try not to put it on my husband. He is also having a tough time with it. I often find myself trying to give him a pep talk about it. I'm trying to focus on packing and figuring out what's getting shipped over and what isn't. Just making positive steps towards my big move. I know it'll all be behind us soon and we can get to living our awesome life together!  :)
Living with my love in Penrith!
-------------------------------------------------
Married: 17 May 2018
App type: Priority spouse/settlement visa
Online app submitted: 6 Aug 2018
Biometrics & Docs sent: 9 Aug 2018
UPS delivery to Sheffield: 13 Aug 2018
Email - app received/being prepped by ECO: 15 Aug 2018
Decision made email: 14 Sep 2018
Documents returned: 17 Sep 2018
APPROVED!!!


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  • Joined: Oct 2012
  • Location: Berkshire
Re: Hubby's Birthday Blues
« Reply #9 on: August 30, 2018, 04:47:02 PM »
Thanks for the encouragement. You're so right. And I have been so emotional lately. I've had a few good cries. And a ton of anxiety. But I'm pretty good at letting myself just feel whatever I need to feel at any given moment. I try not to put it on my husband. He is also having a tough time with it. I often find myself trying to give him a pep talk about it. I'm trying to focus on packing and figuring out what's getting shipped over and what isn't. Just making positive steps towards my big move. I know it'll all be behind us soon and we can get to living our awesome life together!  :)

I know I'm not usually a crier myself really, so it was really hard to let myself be vulnerable when I was going through this. I felt like it would somehow just make me weak so tried to avoid it at all costs and it would end up just spilling out in other ways...but really, I honestly can't tell you how much stress just one good, long cry relieved! :)
My, how time flies....


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Re: Hubby's Birthday Blues
« Reply #10 on: August 30, 2018, 05:47:52 PM »
I know I'm not usually a crier myself really, so it was really hard to let myself be vulnerable when I was going through this. I felt like it would somehow just make me weak so tried to avoid it at all costs and it would end up just spilling out in other ways...but really, I honestly can't tell you how much stress just one good, long cry relieved! :)

I probably cry too much. I cry when I'm happy, sad, mad, scared, laughing... I'm an empath so constant waterworks don't escape me. It is really good to cry though. It's a release. We are not meant to keep our emotions pent up. I hate whomever first said that we shouldn't be emotional. To be human is to be emotional! I actually feel bad for people who don't know how or are too uncomfortable to express their emotions. It's part of who we are as beings. And it is soooo freeing!
Living with my love in Penrith!
-------------------------------------------------
Married: 17 May 2018
App type: Priority spouse/settlement visa
Online app submitted: 6 Aug 2018
Biometrics & Docs sent: 9 Aug 2018
UPS delivery to Sheffield: 13 Aug 2018
Email - app received/being prepped by ECO: 15 Aug 2018
Decision made email: 14 Sep 2018
Documents returned: 17 Sep 2018
APPROVED!!!


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  • Posts: 4903

  • Liked: 729
  • Joined: Oct 2012
  • Location: Berkshire
Re: Hubby's Birthday Blues
« Reply #11 on: August 30, 2018, 06:04:41 PM »
I definitely express my emotions 100% but I've just never been a crier. I don't know why! I don't really cry at movies or anything either...but I can completely agree that crying can sometimes be SUPER freeing. I only really cry if I'm incredibly stressed or angry for the most part, to the point it's difficult for me to verbalise my feelings. But when i was dealing with the distance I definitely cried a LOT.
My, how time flies....


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Re: Hubby's Birthday Blues
« Reply #12 on: August 30, 2018, 06:10:12 PM »
I definitely express my emotions 100% but I've just never been a crier. I don't know why! I don't really cry at movies or anything either...but I can completely agree that crying can sometimes be SUPER freeing. I only really cry if I'm incredibly stressed or angry for the most part, to the point it's difficult for me to verbalise my feelings. But when i was dealing with the distance I definitely cried a LOT.

Maybe I've got overactive tear ducts! LOL! I cry when people win something on The Price is Right because I'm so happy for them. Yeah, it's pretty bad.

The distance is brutal. I especially feel it in the evenings... I just want to be snuggled up with my honey on the sofa with the log burner going...  :\\\'(
Living with my love in Penrith!
-------------------------------------------------
Married: 17 May 2018
App type: Priority spouse/settlement visa
Online app submitted: 6 Aug 2018
Biometrics & Docs sent: 9 Aug 2018
UPS delivery to Sheffield: 13 Aug 2018
Email - app received/being prepped by ECO: 15 Aug 2018
Decision made email: 14 Sep 2018
Documents returned: 17 Sep 2018
APPROVED!!!


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  • Posts: 4903

  • Liked: 729
  • Joined: Oct 2012
  • Location: Berkshire
Re: Hubby's Birthday Blues
« Reply #13 on: August 30, 2018, 09:00:06 PM »
Maybe I've got overactive tear ducts! LOL! I cry when people win something on The Price is Right because I'm so happy for them. Yeah, it's pretty bad.

The distance is brutal. I especially feel it in the evenings... I just want to be snuggled up with my honey on the sofa with the log burner going...  :\\\'(

haha no I just think I'm under-emotional! it's the old "it's not you, it's me" in this case :)
My, how time flies....


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Re: Hubby's Birthday Blues
« Reply #14 on: August 30, 2018, 10:05:12 PM »
haha no I just think I'm under-emotional! it's the old "it's not you, it's me" in this case :)

Well, you give me some of your stoicism and I'll give you some of my tears and we'll be balanced then.  [smiley=laugh4.gif]
Living with my love in Penrith!
-------------------------------------------------
Married: 17 May 2018
App type: Priority spouse/settlement visa
Online app submitted: 6 Aug 2018
Biometrics & Docs sent: 9 Aug 2018
UPS delivery to Sheffield: 13 Aug 2018
Email - app received/being prepped by ECO: 15 Aug 2018
Decision made email: 14 Sep 2018
Documents returned: 17 Sep 2018
APPROVED!!!


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