Mommy Guilt

Ugh, mommy guilt is so real and I'm struggling at the moment.  Had a good cry last night.

4 year has started school.  Yesterday was her first full day after two weeks of staggered start chaos.  She's been doing so well.  She's normally very shy and she's been so brave and confident going into school each day.  I've been so so proud.  She did great at breakfast club and after school club yesterday.  But it's so much change for someone who is so little.  She's now the little kid in the school clubs.

Yesterday they had a "meet the teacher" thing for the whole school at the end of the day.  We weren't there as our scheduled have been chaos the last couple of weeks - and we found out about it on FRIDAY.  Anyways, my little girl was upset that there were so many parents there.  Ugh.  WHY DOES NO ONE ELSE SEEM TO HAVE TO WORK?!?!? 

I genuinely think a lot of it is Paw Patrol withdrawals as she was enjoying her time with the pups each day the last couple of weeks.    And I know she'll be fine when she starts to make some friends.  Her pal from her nursery's mom is on maternity leave for a couple of more weeks and he'll start the clubs after half term in October.  But she's gotta power through until then.

Doesn't help that I'm away for work tonight and will likely be home after she's in bed tomorrow.  My first night away from the baby and only time I've been away from her that wasn't pregnancy/baby brother related.   

I just want my baby to be happy.  And I don't want her to feel like work was more important than her.

Don’t have kids yet but hugs! I can only imagine how you feel. I feel bad enough leaving the cat to go get groceries  Hope it gets easier for you soon

Don’t have kids yet but hugs! I can only imagine how you feel. I feel bad enough leaving the cat to go get groceries  Hope it gets easier for you soon

Just imagine if your cat could talk and tell you how disappointed he is in you that you dared to go to the grocery store.  It's like that.    And he'll throw in that other cat's mom's don't leave them to go to the grocery store. 

Don’t have kids yet but hugs! I can only imagine how you feel. I feel bad enough leaving the cat to go get groceries  Hope it gets easier for you soon

KFD is growing soft on us, she used to only worry about leaving her cat too! 

KFD is growing soft on us, she used to only worry about leaving her cat too! 

I suspect her 4yo is coping just fine, but she's sensed KF's weakness and is exploiting it. 

I suspect her 4yo is coping just fine, but she's sensed KF's weakness and is exploiting it. 

I do wonder how much of this is what's happening.  She knows my buttons.  And while I KNOW I'm biased, I genuinely think she's very smart... she knows how to work it.

I do wonder how much of this is what's happening.  She knows my buttons.  And while I KNOW I'm biased, I genuinely think she's very smart... she knows how to work it.

Well, I mean, she is your kid, right?  Crafty begets crafty.

Well, I mean, she is your kid, right?  Crafty begets crafty.

My biggest fear in life is having a child with as much attitude as a teenager as I had.  I even remember being a teenager and thinking "God, I hope I never have a kid like me."  LOL! 

My biggest fear in life is having a child with as much attitude as a teenager as I had.  I even remember being a teenager and thinking "God, I hope I never have a kid like me."  LOL!

Your mother is probably loving phone calls lately.  She's probably all, "At last!"

Your mother is probably loving phone calls lately.  She's probably all, "At last!"

I would NEVER admit anything to her.  BWAHAHAHAHA.  But my mom has been getting weird lately...   

I would NEVER admit anything to her.  BWAHAHAHAHA.  But my mom has been getting weird lately...   

Uh oh... weird how?

Uh oh... weird how?

This sounds awful, but it's like she's not as nice as she used to be.  She has had a few injuries that literally happened right when I moved.  And I think she's a lot harder to be around for those who are closest to her.  She's not MEAN...  but she's not overly supportive either.  LIke when the opportunity for me to teach dance again came up - she shot it down immediately and thought it was really selfish of me to consider.   

This sounds awful, but it's like she's not as nice as she used to be.  She has had a few injuries that literally happened right when I moved.  And I think she's a lot harder to be around for those who are closest to her.  She's not MEAN...  but she's not overly supportive either.  LIke when the opportunity for me to teach dance again came up - she shot it down immediately and thought it was really selfish of me to consider.   

Aww... But... I mean... she's your mother!  Shouldn't she want you to be happy?  I'm sorry she reacted this way.  How did she rationalize that it was a selfish thing to do?  Because you'd have less time for others, I presume?

I have a vivid memory of being in 1st grade and we had a science fair during the day. I did a cool project on chlorophyll (always been a nerd and half!)   In the early-mid 80s,  most moms did not work.   But mine did.   I remember feeling very sad that I was the only kid there without parents.  Most were moms, I did remember a token dad or two.
I am sure I gave my Mom 'Mom guilt' then, but as I grew older, I realised how badass my Mom was.You, working in finance, will appreciate this. My Mom was fighting against then very very very male dominated world of Trustee Banking of the 70s and 80s as she fought tooth and nail to be to be recognised and have equal standing. She never got equal pay though, raging raging raging.   I take a lot from my Mom as I work in the extremely male dominated world of engineering.  So, you're giving your daughter something else - you're being badass, working a career, working hard for something, and showing her what you're made of! 

I have a vivid memory of being in 1st grade and we had a science fair during the day. I did a cool project on chlorophyll (always been a nerd and half!)   In the early-mid 80s,  most moms did not work.   But mine did.   I remember feeling very sad that I was the only kid there without parents.  Most were moms, I did remember a token dad or two.
I am sure I gave my Mom 'Mom guilt' then, but as I grew older, I realised how badass my Mom was.You, working in finance, will appreciate this. My Mom was fighting against then very very very male dominated world of Trustee Banking of the 70s and 80s as she fought tooth and nail to be to be recognised and have equal standing. She never got equal pay though, raging raging raging.   I take a lot from my Mom as I work in the extremely male dominated world of engineering.  So, you're giving your daughter something else - you're being badass, working a career, working hard for something, and showing her what you're made of! 

This is what I hope she takes away from having a working mother.  That women can be "business men" and do great things as well.  My aunt was always a working mother and my cousin has turned out great.  Hoping I can do the same.

And I will be there for science fairs!    Though it is impossible to do every little bitty thing.  Of which there seem to be many.