Hello
Guest

Sponsored Links


Topic: MIL: Is this messed up?  (Read 549 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

  • *
  • Posts: 151

  • Liked: 13
  • Joined: Mar 2015
MIL: Is this messed up?
« on: September 18, 2018, 04:33:18 PM »
So my MIL was recently in my hometown. and visited my parents. In the past, she has tried to gossip and get info from my parents about me. Well, this time was no different. Now that me and my husband have been married a couple of years now, we're starting to hear more and more baby chatter. We're not sure we want kids. Well, MIL and my mom were talking about how cute it would be if we had kids. I'm not sure who brought it up. But the thing that really bugged me was she told my mom she really wanted us to have a *blond* baby girl. My husband was blond when he was little and I have black hair, my side is hispanic. Does anyone else find this a bit disturbing? Or is it an innocent comment?


  • *
  • Posts: 862

  • Liked: 248
  • Joined: May 2017
Re: MIL: Is this messed up?
« Reply #1 on: September 18, 2018, 04:48:54 PM »
Whether it is an innocent comment or not - don't buy into it.  All that will do is upset you.  I would laugh it off.  You and your hubby have your own lives together now and it really doesn't matter what anyone else wants.



  • *
  • Posts: 17751

  • Liked: 6110
  • Joined: Sep 2010
Re: MIL: Is this messed up?
« Reply #2 on: September 18, 2018, 05:04:36 PM »
To me that sounds like an innocent (if thoughtless) comment. I'd be very surprised if she meant anything more than the fact that she'd love a little girl version of her son.

But you do need to get them off your back about the whole grand baby thing. The fact that you're not sure if you want children means there's a pretty good chance that you actually don't want them so I'd try to start getting them used to that sooner rather than later.
If you do go on to have kids, everyone will be happy then anyway!


  • *
  • Posts: 3754

  • Liked: 584
  • Joined: Feb 2012
  • Location: Helensburgh, Argyll
Re: MIL: Is this messed up?
« Reply #3 on: September 18, 2018, 05:24:36 PM »
Does anyone else find this a bit disturbing? Or is it an innocent comment?

It was possibly a bit of a stupid comment, but not disturbing.


  • *
  • Posts: 6584

  • Liked: 1891
  • Joined: Sep 2015
Re: MIL: Is this messed up?
« Reply #4 on: September 18, 2018, 05:56:44 PM »
I'm going to side with the not racist but slightly bad taste on the blonde baby thing. 

However, she should learn by now that's it's never a good idea to comment on when or if somebody else is having a baby.  Just not a topic of conversation unless they bring it up.


  • *
  • Posts: 870

  • Liked: 216
  • Joined: May 2017
  • Location: Low Hesket, Cumbria, UK!
Re: MIL: Is this messed up?
« Reply #5 on: September 18, 2018, 06:09:01 PM »
People are funny with that kind of stuff. Like, does it really matter what color the baby's hair, eyes, or skin is? Aren't we just happy to see a beautiful, healthy little boy or girl? I can't imagine she'll be disappointed if the baby has dark hair and it's a boy. She'll just be ecstatic to have a grandchild. I don't think she meant to offend. But yeah, kind of out of order. I have nothing against blond hair but it's so funny to me how that is still the benchmark of beauty for so many people. Ugh.

But also, I'd love for women to stay out of other women's uterus. Period. (pun intended)
Living with my love in Cumbria!
-------------------------------------------------
Married: 17 May 2018
Entered UK: 13 October 2018
FLR: 21 June 2021
ILR approval email: 18 March 2024


  • *
  • Posts: 151

  • Liked: 13
  • Joined: Mar 2015
Re: MIL: Is this messed up?
« Reply #6 on: September 18, 2018, 06:18:44 PM »
Thanks all for the responses so far. i should not let it bother me but i feel more and more pressure and it's getting to me. I think that people are right that she probably didn't mean it in a racist way but the fact that she said this in front of my mom, basically saying "i hope the baby looks like my son and not your daughter" is also pretty obnoxious.

and i guess i am realizing now by your responses that i need to draw a line. and tell my husband and family that if we are asked to say it's none of their business.

@MrsMagpie i know right? i was about to write this, stay out of my uterus! it leaves me with a creepy feeling and it's uncomfortable. i don't get why so many people think they are owed a child or something.


  • *
  • Posts: 4455

  • Liked: 957
  • Joined: Apr 2016
Re: MIL: Is this messed up?
« Reply #7 on: September 18, 2018, 08:01:03 PM »
One of my friends found out she was having a girl and immediately people started asking her husband if he was disappointed it wasn't a boy! His response of course was that he's delighted to be having a child. Everyone is so nosy. :(

Have children on your terms! I feel a bit guilty I can't because my husbands brother also opted not to, so my in laws have no grandkids. But if the circumstances are appropriate we will foster/adopt in the future.

Sent from my Nexus 5X using Tapatalk



  • *
  • Posts: 870

  • Liked: 216
  • Joined: May 2017
  • Location: Low Hesket, Cumbria, UK!
Re: MIL: Is this messed up?
« Reply #8 on: September 18, 2018, 10:21:00 PM »
i know right? i was about to write this, stay out of my uterus! it leaves me with a creepy feeling and it's uncomfortable. i don't get why so many people think they are owed a child or something.

I made a personal decision many years ago to not have a child. I had no desire to have a child of my own. I am now in my 40s and would you believe people are still telling me I should have a child?! I had a lot of female issues and at this point I can't have a child never mind not wanting one. I told one person that I can't have a child and she said "Well, you could still use a surrogate to carry your child. Just use your eggs and your husband's sperm." WTH???? I told her that would cost $100K and if she's willing to pay for it, I'll do it. And then she can take care of the child and support it since she wants me to have it so badly. Utterly ridiculous.

As it stands, I've inherited a beautiful almost 11 year old stepdaughter whom I absolutely adore and I am totally happy being a stepmom. That's plenty for me!  ;)

Living with my love in Cumbria!
-------------------------------------------------
Married: 17 May 2018
Entered UK: 13 October 2018
FLR: 21 June 2021
ILR approval email: 18 March 2024


  • *
  • Posts: 18235

  • Liked: 4985
  • Joined: Jun 2012
  • Location: Wokingham
Re: MIL: Is this messed up?
« Reply #9 on: September 19, 2018, 09:15:29 AM »
I think it was thoughtless - no doubt.  I am SO grateful that we never had any pressure from either side regarding kids.  Which seems so obvious because that is the way it SHOULD be, but sadly so many families meddle.  My BIL's inlaws are definitely ALWAYS talking about babies.  Even though they have a daughter now, it's always talk about a second.  They are struggling to get pregnant and the comments can't help.  And they are ALWAYS on and on about how their daughter looks just like SIL.  Well, she really looks just like BIL - but whatever.  People are weird.

My mom was super excited that my babies were bald as my brother and I were bald.  It just brought back happy memories for her.  But you have to be careful what you wish for.  My daughter is 4 1/2 and still doesn't have much hair!  lol!


  • *
  • Posts: 6734

  • Liked: 1260
  • Joined: Oct 2012
  • Location: Berkshire
Re: MIL: Is this messed up?
« Reply #10 on: September 19, 2018, 10:37:17 AM »
To me that sounds like an innocent (if thoughtless) comment. I'd be very surprised if she meant anything more than the fact that she'd love a little girl version of her son.


Completely in agreement with this. It sounds like a thoughtless but not intentionally malicious comment as she is probably thinking about her son as a baby.

I would draw hard lines, however, about the pressure they are trying to put on you about having a baby. It might not be too bad at the moment, but I can imagine this snowballing until you get so irritated that you just lose it altogether.  I would just make it clear that you don't know what you want right now as you're just enjoying this time you have together to be selfish and do things that you want to do without having a little one to consider and that may or may not change but the constant questions/wishes won't help move that along any quicker. If I were you, I'd take the approach that you speak to your parents about it and your husband speak to his mother. You need to be a united front vs you doing the communicating about this.
My, how time flies....

* Married in the US and applied for first spousal visa August 2013
* Moved to the UK on said visa October 2013
* FLR(M) applied for  May 2016. Biometrics requested June 2016. Approval given July 2016.
* ILR applied for January 2019 (using priority processing). Approved February 2019.
* Citizenship applied for May  2019
* Citizenship approved on July 4th 2019
* Ceremony conducted on August 28th 2019

'Mommy, Wow! I'm a legit Brit now!'


Sponsored Links





 

coloured_drab