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Topic: One Year in the UK and Can't Wait to Leave.  (Read 18753 times)

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Re: One Year in the UK and Can't Wait to Leave.
« Reply #90 on: July 17, 2019, 02:02:17 PM »
I submitted my 9 month report to the group earlier this month so I thought your analysis is interesting. I have been noticing  things  such as inefficient service, passive aggressive people, annoying accents, people living pay check to pay check.

Positive things you pointed out also seem to be true such as good work-life balance. I think that’s the main reason to appreciate being here because I definitely don’t want to live to work😉

With all the good things UK has to offer, I definitely don’t see myself living here permanently on a full time basis because I don’t like it here enough to live 12 months during the year. It’s just a combination of a few different things but first of all, the income here is about 25 to 30% lower than what I can earn in NY but the cost of living is not  equivalently 25 to 30% lower. I don’t see a reason to work full time and get paid so little because that kind of pay can’t even justify 4weeks paid days off.

Secondly, I am not saying that American people are always much nicer and friendlier ( this is my disclaimer😉 ) but British people are not my cup of tea.
Through my horse-riding hobby which is quintessentially British thing, I got a glimpse of British culture. The teaching style is really condescending and plain nasty. While I would complain in America if I were to be treated like this as a paying customer/student, there seem to be an unspoken rule that it is just the way teachers/instructors talk to the students. I consulted this with other equestrians and it seems like people deem that kind of teaching style to be normal in England.

Thirdly, maybe it’s because I moved here a bit too late in my life, at the age of 46 but it will probably take years to build of solid friends network. I don’t think it’s specifically because it’s London but maybe because it’s hard in any big cities if you try to build  yourself up.

My husband is open to work in coastal U.S cities if he can get a job but I doubt he will want to live in US permanently
either.
I wish I could alternate 6months here and 6 months in NY but that is very infeasible…
When are you returning to U.S?

I just wanted to drop a message to tell you that I hear you.


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Re: One Year in the UK and Can't Wait to Leave.
« Reply #91 on: July 17, 2019, 02:12:19 PM »
I submitted my 9 month report to the group earlier this month so I thought your analysis is interesting. I have been noticing  things  such as inefficient service, passive aggressive people, annoying accents, people living pay check to pay check.

Positive things you pointed out also seem to be true such as good work-life balance. I think that’s the main reason to appreciate being here because I definitely don’t want to live to work😉

With all the good things UK has to offer, I definitely don’t see myself living here permanently on a full time basis because I don’t like it here enough to live 12 months during the year. It’s just a combination of a few different things but first of all, the income here is about 25 to 30% lower than what I can earn in NY but the cost of living is not  equivalently 25 to 30% lower. I don’t see a reason to work full time and get paid so little because that kind of pay can’t even justify 4weeks paid days off.

Secondly, I am not saying that American people are always much nicer and friendlier ( this is my disclaimer😉 ) but British people are not my cup of tea.
Through my horse-riding hobby which is quintessentially British thing, I got a glimpse of British culture. The teaching style is really condescending and plain nasty. While I would complain in America if I were to be treated like this as a paying customer/student, there seem to be an unspoken rule that it is just the way teachers/instructors talk to the students. I consulted this with other equestrians and it seems like people deem that kind of teaching style to be normal in England.

Thirdly, maybe it’s because I moved here a bit too late in my life, at the age of 46 but it will probably take years to build of solid friends network. I don’t think it’s specifically because it’s London but maybe because it’s hard in any big cities if you try to build  yourself up.

My husband is open to work in coastal U.S cities if he can get a job but I doubt he will want to live in US permanently
either.
I wish I could alternate 6months here and 6 months in NY but that is very infeasible…
When are you returning to U.S?

I just wanted to drop a message to tell you that I hear you.
I wish I could do 6 months here and 6 months there too! I would winter in California and summer in England lol. I'm always interested in hearing peoples complaints on this site about England because often they are my same complaints about California so I bet its either dependent on where in the country u live or just something u naturally feel being away from home. Like my two regular complaints about my life in California is the inefficiency of services (mostly governmental) and that people are fakely overly cheery and not authentic, I miss the realness of English people lol


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Re: One Year in the UK and Can't Wait to Leave.
« Reply #92 on: July 17, 2019, 02:25:29 PM »
I wish I could alternate 6months here and 6 months in NY but that is very infeasible…

I wish I could do 6 months here and 6 months there too! I would winter in California and summer in England lol.

Once you both have dual citizenship (and the financial means, of course!), it's totally feasible!  I could sponsor my husband's visa to the US now and work on getting him citizenship, and in a few years' time, we'd be free to come and go in either country as we please.  Except we have a house here, with a mortgage, so we need his income from his job.  So we stay in the UK*.

* Plus, we both prefer it here, so that helps.
9/1/2013 - "fiancée" (marriage) visa issued
4/6/2013 - married (certificate issued same-day)
5/6/2013 - FLR(M)#1 in person -- approved!
8/1/2016 - FLR(M)#2 by post -- approved!
8/5/2018 - ILR in person -- approved!
22/11/2018 - Citizenship (online, with NDRS+JCAP) -- approved!
14/12/2018 - I became a British citizen.  :)


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Re: One Year in the UK and Can't Wait to Leave.
« Reply #93 on: July 17, 2019, 02:27:58 PM »
If I could work from anywhere, I would totally go back home to spend fall in New England :) Totally agree that it'd be nice to spend time in BOTH countries.
My, how time flies....

* Married in the US and applied for first spousal visa August 2013
* Moved to the UK on said visa October 2013
* FLR(M) applied for  May 2016. Biometrics requested June 2016. Approval given July 2016.
* ILR applied for January 2019 (using priority processing). Approved February 2019.
* Citizenship applied for May  2019
* Citizenship approved on July 4th 2019
* Ceremony conducted on August 28th 2019

'Mommy, Wow! I'm a legit Brit now!'


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Re: One Year in the UK and Can't Wait to Leave.
« Reply #94 on: July 17, 2019, 02:53:09 PM »
Totally agree that it'd be nice to spend time in BOTH countries.

I can highly recommend splitting time between the two countries. I did it for a few years. Those were the happiest of my adult life.   :)


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Re: One Year in the UK and Can't Wait to Leave.
« Reply #95 on: July 17, 2019, 05:02:23 PM »
Northern Italy for about three months a year. Nothing fancy. A little shack with a camp stove and a hand pump. A dory to row out and collect some muscles from the green waters.
I just hope that more people will ignore the fatalism of the argument that we are beyond repair. We are not beyond repair. We are never beyond repair. - AOC


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Re: One Year in the UK and Can't Wait to Leave.
« Reply #96 on: July 17, 2019, 05:27:44 PM »
I can highly recommend splitting time between the two countries. I did it for a few years. Those were the happiest of my adult life.   :)

My virtual mentor Larrabee

How did you manage splitting in 2 places work wise?
Is your husband British and was willing to live in U.S half the year?

I am going to sponser my husband U.S greencard so he can work and see if he like it,


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Re: One Year in the UK and Can't Wait to Leave.
« Reply #97 on: July 17, 2019, 05:55:19 PM »
My virtual mentor Larrabee

How did you manage splitting in 2 places work wise?
Is your husband British and was willing to live in U.S half the year?

I am going to sponser my husband U.S greencard so he can work and see if he like it,

I will message you.  :)


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Re: One Year in the UK and Can't Wait to Leave.
« Reply #98 on: August 06, 2019, 10:58:04 PM »
Jeez, maybe you should just leave? Nobody's forcing you to stay, unlike other countries that are of the un-free variety. I'm American, from California and since I have lived here, 6 1/2 years in total, I felt the many gripes you've stated at one point or another. But you've only been here a year. One of the most important things I have learned is that the British are reserved. Feelings, niceties and all, but once they open up, they are the most generous and tolerant. The first thing my children were taught in English schools was tolerance. My wife has been fighting Cancer for the past year and the support from the NHS has saved her life and extended it with treatments that would cost hundreds of thousands of dollars in the US, all granted under an EU Compassionate Grant. So where are your priorities in life? Seems a bit petty in the grand scheme.


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Re: One Year in the UK and Can't Wait to Leave.
« Reply #99 on: August 07, 2019, 10:27:06 AM »


Jeez, maybe you should just leave? Nobody's forcing you to stay, unlike other countries that are of the un-free variety. I'm American, from California and since I have lived here, 6 1/2 years in total, I felt the many gripes you've stated at one point or another. But you've only been here a year. One of the most important things I have learned is that the British are reserved. Feelings, niceties and all, but once they open up, they are the most generous and tolerant. The first thing my children were taught in English schools was tolerance. My wife has been fighting Cancer for the past year and the support from the NHS has saved her life and extended it with treatments that would cost hundreds of thousands of dollars in the US, all granted under an EU Compassionate Grant. So where are your priorities in life? Seems a bit petty in the grand scheme.

While I appreciate why you might find the situation petty in comparison to the struggles you've managed to fight through (glad to hear your wife is on the mend), I would just give a kind reminder that everybody goes through different struggles and, for *them*, it's just as major in their life as yours are to you (even if, in the grand scheme of things, they aren't necessarily the same levels of severity). My kind reminder is really just to say that this is meant to be a safe space for everybody to open up and I'd advise that telling somebody they "should just leave" and that "nobody is forcing them to stay" as it's "only been a year" (for the majority, I'd argue the first year is the HARDEST) and that their life priorities seem "a bit petty in the grand scheme" are not really the most sensitive ways to respond to a person who is having a difficult time after upheaving their life.

I imagine you probably did not mean it in that way at all (hard to read tone online and all that), but I'd just urge you to think twice about your words as they can read as insensitive to some (again, it's clear you know how hard life can be as you've dealt with your fair share of stuff). Tough love is not for everybody (some people will want to feel more compassion). The original post is an old one but I think the sentiment still stands for some people (some struggle more than others and it's perfectly normal).

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My, how time flies....

* Married in the US and applied for first spousal visa August 2013
* Moved to the UK on said visa October 2013
* FLR(M) applied for  May 2016. Biometrics requested June 2016. Approval given July 2016.
* ILR applied for January 2019 (using priority processing). Approved February 2019.
* Citizenship applied for May  2019
* Citizenship approved on July 4th 2019
* Ceremony conducted on August 28th 2019

'Mommy, Wow! I'm a legit Brit now!'


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Re: One Year in the UK and Can't Wait to Leave.
« Reply #100 on: August 07, 2019, 10:37:11 AM »
Jeez, maybe you should just leave? Nobody's forcing you to stay, unlike other countries that are of the un-free variety. I'm American, from California and since I have lived here, 6 1/2 years in total, I felt the many gripes you've stated at one point or another. But you've only been here a year. One of the most important things I have learned is that the British are reserved. Feelings, niceties and all, but once they open up, they are the most generous and tolerant. The first thing my children were taught in English schools was tolerance. My wife has been fighting Cancer for the past year and the support from the NHS has saved her life and extended it with treatments that would cost hundreds of thousands of dollars in the US, all granted under an EU Compassionate Grant. So where are your priorities in life? Seems a bit petty in the grand scheme.

This post is in the Airing Cupboard, meaning you really need to respect the poster's right to a moan and offer an ear of support.  If you don't agree, no issue, just move on.  Don't beat someone when they are down.  Everyone needs a safe place to moan now and again.

I personally think it is soooo disrepectful when someone is having a tough time and a person's advice is there are children dying of cancer or people starving.  Yes, there is *always* someone having a harder time at life but it doesn't mean we are not allowed to feel the way we feel at the time.


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Re: One Year in the UK and Can't Wait to Leave.
« Reply #101 on: August 07, 2019, 11:59:27 AM »
Jeez, maybe you should just leave? Nobody's forcing you to stay, unlike other countries that are of the un-free variety. I'm American, from California and since I have lived here, 6 1/2 years in total, I felt the many gripes you've stated at one point or another. But you've only been here a year. One of the most important things I have learned is that the British are reserved. Feelings, niceties and all, but once they open up, they are the most generous and tolerant. The first thing my children were taught in English schools was tolerance. My wife has been fighting Cancer for the past year and the support from the NHS has saved her life and extended it with treatments that would cost hundreds of thousands of dollars in the US, all granted under an EU Compassionate Grant. So where are your priorities in life? Seems a bit petty in the grand scheme.

Okay, you're '8' posts in at the moment, so I won't be too harsh on you yet as a Moderator. However, I will say this community is a friendly, supportive, and encouraging place. We are allowed opinions and to disagree of course, but I would caution you to think carefully how words come up on the screen and how they're read by others.  This is the Airing Cupboard which is the place to moan about life, however big or small.  Yes, there are huge problems and sadness does abound in the world, and there will always be someone worse off or dealing with something horrible,  but we are are living our own lives and things that happen in our own lives can really mess with you and be wretched too. You usually have no idea, especially in forums, what else someone is going through or has gone through in the past either. 

I'm sorry to hear about your wife's cancer and I'm very glad the NHS has been helpful for you. The NHS is definitely one of the best things about the UK, in my opinion. 
I've never gotten food on my underpants!
Work permit (2007) to British Citizen (2014)
You're stuck with me!


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Re: One Year in the UK and Can't Wait to Leave.
« Reply #102 on: August 07, 2019, 10:39:13 PM »
All, I'm sorry. That was a bit insensitive of me. I didn't mean it as a personal attack on the original postee. I guess what I was trying to get at is to maybe give it more time?  It does seem like all the negative experiences of adapting at times outweigh the positives. It's tough to roll with the punches. So, I hope GwynH has more positive experiences in the future.


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Re: One Year in the UK and Can't Wait to Leave.
« Reply #103 on: August 08, 2019, 07:11:46 AM »
I read somewhere (here maybe? another blog?) that the toughest years as an expat are 2,3,5,7 and 10. We are on 5.5 and I can't tell you how many days lately I've been yelling about wanting to pack up and go home. I'm tired of the shitty pay, the shitty housing, the shitty political climate, the shitty service, the shitty passive aggressiveness, all of it.

We moved here in our mid to late 30s and even since 2014 its changed a lot. 2016 was like the last good year I can remember, everything has felt downhill. And what work-life balance? Both of us work long hours because we work with (pick more than one): incompetent, lazy, useless, buck-passing, pointless people who always seem to be on vacation or otherwise out of the office. I took as much vacation last year as I did in the US and I'm on my second back injury in three years from spending 60+ hours a week at work sitting on my ass, trying to deliver a project that was underscoped, badly budgeted, poorly resourced but apparently 'critical'. For that I got: no raise, no bonus, no kudos, no nothing. Other Half can't even get a damn raise in two years, hes 50% under the UK market, and he's in a high-demand field, but trying to get through the recruitment process here is a NIGHTMARE. I feel like we have been treading water for almost three years and I know we are losing money by the month due to sterling crapping out and increasing inflation.

Our dream/goal (was) to get citizenship so we could spend time here or the US or wherever in the EU - I love fall and winter here, but hate the spring and summer. Brexit more or less ruined that goal, and now we are sitting and waiting out the clock (11 more months!) so we can just get the stupid passport to have SOMETHING to show for these years and then move on. I don't want to move back until after the election anyway, but in the meantime I'd rather try and get new jobs, move to a new place, and join some new groups because this last 2.5 years has just SUCKED on all fronts.

We have a new Canadian guy at work and at some meeting where the British people talked round and round, essentially reiterating the same points but not taking a decision or responsibility, we came out of that meeting where he was shocked we got all three procurement asks. I wanted to tell him - 'no, we got two. You got the British No for the third, but they weren't going to tel you to your face that your idea for the third wasn't something they actually wanted or needed so instead they made it sound like it was a go, but they have instead kicked it into the long grass and we are to never speak of it again." Although it was great fun double teaming my terrible manager earlier this week in trying to pin the guy down on specifics and answers on this project. Excellent sport. Should do it more often.


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Re: One Year in the UK and Can't Wait to Leave.
« Reply #104 on: August 08, 2019, 09:19:35 AM »
I have never understood how people think the UK offers a work/life balance.  I am obviously in the wrong industry here!   :D


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