Ok. Three buses to get there, no sweat. Short hike at the end of the bus ride, no problem. Got there to find many (two dozen?) people waiting. Half the tables in the place were empty and not in use. Of the tables in the section in use, three were unoccupied.
Got to the head of the line to give my name for the wait. Was told it would be an hour. (??!! ok). They wanted my cell number and would buzz me when a table was ready. Didn't have a phone with me, which confused the heck out of them. They said they'd call my name when the table was available. Was then advised to enter my car license plate number on a screen there at the desk, as only patrons were allowed to park in the lot. Told them I didn't have a car. More confused looks. Told them I came by bus. Daughter says that they looked completely bewildered when she told them we'd be sitting in the waiting area until a table was ready. On the good side, they had "cartoons" running on the tv in the waiting area, of the "Grand Slam" characters doing a crime show, where the sausage was the tough cop who caught the pancake snorting powdered sugar and hauled them off to jail....
Ok. Waited with the Daughter for an hour. Watched the goings on. Several parties came, sat down to wait, and then said, basically, the hell with it and went off to Braehead to get something to eat. Watched, during the hour, several tables sit un-bussed for ten minutes at a time. Waiting area was packed and some folks were waiting outside, others had given their cell phones and gone ... elsewhere? So, fifty minutes into the wait they came and called three sets of names. Nobody by that name waiting. Ten minutes later they came and the the same - same three names. Nobody there by those names. I went and asked how long the wait still was, since it'd been the hour we were told to expect. Was told seven parties were in front of us - I could see on the list that three of them were the names already called twice. I did mention that, and was told "well, we've texted them and now we need to give them time to come back in". I asked if 20 minutes wasn't long enough and got a blank stare. Gave up and went and sat back down.
Ok, shortly thereafter someone came and called for someone by my first name. I suspect that it was actually the first name of someone on the list ahead of us, but they didn't specify, so we took the table.
We had plenty of time, in the hour and 10 minute wait, to look over the menu. We knew exactly what we were going to order and didn't have to wait long because we told the gent who seated us that we knew precisely what we wanted. Had a little back-and-forth about "oh, where in the USA?" etc. The waitress who showed up to take the order was very nice. Young and inexperienced, but trying very hard. Asked the Daughter if she wanted a salad with her Lumberjack Slam.... So I ordered the Starter breakfast. Which in the USA is on the "Senior" menu. Basically one egg, one slice bacon or sausage, red-skinned new potatoes fried, and an English muffin.
It took 45 minutes for our food to arrive. During that time we watched the goings on. A dad with two kids had his meal brought to him and the kids' meals didn't arrive for another 10 minutes. (Bowls of spaghetti and sauce.) Two plates of what appeared to be pancakes with strawberries and whipped cream sat up under the heat lamp at the kitchen for over 20 minutes, with other items up there for longer. People who ordered milkshakes, which are supposed to come with some shake still in the mixing tin (per standard practice and the actual menu) got the glass of milkshake, but were shorted the amount in the mixing tins. Several tables had individuals who got their food while others in their party had to wait 10 to 20 minutes for theirs. The waiters could be seen arguing over at the kitchen as to who had what food items, etc., and seemed bewildered and out of their depth - completely. It was, as they say in the trade, a complete cluster-f__k.
So, back to us. Sitting at the table, starving. Looked over at the salt shaker. Had goo and pepper flakes inside and outside of it. Unidentifiable goo. Lifted it by two fingers, caught a passing waitress, and asked if she could bring one that was not completely disgusting. She was horrified, scurried off, brought a new one, wringing hands and saying the manky one was "being cleaned right now" was that ok? (oy. Like I care what they are doing with it? I'd have recommended a hazmat bucket, myself, but I was being nice.)
Ok. So, forty minutes later, the lumberjack slam shows up. Was ordered with all bacon and no sausage. Came with sausage. Told the server, who took it back, tossed out (we assume? hope?) the sausage, and brought the plate back. Short the two strips of bacon. Told him it was still not correct, that it was short two bacon. He brought my order at the same time - minus the English muffin. Daughter pointed that out to him and he said he'd take care of it. Showed back up with two strips of bacon, just barely cooked. Never came back with the muffin.
So. The lumberjack slam: minimal hash browns (maybe 1/4 of the expected amount) on the plate, appeared and tasted as if they had been sitting for quite some time. Bacon tasted good, but was not crisped - just barely cooked. Ham was fine. Eggwhites were completely flavorless, and a little chewy. Pancakes tasted much like Denny's "new" pancakes from the States that came in about two years ago, kinda sweet with a vanilla flavor. With some sort of (what the Daughter calls) "nasty-ass fake butter stuff" on them.
Ok, so my meal, the Starter: Eggs were... bleah? Instant? I'd say tastless except they did have a kind of weird, "off oil" taste. I had two bites and decided I'd not want to risk intestinal distress and left the rest. Probably whatever they used on the griddle/pan was the only flavor they had. And they looked weird (Daughter agrees). May have been made ahead and sat for a long time, or reconstituted, couldnt' tell. But not good. Bacon tasted good, but was barely cooked. There was also a sausage on my plate. It looked really bad, but I gave it a taste. And instantly (and still now) regret that. Gaaak. "Red-skinned fried potatoes" were some sort of potato, cut in small cubes, no spices on them, and definitely not "red skinned", althought they were definitely "fried" (possibly deep-fried?) with the same weird aftertaste. They were spectacularly bad. My English muffin never arrived. Basically, I could not eat anything on the plate except the bacon, and left it all. My gut is still rumbling, and not in a good way, several hours later.
So, I caught the waitress and asked for the check. That was the ONLY thing that happened quickly in there - she was literally back with the machine within sixty seconds for me to pay. Not once did anyone ask me how the food was, did we need anything else, etc. (other than the waitress, bless her, asking if we needed more water to drink - she was trying quite hard).
It's been well over a month since the place opened. Every shop has opening pains. They should be nowhere this bad this far into things. This Denny's, if it stays as it is, will fail. The locals will get disgusted with the long waits and the mediocre food, when the novelty wears off. And any self-respecting ex-pat who likes American food won't go more than once. Seriously, it's been over a decade since I've had service that bad and food that bad in the same visit to a restaurant.
Also, normally you put one of your brightest waitresses to serve as hostess. Seriously, the girl taking names and handling seating struck me as being very sweet, but... well, really f'ing stupid. No apologies for the lenghty wait, etc. They had nobody dedicated to clearing tables. So if the wait-staff for a table was busy with other things the tables sat uncleared while people looking more and more annoyed were waiting to be seated. The wait-staff, and there didn't seem to be nearly as many working as were needed for a Friday lunchtime, spent an awful lot of time looking up at the orders screen in the kitchen. Something is terribly, terribly wrong with their training - or the manager hired people who have never worked in a diner/food service industry. They spent a lot of time looking perplexed. Our own server, who managed to not bring things to the table correctly, seemed annoyed that we expected him to actually correct the errors he made. We were nice about it, not rude. But we did insist. As noted, he didn't fix everything.
Wow. So, seriously, spend your money elsewhere. The Glasgow Denny's is NOT a proper Denny's and is, if anything, damaging their brand. So, I say "don't do it to yourself, eat somewhere else." The Daughter says "run screaming...."
![[smiley=puke.gif]](https://www.talk.uk-yankee.com/Smileys/classic/puke.gif "Puke")
