That visiting feeling...

Welp, I'm just about 3 months into this living in the UK journey. I still have the strong feeling of being a visitor. I don't know if it's just that it's still so new or that somewhere inside I haven't yet accepted that I actually LIVE here. Or maybe it's that I still just feel like such an outsider in so many situations - though I do try my best to blend in. The accent always kills that immediately. I feel a bit out of sorts and still have this kind of nervousness about living outside of the US. But I really do love it here and I am overall excited about the future.

Just wondering how long it took for some of you to feel like you "belong" here. Or do you still struggle with being a stranger in a foreign land?

I still feel like an idiot for moving here... 1 year in. 5 months was when I got a car and I started feeling a bit more "normal", but there is no normal here and I really want to live somewhere I can breathe without needing inhalers daily due to pollution.

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I still feel like an idiot for moving here... 1 year in. 5 months was when I got a car and I started feeling a bit more "normal", but there is no normal here and I really want to live somewhere I can breathe without needing inhalers daily due to pollution.

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Aww, don't feel that way. You're not an idiot. You did what you thought would be best at that time. We can never really know what the future holds and how life might change for us at any time. That being said, I hope things will change for the better for you in the near future. <3

I think the most "integrating" thing you can do to start feeling like you belong here, is establish some kind of routine that regularly gets you out into the community.  Are you driving?  Do you live in a village or town so you can walk to places?  Have you considered getting a job or volunteering somewhere?  I don't know what your financial situation is, but even if you don't need income, having a structured place to go can really help with feeling rooted.

I know you love tennis. Have you found a club yet? I expect that being part of a team might help you to have more of a sense of belonging. 

I think the most "integrating" thing you can do to start feeling like you belong here, is establish some kind of routine that regularly gets you out into the community.  Are you driving?  Do you live in a village or town so you can walk to places?  Have you considered getting a job or volunteering somewhere?  I don't know what your financial situation is, but even if you don't need income, having a structured place to go can really help with feeling rooted.

I definitely don't have an established routine yet. But now that we're all done with Christmas I feel like I can really dig in. I'll be having my dog and cat shipped over soon so I'll be regularly taking the dog for walks. I also want to start back with a regular yoga practice at a studio. And I am currently seeking a volunteer opportunity. I am driving and live in a town so I do get out to the shops, etc. I think you're right... as soon as I kind of have some regular activities in which to participate (and also some kind of job/work), I'll probably feel more like a resident and not a vacationer. 

I know you love tennis. Have you found a club yet? I expect that being part of a team might help you to have more of a sense of belonging. 

I have found a nearby club but haven't started playing again yet. I've been out for so long mostly due to my knee injury and subsequent surgery.  I am working on getting a bit of my fitness and strength back before I hit the court. Don't want to get injured again. It's the worst. But I'm sure I'll feel better once I am playing again and will definitely try to join a team!

I have found a nearby club but haven't started playing again yet. I've been out for so long mostly due to my knee injury and subsequent surgery.  I am working on getting a bit of my fitness and strength back before I hit the court. Don't want to get injured again. It's the worst. But I'm sure I'll feel better once I am playing again and will definitely try to join a team!

Good luck with the rehab! 

I'm right ahead of you at 4 months here. I don't feel like a visitor anymore, but I also don't feel fully integrated, so I constantly feel like I am in some weird limbo. I've taken driving lessons but haven't gotten a full UK licence yet, and I still get anxious while driving. At home, driving was my happy place. I am missing that here and no one understands.

I finally got a part time job (I start Wed) so I hope some sort of routine or (you have to wake up and go somewhere) helps me feel more "normal." Have you joined any clubs? I am a member of 2 writing clubs now, and they each meet monthly, so every 2 weeks I am going to one of their meetings. I also joined a gym and I attend dance classes and go work out regularly. Where are you located? Maybe we can meet up someday

What I am most worried about is going to the States to visit and then coming back and feeling homesick again.

I'll be having my dog and cat shipped over soon so I'll be regularly taking the dog for walks.

guarantee this will help things a LOT! I can't imagine how hard it is being away from your pets for months so I think even just having them with you will help things feel more permanent!

Good luck with the rehab! 

Thank you! I'm almost there. Went for a nice but cold (37 degree F) bike ride with my husband a few days ago and it felt really good. Also been on some nice walks with no problem. Will be interested in seeing how more rigorous, higher impact activity affects it.

I'm right ahead of you at 4 months here. I don't feel like a visitor anymore, but I also don't feel fully integrated, so I constantly feel like I am in some weird limbo. I've taken driving lessons but haven't gotten a full UK licence yet, and I still get anxious while driving. At home, driving was my happy place. I am missing that here and no one understands.

I finally got a part time job (I start Wed) so I hope some sort of routine or (you have to wake up and go somewhere) helps me feel more "normal." Have you joined any clubs? I am a member of 2 writing clubs now, and they each meet monthly, so every 2 weeks I am going to one of their meetings. I also joined a gym and I attend dance classes and go work out regularly. Where are you located? Maybe we can meet up someday

What I am most worried about is going to the States to visit and then coming back and feeling homesick again.

Congrats on your job!! That's excellent! That definitely helps to build confidence. I am planning to go to the yoga studio twice a week and I've been going to Zumba here and there with my sister-in-law. I agree with you on returning to the US... I think I'd feel the same way if I went back any time soon. And I know what you mean about driving. I've been driving for 28 years so it's weird to not feel comfortable with it anymore. I mean, it's getting better the more I do it. It just feels so weird to start over with everything again in my midlife.

I live in the Northwest, not too far from the Scottish border. You're in the South, right? Maybe we'll be able to meet somewhere in the middle. 

guarantee this will help things a LOT! I can't imagine how hard it is being away from your pets for months so I think even just having them with you will help things feel more permanent!

I've been away from them off and on for 2 years. It's complicated and has been one of the most difficult things I've ever experienced. I just can't wait to take my pup on all the wonderful walks around here. I'm so excited for her to see sheep and cows. LOL!!

Hi. Not being funny, but after just 3 months you still are a visitor. Try 3 years. Even that, is not that long.  You cannot expect to blend in for at least a few years. Some expats develop a fake british accent as a means of blending in. I never did. I always thought it was stupid. If people don't like me for my accent, which is west coast california, they can shove it lol. That's my attitude, and that's the attitude people should take, imo. Although a lot of people say they love my accent and where I'm from, particularly young people.

But you will eventually blend in and feel that england, god help you lol. becomes home.  and guess what? eventually after being here about 10 years, you feel like a tourist back home. It reverses itself. I visit back home, and random strangers ask me where im from (australia or britain). makes me laugh because no british person thinks i sound remotely british lol. only americans back home. it makes me laugh. sometimes i just play along because i feel like i would disappoint them if i just said "im from HERE" lol.

and after a while, you forget how things work over there. you aren't up on the US politics anymore. or the system. or anything. you stop missing american foods as much (you still do a bit though). portion sizes in restaurants seem vulgar. people coming up to you to speak to you freaks you out lol. you forget the 4th july. you forget thanksgiving. you forget mothers day back home then feel guilty you forgot your mom (different date).

what i miss the most, by far, is the beach. x

what i miss the most, by far, is the beach. x

What?  There's 11,000 miles of coastline!

 

Hi. Not being funny, but after just 3 months you still are a visitor.

No she's not.

No she's not.

My sentiments exactly.

And as a person who actually developed an accent (KF can vouch), I can assure you it was not faked so I wouldn’t assume others have faked it to fit in either. Everybody has their own story to write.


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I remember that feeling of being on holiday I was scared to walk into town because I felt I stuck out so much as an American. What helped me was getting a dog and I think just being here longer I got more used to it and now it feels like home 😀😀