Depression - is it real and does it pass?

Okay - new spin on this topic.

I have been down since Steve left. We spent a week in the UK and a week here - total of 16 days together. We went up to NYC to get my visa and were turned back around for not having proof of funds (student loan approval all the way through). That was a huge let-down. That was awful. We got through it and will have the new and improved visa app off within the next two weeks. No problem.

Well, he left on Sunday and it's now Wed night. Each day he has called he has noticed I sound flat and down (my voice).  I said, nothing, just miss you, just want the visa to work out. Then I realized after some prodding the other night that I am scared to leave my comfort zone and a bit scared to move in with my boyfriend while going to school. Now, I still want to do this and I have total faith in us as a couple - I'm just a bit nervous.

Then today seemed to be worse. I snapped at him for something little on the phone. I can't seem to get back to who I was a few mts ago. He's wondering where the "happy" Andrea (pittpanther) is. I said, I'm still here, I just need to get my life back in order after your visit and after quitting my second job. I have also gained at least 5lbs in the last 2mts from stress of all of this and lack of time etc...

Basically - I want to know if anyone else had a real sadness or felt really "down" a month or two before leaving? Should I be worried? I've been eating better (on ww) and exercising regularly now starting Monday. I think maybe I just need to get my routine back, get my body back to a bit of order and I'll be okay, but I've had a sneaking worry that this might follow me over there and make things worse.

i really can't afford to see anyone right now and my current Brit bf really doesn't believe in therapy (I do though to an extent). His ex-wife was depressed for years and never sought treatment and he's afraid I'll end up the same way (I would get treatment and I've told him this).

Please...any suggestions/thoughts/insights would be most helpful. Thanks!

I've often found that just before any seriously life changing event, I can get a real sick feeling to my stomach. A feeling of pure dread even! I did indeed feel it before I moved to the UK (to do an MA - no boyfriend to live with though!). Truthfully, I even get a bit like this just before a long holiday or new job - anything really that's going to disrupt my routine. It's perfectly normal and the set-back with your visa has probably brought this on earlier for you - along with quitting your job and having post-boyfriend-visit depression.

You know all this. You've said it yourself. Just give yourself a bit of time to adjust and pamper yourself a bit if you can (manicure, massage).

I know Steve posts on here so I will say this too, where he can see it - it is NOT possible for him to understand what it is you are going through to move here. Only one day if he does the reverse will he get it. Until then, you need his support but more importantly the space to grieve for your lost life and feel the apprehension of your new one without him thinking it's all going to hell in a handbasket because you are feeling down for a bit! This is NORMAL!

If all that sounds negative it's not meant to. I suspect you guys are going to have a wonderful experience - but this experience still is what it is: you leaving the USA to live in the UK with a boyfriend and start a new degree. There are millions of people who would never in their lives have the strength to do this... so cut yourself some slack! 

Take care of yourself! Try to enjoy where you are now - do things you always meant to - and get ready for the big move! 

THANK YOU!

What you've said makes sense - seeing it happen with others makes me feel better knowing it's normal (however normal our situations can be  ).

I do need some sort of beauty treatment - I think that's just what I'll do

Agree with balmerhon's response.  Andrea, you're just about to embark on what IS going to be an enormous change -- and for me, it's been (simultaneously) crazy & wonderful & horrible & stressful & incredible & fascinating & overall just an experience that I wouldn't trade for the world.  I still feel like smacking my Steve sometimes though, because he really doesn't *get* it -- what it's like to do this, and particularly what it's like to have given up the life that I had in Fla with which I was reasonably confident & content.  He's very much into 'don't overanalyse things -- just accept them as they are -- get on with the business at hand -- avoid pfaffing about with feelings, etc' -- not sure if that's an English thing, or a man thing, or both?

Right now, I'm feeling down & homesick -- having just got back from our latest trip to the States.  Family visits I can generally handle alright -- though visiting my mom is usually sad...but I *always* always always cry when I have to leave Florida again (I was sobbing violently in the taxi to the airport when I moved away 'for good') -- the sunny weather & warm temps plus loads of good friends there who I came to see as 'family'.  This time, we drove down to Tampa Bay & back from Atlanta -- so there I was blubbering at the wheel, driving up I-75 -- through two heavy downpour thunderstorms, no less!!  Ack.  And coming back to cloudy grey, rain & 55 degree F temps here in Leeds. :\\\'(  (I'm a very weather sensitive person.)  I'm still trying to work through it & don't know what's worse -- not going to visit & missing everyone endlessly, or going to visit & then feeling like this when I get home.

I am confident that things will get better once I start working.  My new employer is waiting on one of my references to come back, and then we will agree on a start date, so hopefully that will be before the end of June.  I am anxious to get back to work -- for the social aspect primarily -- being able to meet people, getting out of the house for a specified reason every day, stuff like that.  Also, Steve & I plan to do some hiking this weekend as long as the weather improves.

Take heart that I will be very nearby to you when you come over.  So if you're struggling or worried about getting in Steve's hair or whatever -- really you are welcome here anytime and I'm just a quick phone call away.  Or you can come into Leeds & meet me for lunch or just whatever suits you.

My British boy and I have been in a LDR for a 3-4 months now. The distance has been surprisingly bearable - partly because we're very good about doing little special things for each other: short videos, pictures, little emailed treats, etc. Partly because we talk online, text and call each other daily as well and we see each other once ever 4-5 weeks.  But I think it's also because we're both very independent and haven't been putting pressure on each other or acting needy. We both realize our relationship is still very young and while I am planning to move to the UK, we won't be making any plans to live together. We're simply easing into what is obvious an enormous change in our lives. We want to do this right.

LOL. I'm sorry if I sound terribly unromantic - truth is, this boy is the love of my life. But the best thing I can do for us is to move things along gradually and keep a cool head when there are setbacks or bouts of longing.

Alex

For me..like carolyn..my sadness has been after  being here..  like she said...crazy, wonderful, scary, sad.. and yes.. seeing family  helps...but after... it hurts more..like  pulling off a band aid..but a  zillion times  worse..    before  I left to come here..  I always knew  it  was  a  definite thing..so i knew  my sadness  of being without my guy was  finite..(and believe  me  being MARRIED  for a month and still being apart  was  no  walk in the park)     so  it was getting used  to the idea  of not having my  "life'  ..leaving it  all behind.. ..my security that was and has  been difficult  to deal with.. ..    like  my sister  mentioned to me.. it is  stressful  enough  being married..let alone  the stress of  changing homes, countries, job, cultures.. (although DH  didn't 'understand" that.. 'different culture'.. since  we  speak the same language..  ..) ..
 I have been really blessed  to have you  all to bounce off of..  thanks..

bounce away!  I'm right there with you.