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Topic: My husband never figured out living in the US  (Read 2262 times)

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My husband never figured out living in the US
« on: March 20, 2019, 10:53:45 PM »
While I’m sitting here worrying about getting it together to leave, wondering what it might be like for our children to uproot their lives and move them overseas, I’m contemplating my husband’s plight. He’s been here in the US 13.5 years. He’s never adjusted. Life in the US is too busy and loud and FAST PACED for him and I don’t think he’ll ever adjust. I think it’s cruel to keep him here. I wasn’t sure where to put this, but this section is about the distance so I figured it might be right.
Anyone out there move after years of marriage and living together in the US?
I think I might be better equipped to adjust to life in the UK than he ever was to adjust to things here. 13.5 years. Poor guy.
4 December 2005--Met in ATL, Moved in together in May
July 2006--First visit to the UK, met his Mum
Feb 2007--Eloped and told everyone we were engaged ;)
May 2007--Wedding, Part 1 in Pine Mountain, GA; June-Sept '07--Honeymoon!; then Sept 2007--Wedding, Part 2 in Scarborough, UK
Nov ‘08–1st Child
May ‘10–2nd Child
May 2011--Moved back to GA
June 2013--Decided to move to the UK!
July 2013-Jan 2016–family tragedies. Delayed move
April ‘15–3rd Child
2019...planning again
September 2021–applying for visa!
Goal: Get Eldest in UK school by year 10!


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Re: My husband never figured out living in the US
« Reply #1 on: March 23, 2019, 10:30:59 AM »
There are places in the USA that are VERY slow-paced. Rather than pulling your kids (not sure of their ages, which will matter hugely) out of everything they know and throwing THEM into an alien culture, have you considered sourcing out a more amenable place in the States? It is a very, very large country, with a very wildly diverse set of living environments and local subcultures.

I understand about the "fast" thing, though. I lived on the West Coast for a few decades, then retired over here. After two years here, I went home for a visit recently and the "hurried, noisy, smoggy, blingy" thing hit me right in the face. (I don't like it at all and am wondering how I managed to live there!)

Just a thought. ;)


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Re: My husband never figured out living in the US
« Reply #2 on: March 23, 2019, 02:17:48 PM »
We live on 2 acres in an outer suburb of Atlanta. I don’t see how we could get much slower paced than that for the US. And he’s still struggling. Sure there are places which are slower paced than others, but I mean the culture as a whole. It’s a feeling more than an actual thing you see. It’s the busy busy busy work ethic people here have which my husband and my children just don’t possess. They’d all be better off.
And as far as uprooting my children, it’s their culture too. They deserve to get to live there. And the educational opportunities will be exponentially better there. No one can afford to send their kids to college here. Even the upper middle class are struggling (most of my friends are in that group). I don’t see how we are going to pay for 3. At least there they have better options at more reasonable prices.
4 December 2005--Met in ATL, Moved in together in May
July 2006--First visit to the UK, met his Mum
Feb 2007--Eloped and told everyone we were engaged ;)
May 2007--Wedding, Part 1 in Pine Mountain, GA; June-Sept '07--Honeymoon!; then Sept 2007--Wedding, Part 2 in Scarborough, UK
Nov ‘08–1st Child
May ‘10–2nd Child
May 2011--Moved back to GA
June 2013--Decided to move to the UK!
July 2013-Jan 2016–family tragedies. Delayed move
April ‘15–3rd Child
2019...planning again
September 2021–applying for visa!
Goal: Get Eldest in UK school by year 10!


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Re: My husband never figured out living in the US
« Reply #3 on: March 23, 2019, 02:52:53 PM »
I’m curious to know if he misses anything about the UK as all we hear about on this site are what people miss about the US!!
My home for 18 years since June 2002. Became a citizen 2006


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Re: My husband never figured out living in the US
« Reply #4 on: March 23, 2019, 07:04:13 PM »
I’m curious to know if he misses anything about the UK as all we hear about on this site are what people miss about the US!!

Lots of things. I think it’s mostly people though. Not just people he knows, but people like him who are very few on the ground over here. He wanted to come here, he came to find a new life. But he’s never made any friends in all this time.
4 December 2005--Met in ATL, Moved in together in May
July 2006--First visit to the UK, met his Mum
Feb 2007--Eloped and told everyone we were engaged ;)
May 2007--Wedding, Part 1 in Pine Mountain, GA; June-Sept '07--Honeymoon!; then Sept 2007--Wedding, Part 2 in Scarborough, UK
Nov ‘08–1st Child
May ‘10–2nd Child
May 2011--Moved back to GA
June 2013--Decided to move to the UK!
July 2013-Jan 2016–family tragedies. Delayed move
April ‘15–3rd Child
2019...planning again
September 2021–applying for visa!
Goal: Get Eldest in UK school by year 10!


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Re: My husband never figured out living in the US
« Reply #5 on: March 23, 2019, 08:29:53 PM »
We live on 2 acres in an outer suburb of Atlanta. I don’t see how we could get much slower paced than that for the US. And he’s still struggling. Sure there are places which are slower paced than others, but I mean the culture as a whole. It’s a feeling more than an actual thing you see. It’s the busy busy busy work ethic people here have which my husband and my children just don’t possess. They’d all be better off.
And as far as uprooting my children, it’s their culture too. They deserve to get to live there. And the educational opportunities will be exponentially better there. No one can afford to send their kids to college here. Even the upper middle class are struggling (most of my friends are in that group). I don’t see how we are going to pay for 3. At least there they have better options at more reasonable prices.

Interesting. I would think Atlanta would be slow. Idaho would be hella slower than Atlanta. ;)    But the work ethic is still there. I'm afraid if you find a place that doesn't have a decent work ethic, you'll not be terribly happy either.

Yes, your kids are technically of UK heritage. But if they have lived their lives (depending on the length of those lives) in the USA, the UK is going to be an alien place to them.  It's always easier for adults to make a jump like that. Without the right support network, it can be dowright cruel to children of a certain age to bounce them from one culture to the other. Consider carefully if the move would be good for them, or is it being done for you or your husband. If it's a win-win, then full speed ahead. Your husband is a grown man. Unless he's making lots of noises about wanting to go home, is it really a good idea to assume that's what he wants? It sure would be a shame if you uprooted everyone, moved back to the UK, and he was still not a happy camper.

You might want to post some inquiries asking for information on this board about primary education (prior to university)in the UK, and ask people if they think their kids were getting a better education in the States or in the UK.  My general impression is that  kids (unless sent to private schools here) are generally getting a better education in the USA than they do in the UK, but that's third-hand information.  It would vary, of course, on your local public school system.  I went to a very good public school system in the USA. My daughter went to one that was basically babysitting her, and the level of the other kids in her classes was at least a couple of years below where she had gotten through just reading on her own. It does vary wildly, and I've no clue about the Atlanta area, so you'll want to get as much input from people on the ground here as you can to help you make your decisions.

But as example of the difference between UK and USA pre-university:  my daughter was enrolled in a university ed abroad undergraduate program over here. She was in classes with junior level students from various places. There was an English girl in one of her classes who had never written an essay and had no clue how to write a research paper. I was floored, as in the States, these skills are normally taught in junior high school and this young woman only had a year and a half of university remaining. I have absolutely no idea if that is something that is generally the case in English schools, or not. I did mention it on this forum and seem to remember someone telling me that it was because the student had probably never had a class that required it - they get tracked into narrow subjects, rather than getting a generally broad education. And the depth of material covered in those classes may not be as great as in a US AP class. There are teachers and ex-teachers on this forum. You can access a whole wealth of information from them by asking.

Pardon me if I go long-winded here, but it's my pet subject:

The Daughter did mention that her uni courses here were much easier than her courses at her home university in the States and that a lot of time "leveling" the students (bringing them up to a basic level of knowledge) went on - the kind of level one would normally expect a student to have already mastered just to get into Uni in the States. Her Master's program was nowhere near as rigorous it would have been in the States, as well. (Unfortunately.)  These were her experiences at one school here, so how widespread that is ???

As to the cost of university. It's not free in England. The fees are minimal in Scotland. (I am not sure about NI or Wales.) So be ready for that. Nor is it set up like the USA, where at a lot of universities if you can pay you can get in. It's competetive and they use a very unique system of placing kids at institutions. If your kids are already in high school, they may possibly have trouble getting placed into a University here. You'll want to do your homework up front. https://www.thecompleteuniversityguide.co.uk/international/studying-in-the-uk/applying-to-a-british-university/

My daughter has a BA degree from a major research institution in the USA. She not only paid nothing to get it, she was given financial aid to help her with her expenses. TIP: Community College. For the most part, at a decent community college students can take precisely the same course material as they do at a four-year school for the first two years, and usually for a fraction of the cost. Also, as opposed to, say, a major research university, the teaching staff at community colleges are hired to do only one thing - teach. At the high-powered research universities, an undergraduate is somewhat akin to a weevil - tolerated because they must be, but not the focus of the academic staff's energies (which are research and grooming grad students to become academics). Junior may be thrilled that a world-renowned physisist is on the teaching staff, but they'll be lucky to ever see them in the hallway, nevermind have a class with them as an undergrad. The Prof's grad students will be teaching Junior, in all probabilities.  ;)    But take all the general electives and required lower-division clases at a community college (and do well in them to boost your GPA into scholarships range).  Then transfer to a four-year school to finish up.  Not all four year Universities accept transfer students. Not all community colleges offer all the courses available at a four-year university. But pretty much History 101 is the same everywhere, as are Psych 101, English 101, Algebra 101, etc.  It takes some research, but it's worth doing the legwork. Unless you're wealthy and don't need to.  ;)

ANOTHER TIP - an extended gap year. Unless your kids know what they are going to University for, have them enter the job market for a few years to "find" themselves.  Try different careers on in apprentiships, etc.  I worked in academic advising at a major research university for years, and still cringe at the memory of the conversations I had with tearful kids who had jumped through outrageous hoops to get there and into a program straight out of high school because they had always been told that's what they needed to do. They/their parents went heavily into debt to pay for it, and then three years in to a four year degree realized they didn't like what they were studying and either saw no reason to continue or wanted to switch to an entirely different major.  (Sometimes you can do that, sometimes you cannot. There are limits on the number of courses you can take at some universities, due to the crush of students waiting for a seat behind you.)  I had more than one suicidal student in my office for just that reason. It was so terribly sad!

It was especially painful to listen to the ones who said they had to finish the degree, because they had to pay back the student loans whether they finished or not, and were hoping that at least having ~some~ degree to put on their CVs was better than not having one. The Daughter has friends who went to some very good universities and are working, a few years after, at Starbucks (not management), in retail, and as secretaries. Their undergraduate  history, psychology, business, etc., degrees were barely worth the cost of the ink on the diploma, in the job market.  The one who joined the Navy had the Navy pay for all her education, up through her MD, and now only has to work for another decade or so for the Navy and can then retire  on a military pension with time to have a second career, and no student loan debt whatsoever. Smart girl, that one!   Anyway, knowing what one might want to do as a career (by having worked in or around the field) is a real advantage for a prospective uni student. Graduating with a degree AND a resume is much better then just holding a newly-minted diploma and having never had a "real" job. Unless you have connections.

SUB-TIP: Once they hit 25 a student is almost always considered "independent" and will qualify for financial aid (including Pell grants) on their income, rather than their parents' income. Also, the financial aid process looks at how many kids in a family are in Uni at the same time, so if you are dealing with  more than one at once there are usually some breaks built into the system to help out.

Yes, I know all that about "broading your world view" etc, that gets sold by the education industry as the purpose of university. That's great - if you're seriously upper-class and/or independently wealthy.  ;)  Taking the courses a student would actually need to be sucessful in a career, or getting the qualifications that will let them go on for further education in that field are probably what they'd really be best taking, as a uni student these days. Unless they're being sent off on mommy/daddy's dime to become "enlightened."  ;) ;)

Long way around to say, don't let the "cost of education" in the USA spook you into moving here. There are ways around that. It also may be that the best place for your kids will end up being a USA University, which will be difficult to manage as "foreign" student tuition is just a killer.

Good luck with it all!


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Re: My husband never figured out living in the US
« Reply #6 on: March 23, 2019, 09:38:14 PM »
Interesting. I would think Atlanta would be slow. Idaho would be hella slower than Atlanta. ;)    But the work ethic is still there. I'm afraid if you find a place that doesn't have a decent work ethic, you'll not be terribly happy either.

Yes, your kids are technically of UK heritage. But if they have lived their lives (depending on the length of those lives) in the USA, the UK is going to be an alien place to them.  It's always easier for adults to make a jump like that. Without the right support network, it can be dowright cruel to children of a certain age to bounce them from one culture to the other. Consider carefully if the move would be good for them, or is it being done for you or your husband. If it's a win-win, then full speed ahead. Your husband is a grown man. Unless he's making lots of noises about wanting to go home, is it really a good idea to assume that's what he wants? It sure would be a shame if you uprooted everyone, moved back to the UK, and he was still not a happy camper.

You might want to post some inquiries asking for information on this board about primary education (prior to university)in the UK, and ask people if they think their kids were getting a better education in the States or in the UK.  My general impression is that  kids (unless sent to private schools here) are generally getting a better education in the USA than they do in the UK, but that's third-hand information.  It would vary, of course, on your local public school system.  I went to a very good public school system in the USA. My daughter went to one that was basically babysitting her, and the level of the other kids in her classes was at least a couple of years below where she had gotten through just reading on her own. It does vary wildly, and I've no clue about the Atlanta area, so you'll want to get as much input from people on the ground here as you can to help you make your decisions.

But as example of the difference between UK and USA pre-university:  my daughter was enrolled in a university ed abroad undergraduate program over here. She was in classes with junior level students from various places. There was an English girl in one of her classes who had never written an essay and had no clue how to write a research paper. I was floored, as in the States, these skills are normally taught in junior high school and this young woman only had a year and a half of university remaining. I have absolutely no idea if that is something that is generally the case in English schools, or not. I did mention it on this forum and seem to remember someone telling me that it was because the student had probably never had a class that required it - they get tracked into narrow subjects, rather than getting a generally broad education. And the depth of material covered in those classes may not be as great as in a US AP class. There are teachers and ex-teachers on this forum. You can access a whole wealth of information from them by asking.

Pardon me if I go long-winded here, but it's my pet subject:

The Daughter did mention that her uni courses here were much easier than her courses at her home university in the States and that a lot of time "leveling" the students (bringing them up to a basic level of knowledge) went on - the kind of level one would normally expect a student to have already mastered just to get into Uni in the States. Her Master's program was nowhere near as rigorous it would have been in the States, as well. (Unfortunately.)  These were her experiences at one school here, so how widespread that is ???

As to the cost of university. It's not free in England. The fees are minimal in Scotland. (I am not sure about NI or Wales.) So be ready for that. Nor is it set up like the USA, where at a lot of universities if you can pay you can get in. It's competetive and they use a very unique system of placing kids at institutions. If your kids are already in high school, they may possibly have trouble getting placed into a University here. You'll want to do your homework up front. https://www.thecompleteuniversityguide.co.uk/international/studying-in-the-uk/applying-to-a-british-university/

My daughter has a BA degree from a major research institution in the USA. She not only paid nothing to get it, she was given financial aid to help her with her expenses. TIP: Community College. For the most part, at a decent community college students can take precisely the same course material as they do at a four-year school for the first two years, and usually for a fraction of the cost. Also, as opposed to, say, a major research university, the teaching staff at community colleges are hired to do only one thing - teach. At the high-powered research universities, an undergraduate is somewhat akin to a weevil - tolerated because they must be, but not the focus of the academic staff's energies (which are research and grooming grad students to become academics). Junior may be thrilled that a world-renowned physisist is on the teaching staff, but they'll be lucky to ever see them in the hallway, nevermind have a class with them as an undergrad. The Prof's grad students will be teaching Junior, in all probabilities.  ;)    But take all the general electives and required lower-division clases at a community college (and do well in them to boost your GPA into scholarships range).  Then transfer to a four-year school to finish up.  Not all four year Universities accept transfer students. Not all community colleges offer all the courses available at a four-year university. But pretty much History 101 is the same everywhere, as are Psych 101, English 101, Algebra 101, etc.  It takes some research, but it's worth doing the legwork. Unless you're wealthy and don't need to.  ;)

ANOTHER TIP - an extended gap year. Unless your kids know what they are going to University for, have them enter the job market for a few years to "find" themselves.  Try different careers on in apprentiships, etc.  I worked in academic advising at a major research university for years, and still cringe at the memory of the conversations I had with tearful kids who had jumped through outrageous hoops to get there and into a program straight out of high school because they had always been told that's what they needed to do. They/their parents went heavily into debt to pay for it, and then three years in to a four year degree realized they didn't like what they were studying and either saw no reason to continue or wanted to switch to an entirely different major.  (Sometimes you can do that, sometimes you cannot. There are limits on the number of courses you can take at some universities, due to the crush of students waiting for a seat behind you.)  I had more than one suicidal student in my office for just that reason. It was so terribly sad!

It was especially painful to listen to the ones who said they had to finish the degree, because they had to pay back the student loans whether they finished or not, and were hoping that at least having ~some~ degree to put on their CVs was better than not having one. The Daughter has friends who went to some very good universities and are working, a few years after, at Starbucks (not management), in retail, and as secretaries. Their undergraduate  history, psychology, business, etc., degrees were barely worth the cost of the ink on the diploma, in the job market.  The one who joined the Navy had the Navy pay for all her education, up through her MD, and now only has to work for another decade or so for the Navy and can then retire  on a military pension with time to have a second career, and no student loan debt whatsoever. Smart girl, that one!   Anyway, knowing what one might want to do as a career (by having worked in or around the field) is a real advantage for a prospective uni student. Graduating with a degree AND a resume is much better then just holding a newly-minted diploma and having never had a "real" job. Unless you have connections.

SUB-TIP: Once they hit 25 a student is almost always considered "independent" and will qualify for financial aid (including Pell grants) on their income, rather than their parents' income. Also, the financial aid process looks at how many kids in a family are in Uni at the same time, so if you are dealing with  more than one at once there are usually some breaks built into the system to help out.

Yes, I know all that about "broading your world view" etc, that gets sold by the education industry as the purpose of university. That's great - if you're seriously upper-class and/or independently wealthy.  ;)  Taking the courses a student would actually need to be sucessful in a career, or getting the qualifications that will let them go on for further education in that field are probably what they'd really be best taking, as a uni student these days. Unless they're being sent off on mommy/daddy's dime to become "enlightened."  ;) ;)

Long way around to say, don't let the "cost of education" in the USA spook you into moving here. There are ways around that. It also may be that the best place for your kids will end up being a USA University, which will be difficult to manage as "foreign" student tuition is just a killer.

Good luck with it all!
All great feedback and insight Nan.

Here is another tip.. some high schools offer college classes so students can graduate from high school with an Associate's at the same time. These are usually offered at no additional cost to the students.  And some area community colleges are free to local graduating students. (The one in Jefferson County, Ohio was. And I've seen the same offers from several other colleges around the country. )

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Re: My husband never figured out living in the US
« Reply #7 on: March 23, 2019, 10:07:36 PM »
Thanks guys for all the insights. Having both gone to University in the US and my husband having done his undergrad in the UK, we have a very good idea about both systems.

For the record, my oldest is 10 (and the others will soon be 9 and 4), so it’s a bit of a way off and frankly I’m not sure what the situation will be when they get off to University. And along those lines of age, my children have been raised pretty steeped in British Culture as much as possible (see: husband never adjusted) and my MIL comes regularly and videos them twice a week, along with my niece and nephews. So I’m not sure it would be as much of a culture shock as you might suppose.
The husband and two younger girls have reddish hair and extremely pale skin and are super mal-adapted to the climate here. To the point where none of them will actually go outside in the summer.
That alone is almost reason enough.
I have thought about all the university stuff a lot, but there’s no reason we can’t come back, or THEY can’t come back and live with my parents for the last two years of HS if they want to have an in for American universities.
I appreciate the tips about schooling, and I want to look into it. Schools aren’t great in Georgia on the whole but we happened to find an affordable house in an affluent area with excellent schools, so I think I am a bit spoiled.

Anyway. School is just a tiny blip in my reasons for wanting to move. I should have been more clear. We live in a very POTUS supporting community and we are far left liberals. We can’t stay in this exact location long term. We don’t have very many friends (although we do have some in the metro area, they live far away in areas which are safer for PoC.  I don’t have to worry as much because I’m mixed and passing white married to the whitest person who ever lived). I want my kids to have access to other cultures, for our travels to be to places where they don’t speak the same language. I want to show them the world in a way which is becoming increasingly more difficult in the US.
I know the grass is always greener etc. But I feel more relaxed there, even though travel stresses me out. I won’t go if it will hurt them, but if they are game and we can swing it, I’d rather be there.
4 December 2005--Met in ATL, Moved in together in May
July 2006--First visit to the UK, met his Mum
Feb 2007--Eloped and told everyone we were engaged ;)
May 2007--Wedding, Part 1 in Pine Mountain, GA; June-Sept '07--Honeymoon!; then Sept 2007--Wedding, Part 2 in Scarborough, UK
Nov ‘08–1st Child
May ‘10–2nd Child
May 2011--Moved back to GA
June 2013--Decided to move to the UK!
July 2013-Jan 2016–family tragedies. Delayed move
April ‘15–3rd Child
2019...planning again
September 2021–applying for visa!
Goal: Get Eldest in UK school by year 10!


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My husband never figured out living in the US
« Reply #8 on: March 23, 2019, 11:48:31 PM »
Don't forget that the reason Brexit passed was because they wanted to control immigration.  This is openly acknowledged by Brexiteers.  What is not acknowledged is that they really mean they want to control the number of brown people.  Much like casual racism is now OK to voice in Trump's America, xenophobia with light racism is now commonplace in the UK.  Unfortunately, slower pace of life means small village, and here small village means pro Brexit racism.

My frank opinion? The pace of life is probably the same here, if not faster.  Wages have stagnated for 10 years, people have to hussle to make a living. Your children will not go outside simply because they live in the UK, all kids these days are glued to their phones. And nobody has any friends any more, either in the UK or US.  There are posts every week with people complaining they have no friends. And university here is ridiculously expensive at 9k per year and the salaries are so low that people are in debt for years.  The grass is not greener, except for your point about the benefits of living near Europe.  Brexit is killing that.
« Last Edit: March 23, 2019, 11:51:04 PM by jimbocz »


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Re: My husband never figured out living in the US
« Reply #9 on: March 24, 2019, 02:23:41 AM »
Don't forget that the reason Brexit passed was because they wanted to control immigration.  This is openly acknowledged by Brexiteers.  What is not acknowledged is that they really mean they want to control the number of brown people.  Much like casual racism is now OK to voice in Trump's America, xenophobia with light racism is now commonplace in the UK.  Unfortunately, slower pace of life means small village, and here small village means pro Brexit racism.

My frank opinion? The pace of life is probably the same here, if not faster.  Wages have stagnated for 10 years, people have to hussle to make a living. Your children will not go outside simply because they live in the UK, all kids these days are glued to their phones. And nobody has any friends any more, either in the UK or US.  There are posts every week with people complaining they have no friends. And university here is ridiculously expensive at 9k per year and the salaries are so low that people are in debt for years.  The grass is not greener, except for your point about the benefits of living near Europe.  Brexit is killing that.

But does any of this mean we shouldn’t go? I’m not so sure. Although he would take a pay cut, we have a house we can sell and easily buy another one with quite a large deposit. From where I’m standing, my racists have guns. And pickup trucks. And a reputation of stringing up (literally in this county as late as 1986) poc who found themselves here after dark. We also have friends and family there. Idk. There are certainly places in the US safer than GA but only CO is near any other family. There we have a huge network of people in a much easier to get to distance. We are looking at CO too. He’s applying for a job there. We might go there and stay. But I’m not willing to live hundreds of miles from any family. Not with little kids. My MIL is retired and will go wherever we live.
4 December 2005--Met in ATL, Moved in together in May
July 2006--First visit to the UK, met his Mum
Feb 2007--Eloped and told everyone we were engaged ;)
May 2007--Wedding, Part 1 in Pine Mountain, GA; June-Sept '07--Honeymoon!; then Sept 2007--Wedding, Part 2 in Scarborough, UK
Nov ‘08–1st Child
May ‘10–2nd Child
May 2011--Moved back to GA
June 2013--Decided to move to the UK!
July 2013-Jan 2016–family tragedies. Delayed move
April ‘15–3rd Child
2019...planning again
September 2021–applying for visa!
Goal: Get Eldest in UK school by year 10!


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Re: My husband never figured out living in the US
« Reply #10 on: March 24, 2019, 02:49:20 AM »
Wow,  everyone's really trying to talk you out of moving, I'm glad you're sticking to your guns. It sounds like you've given the matter a lot of serious thought and only you know what's best for yourself and your family. The simple fact is no place is perfect. No place is free of racism. One of the most openly racist and xenophobic places I ever lived was Japan. No place offers a perfect lifestyle or a life free from stress. Education always depends on where you live within the country. You just have to find the place that is best for you, where you feel most comfortable. For me, that place is the UK. Brexit, yes, austerity, yes, racism and xenophobia and pitifully low wages, yes, all those things are real and terrible but this is still my place. I wouldn't go back to the US if you paid me. It may be your place too, and yes it's a huge risk moving but sometimes you know what you need and you just have to give it a shot. Good luck to you.
On s'envolera du même quai
Les yeux dans les mêmes reflets,
Pour cette vie et celle d'après
Tu seras mon unique projet.

Je t'aimais, je t'aime, et je t'aimerai.

--Francis Cabrel


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Re: My husband never figured out living in the US
« Reply #11 on: March 24, 2019, 07:38:58 AM »
Wherever you live, you have to make it home.  It sounds as if you have supportive and loving family in the UK, which is a major factor in settling into a new country.

Children tend to be adaptable - more so than adults.  Your kids sound as if they already have a good grounding in all things British.

Yes, it can be a challenge - but what an adventure!

Whatever your decision, then you have to just focus on that.  Sitting on the fence simply gives you splinters in your behind.  Staying in the US requires focus and work.  Moving to the UK requires focus and work.

You are doing your homework but sometimes your heart tells you what you need to do.

I am glad to be here.  I don't fear Brexit. 




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Re: My husband never figured out living in the US
« Reply #12 on: March 24, 2019, 08:41:32 AM »
Sorry, I can't answer if any of that means you shouldn't go, that's up to you. I was just struck that many of the reasons you want to move may not necessarily be better here, especially pace of life.  Of course if friends are a big reason and you've already got friends here, then fair enough.



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Re: My husband never figured out living in the US
« Reply #13 on: March 24, 2019, 08:47:41 AM »
Blossom is wise, a move certainly will be an adventure and will undoubtedly have things about it that are great.

And Brexit is only about as bad as Trump, the news sucks but most things on the ground are still going to go on. You'll still be able to drive to both Ireland and Prague, it will just be more inconvenient.


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Re: My husband never figured out living in the US
« Reply #14 on: March 24, 2019, 12:18:57 PM »
But does any of this mean we shouldn’t go? I’m not so sure. Although he would take a pay cut, we have a house we can sell and easily buy another one with quite a large deposit. From where I’m standing, my racists have guns. And pickup trucks. And a reputation of stringing up (literally in this county as late as 1986) poc who found themselves here after dark. We also have friends and family there. Idk. There are certainly places in the US safer than GA but only CO is near any other family. There we have a huge network of people in a much easier to get to distance. We are looking at CO too. He’s applying for a job there. We might go there and stay. But I’m not willing to live hundreds of miles from any family. Not with little kids. My MIL is retired and will go wherever we live.

Yeah, hear ya about the guns. And "that man."  And the Sun. (We have the red hair and translucent white skin problem, too. And heat intolerance.) And Bubba.

If  I might suggest - don't plan to buy right away, if you come over. Rent for a few years. That will give you a feel for the area and how well things are going. If you jump over and buy right away, you'll have that house around your neck like a millstone if you decide you've made an error in judgement, or find another area of this country that would be better for you. If Brexit goes badly, or there's another serious recession on the horizon (globally, which is what I'm starting to see warnings for in various reputable publications) you may not be able to sell it for what you paid for it. So my advice would be to leave yourself as many "outs" as you can, if you do make the jump over.

It sounds like your kids are young enough to not hit puberty in the middle of the move, so you have that going in your favor. But don't think that just because you've "immersed" them in things British that you've given them the day-to-day experiences a child living here (with their British peers) has had. It's going to be a jolt for them, when they have to figure out how to fit into the pecking order. There may be significant pecking involved, as well.  ::)  As long as you have the means to counteract that, most kids are pretty resiliant.

It's a tough decision to make - I don't envy you. I just hope it's not "out of the frying pan and into the fire." You'll know what's best for your situation, when it's time. And if it doesn't work out, you can always go back to the USA again. Pre-Brexit your family could have also gone on to Europe if things didn't work out here, but that door is closing now unless your hubby or you got a work permit in an EU country. But that doesn't mean you don't have at least the two options. (Three, actually, as your UK husband could bring the family to Ireland as well. Where taxes are high but family life is respected.)
« Last Edit: March 24, 2019, 12:27:03 PM by Nan D. »


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