Family Loss

My uncle passed away from ALS last night and its such a massive personal loss for me. Since moving to the UK, I've lost touch with most of my family. I make the effort with them, it's just not reciprocated back so I stopped trying a few years ago. My Uncle always made the effort though. He was there for me in good times, and when things were rough, to listen and offer advice. Communication was such a big part of his being that when ALS took his ability to speak away from him, I knew it wouldn't be long until he let go completely. I hate that I couldn't help. I hate that he didn't get to enjoy retirement with my Aunt and travel like they wanted to. I hate that I keep randomly bursting into tears because I didn't get a chance to say goodbye.

I've lost so many people in my life and it never gets any easier.

I am so sorry, Explorer.  I wish I could say something that would magically take your pain away.  to focus on the good memories, but allow yourself to cry when you need to.

Explorer, it never gets easier.  But please know that people understand and care.  Tears are healing.

So sorry.  x

Big hugs!  I know he meant so much to you.  Will you brave a flight for the service?

I am so sorry, Explorer.  I wish I could say something that would magically take your pain away.  to focus on the good memories, but allow yourself to cry when you need to.

Thank you for your kind words. I have a habit of holding it in and then crying at completely inappropriate moments! 

Explorer, it never gets easier.  But please know that people understand and care.  Tears are healing.

So sorry.  x

Thank you for your message. It's really nice of you to take the time to reply. I'm trying to allow space for grieving rather than bottling it up inside.

Big hugs!  I know he meant so much to you.  Will you brave a flight for the service?

Thanks for the message!  I can't vent my frustrations properly on facebook so I came over to UK Yankee.

No, I've decided to donate money to ALS instead. He's being cremated and then they're having a small memorial service. I generally try to avoid funerals as it's a bit overwhelming for me. 

Thanks for the message!  I can't vent my frustrations properly on facebook so I came over to UK Yankee.

No, I've decided to donate money to ALS instead. He's being cremated and then they're having a small memorial service. I generally try to avoid funerals as it's a bit overwhelming for me. 

I get it.  May be worth having someone Skype or Facetime the service though.  They can be wonderful for remembering the good times.  Big hugs!

We all have to grieve in our own way. 

One of my sisters was born on the 17th March, St Patrick's Day.  She died quite a while ago but this year would have been a special birthday for her.  One of my other sisters (I have 6) bought a plant for the garden for her.  It was something she could do that would mean she remembered.

Another sister died from breast cancer.  I had the opportunity to buy some pink pearl earrings, part of the proceeds going to Breast Cancer research.  I feel as if she bought them for me.

One of my sisters, along with my brother in law, died in tragic circumstances in January and I focused on a couple of things I could do in their memory.

I think the purpose of funerals is to give us a focal point so that we allow ourselves to remember and to grieve.  It helps us to heal.  Maybe you could pick a day and just focus on him and do whatever - for yourself.  To allow yourself that time so that you can start to heal.  And there is no rush.  Be gentle with  yourself.

I am so sorry for your loss.
I understand loss and I am sure most of us can understand how the geographical distance can put a strain on relationships.

My younger sister passed away from injuries sustained in a car accident a few years ago. Then our brother followed her 9 months later.
As they were both cremated by the time I got back to the US for their funerals, I don't think I fully accepted that they had passed away.

You may experience something similar. It is an odd sort of limbo, where you don't quite get closure.
For me, it took years. Not until I saw their headstones in person.

I also saw a wonderful therapist at Cruse Bereavement Care.
If you find yourself still struggling, it might be worth reaching out to them at https://www.cruse.org.uk

I wish you all the best.

Side note: my surviving sister and I communicate using the app Marco Polo. You record a video message and the other party (parties) can view and reply at their leisure. We have found it is the best solution to the time difference. We can still see each other and gab.
Maybe give that a try for communicating with any family members back home.