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Topic: Family Loss  (Read 201 times)

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Family Loss
« on: April 01, 2019, 12:26:20 PM »
My uncle passed away from ALS last night and its such a massive personal loss for me. Since moving to the UK, I've lost touch with most of my family. I make the effort with them, it's just not reciprocated back so I stopped trying a few years ago. My Uncle always made the effort though. He was there for me in good times, and when things were rough, to listen and offer advice. Communication was such a big part of his being that when ALS took his ability to speak away from him, I knew it wouldn't be long until he let go completely. I hate that I couldn't help. I hate that he didn't get to enjoy retirement with my Aunt and travel like they wanted to. I hate that I keep randomly bursting into tears because I didn't get a chance to say goodbye.

I've lost so many people in my life and it never gets any easier.


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Re: Family Loss
« Reply #1 on: April 01, 2019, 12:46:11 PM »
I am so sorry, Explorer.  I wish I could say something that would magically take your pain away.  to focus on the good memories, but allow yourself to cry when you need to.
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Re: Family Loss
« Reply #2 on: April 01, 2019, 01:13:48 PM »
Explorer, it never gets easier.  But please know that people understand and care.  Tears are healing.

So sorry.  x


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Re: Family Loss
« Reply #3 on: April 01, 2019, 01:29:43 PM »
Big hugs!  I know he meant so much to you.  Will you brave a flight for the service?


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Re: Family Loss
« Reply #4 on: April 01, 2019, 02:56:32 PM »
I am so sorry, Explorer.  I wish I could say something that would magically take your pain away.  to focus on the good memories, but allow yourself to cry when you need to.

Thank you for your kind words. I have a habit of holding it in and then crying at completely inappropriate moments!  :-[


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Re: Family Loss
« Reply #5 on: April 01, 2019, 02:58:17 PM »
Explorer, it never gets easier.  But please know that people understand and care.  Tears are healing.

So sorry.  x

Thank you for your message. It's really nice of you to take the time to reply. I'm trying to allow space for grieving rather than bottling it up inside.


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Re: Family Loss
« Reply #6 on: April 01, 2019, 03:04:02 PM »
Big hugs!  I know he meant so much to you.  Will you brave a flight for the service?


Thanks for the message!  I can't vent my frustrations properly on facebook so I came over to UK Yankee.

No, I've decided to donate money to ALS instead. He's being cremated and then they're having a small memorial service. I generally try to avoid funerals as it's a bit overwhelming for me.  :-\\\\


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Re: Family Loss
« Reply #7 on: April 01, 2019, 03:55:46 PM »

Thanks for the message!  I can't vent my frustrations properly on facebook so I came over to UK Yankee.

No, I've decided to donate money to ALS instead. He's being cremated and then they're having a small memorial service. I generally try to avoid funerals as it's a bit overwhelming for me.  :-\\\\

I get it.  May be worth having someone Skype or Facetime the service though.  They can be wonderful for remembering the good times.  Big hugs!


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Re: Family Loss
« Reply #8 on: April 01, 2019, 03:59:24 PM »
We all have to grieve in our own way. 

One of my sisters was born on the 17th March, St Patrick's Day.  She died quite a while ago but this year would have been a special birthday for her.  One of my other sisters (I have 6) bought a plant for the garden for her.  It was something she could do that would mean she remembered.

Another sister died from breast cancer.  I had the opportunity to buy some pink pearl earrings, part of the proceeds going to Breast Cancer research.  I feel as if she bought them for me.

One of my sisters, along with my brother in law, died in tragic circumstances in January and I focused on a couple of things I could do in their memory.

I think the purpose of funerals is to give us a focal point so that we allow ourselves to remember and to grieve.  It helps us to heal.  Maybe you could pick a day and just focus on him and do whatever - for yourself.  To allow yourself that time so that you can start to heal.  And there is no rush.  Be gentle with  yourself.


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