Depressingly, except for the "hard sell" law office, none of the three others I've emailed have responded in a week. If I don't hear from them in another week I guess I'll try to phone.
Edit: The EU is taking this up for us. Under EU law, the Daughter, as my family member, had to be dependent on me
prior to her arrival in the UK to come in on a Family Permit and get a FM Residence card, which she did. She is now supposed to be able to work or take up education on the same basis as a national of Scotland, per EU law.
The legal advice we've gotten from the UK government-funded EU help service says that to be granted "settled" status in 3 more years she would have had to have remained my dependent that entire time - the full five years. The EU says that this is in violation of EU law, and as Daughter is covered as an EU family member they are referring it on to their SOLVIT agency, who will contact the pertinent UK entities and get it sorted out. Supposedly it will take 10 weeks.
At least we'll have a solid answer as to what she can/can't do at that point. From the ultimate authority, no more picking lawyers' brains.
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The EU also said that, yes, we can go to another EU country, since the Daughter is still my dependent. Same drill - have to prove she's dependent to get permission to enter, and once there she can do as any other EU citizen as far as working/school/starting a business, etc.