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Topic: Before you move-consider this  (Read 443 times)

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Before you move-consider this
« on: August 21, 2019, 08:29:16 PM »
If you are a newer couple planning on starting a family within the next few years then seriously consider where your support will be greater emotionally and physically. I moved to the US to live with my husband 6 years ago and had a child last year, his mother passed, his sister moved away and now his dad travels all the time so we have noone to help and due to the expensiveness of living in California we have to work opposite shifts and never see each other. Raising a child although I dont at all regret having him has been the most lonely,challenging and stressful event of my life and so we are going to move to the uk to be around my family. Had I really thought about where my support would lie I would never have moved here but I was young and carefree and thought California would be the most fun. Just really look into who will come over and hold your baby so you can shower or watch baby so you can go on a date night to try and keep a strong relationship with your partner, who is going to enjoy watching your babies grow with you etc.


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Re: Before you move-consider this
« Reply #1 on: August 21, 2019, 10:22:04 PM »
It's hard, isn't it?  I was a single mom in SoCal and had no family support. Fortunately I had a few good friends. Still, when the baby is little you get to take your showers when the baby sleeps. You don't get date night. Childcare is hellishly expensive so you may not be able to work outside the home.   I don't envy you having to juggle all that, even with having a partner who can take the hand-off of the baby so you can go out to work.   Try to remember that these days will pass (surprisingly quickly) and it will become easier.

But definitely, if you are going to need the support of people outside your immediate home, stay near family!


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Re: Before you move-consider this
« Reply #2 on: August 22, 2019, 03:54:22 AM »
It's hard, isn't it?  I was a single mom in SoCal and had no family support. Fortunately I had a few good friends. Still, when the baby is little you get to take your showers when the baby sleeps. You don't get date night. Childcare is hellishly expensive so you may not be able to work outside the home.   I don't envy you having to juggle all that, even with having a partner who can take the hand-off of the baby so you can go out to work.   Try to remember that these days will pass (surprisingly quickly) and it will become easier.

But definitely, if you are going to need the support of people outside your immediate home, stay near family!

My guy was really colicky and miserable the first couple months so would only sleep if held, I legit could never put him down ever lol it was torture, hes a cool little dude now at nearly a year old but it's still so hard without having anyone here to enjoy him with


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Re: Before you move-consider this
« Reply #3 on: August 22, 2019, 12:45:56 PM »
Girl, I get you.  Only I'm opposite.

Granted, I moved to the UK for work, not love.  I had no idea I'd end up married with kids at the time of my move.  Everyone on this forum  knows my inlaws are not "those" grandparents.  We go months and months without seeing them.  But fortunately we've found a fantastic babysitter that's very local. 

My childcare bill is well over £2,000 a month.  And then a babysitter once a month or so (easily £100/month). 

Granted, I see friends who rely on grandparents for regular childcare and it seems like a nightmare.  So in many ways, I'd rather pay than deal with all that drama.  But I do wish my kids had interested grandparents and it would be awesome if at some point in their life they have a cousin that lives in the same country.  My brother and his family are in the USA and my BIL and his family are in Ireland.


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