Anxiety/Nervousness/Panic Attacks about Flying & Moving

Hey everyone! So I just received my decision email today for my visa.  That means I will be getting ready to travel..
I'm a nervous flyer. I am nervous about the plane going down as well as just having a panic attack in front of a bunch of strangers. So much so that my husband actually came to America for a week to be able to fly WITH me to England where I spent a week there. I flew back by myself on the way back and things went well but I still get nervous. I'm also going to be taking my cat in cargo with me. Any suggestions on how to deal with the anxiety of flying? 

My husband really wanted to fly here and be with me on the flight this time but we just cannot afford it.. I will be flying out of Denver, CO and using British Airways. I also have the choice of United but I am afraid of how United handles pets in cargo with all the horror stories out there. Any experiences with flying either United or British Airways? Or taking pets on either of those airlines?

I'm also very nervous about moving to a whole different country. I've never lived in another city let alone an entire new country. Did anyone else feel like this? I want to be with my husband and friends in England more than anything but I am just so afraid of the unknown. I also have this weird guilt of leaving my parents. I am an only child and we don't really have a big family at all.

Another big fear of mine is because I am also a bigger girl (around 300 lbs) and I am afraid that I will just be stereo-typed as a "fat American". Any bigger people out there who've lived there a while? Has it been OK? 

TL;DR 
Any advice/suggestions for flight anxiety?
Any advice/suggestions for nervousness of moving to a whole different country?
Any preference between United or British Airways? Cargo pet experiences on either one?
Any bigger/fluffy expats have good and/or bad experiences with Brits about your weight?

Thank you all so much in advanced for your responses and your time taken to read this and help me. Sometimes I feel very guilty because of how nervous I am about this all.. I feel like people expect me to be totally happy about all this but I am just so scared of certain things... I miss my husband so much; we have been apart for almost a year and our wedding anniversary is in November. I am spilling my guts here in hopes to find support and advice... You all are amazing.  

casino dog AKA Cori

Take a deep breath......breathe......

Everything is going to be good.  Your going to join your husband.

If your really that anxious about flying....maybe see if your doctor can prescribe a mild sedative for you to take for the flight to keep you calm.  You seem to be all nerves....relax, breathe...it’s all good....your going to join the man you love finally.  I’m now worried that you’ll be so stressed out on the flight and start talking about the plane going down and get yourself arrested.....it’s still the safest way to travel.....

As for worrying about people not accepting you....just be yourself.....that’s all you can do.  Yes, it will be a culture shock....but what a great adventure....just be open to new ideas and different ways of doing things.  I haven’t moved yet, I move in February to Scotland but I grew up with my family in Scotland and used to visit a couple of times a year while growing up.....but I have experience from moving from Canada to the U.S and switching countries...

As for the guilt of leaving your parents....you just have to learn to deal with it.  Hopefully they can come visit you and enjoy your new life (free place to stay  ) and you’ll be able to visit them.  Nowadays, with FaceTime....you can talk and see them everyday.....it’s part of life....you grow up and start your own life....just means they did something right and your ready to live on your own and not in their spare room.


I can still see my dads face at the airport and how sad he was when I moved to the states in 2002.....he was 81 years old at the time.....he passed away in 2014.....and every year I lived here I went home for his birthday and called every week....unfortunately you couldn’t teach an old dog a new trick and he never could figure out computers....and then when he reached the age of 89 he got vascular dementia......so we never did the FaceTime thing.  Funny, I’ve been thinking the last couple of weeks now that I’m getting closer to finally leaving here....I’ll be visiting Canada before I do my final move to Scotland and leaving from the same airport I left at when I moved to Hawaii...I’m sure I’ll see my dads face when I say my final goodbyes to everyone and go through security.....but this time he’ll be smiling because he knows I’m going home.  Although my dad immigrated to Canada in 1951...he was always SCOTTISH......    I’m bawling like a baby as I write this......   and he’ll be so happy for me knowing I’m going back to our family.

So just relax, breathe....be open to the adventure......don’t let the stress of it get to you.....because it is very stressful moving to a new country and having to start all over again....especially in the beginning when you feel like you don’t exist because of things like not be able to open a bank account, not having credit, not being able to drive....you’ll get it all sorted....just be honest with your husband and talk about things if your feeling stressed and not take it out on him....everything will fall into place......just be yourself......😘

It’s perfectly normal to feel anxious and excited! My best advice is take your time. Some people settle in quickly and others take a good long time. I felt very out of place as far as being isolated. I had a routine in the states (full time job, my own house, my own car, etc). Then I moved here and I had no job, our new house, his car (manual which I couldn’t drive because I didn’t know how lol). It took me a couple of months to feel less anxious about things. I started getting comfortable with going into our village alone, taking a bus to town, a new routine, learning to drive a manual and now after over a year...a job.

If you are moving near a larger metropolitan area, look around for Facebook expat groups in your area to get to know people. If you live in a tiny village like I do, start with the people at the post office and local shop. They don’t know my name but they know who I am (that nice American girl lol).

As far as the flying anxiety, talk to your doctor. If you don’t want to take prescription medication I can fully recommend going on YouTube for breathing techniques. Start now. I still get a little anxious flying but I’ve flown so much now it doesn’t bother me.

Just try to focus on being with your husband and friends and enjoy the journey 😊

My way of handling any sort of a situation which I'm considering getting into is to make sure I know how to get myself out of it again. 

If you have a loose plan in your head of what you would do in a worst case scenario (ie the UK does not work out for you) then I feel it will give you more confidence going into it in the first place and you will be better able to deal with the inevitable adjustment period you have ahead of you.

I flew my cats United and it went well.

Don't worry too much about the fat thing.  People living in the UK are undoubtedly the fattest in Europe so they don't have any reason to be making fun of anyone else.  Yes, the go to insult is Fat American, but anyone who says that undoubtedly has something about them that needs to be pointed out just as loudly.  And for a British person, having someone loudly point out their faults is one million times as mortifying as you being called fat. 

Being called names WILL happen, and so will lots of other stuff, but you'll get through it.

For the flying anxiety, there are a few things you can do. One - talk to your GP. There are short acting anxiety meds that can really take the edge off panic. Let me be clear, Do Not Drink while on them. But they help me a lot because being in confined spaces with people who might ignore the announcement about spraying scents and trigger anaphylaxis is pretty hard on me. Airlines may also have a sunflower lanyard you can wear to signify invisible disability, and this will usually lead to staff being more helpful and allowing things like pre boarding so you can get settled in your seat without having to stand in the crowd and more understanding if you have a meltdown. I would call the airport you're flying out of to see if they participate in it.

As for the adjustments to a new country, I've had a MUCH harder time than most. If I didn't need to work it would have gone much easier, but I value work and using my mind so giving up my career was a huge loss of identity on top of culture shock. Things do get better though. I can also say with confidence that I think once whatever is going to happen with Brexit happens, things will get better. (or at least different, because the country is very divided right now and lots of money is being spent on Brexit and not many of the social issues that lead to it)

Sent from my Pixel 3a using Tapatalk

Don't worry too much about the fat thing.  People living in the UK are undoubtedly the fattest in Europe so they don't have any reason to be making fun of anyone else.  Yes, the go to insult is Fat American, but anyone who says that undoubtedly has something about them that needs to be pointed out just as loudly.  And for a British person, having someone loudly point out their faults is one million times as mortifying as you being called fat. 

Being called names WILL happen, and so will lots of other stuff, but you'll get through it.

I’ve always thought the best come back to anyone saying someone is fat is:

I may be fat, but your ugly....and I can always diet .....

Another big fear of mine is because I am also a bigger girl (around 300 lbs) and I am afraid that I will just be stereo-typed as a "fat American". Any bigger people out there who've lived there a while? Has it been OK? 

Any bigger/fluffy expats have good and/or bad experiences with Brits about your weight?

Hi Casino Dog -- don't worry about the weight thing.  As Jimbo said, there are plenty of fat people here, and my experience here (Scotland) is that people aren't really bothered what you look like or what clothes you wear, etc.   I've been here over 30 years, and this is something I noticed and appreciated from the very beginning.  They might THINK it, but generally don't SAY it. 
However --- kids.  I don't have kids, don't want kids, don't like kids, so this may be coming from a biased POV, but I find the kids here are horrible, and if anyone is going to poke fun at you for your weight, it will be these brats.  It sucks, but... they are kids and probably haven't been taught any better.   

Your flying anxiety is kind of in-built but i'll try and help from an engineering and manufacturing perspective as I worked for Airbus for five years, and then a supplier for aircraft engine turbines for 4 years and currently supply various composite aircraft components. I also have an uncle who is a pilot for British Airways and a friend who is a pilot for EasyJet.

I struggle to begin to describe how safe these things are. I've seen first-hand how the wings are made, the people that make them, the robots that drill the holes, the processes and procedures in place, the checking and measurement of everything. It's insane. Everything in modern aircraft has backup, and mostly two backups, if something were to go wrong. The planes are crazy strong. I work in the industry and I would happily fly every day without any thoughts at all. What specifically is your fear?

If that doesn't help, i suggest start practicing mindfulness/meditation. Draw all your thoughts into your body when you start feeling nervous. Practice it everyday first so you have an understanding and can semi-master it before flying. An app called HeadSpace is great for that (if it's available in US). Just bring your thoughts to your breathing. Is it long? Is it fast? Do you feel your toes? How does your stomach feel as you're breathing?

Your flying anxiety is kind of in-built but i'll try and help from an engineering and manufacturing perspective as I worked for Airbus for five years, and then a supplier for aircraft engine turbines for 4 years and currently supply various composite aircraft components. I also have an uncle who is a pilot for British Airways and a friend who is a pilot for EasyJet.

I struggle to begin to describe how safe these things are. I've seen first-hand how the wings are made, the people that make them, the robots that drill the holes, the processes and procedures in place, the checking and measurement of everything. It's insane. Everything in modern aircraft has backup, and mostly two backups, if something were to go wrong. The planes are crazy strong. I work in the industry and I would happily fly every day without any thoughts at all. \

That's all very good to know! 

That's all very good to know! 

When I worked at the turbine blade manufacturer we had to manufacture certain features to ridiculous tolerances. One feature had to be manufactured to 6 microns. Just to put that into perspective, a human hair is about 60 microns so it's a tenth of a human hair!

Speaking of small numbers, out of every one million flights last year 0.24 had an accident. And that's an accident, not a crash or emergency. As a percentage that's 0.000024%

Rest as much as you can in the days leading up to the trip. And then - alprazolam can be your best friend.

My daughter hates flying - she leaves fingertip marks in my arm at every takeoff. Unless she takes a half of a Xanax. It doesn't make her drowsy or "goofy", it just takes the edge off the panic.

Lots of people have to deal with this, so don't feel alone!

I’ve always thought the best come back to anyone saying someone is fat is:

I may be fat, but your ugly....and I can always diet .....

A slight spin on that "I may be overweight, but I can can always diet. You, unfortunately, will always be stupid."

 

Thank you everyone for your replies. This has helped me feel better IMMENSELY! Yes the plane description does make me feel better, Ben thank you. Margo, Thank you for telling me about the sunflower lanyard program! I reached out to Heathrow airport and they are going to mail one to me. Breathing, meditation and things like that are what I'm going to go for. I've had prescriptions for a few different benzodiazapine drugs but I really didn't like the way they made me feel, if anything they made me feel a bit more anxious.... (my brain is so weird).

I am so glad I found this site and all you awesome people.

Thank you everyone for your replies. This has helped me feel better IMMENSELY! Yes the plane description does make me feel better, Ben thank you. Margo, Thank you for telling me about the sunflower lanyard program! I reached out to Heathrow airport and they are going to mail one to me. Breathing, meditation and things like that are what I'm going to go for. I've had prescriptions for a few different benzodiazapine drugs but I really didn't like the way they made me feel, if anything they made me feel a bit more anxious.... (my brain is so weird).

I am so glad I found this site and all you awesome people.

I'm glad you feel better about it all . I do recommend looking into the Headspace app or any meditation specific to flying you can find on google or YouTube, it will help. I know the Headspace app has a specific Fear of Flying meditation as I looked after recommending the app. Hopefully you can get a free trial.