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Topic: Haven't posted in a while....  (Read 547 times)

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Haven't posted in a while....
« on: September 13, 2019, 06:40:35 PM »
Hey everyone,

I've officially been in the UK a year. I just want to write this out for anyone interested in reading it. It's going to be a long one....It's been quite the year.

I keep in touch with a few of you outside of this forum but for the most part I kept in touch with my forum peeps pretty regularly until about Christmas 2018. I hit an extreme low in November. I think a lot of that was due to my family leaving (and me missing my last day with them in London due to illness), wedding high being over, unemployment, dark/cold/wet England, and Christmas abroad when my entire extended family was in for the holidays. In that November-January period I became extremely isolated, had no friends and basically clammed up inside the house. I ended up getting a part time job at a coffee shop in January and I've been there ever since (despite having 10 interviews in my job sector-Museum Studies) The job hunt continues....
I've adjusted relatively well, other than the job thing (but I really don't want to make this post about my job hunt it'll just get depressing and really, the lack of my career is the only thing holding me back from feeling completely settled here. But I really reaaaallllyyy dont want this post to center around that).

My first few weeks I cried, slept for 15 hours, had no bank account of my own, knew no one and had no idea where anything was or what anything was. I had a breakdown in my first month all over my husband, crying in the city center because I "lost my identity" when I hadn't gotten my own UK bank account yet. I sold my car when I moved and have struggled with that loss of independence every since. For a time I thought, "Why did I move here?" It was a shocking thought because I love England and I'd wanted to move here for years. I had absolutely no idea how taxing moving to another country is both mentally and emotionally. Things are still a bit of a struggle financially/job wise, but I would be lying if I said they've not improved. They have .

I know my way around town now (to the point where I've actually given directions!) I know that Boots=Walgreens and Tesco=Walmart (sort of) etc. and I am a regular at several coffee shops to the point that the baristas know my order and chat with me. I see people I know in passing on the street now, people wave at me and I see a lot of my own cafe's regulars out and about. I remember the first time an acquaintance waved at me...After months of being an unknown it was nice to be recognized. I traveled to Oxford in March and spent the day there alone to get my NIN. When I came back to town and got off the train it was the first time since arriving in the UK that I stepped out of the station and had that, "ahhh I'm home" feeling. It was monumental for me. I jumped right into making friends and making an effort around January or so after I got the part time job. As much as I moan about working in a coffee shop, that job was exactly what I needed at the time. It gave me the courage and that push to put myself out there. I joined a writer's group and have since made a close friend whom has introduced me to her friends and I've been absorbed into their group. I am part of the group now, not just the extra American. Additionally, I befriended another American at a Tesco and she's since become one of my best friends. We relate to each other and it was so refreshing to have a friend, here in town, with the same experience as me.

I had some major anxiety that I would be forgotten about when I moved here. That might sound silly...but I genuinely thought I would be forgotten about. And I felt that way for a couple months. I think it was just me being emotional and sensitive. My family message me everyday and my dad calls me every Sunday. Even more so, I am still in daily/regular touch with most of my close friends back home. I even had a childhood friend take her honeymoon in London and she called me up to meet with me. It was so nice to be thought about.

Lastly, I just want to say that (while I never really had doubts) my husband and I had our worries about living together/being together officially after being long distance for 3 years. During the difficult days, he is the reason I know I made the right decision to move here. I think people find it confusing when I complain or vent about certain things since moving here but I don't, and have never regretted it and I don't want to move back to the US. I have him, and that is enough for me. The rest we can conquer together.

Met: On Facebook, March 2012
Met in person: 22 December 2015
Started Dating (Long Distance): 1 January 2016
Engaged: 21 February 2017
Married: 14 June 2018
Application Type: Settlement/Spouse Priority

Online application submitted: 15 June, 2018
Biometrics appointment & Docs sent: 18 June 2018
Package arrived in Sheffield: 20 June 2018
Email stating my application was being prepared by ECO: 20 June 2018
Decision made email: 9 August 2018 (36BD)
Documents returned: 13 August 2018

APPROVED!!!!! :)


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Re: Haven't posted in a while....
« Reply #1 on: September 13, 2019, 06:51:45 PM »
Oh, TT!  It's so good to read that you're finding your stride!  I worried the whole time I was giving you advice about your application that I was only helping you feed yourself to the wolves and you didn't even know what you were about to go through.  I tried to gently suggest that this move would be hard, but at the same time, I didn't want to discourage you from following your dreams because, while it is hard (as you now are fully aware!), it is so so worth it.... as I hope you're becoming aware!

I hadn't heard from you in a while, but I trusted that was because you were getting on with things.  I'm glad to see that, for the most part, that was true.  Yay!
9/1/2013 - "fiancée" (marriage) visa issued
4/6/2013 - married (certificate issued same-day)
5/6/2013 - FLR(M)#1 in person -- approved!
8/1/2016 - FLR(M)#2 by post -- approved!
8/5/2018 - ILR in person -- approved!
22/11/2018 - Citizenship (online, with NDRS+JCAP) -- approved!
14/12/2018 - I became a British citizen.  :)


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Re: Haven't posted in a while....
« Reply #2 on: September 13, 2019, 07:00:34 PM »
Oh, TT!  It's so good to read that you're finding your stride!  I worried the whole time I was giving you advice about your application that I was only helping you feed yourself to the wolves and you didn't even know what you were about to go through.  I tried to gently suggest that this move would be hard, but at the same time, I didn't want to discourage you from following your dreams because, while it is hard (as you now are fully aware!), it is so so worth it.... as I hope you're becoming aware!

I hadn't heard from you in a while, but I trusted that was because you were getting on with things.  I'm glad to see that, for the most part, that was true.  Yay!

Kim, I sent you a private message on the forum. I am not sure messenger is cooperating with us, as I've messaged you a bit in the last few weeks with no reply! I just wanted to update everyone here, anyone interested and let everyone know that I am okay even though I went quiet on the forum. Things are still a struggle, but getting better. Hope you are doing okay!
Met: On Facebook, March 2012
Met in person: 22 December 2015
Started Dating (Long Distance): 1 January 2016
Engaged: 21 February 2017
Married: 14 June 2018
Application Type: Settlement/Spouse Priority

Online application submitted: 15 June, 2018
Biometrics appointment & Docs sent: 18 June 2018
Package arrived in Sheffield: 20 June 2018
Email stating my application was being prepared by ECO: 20 June 2018
Decision made email: 9 August 2018 (36BD)
Documents returned: 13 August 2018

APPROVED!!!!! :)


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Re: Haven't posted in a while....
« Reply #3 on: September 13, 2019, 07:14:17 PM »
I love hearing that you are settling in and this is your new normal.

People tend to romanise an international move and think it’s a sexier/better life.  It’s not.  But it’s a perfectly good life.   :D

I’m just still reeling from this weeks announcement that a Taco Bell is opening in Reading!  There are 4 of us at work with American ties.  We hope it’s open by Thanksgiving and are going to go there for lunch on the day!   [smiley=laugh4.gif] [smiley=laugh4.gif]


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Re: Haven't posted in a while....
« Reply #4 on: September 13, 2019, 07:18:08 PM »
I love hearing that you are settling in and this is your new normal.

People tend to romanise an international move and think it’s a sexier/better life.  It’s not.  But it’s a perfectly good life.   :D

I’m just still reeling from this weeks announcement that a Taco Bell is opening in Reading!  There are 4 of us at work with American ties.  We hope it’s open by Thanksgiving and are going to go there for lunch on the day!   [smiley=laugh4.gif] [smiley=laugh4.gif]

Taco bell!!!!!!!!!! I am not a fan of the lack of ranch dressing at all UK fast food joints it is unacceptable lol! Maybe Taco Bell will feel more like home! I definitely romanticised the UK. It was a massive hit to the feels when I moved and reality set in. It's been hard, and I get a bit of praise for how I've handled it. But on the inside I feel like I've been a huge pansy about it. I have bad days a lot but I just pull myself out of those and focus on the good things. One day this will be 100% my normal and I am sooo looking forward to that day.
Met: On Facebook, March 2012
Met in person: 22 December 2015
Started Dating (Long Distance): 1 January 2016
Engaged: 21 February 2017
Married: 14 June 2018
Application Type: Settlement/Spouse Priority

Online application submitted: 15 June, 2018
Biometrics appointment & Docs sent: 18 June 2018
Package arrived in Sheffield: 20 June 2018
Email stating my application was being prepared by ECO: 20 June 2018
Decision made email: 9 August 2018 (36BD)
Documents returned: 13 August 2018

APPROVED!!!!! :)


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Re: Haven't posted in a while....
« Reply #5 on: September 13, 2019, 07:21:25 PM »
Hi, Tollie!  That being at home feeling starting is priceless, glad you're getting there!  :)
March 28th 2013-Moved to UK, husband on spouse visa.Oct 20th 2015-Applied by mail for FLR(M).Feb 1st 2016 FLR(M).March 7th 2018 ILR. YAY! March 21st NCS&JCAP appointment.


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Re: Haven't posted in a while....
« Reply #6 on: September 13, 2019, 08:42:10 PM »
Kim, I sent you a private message on the forum. I am not sure messenger is cooperating with us, as I've messaged you a bit in the last few weeks with no reply! I just wanted to update everyone here, anyone interested and let everyone know that I am okay even though I went quiet on the forum. Things are still a struggle, but getting better. Hope you are doing okay!

Busy having Friday night with my guy, but I'll see what's up with Messsenger... I think I told you I don't use the app.  Maybe Facebook made another change in how it works.  We need to catch up!
9/1/2013 - "fiancée" (marriage) visa issued
4/6/2013 - married (certificate issued same-day)
5/6/2013 - FLR(M)#1 in person -- approved!
8/1/2016 - FLR(M)#2 by post -- approved!
8/5/2018 - ILR in person -- approved!
22/11/2018 - Citizenship (online, with NDRS+JCAP) -- approved!
14/12/2018 - I became a British citizen.  :)


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Re: Haven't posted in a while....
« Reply #7 on: September 16, 2019, 09:46:16 AM »
Hi TeamTollie,
Glad you're settling in. It's hard moving countries. It really is.   You're like so many on here. It's hard and stressful and full of things like 'being forgotten'  But eventually ,you wake up and know what you're doing and everything feels natural and normal and feels like home.
 Sounds like you're on your way  :D
I've never gotten food on my underpants!
Work permit (2007) to British Citizen (2014)
You're stuck with me!


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Re: Haven't posted in a while....
« Reply #8 on: September 18, 2019, 12:29:42 PM »
Hi TeamTollie,
Glad you're settling in. It's hard moving countries. It really is.   You're like so many on here. It's hard and stressful and full of things like 'being forgotten'  But eventually ,you wake up and know what you're doing and everything feels natural and normal and feels like home.
 Sounds like you're on your way  :D
It took a long time to feel at home and like this was normal without having to convince myself that it was. Does that make sense? I am trying so hard to push through and I just know one day I'll be in a nice cozy home with my husband and our future cat and everything will be grand. And I'll look back at these posts and smile.

Sent from my COL-L29 using Tapatalk

Met: On Facebook, March 2012
Met in person: 22 December 2015
Started Dating (Long Distance): 1 January 2016
Engaged: 21 February 2017
Married: 14 June 2018
Application Type: Settlement/Spouse Priority

Online application submitted: 15 June, 2018
Biometrics appointment & Docs sent: 18 June 2018
Package arrived in Sheffield: 20 June 2018
Email stating my application was being prepared by ECO: 20 June 2018
Decision made email: 9 August 2018 (36BD)
Documents returned: 13 August 2018

APPROVED!!!!! :)


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