Moved to a new area and I hate it

We bought a shared ownership property in St Albans because we figured it would give us an opportunity to get on the property ladder, be closer to friends and family, and shorten our commute. We visited a few times before signing on the dotted line. It took 6 very long months but we finally purchased our first flat in the UK.

But honest to god every single day I regret moving to St Albans.

We generally liked it from the start and it appeared to have more shops and amenities than where we lived in Richmond. But I don't think we took the fact that the best area attractions require a car (and even a reasonably sized grocery store is a 35 min walk), and that the beauty of St Albans didn't extend to where we live. My child's nursery is supposedly outstanding and yet I can't help but feel we have taken a huge leap back from what we had in Richmond (which was outdoors and bilingual). I can't access many hobbies here without a car, and even the nursery parents are incredibly cliquey - they have a WhatsApp group and when I asked to join they said oh sure and then never did. Yes, my transport to work is easier.... When Thameslink flipping works!!! It costs £175/month more than my monthly pass did from Richmond (which afforded me 4 different modes of transport if one should be out of service).

I feel really far away from a social life that I built from scratch - I can't hop to Richmond easily on a Thursday evening for a row or a pint given the 90 min journey home (again, if Thameslink isn't having a coronary from another fault in their system). I feel isolated and I dislike where we are. I don't feel safe, either - on my walk back home from nursery with my son I have now seen ***5*** drug busts with local police. I wanted to get a bike but lol this is the number one area for bike theft in the country. When I called the police about alcohol fueled antisocial behaviour they basically said there was nothing they could do. So I just sat there and hoped no one would throw a bottle at our windows in the meantime.

What is most frustrating is that I can't air any of this - not to my spouse, to my in laws, or to my friends - now that we live so close everyone is offended that I am not in love with the area. I actually cheer myself up/make myself miserable by checking property listings back in Richmond. I can't help but feel we have made a terrible mistake moving here.

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What if you rented your property and moved back?  Personally, I would try and find a solution that isn't suck it up for everyone else. Your opinion should matter as much as your DHs and your ILs opinion shouldn't warrant a vote.  But I am someone who heavily values location and would give up a lot of niceties in life to be in the area I want.  I wouldn't compromise on that -- so take my view point with a grain of salt.

Move back to Richmond.  Please don’t be miserable.

Sounds like you really built a great life in Richmond.  It’s okay to say it wasn’t the right move and go back. 

Thanks both. I would love to but the shared ownership means we are not supposed to rent it.

Also, most of our savings went to the deposit. My husband lost his job soon after we moved and started working for himself, so we have to see how that pans out. Hopeful.

An important aside is that our last landlord withheld our entire deposit unfairly so we are engaged in a tenancy deposit scheme dispute process (I can't believe this is even happening, I'm horrified because we were really good tenants!). That's tied up £2850 - we agreed to £65 for minor claims as noted by the inspector. That's a whole different thread but I hope that's resolved soon.

So... For now we are here but I will continue to look at homes in Richmond. A complicating factor is that we have to register for reception year at school for the 2020-21 school year between November and January. I know people move with children all of the time (we have moved 4 times with kiddo) but we haven't done it with school in the mix.

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Please dont keep this from your partner. It will eventually be noticed anyways and had the potential to cause a lot of resentment. I know it's not the easiest thing to share and you are always welcome to vent here but i think this particular topic is one that you should really share and be open/honest about with your other half. You never know, they might be feeling the same way but too afraid to say!

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Are there any things that are within your control to change where you are now? Like a different nursery so you can (hopefully) meet nicer mums and feel like the education isn't less?

There are things I really like about where I am now, and others that make me feel really futile about it all some days, but my husband knows everything. When the time comes where we are in a position to move, he is already on board because he understands the issues. I definitely couldn't have kept my thoughts to myself. Especially safety concerns, he needs to know about those!

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This doesn't sound like a thing you're interested in doing, but I'll throw it out there anyway... would getting a small car help? Just something to get you to the shops, out for a coffee, and the school run?

This doesn't sound like a thing you're interested in doing, but I'll throw it out there anyway... would getting a small car help? Just something to get you to the shops, out for a coffee, and the school run?

I've sent off for my provisional license (we've been for over a year) and we are waiting to see how the income from my husband working for himself goes before getting a car. It would go a long way - we had the advantage of Zipcar in Richmond and across London when we were mulling options over, but it doesn't exist in St Albans (!!) which has scuppered a lot of our "getting to know the area" plans.

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Just thinking ahead to your FLR application. Be aware that self employment is a very tricky category to use and requires a minimum of 1 full years figures.

Do you make enough at your job to be able to use just your income to meet the requirements?

Just thinking ahead to your FLR application. Be aware that self employment is a very tricky category to use and requires a minimum of 1 full years figures.

Do you make enough at your job to be able to use just your income to meet the requirements?

Yes, but unfortunately don't have much of a choice at the moment. He just started so we will have to see how it goes; we can't sustain ourselves if he doesn't earn enough with this venture so we will know by year's end anyway it he needs to get something else.

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It's a difficult one. I guess if you can't move back, then you'll have to try and find ways to improve your quality of life.  Sounds like you're on a good start with trying to get your license.  Definitely talk with your partner though ,that's too hard to keep from them!

You can't really expect many places to be the same as Richmond, but then again not many places are as expensive either.   For you guys up in Scotland, if Richmond were a grocery store, it would be Waitrose.,

I think things will improve a lot when your kid starts reception, that's when the real community stuff starts to happen.  You'll have hundreds of new friends then. 

Sorry we never had a chance to meet up,,we should have.

Just an update on all of this - I spoke to my husband and friends about this because it was really hurting to keep it all in.

- Husband and I got quotes for some updates to the property to make it feel more like us, but then decided against it because it wasn't going to afford us any savings/earnings if we bought our flat outright or sold it. We agree that this is not a forever or even a 36 month home - it's a stepping stone.
- We looked at local schools for our son next year for reception. The state schools were fine but the most likely allocation is an overcrowded concrete eyesore with no green space. We looked at independent options and our top school extended an offer to our son after an assessment. We are thrilled even with the financial cost - but it's the same cost as our current nursery costs but the school really fits our child well.
- We purchased a car this week! It is the biggest POS I've ever owned but it does get us places. We went for a forest walk on New Year's Day and that did a lot for our mental health. Can't wait to explore more.
- I had to reapply for my provisional license because i requested an extension to submit my passport/BPR due to travel and the DVLA never logged it. It's fine and I expect to start learning to drive on the wrong side of the road soon.
- I've continued membership with the rowing club in Richmond and I'm going for my first row since the move on Saturday! They made a special membership option for me so that I don't pay full price but that I can always row when I need/want to! For my mental health I aim to row at least once every 6 weeks until I can drive myself to go more regularly.


I often think about Richmond and returning, but with our son starting school in September in a lovely area, it's done wonders to reorient our reasons for moving here, check out properties closer to his school (detached homes with some land! not just flats!), and plan to see family more regularly. I think being able to drive will afford me opportunities to see my friends in Richmond more often, too.

Just wanted to thank you all - I'm not a regular here but I don't have a lot of people to turn to who have similar issues they're working through. I always appreciate your insights and support!

I am so glad things are starting to lookup!

Thanks for the update.  Great to see that you are taking steps to make life more enjoyable!