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Topic: I wish:  (Read 2829 times)

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I wish:
« on: June 11, 2020, 03:34:38 PM »
that the Daughter could be happy here.

that her university program had not been misrepresented. (What had been a good program when she was here as an undergrad was in its death throes by the time she arrived as a grad student. She was, basically, defrauded out of her retirement account, which she cashed in to pay for the degree program that was promised. The professors were good teachers. The program itself was mis-represented very badly by the uni administration, not the department. She has no recourse to get it back, either. )

that she didn't now think the only reason she was admitted to the University was because she paid international tuition that helped prop the institution up, and that she could still think they really did want her as a promising scholar.

that she was able to get a decent job, a professional job here. Or anywhere, realistically. She's worked so very hard to be qualified for one. She came from so far behind to get there.

that the Home Office hadn't left us hanging about her right to work full-time here or not. (We still have no firm assurances one way or the other, over three years on.)

that we didn't have to worry about the Home Office retroactively "changing the rules" at any point in the future.

that her experiences working with the minimum-wagers had not been so horrific. (The people she worked with were fine. The customers were just horrendous, and have turned her against "the locals" in a big way. The company, which markets itself as "upmarket" was just pathetic.)

that the friends she made at university had not all left for their home countries or other parts of the UK and had stayed in touch.

that things were different, and that we didn't have to leave.

 :-\\\\

I was sitting in my kitchen, by the window, having a cup of coffee early this morning. The breeze in was lovely. The birds were singing. I love that kitchen, even though now it has boxes stacked up along the walls, waiting for the time the movers can work again and we will leave.  I actually do not want to return to the USA. I want to buy that little house in Argyll and put in a garden, and wake up and have coffee by that new kitchen window and smell the cool, clean air and hear the birds. I'd wave the Daughter off to work in the morning and have supper ready for her in the evening when she drove home again. I want to get a little cat. I want to go for nice, long, quiet walks down empty lanes in the country every day. Especially on the breezy days. I want a fire to sit beside, cat-in-lap, while we listen to Radio Scotland on rainy evenings. I want my daughter to be able to have that all and be happy, too.

That's not happening.

What is coming for the UK is going to be brutal - worse than what's going to be slammed on the USA. A hard Brexit is going to make it even worse. Services will be cut, and taxes will have to rise to pay for all the borrowing the government is doing now. I won't be able to afford the taxes. There would be no professional work for the Daughter here in the future, especially if there wasn't BC (Before Covid).  Realistically, there would be nothing left but entry-level, dead-end work here for her if she could even, as a foreigner, get that. Which is unlikely, really. There will be precious little work for her in the USA, but things are familiar there. She needs familiar things, and to eventually see her old friends. Thankfully they do call regularly and chat for hours. It keeps her spirits up.

I remember how very happy we both were when we first came here. I remember how proud I was of myself on the day I walked, by myself, to the grocery store and successfully navigated buying the week's shop.  ;D That really was the happiest year, overall, of my life. The future was still there. Now that's all gone and we have to play "pick up the pieces" again and hope to land on our feet elsewhere. Again.

I won't say I wish we had never come here. That would be a lie. I just wish "here" was still here, that things that were supposed to be had been, and that I didn't have to go.  I had always told her, since we got here, that when my run is over that I wanted to be scattered from the top of Dunadd on a very breezy day in the spring or fall. Maybe I will still get to have that. Of course, I won't know it if I do, but....

I wish we didn't have to go. The only thing keeping us here right now is Covid and quarantine logistics. Soon that will pass, and we'll have to board that airplane. I really don't want to go back there, but there's nowhere else to go.  :-\\\\
« Last Edit: June 11, 2020, 03:41:38 PM by Nan D. »


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Re: I wish:
« Reply #1 on: June 11, 2020, 05:44:38 PM »
Awww Nan, my heart hurts for you reading this.

I suspect the daughter needs that first entry level job to start feeling herself.  One thing I am grateful for is that my MBA program required three years minimum of work experience before enrolling. 

She will be happy and you will be too.  Who knows - you may decide to live your dream and have virtual dinners over the phone, like many of us.

Keep us posted, we’ve been worried about you!


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Re: I wish:
« Reply #2 on: June 11, 2020, 06:19:14 PM »
Nan, I wish you could stay too and move into that house in Argyll.

I know that you always put your daughter first but is she even aware of how you feel? Wouldn't she want you to have the life that you want for yourself?  And life is so short ...sometimes it's not wrong to put yourself first.  [smiley=daisy.gif]


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Re: I wish:
« Reply #3 on: June 11, 2020, 09:27:32 PM »
I really won't be able to live on my own in a few years. My back is deteriorating and that's just going to keep on. I won't be able to pay someone to live in, nor do I want a stranger having to be paid to look after me.

I can't buy the house in Argyll unless the Daughter is working at a well-paid job, because I'm old.  I have a good income, and a good down-payment, but a mortgage is out of the question. Because I'm too old. Bummer, that. They'll sell me one in the States, no problem. 5% down, FHA. Payments with tax and insurance cheaper than rent.

I can't keep supporting us here on my income alone as costs go up and taxes go up, which they will. I get COLAs every year, but they are not keeping up. The UK government has borrowed ~so~ much money to keep people furloughed. It has to be paid back. Since industry is going to be in the crapper, there's only one other place for them to wring that money out of. Brexit is only going to make it worse. I have seen enough trains coming down the tracks to recognize the headlight of one at a distance. And it's a-comin' right at this country, at increasing speed.

The Daughter is dreadfully unhappy here, and has been for many months. If she's unhappy, I'm unhappy.  She's only stayed here as long as she has because I asked her to. As you say, life is too short. We will find somewhere else, and we will be happy. I just wish it could have been here. I have never felt as connected to a place as I have here. Not the culture, not the people, but the actual place. It's like I've always been connected to it.

I will miss it. Perhaps we'll be able to come back to visit.


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