I'm hoping for advice, tips, and/or reassurance here. I've read alot of previous posts about sole responsibility concerns and am somewhat encouraged by what I've read. I'm working with a solicitor in Edinburgh. She's been great, but she has me a little spooked about our chances of getting a visa for my daughter. I'm hoping she's just being extra cautious. And I'm hoping to get some input from y'all since it sounds like there are some knowledgeable folks on here. Here are the deets:
Daughter was born in 2010. Divorced in 2014 and my ex-wife got primary physical custody. We shared legal custody, but she had final decision making control. I was supposed to have visitation every other weekend, one night on the off weeks, two weeks in the summer, and we would trade holidays. Turned out to be alot more, and for long periods (one to three months at a time) I would have our daughter 100% of the time. My ex-wife had some employment and other issues and began a series of 7 or 8 moves all within a 30 mile radius starting in 2018 or so. My daughter ended up going to 3 different elementary schools in one school year.
In October of 2019, I married my now wife who is a British citizen and lives in Scotland. We met 20 years ago working at a summer camp while in college. We had reconnected at the end of 2014 and dated for a few years before I proposed in 2018.
In March of 2020, my daughter moved in with me full time. She spent literally 3 nights with her mother over a year period. I filed for custody at the end of 2020 and my ex-wife agreed to give me custody in April of this year with permission to move and be with my now wife in Scotland. Here is the wording of our parenting plan:
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1. Custody and Decision Making:
A. Legal Custody shall be
Joint
B. Primary Physical Custodian
Father
C. Day-To-Day Decisions
Each parent shall make decisions regarding the day-to-day care of a child while the child is residing with,
or in the physical custody of, that parent, including any emergency decisions affecting the health or safety of a child.
D. Major Decisions
Major decisions regarding each child shall be made as follows:
Educational decisions - Joint
Non-emergency healthcare - Joint
Religious upbringing - Joint
Extracurricular activities - Joint
E. Disagreements
The parties agree to resolve all disagreements related to final decision making in the following manner: Other than
day-to-day decisions, all decisions affecting the child’s growth and development, such as choice of school, major health
treatment, psychotherapy, psychoanalysis or like treatment, choice of camp, special tutoring or lessons, shall be
considered major decisions and shall be discussed and agreed to by both parties. The consent of either party shall not be
arbitrarily withheld. Additionally, the parties shall utilize Our Family Wizard to assist in facilitating these communications
and discussions as well as keeping Mother informed of the child’s schedules, medical appointments, and the like. Father
shall be responsible for the cost of both parties using Our Family Wizard. In the event the parties cannot agree after
having a good faith conversation, Father will have final decision-making authority on major decisions affecting the child
as to education, non-emergency medical care, extracurricular activities and religion.
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So the solicitor is concerned that the joint legal custody and joint major decision making will disqualify me from sole responsibility regardless of the final decision-making authority I have in the event of a disagreement. In practice, all decisions are made by me and I have all responsibility. I take our daughter to all her doctor and dentist appointments. I take her to school and communicate with her teachers. I register her for all extra-curricular activities and take her to all events. I get her to church and decide where she goes. And I pay for 100% of everything.
I have letters from her doctor, dentist, president of the parent-teacher association, soccer coach, a couple of her friends parents, and my parents attesting to my sole responsibility. I have financial records showing my payment of all extra-curricular registrations. I have documents showing I maintain her medical insurance and life insurance and that I claim her as my dependent on taxes. I've provided pictures showing us over the years at school events together and of me coaching her soccer teams.
From what I've read of other folks posts, sole responsibility does not equate to sole custody. Simply because we share legal custody does not mean I do not have sole responsibility. Is that an accurate understanding of how this works? Is there other documentation you might suggest for showing sole responsibility? What am I missing? What else should I ask my solicitor about?
Any help, advice, or reassurance would be greatly appreciated!
