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Topic: Mama went off the deep end; fear we may not see her again  (Read 1331 times)

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Mama went off the deep end; fear we may not see her again
« on: August 28, 2021, 10:25:02 PM »
We are rounding the corner of 9 months until we move.  Last December we sold our house and moved back to my hometown to be with everyone while we saved up for the move.  It has not be going well. 

Before we even moved back--while we were still getting our house on the market--my 'twin' brother died suddenly in his sleep (our mothers have been best friends since they were children; we were raised together in a little commune and we truly treated each other and behaved as twins).  I was not having a great time with the grief from that, It was identity shattering.

The election was a relief, and then all the drama with the attack on the capitol, and then comes inauguration day.  There was a lot going on in my house at the time.I have a child who has autism and we think bipolar, and she is a LOT.  I was counting on my Mama to be supportive because my brother has bipolar and he was the same at this age (11).  She's been through this.

Well, on the day after the inauguration, my kiddo was having a really rough morning. It took me half the day to get her to school.  I stopped by Mama's work during her lunch to go over it with her, to get support.  On the way from the school to her work, I was listening to NPR about how Biden was signing executive orders left and right basically just reversing human rights violations the previous administration had put into place. I was emotionally all over the place.  So much relief mixed with grief and emotional exhaustion and stress from the kiddo.

I expressed all of this to Mama. She barely empathized about the kid and gave advice opposite of helpful ('you should spank her, she never behaves like this with me, why aren't you doing more'; I do everything possible, read every book, try all the therapy--way more than she did with bro), then rushed me off stating that she didn't want to talk about Biden--'I don't wanna talk about that because we don't agree.'

Okay.  Can you elaborate?  What don't we agree on?  Aren't you at least happy he is reversing human rights violations?  Come to find out, when I sent my brother home after we could no longer tolerate having him in our home, he came here and spent every night sitting on her porch telling her all about his 'research'.  He had a psychotic break about a week after Covid broke and went manic. He stayed awake for WEEKS going down rabbit holes about various conspiracy theories and not only flipped politically, but just started believing a whole bunch of anti-science nonsense.

I had warned Mama about this.  That he seems okay, but he is NOT okay.  He literally became a totally different person. He went from being a Gay Brown man who was ultra liberal to a super far right wing conspiracy theorist who blatantly denies (despite his face) our Native side of the family as part of his identity. And once I sent him home, he took my sweet and also ultra bleeding heart liberal Mama with him. Let me be clear, I see how it happened.  They both only have about an 8th Grade education and were not afforded ANY critical thinking skills.  Also, because of mental illness, they both froze in maturity in their mid teens.

I mistakenly thought she could handle it.  That she could take over his care and it wouldn't break or influence her.  I was wrong.

So he has her convinced that masks are harmful and the vaccine not only doesn't work, but is dangerous.  I have attempted to just live with this, although from that moment in January all the way until now it has been eating away at me.  I have not been even a little bit okay, because not only have these two people who are precious to me gone all the way off the deep end, but they have done it against their own values and ideals and do not even realize. It is heartbreaking.

But finally, due to Delta and its rampant spread in FL, AL, and GA (where we are, on the border of AL), I had to make the choice to put a boundary in place.  My kids are her biggest risk factor because they are in school (masked up and social distancing, but still. It will probably be a matter of weeks before we pull them). I told her that I don't feel its safe for her until either they can be vaccinated or she is.  It is literally 75% for her safety and only 25% for theirs.

I had a meltdown in Costco, after having had several previous meltdowns at other times over the last few months, about her getting covid and dying and it would be our fault because of the kids.  Now, with the evidence proving my fears correct (Delta has ramped up since school started).  I had to say something, even though I knew it would not go well.

It did NOT go well.  Not only did she immediately forget that I said 'or the kids' and glommed on to me 'forcing' her to get vaccinated and 'keeping my girls from me', but she responded to every calm, informational text I sent with vitriol, false information, and accusations about my bad parenting.  I do not see how we can come back from this.  Further, how does she think she is going to see them once we move?  She's going to have to come to us!  Does she think they are going to let her on a plane or enter the country without AT LEAST a mask, let alone her not being vaccinated?  She is out of her mind, and not budging.

I am so angry at my brother and at her, and it is truly because it is harming THEM.  They are putting themselves and others in danger and I cannot do anything about it.  I feel like they have died.  Like I have been dreading this for a long time  and now they have died.  I am the only person who can bring them back from this, but it is an uphill battle that I only have 9 months to do, while ALSO planning an international move and also keeping my own kids safe and well. 

And oh did I mention this has sent me into such a deep exhaustion and near catatonic state? It is a hot @55 mess, y'all.

4 December 2005--Met in ATL, Moved in together
July 2006--First visit to the UK, met his Mum
Feb 2007--Eloped and told everyone we were engaged ;)
May 2007--Wedding, Part 1 in Pine Mountain, GA;
Sept 2007--Wedding, Part 2 in Scarborough, UK
Nov ‘08–1st Child
May ‘10–2nd Child
June 2013--Decided to move to the UK!
July 2013-Jan 2016–family tragedies. Delayed move
April ‘15–3rd Child
2019...planning again
January 2022–applying for visa!
Goal: Get Eldest in UK school by year 9!
Hopefully moving to Malvern June 2022

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