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Topic: Mine and her opportunities  (Read 1672 times)

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Mine and her opportunities
« on: August 21, 2005, 10:14:07 PM »
I'm not sure if this is the right board, but I'll go for it anyway, just before I continue, I want to thank you for spending your time for reading.
So ok, I'll explain our situation.
I live in the UK (England) and I have been talking to a female online for quite a while now (2 years) we have became close, and she is sick of living in the USA and wants to move to England and for us to meet and try it out.
I am 16, she is 17. We are aware of the fact that we have to wait till she is 18 until she can leave the country without consent, but we are not sure on our choices. She has not yet graduated highschool (does so in a year (18)).
We are aware of the fact that you have to live in the UK for 2 years until you can get married. We are also aware of the high-skilled workers opportunity.
But they are not possible for obvious reasons.
What other choices do we have? We are dedicated, and have\can get the money, so that really isn't an issue.
But we are just wondering if anyone can post what choices or options we have?
Thanks alot
Matt


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Re: Mine and her opportunities
« Reply #1 on: August 21, 2005, 10:18:57 PM »
You don't have to live in the UK for two years until you're allowed to marry (not that I'd suggest y'all get married just yet!).

Is she interested in attending university?  Perhaps she could do part of her studies over here?


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Re: Mine and her opportunities
« Reply #2 on: August 21, 2005, 10:20:54 PM »
I'm not sure where you heard that you have to live in the UK 2 years before you get married.  That's not true as a fiancee visa is only valid for 6 months! Have you met face to face yet?  I'd suggest spending some time together in the same country before you decide to get married.  Besides, you're only 16 and even at 18, she would not qualify for the highly skilled migrant programme.  Her best bet would be to come here as a student and attend uni.  But with international student fees, she will need serious financial support to do so (at least £8000 pa for tuition alone).  
I'd suggest waiting until you're both a bit older before you consider marriage as it requires a lot of work, maturity and commitment from both of you.  
Love your life, poor as it is. You may perhaps have some pleasant, thrilling, glorious hours, even in a poorhouse. The setting sun is reflected from the windows of the almshouse as brightly as from the rich man’s abode; the snow melts before its doors as early in the spring. Cultivate property like a garden herb, like sage. Do not trouble yourself much to get new things, whether clothes or friends. Turn the old; return to them. Things do not change; we change. Sell your clothes and keep your thoughts…


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Re: Mine and her opportunities
« Reply #3 on: August 21, 2005, 10:24:41 PM »
Thanks for the replies.
I read somewhere that a law was installed in 2003 that you have to be together for 2 years until you're entitled to marry. Marriage was only on the cards as a way for her to stay and be classed as a UK citizen.
Would college be considered as a studies, like university?
I mean, would she be able to move here and attend college and that would allow her to stay?
Thanks again.
Matt


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Re: Mine and her opportunities
« Reply #4 on: August 21, 2005, 10:28:29 PM »
She would have to live here for 2 weeks for you to be able to give notice at the registry office, is that what you were thinking of?  Her best bet as Lola says is to come over here as a student or maybe she can come for an extended holiday if she has the funds or if you or your parents can sponsor her & provide the accommodation? I would really recommend that one of you visit the other for a short holiday (say a week first) though, so you can meet face to face before she dives in at the deep end.   I would say that to any couple who met online.


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Re: Mine and her opportunities
« Reply #5 on: August 21, 2005, 10:31:10 PM »
And yes she could attend pretty much any course at college or uni.


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Re: Mine and her opportunities
« Reply #6 on: August 21, 2005, 10:36:42 PM »
Alright, thanks
Yes we were considering a short holiday (vacation) for her to come and stay for a while (a week or so)
I have not told my parents and I don't know if I want to. I mean.. My parents have always been very understanding with decisions I have made, although this is pretty big. Accepting the responsibility of moving someone here to meet and live with me, I'm not sure whether they'd think I'm ready for that, or if they would understand.
As I am going to college this year, I was just going to try put it past them that I met her at college. Do you think this is a bad decision?


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Re: Mine and her opportunities
« Reply #7 on: August 21, 2005, 10:43:55 PM »
It depends whether you want or need your parents to be involved in this.  I can understand you not wanting to tell  them, I initally didn't tell  my parents that I met my now husband via a music forum, but I'm twice your age and have been around the block a few times.  I don't mean that to come over all condescending,  just saying be careful you're not getting in over your head.  Have the two of you talked on the phone or via webcam?


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Re: Mine and her opportunities
« Reply #8 on: August 21, 2005, 10:50:04 PM »
Both via webcam and phone.
We are usually online 3-5 hours pretty much everyday. And we are talking all the time we are online. Her (Sarah) and I both feel like we are in the same boat. A Pretty rough childhood, and have never had much luck in our love lives. Maybe I am just too mature for my age, but I don't know. I like to go out with my friends and such, but they're just all so immature.
Example, maybe we could walk past someone disabled, and my friends may say "Ha.. look at him". I will think "what was the point in saying that?" I think I am mature and looking for a mature relationship. But the females around here in England are not really looking for that. Sarah wants the same as I do.
Most people our age enjoy going out and getting wasted and such, but I couldn't care for that. I just want someone to love.
Have to stop now, afterall, this board isn't asking for my timeline of events throughout my life.  ;)


Re: Mine and her opportunities
« Reply #9 on: August 21, 2005, 10:51:02 PM »
I read somewhere that a law was installed in 2003 that you have to be together for 2 years until you're entitled to marry. Marriage was only on the cards as a way for her to stay and be classed as a UK citizen.


Matt, this is kak - 2 years before you are entitled to marry is absolute shite; I'm a regulated advisor and am entitled to tell you that.  Apparently you've got it all mixed up along the way.  

Read what Lola and Britwife had to say.  They are giving sound and meaningful advice...


Re: Mine and her opportunities
« Reply #10 on: August 22, 2005, 08:26:03 AM »
I think maybe what he is getting confused about is, you have to show proof that your relationship is more then 2 years if she wants to apply for the unmarried partners visa.

Maybe you should meet her in person first before talking about her moving over here for good? ??? .. I'm just saying that because some people are completly differant in person then they are online. If you are thinking of a fiancee visa  she can't just come here for a week holiday , go back to america and apply for it, the consulate will frown on that big time. You are both young, take time to get to know each other "offline". Sorry I cant be of more help


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Re: Mine and her opportunities
« Reply #11 on: August 22, 2005, 09:07:17 AM »
Alright, thanks
Yes we were considering a short holiday (vacation) for her to come and stay for a while (a week or so)
I have not told my parents and I don't know if I want to. I mean.. My parents have always been very understanding with decisions I have made, although this is pretty big. Accepting the responsibility of moving someone here to meet and live with me, I'm not sure whether they'd think I'm ready for that, or if they would understand.
As I am going to college this year, I was just going to try put it past them that I met her at college. Do you think this is a bad decision?

You don't have to tell your parents how you met, but you should tell your parents that she's coming over for a visit.  I know it's hard to think of it in these terms, but she could be a psycho and someone needs to know that she'll be with you.  My DH and I spent two years online before we met in person and, though I was sure he was "okay", I still made sure that my parents and friends had his contact info, picture, and our itinerary before I headed over here for our first face-to-face meeting. (and no, they didn't know we met online...I didn't want to deal with that, so I told them we met while I was at Cambridge  ;))

It does sound like a short visit is best.  You really do need to meet her before you commit to living with her, etc.  You just don't know someone until you're actually together and you might find out that you couldn't stand her in-person personality.  Better to find out at the beginning of a week's holiday than at the beginning of a university term.  :-\\\\

Overall, I'd just suggest that you guys take it slow.  What's wrong with visiting each other whilst you both finish your studies (through university)?  At the end of that time, you'll both be in a much better position to make the big decisions.


Re: Mine and her opportunities
« Reply #12 on: August 22, 2005, 09:21:17 AM »
I think maybe what he is getting confused about is, you have to show proof that your relationship is more then 2 years if she wants to apply for the unmarried partners visa.

Just to clarify, you don't need to show just 'proof' of a 2-year relationship to get an unmarried partners visa, but proof of actual cohabitation as a couple.  BIG difference.


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Re: Mine and her opportunities
« Reply #13 on: August 22, 2005, 11:33:47 AM »
A Pretty rough childhood, and have never had much luck in our love lives. Maybe I am just too mature for my age, but I don't know. I like to go out with my friends and such, but they're just all so immature.

Here's my 2p, take it for what it's worth.  You're only 16.  You have so much more to experience and learn.  You will be amazed at how much you will change in the next 5-6 years and even moreso from now until you're 26.  IMO, you haven't had much in the way of experiences and rushing into a commitment like marriage or engagement is a big deal.  Your parents should know what's going on, especially if you're talking about marrying someone they don't even know exists. 
Maturity is more than just not getting wasted or making fun of people who are different.  It's also about making difficult decisions and waiting until the time is right. 
Good luck with whatever you decide.  There's no need to rush into anything.
Love your life, poor as it is. You may perhaps have some pleasant, thrilling, glorious hours, even in a poorhouse. The setting sun is reflected from the windows of the almshouse as brightly as from the rich man’s abode; the snow melts before its doors as early in the spring. Cultivate property like a garden herb, like sage. Do not trouble yourself much to get new things, whether clothes or friends. Turn the old; return to them. Things do not change; we change. Sell your clothes and keep your thoughts…


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Re: Mine and her opportunities
« Reply #14 on: August 22, 2005, 11:56:12 AM »
Can I jump in here as the mother of a 17 year old boy living in the UK who is currently in an "on-line relationship" with a 16 year old girl in the US?

Not a day goes by where I don't get begged for "a ticket to see Meg."  He thinks he can go over to the US and visit her and everything will be hunky dory because they get on so well online.

HOWEVER - her mother only barely knows he exists and her father has no clue.  He goes online to let her know when he's going to call so she can answer the phone.  And he thinks just showing up on her doorstep, her father is going to "have to" be nice to him and let him into their home.

Not exactly the mature way to handle a relationship, eh?  I mean, we're not talking Romeo & Juliet here.  I realise that teen love is strong - heck, I'm married to a man I fell in love with when I was 16.  But our relationship developed over time and space and we didn't even meet in person until we were in our 30s!

What I guess I'm trying to say is that it's all well and good to want everything right now.  But you have a LONG LONG life ahead of you and rather than figuring out how she can come and "live" with you for any period of time, I think she needs to get through High School and maybe give a thought, if things are still groovy in 2 years time, to studying over here, even if it's just for a short time, to enable her to get to know you without you being her only reason for being here.

I rambled, I know.  But even though I remember very clearly being a teenager, and I have one in my house, I don't seem to know how to speak like/to one at all... :-\\\\
"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."

- Benjamin Franklin


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