Wedding Stress!

Can anyone relate to this???

DH and I are already married but we're having a proper wedding in October.  We live in the UK and the wedding will be in the US.  So last night our friend tells us that there is a good sale on tickets to the US in October. So we go to book ourselves our tickets but then realize we have no idea when we want to come back!!! 

We don't know if we're going to take a honeymoon right after the wedding, and if we're going to fly out of the US or the UK! Its so hard.  Any tips? Plus, DH told his family about the tickets and now they are trying to book on the same flight as us, which means that I (as the only yank) will be in charge of all of the out of towners when we get there (suffice it to say they're not the most independent crowd).  My parents live in upstate new york and we're flying into boston.  I originally wanted to be on a separate flight so then people had to figure out how to get there themselves (I'd provide directions, info on car rentals, but I wouldn't have to be the personal tour guide)!

Also, to the brides out there- do you think I'm giving myself enough time if I fly into the US on the Wednesday before for a Sunday wedding? I think my mom is a bit disappointed by this but otherwise I'd have to fly out all alone for my own wedding! I don't want to do that (although it is a tempting option now that the In-laws will be on our fllight!)

Another thing- my family hasn't had a 'bridal shower' for me which they really want to do. My brother's wedding is in August (which I am definately going to).  Our wedding was supposed to be 2 weeks before his (honeymoon in between), but we had to change it when DH's sister got pregnant and is DUE the week in August our wedding was supposed to be. So now we have to buy tickets for August and October.  When the wedding was still going to be in August, we were going to go to the US in April for my shower. Of course, we don't think we can afford 3 sets of tickets (much to the dismay of my mother).

I guess this was just a whinging session!!! Feel free to join in or offer suggestions!

I can totally relate!  While it's not a trans-Atlantic wedding we're planning, my fiancé and I live down in London.  We're getting married in St. Andrew's in Scotland.  We've arranged everything from down here, including all of the timing with coaches to pick-up everyone as they're flying in from England, the continent, and the US.  We have also coordinated a day out in Edinburgh since several people are arriving early in the morning, when the check-in at the hotel isn't until 2:00PM.  So they need something to do for a few hours.  It's as if they're helpless without us.  They couldn't even make their own hotel reservations.  Like you, I don't have the most independent family and friends.  They're quite sheltered.

My friends back in NY also wanted to throw me a bachelorette party, even though I am having a small hen night here.  So I'm flying back to the US in a few days for that.  (Thank goodness I have my frequent flier miles!)

As far as the honeymoon goes, if you plan to honeymoon in the Caribbean or someplace on that side of the world, it probably makes the most sense, both timing-wise and financially, to fly from the US.  If you're honeymooning in Europe or the Mediterranean or someplace on that side of the world, it's probably best to fly from the UK.

I can totally relate to your frustrations.  Hang in there!

Thanks Stuz. Are you the one that was looking at Fernie Castle a while ago? I tried to find the thread to see if it was you, but I couldn't. My SIL got married there and it was BEAUTIFUL! No complaints. Where are you having yours?

Isn't it so annoying when people act like they are incapable of doing anything? It amazes me that these are usually people that have raised whole families.  For my SIL's wedding we had trouble getting people from Newcastle to St. Andrews. I can't wait to see what happens when we try to get them from Newcastle to Boston to Albany, NY!

We haven't picked our honeymoon spot yet and we can't decide! Part of me wants to do something closer to the UK (like Mauritius or somewhere exotic like that) since we live in the UK now. We will probably move to the US eventually so we can always do the caribbean later on. Then again it would be convenient and cheaper - we will need a break after the wedding! Then again we were thinking we might do our honeymoon at christmas (that way we'll be breaking the families in to the fact that we're our own little family now and don't have to go home every christmas!)

DH and I are putting lots of undue pressure on the honeymoon as if its our one and only chance to go on a vacation! I keep having to remind both of us that we will have time in the future to go to the other places too! So whatever we decide will be ok.

I think one of the hardest things is that both sets of parents feel sorry for themselves (my ILs feel like they're not involved because the wedding is in the US, my parents feel like they're not involved because we live over here!!!) We can't please everyone!

Have so much fun on your bachelorette party!!! How do you get your frequent flyer miles? Is it through your credit card? We should really be doing that. . .

Yes, I was looking at Fernie Castle.  But not for long.  The ceremony is going to be held at a local church in St. Andrew's, and we decided on having the reception at a country house hotel that is located closer to my fiancé's family.

I think one of the hardest things is that both sets of parents feel sorry for themselves (my ILs feel like they're not involved because the wedding is in the US, my parents feel like they're not involved because we live over here!!!) We can't please everyone!

I know my mom is really struggling with not being here as I'm planning my wedding.  She tries to help whenever she can.  And, to be honest, it was a bit sad going shopping alone for a wedding dress.

Have so much fun on your bachelorette party!!! How do you get your frequent flyer miles? Is it through your credit card? We should really be doing that. . .

Thanks!  I'm really looking forward to it.  I joined AAdvantage, since the cheapest non-stop fares from NYC to LHR seemed always to be with AA.  I also was able to roll-over the points from two hotel "frequent stayer" cards into airmiles.  It was free to join, so I figured I'd take advantage of it.  I also have a WorldPoints Visa card from MBNA (with no annual fee) that accrues mileage as well.  Cha-ching! 

I can definitely relate to having family members that aren't the most independent...

I love my future SIL.  I even asked her to be my maid of honor...we're great friends.  But she's never been involved in a wedding before and well...she tends to worry a lot.

For my bridesmaids I just chose a color and told them to pick out a dress they liked and thought they'd wear again.  I figured this would make it the least painful for everyone, since they could find ones that flattered them and that they hopefully enjoyed wearing.  It doesn't seem to have helped much with SIL.  She keeps panicking about what she's going to wear, even though the wedding isn't until October.  I told her she and I would go dress shopping once I get over there and I'll help her find something that looks nice on her.  She's a very self-conscious girl and is kind of afraid of people staring at her, so I asked if she was sure she wanted to be in the bridal party and told her I wouldn't be hurt if she decided not to cause it intimidated her too much.  She says she's sure that she wants to do it, and appears to have stopped fretting about her dress so much since I told her it was stressing me out a bit.

She keeps asking mutual friends of ours if they're coming to the wedding, even though I have told her that we're keeping the guest list fairly small.  That's just awkward....how can I say to these people "Uhm, that's sweet that you want to come, but you aren't INVITED"?

I really do adore her...but she's just worrying so MUCH about everything and doesn't seem to know much about wedding ettiquette (as in, you don't invite people to someone else's wedding!  ).  Seems like every time I talk to her lately she has a new worry, and I wonder if being in the wedding is causing her more stress than good.   

Stuz, I'm an AAdvantage member but I haven't figured out how to cash in my points yet! I guess I will have to call them. Do you just get enough points to get a ticket and then you can go whenever you want? (that would be nice!!!)

Candice, I think it is so rude that she's asking people if they're going to your wedding! I definately know some people that would do that (in fact my MIL is probably doing that right now)- usually it has to do with insecurity. They want more people there that THEY know to make themselves feel better. It could also be a control thing. . .  Sorry, I don't mean to talk badly about your SIL- but I know how frustrating stuff like that can be, and its even harder when the person doing it is nice becuase you feel bad saying anything (passive aggressive if you ask me)!!!

I'm having an issue right now with whether to invite people from work to my wedding in the US. I talk about the wedding at work, so they might assume that they'll be invited. The problem is that if I invite one then I have to invite like 100 of them! Also, they might think I'm crazy if I think they'll make the journey for my wedding!

We ended up booking our tickets - yup on the flight with the in-laws and extended family. I will definately need a very strong tranquilizer for the flight and the travel from BOS to upstate, but it will be fun anyway.  We booked our flight back for about 2 weeks later so that we can go off on our honeymoon before we fly back to the UK. I'm only hoping that the in laws are coming back sooner so that I don't have to fly BOTH WAYS with them!?!!!?!?!?!?

Stuz, I'm an AAdvantage member but I haven't figured out how to cash in my points yet! I guess I will have to call them. Do you just get enough points to get a ticket and then you can go whenever you want? (that would be nice!!!)

It's very easy.  Just log-in to your AAdvantage account on the aa.com website, and go to the redeem your miles section.  Here's a link:  http://www.aa.com/apps/AAdvantage/RedeemMiles.jhtml;jsessionid=TINPAZIXYBBBZEAJJNLU1EMQBFFSWVMD?anchorEvent=false
I am currently back in NY on a ticket a booked using my miles.  I paid just the tax.

I'm having an issue right now with whether to invite people from work to my wedding in the US. I talk about the wedding at work, so they might assume that they'll be invited. The problem is that if I invite one then I have to invite like 100 of them! Also, they might think I'm crazy if I think they'll make the journey for my wedding!

It's tough with work mates and weddings.  Of course, they know all about it since you talk about it a lot, but when it comes down to it, they must understand that you can't invite everyone.  We had a similar situation, and I had to choose to invite the people who were closest to me.  In the end, I don't think anyone feels like they were snubbed.  Would they really fly all that way, as well?

We ended up booking our tickets - yup on the flight with the in-laws and extended family. I will definately need a very strong tranquilizer for the flight and the travel from BOS to upstate, but it will be fun anyway. We booked our flight back for about 2 weeks later so that we can go off on our honeymoon before we fly back to the UK. I'm only hoping that the in laws are coming back sooner so that I don't have to fly BOTH WAYS with them!?!!!?!?!?!?

Good luck!