Are people being helpful or rude when...?

talking  about *bleep*  for cat.. I think DH  is  a bit sad  to hear   DD  say  Rooster instead  of  Cockrel  now..  We have been back stateside  for  almost  5 months.. She grew  out of it!!  :-))

A slightly late point but one which seems to have been skirted over, I really do think he was making a joke - especially when he said that he tried to get his children to wipe it from his vocab. In fact, if he wasn't that would actually be unspeakably rude but he would have said it in a far different manner if he didn't intend to be funny.

Not especially funny, admittedly, but as one of Kate Fox's interviewees (and American, incidentally) commented: "The problem with the English is that you never know when they are joking - you never know whether they are being serious or not". Something which strikes me as a very apt comment because in his mind he was making a somewhat funny comment which seriously did indicate he was starting to like you and trust you.

One of my friends who first came to Britain from the US for a year abroad (and has now moved back for postgrad) was told in his orientation to British culture and social life thingy that a golden rule of getting to know the English (particularly Southerners, especially Londoners and most of all bourgeois Londoners) was that the more they seem to insult you, the more they like you. And it's true, I don't dare say a bad thing to someone I don't like, but to someone I really do and intimately trust I'll be downright offensive. And a key test in a nascent social relationship is the moment when they begin to gently mock you - if people react badly, it can rather spoil things.

...was that the more they seem to insult you, the more they like you. And it's true, I don't dare say a bad thing to someone I don't like, but to someone I really do and intimately trust I'll be downright offensive.

Hahaha, tough love huh? 

Somewhat, but not even really like that!

Hard to explain perhaps, but it's more just the consistent pattern of mockery which so infuriates and beguiles people who aren't really used to it. I won't say offensive things about things you're sensitive about, I mean I have a friend who is going bald but I'd never crack a joke about something like that because it would actually upset him.

But the fact that he embarrassed himself in front of a girl, was late to the pub or claimed that this really was Tottenham's year, or whatever really as long as it isn't a sensitive point - I'd take the piss out of him. And the inverse.

If someone I'd just met did something embarrassing, or someone I just vaguely disliked - I'd be rather mortified and try and gloss over it.

It's not in a bad way, it's just sort of how it works. A point my American mate just made was that he realised that every time we insulted or mocked him we were sending him a little message saying "I trust you enough to break the 'public' rules and have a laugh". Something especially important in a society like Britain where new contacts are relatively more awkward experiences for us and, most importantly, the division between public and private is stark and exclusive.

Oh yeah, that could prove for some awkward situations, LOL!!!



Going back to awesome... I used awesome today in my job training and it made me think of this thread.  We had to come up with team names for an exercise, and I said my team should be the Awesome Advisors.... oh yes, I'm already bringing the awesome-ness into my workplace. Hahahaha.

Awesome!

argh, i have a coworker who keeps doing things like this all the time.  oddly enough, he is an american who has lived here for 20+ years (with the british accent to prove it).  the other day, we were meeting and i was in the middle of talking about a project, and all of a sudden he said "that reminds me...a few weeks ago, you sent an email that said something would be 'quite helpful'...i just wanted to let you know that the british use the word 'quite' here differently than americans. when you said something would be 'quite helpful', that was actually insulting.  you should say 'extremely helpful' instead".  um, REALLY?!?!

This is utter rubbish    Honestly, where do people get this stuff??


As to the OP, it's quite difficult (see what I did there?) to tell the difference between someone being serious and someone "taking the piss". Half the skill of taking the mickey is to look serious but there's normally a wry grin on their face at some point, giving the game away and mickey-taking is ALWAYS meant in fun. If you're really not sure, just ask them, "are you taking the mickey?". Note, an incredulous look on your face will help drive the point home.

Hard to tell without seeing his body language at the time, but this case, however, sounds to me like an insufferable know-it-all who thinks he's being helpful. Sadly, there are people like that everywhere and I've met more than my fair share here. When I first came here, I took people like that seriously, but then, I was very young and desperately wanted to fit in. Now, not so much. You take me as you find me or leave me alone. I have HEARD it ALL. I once went through a spate of giving people a quid if they came up with something original, especially if you could tell they were trying to be obnoxious wankers and there was a big audience. Always did the trick of making them look the knobs they were and me look the long suffering immigrant LOL

Bluntly, my response would have been, "Really? That's awesome!  " But then, I always was a smart ars* LOL

Bluntly, my response would have been, "Really? That's awesome!  " But then, I always was a smart ars* LOL

Should that have been -

"Really? That's quite awesome! 

Should that have been -

"Really? That's quite awesome! 

Should that have been -

Really? Thanks for that info, Awesomesauce!