He told me he can't cope with LDR!! Anyone been through this??

Obviously we only know the details you've shared, but I don't think either of you are truly ready for a long distance relationship. They're incredibly hard and complicated much of the time and require huge amounts of trust and commitment.

Obviously we only know the details you've shared, but I don't think either of you are truly ready for a long distance relationship. They're incredibly hard and complicated much of the time and require huge amounts of trust and commitment.

Agreed. LDR's mean being 'self LESS' instead of selfish...it seems to me that you're wanting attention from him ALL THE TIME & that's just NOT COOL...and what you've done is scare him away.

Better luck next time.

what you've done is scare him away.

sorry but I have to agree here hun, I read through some of your older posts and you were saying how upset you are that he didnt get on messanger but you seen him online on facebook and had a freak out about it. and you got upset at him when he said he was too tired to talk on skype.

my best advice i can give you, is chill out, calm down, and get to know someone first (in person!) before you want to jump feet first in marriage. I understand he might seem like "the one" at the moment,but sadly a majority of the time,people arent the same way in person as they are online.

it sounds like you made him run a mile by pushing the marriage issue

Agreed. LDR's mean being 'self LESS' instead of selfish...it seems to me that you're wanting attention from him ALL THE TIME & that's just NOT COOL...and what you've done is scare him away.

Better luck next time.

Sorry, I have to agree. It's going to have to be one of those "live and learn" situations for you. I can only echo all of the other posts/advice that's already been given. I know it's sad, but, I hope you have better luck next time.

Agreed. LDR's mean being 'self LESS' instead of selfish...it seems to me that you're wanting attention from him ALL THE TIME & that's just NOT COOL...and what you've done is scare him away.

Better luck next time.

Great point, but I think this not only goes for LDR's, but just any relationship.  A bond needs time to grow and should be nutured.  Jump things too early and one is usually bound to run for the hills.  Any relationship is a delicate dance between two people.

wow, this girl sounds to much like someone I knew IRL!

I have to agree that it sounds like he's trying to let you down easy.  From what you've told us about his behavior, it was very much like my own when I wanted to break up with the Englishman with whom I was in an LDR, but didn't have the heart to come out with it.  A cute accent and cultural fascination are not enough to sustain a relationship, much less make a life together.

I can see where he's coming from.  I'd want to have a nice, leisurely courtship where I could get to know someone in person too. 

My advice?  End it.  He's not happy, and (according to your posts here) neither are you.  Put yourselves out of your misery and end it.  It will hurt for a while.  You'll need to mourn, but end it.

long distance relationships are hard and demanding.  They require a tremendous investment of time and emotional wellbeing.  They are, to put this in othee terms, an awful lot of investment with no immediate payoff.

Hence, you have to play the long game.  You have to recognize that the other person is in the same boat, but their natural responses might be different to yours.

You also have to recognize that it takes two people to make an LDR (or any relationship) work.  If your partner isn't ready for it, you need to know this and be willing to cut your losses rather than set yourself up for heartache.

THe rewards of a long distance relationship are longterm.  The costs are immediate.  Some people can't cope with this.

I'm going to have to agree with the posters on here. An LDR takes a lot of work and effort from both sides. True, it is good to communicate as much as possible, but you also have to remember to occupy yourself with friends/work/hobbies/etc. instead of waiting around for a text or email from the person. It does sound like that he is not ready to commit to an LDR, but also sounds like that you expect so much from him (wanting attention from him all the time). I hope that you do recover from the break up, and hope you do find that special someone in your life. 

This topic has been beaten to death already, but I figure I'd throw my 2p in as I think that a lot of other people may be in a similar situation (at least on the "how do we handle this LDR?" thing) and may be able to gain some perspective on things.

The advice I give my friends who have thought about going into a LDR is "Don't". And this is within the US, not even over the pond.

I think people get caught up in the whole romance of the thing, and then lose the practicality of "Is this actually feasible?".   It requires a tremendous amount of work, of patience, of money, of trust, and of "give" (as opposed to "Take").  There's also the VERY HIGH possibility that it won't work simply because one of the two of you will say "I'm tired of this, this isn't making me happy, I want out."

This guy clearly isn't making you happy at the moment, and it seems like he wants out (Which, he needs NO OTHER EXCUSE other then "I don't want to cope with the distance". He's in the complete right to do that), I think its time for you to move on and live.

 It sucks, but if you look at the positive, at least you never met the guy. I can tell you that it is a completely unique and excruciating emotion that you feel when you have to say "Goodbye", as I'm sure many here will agree. I can't tell you the number of times when we parted ways that in my head there was a voice just screaming "What are you doing? Why are you doing this? Why are you leaving?!" or  "Just call out! Just call out to her! She'll come back if you do, just call out to her and you can work out the details later!"

I wouldn't wish that feeling on anybody.

The ONLY reason my LDR worked is because her and I became very close friends, and were friends for 3 years before we met - as friends on a school related trip. We hit it off when we met in person and started our relationship then. Its been up and down, and very difficult for both of us these 4 1/2+ years that we've been dating, but I'm getting ready to settle out there at the end of the month and get married in December . If we didn't have that foundation of trust and understanding, and the ability to read each other that only had a chance to develop during those 3 years we were "just friends" this simply wouldn't have worked.

Anyway, good luck to you. Sorry things didn't turn out your way, but it is probably for the best :-(. 

There's also the VERY HIGH possibility that it won't work simply because one of the two of you will say "I'm tired of this, this isn't making me happy, I want out."

That is true of every relationship. I don't think that everyone has the ability to manage a LDR, but I'd never tell someone not to try. I'm one of those "better to have loved and lost..." people.

That is true of every relationship. I don't think that everyone has the ability to manage a LDR, but I'd never tell someone not to try. I'm one of those "better to have loved and lost..." people.

Sorry, didn't mean to be a negative nancy there. I guess I"m just trying to say is that people shouldn't take it lightly, its not easy, and its a very different dynamic then a "Normal Relationship" that requires a lot of getting used to.

I can tell you that it is a completely unique and excruciating emotion that you feel when you have to say "Goodbye", as I'm sure many here will agree. I can't tell you the number of times when we parted ways that in my head there was a voice just screaming "What are you doing? Why are you doing this? Why are you leaving?!" or  "Just call out! Just call out to her! She'll come back if you do, just call out to her and you can work out the details later!"

Truer words have never been spoken! I'm at work right now perusing the boards and when I read that bit, tears literally sprouted up. My boyfriend came to visit this past May and when he left I can't even begin to describe the excruciating pain I felt. I cried harder than I've ever cried before. I was 100% inconsolable and felt as though my world was crashing down. It felt as though my heart was literally being torn in half. I didn't leave my bed for nearly 2 days and even after those 2 days, I could only be bothered enough to move to the couch. My distress was only further impacted by the fact that I wouldn't get a chance to see him again for at least another 7 months. At the time of this post, we are down to 66 days and counting til he comes back for 3 weeks!

I'm interested in seeing what all happened with the original poster.

For some reason, I don't think she'll be updating us...

For some reason, I don't think she'll be updating us...

Agreed. I spent a good hour and a half reading through all of her threads. I don't think I've ever felt so uncomfortable before in my entire life!

It's a testament to how mature and great y'all are seeing as NO ONE ripped into her. There are some boards I've been on elsewhere where someone like that would've been crucified.