Still coping with a LDR after the fact.

I'm just curious as to why some of you waited so long.  A year is my limit, maybe because I am older and if it looks like marriage isn't in the offing, I don't want to waste any time with a timewaster.  I wasted plenty of years in the past with wrong men just dating locally and learned my lesson.  Throw in the cost of plane tickets and it concentrates the mind!   

Well, we waited 3 years because when me and my now-hubby started talking again (we had been speaking on and off for a few years up until we started to fancy each other) he was in the beginning stages of his divorce. They were required to be separated from each other for 2 years in order for the divorce to be finalized, so it was necessity that kept us apart so long (since we would need to get married for me to come to the UK permanently). So, we visited each other back and forth until it was finalized, and then he was ready to propose last fall, and we were married this year. I've found oftentimes necessity keeps people apart more than anything, especially in international cases; people have to sort through schooling, and work, and immigration and such and it doesn't make it that easy. You also have a lot more to lose in those cases where you're moving to foreign countries--if you're not pretty sure about what you're doing and who you're going to be with, you can end up wasting a bunch of cash on a visa and moving costs just to move in with a jerk just because you wanted everything to be in such a short time frame.

Ultimately, I'd rather lose the cost of a few plane tickets if the relationship didn't work out than if I had spent loads of money on a visa and moving myself overseas, along with talking myself into a marriage with someone that maybe if I had spent a bit more time with them, I might not have married.

I am spending my birthday with him for the first time ever next month. I am hoping that will make it feel more real as well. Also, since I started a new job 2 days ago, maybe that will help me to feel more at home here and make it seem more permanent... *fingers crossed*

Good luck with the job. I hope it helps.

I feel much the same way as you. Just hearing other people's stories of similar situations helps me know I am not crazy. It's hard coming in the situation where your significant other still has an existing life, but you've left yours behind. My DH didn't have to work before I moved, as he was a single parent, but now we are both looking for work. But he does keep himself busy with his hobbies, and it is hard not to resent the fact that he wants to do those things still. But knowing I shouldn't be resentful and not doing it are two different things, I've learned. I have a feeling things will be healthier, if only in my mind, when I find work, but it's just being patient right now I guess for me. He's been super wonderful with me, and does understand why I act out when my emotions get the best of me.

I'm just curious as to why some of you waited so long.  A year is my limit, maybe because I am older and if it looks like marriage isn't in the offing, I don't want to waste any time with a timewaster.  I wasted plenty of years in the past with wrong men just dating locally and learned my lesson.  Throw in the cost of plane tickets and it concentrates the mind!   

Haha how old is "older"?  A lot of us around here are in our 30s or older :p

The thing is, you can have your own personal time frames, but you can't force the other person to do what you want just because it's what you want.

 

Ultimately, I'd rather lose the cost of a few plane tickets if the relationship didn't work out than if I had spent loads of money on a visa and moving myself overseas, along with talking myself into a marriage with someone that maybe if I had spent a bit more time with them, I might not have married.

I totally agree with you Tams!

Hugs for you. I'm sure it will fade in time. I think that we are expected to be full of happiness when you have reached your goal, but there are lots of other emotions that come along dont feel your crazy your normal and honest enough 2 admit how you feel thats a good thing sweetie. Keep your chin up.

You can always come visit me in milton keynes if you need a friend, i love making new friends, or i could meet you in london I would love to hear your stories and how you coped.

Awww, PL, it's totally understandable to feel clingy, as Mrs R said, you are the "new kid" here as well, even though you visited multiple times, and more than 6 years in a long distance relationship is going to make it seem too good to be true now that you are together. I am still sometimes terrified of something happening to DH or us being torn apart by something, and we were only LD for a year. It hurts to have to miss the one you love. I work with my DH, the exact same hours, and we are pretty much always together, though we are usually doing our own thing, like playing computer games (solo), surfing the net, reading, taking a bath, etc. As Mrs R says, it feels good to know they are just there while you are still enjoying some time to yourself. It's been over a year now and I am just now getting to the point of wanting to have some girl's night-outs and my own group of friends and stuff. I know one day I will want to have a different job so I am doing more of "my own thing" but at the moment, I totally and completely dig working in the same place and knowing that he is just upstairs if I wanna ring up and have a giggle or whatever.  And I was always the kind of person who got soooo sick of someone if I spent too much time around them (like other people I dated from previous jobs, etc.) so I never would've believed that I would be enjoying things the way they are now, but I guess finding the right person makes all the difference. I am sure you will feel better soon, but for now, just enjoy spending as much time with each other as you can! There isn't anything wrong with that - you deserve it after waiting all this time to be together! (((HUGS)))

Hugs for you. I'm sure it will fade in time. I think that we are expected to be full of happiness when you have reached your goal, but there are lots of other emotions that come along dont feel your crazy your normal and honest enough 2 admit how you feel thats a good thing sweetie. Keep your chin up.

You can always come visit me in milton keynes if you need a friend, i love making new friends, or i could meet you in london I would love to hear your stories and how you coped.

Awww... Thanks  This post made me feel great.

I love making new friends as well. I may have to take you up on that.

Awww, PL, it's totally understandable to feel clingy, as Mrs R said, you are the "new kid" here as well, even though you visited multiple times, and more than 6 years in a long distance relationship is going to make it seem too good to be true now that you are together. I am still sometimes terrified of something happening to DH or us being torn apart by something, and we were only LD for a year. It hurts to have to miss the one you love. I work with my DH, the exact same hours, and we are pretty much always together, though we are usually doing our own thing, like playing computer games (solo), surfing the net, reading, taking a bath, etc. As Mrs R says, it feels good to know they are just there while you are still enjoying some time to yourself. It's been over a year now and I am just now getting to the point of wanting to have some girl's night-outs and my own group of friends and stuff. I know one day I will want to have a different job so I am doing more of "my own thing" but at the moment, I totally and completely dig working in the same place and knowing that he is just upstairs if I wanna ring up and have a giggle or whatever.  And I was always the kind of person who got soooo sick of someone if I spent too much time around them (like other people I dated from previous jobs, etc.) so I never would've believed that I would be enjoying things the way they are now, but I guess finding the right person makes all the difference. I am sure you will feel better soon, but for now, just enjoy spending as much time with each other as you can! There isn't anything wrong with that - you deserve it after waiting all this time to be together! (((HUGS)))

Thanks Jewlz! I am happy to know that sooo many other people felt the same way when they got here. It is actually hard to adjust to being here and happy!

So far, it's easier having a job. I worked on Saturday, while Vincent was at home, and I thought that it would be hard to spend a Saturday apart. That's usually OUR day to do what we like... But it was surprisingly easy. I'm feeling less clingy. *He is actually in THE OTHER ROOM while I am writing this.  Progress!* It helps that I am making friends at work as well, so I feel more settled here. Things are getting worlds better.

But I would totally want to work with Vincent if I could. You are a lucky lady!

<33333 Now that I'm comfortable taking the bus up there, I'm gonna come see you and distract you more often <33333

<33333 Now that I'm comfortable taking the bus up there, I'm gonna come see you and distract you more often <33333

This = The most exciting thing ever.

Come do it like... THIS WEEK. lol. We have a whole house to ourselves!