I have an update:
A year after the last post on this thread (last summer), we made a final decision. A LOT of factors got us all the way there, but we sold our house, paid off most of our debt, and now are living very cheaply in my rural GA hometown and saving for the move. I plan to apply for my visa in January/February and hopefully move when the kiddos get out of school (end of May).
Around the same time that I concluded I was well and truly done with the US, I mentioned it to my husband and he basically demanded we go and ASAP. Turns out, he came to the same conclusion about not fitting in and wanting to finish raising our kids there.
It has taken a while, but he is now settled into the idea that this is actually happening and he is getting excited. He is smiling more, showing more interest in things, and just generally more engaged in everything just knowing he gets to go home. The first few stages of this plan nearly broke me (updating and selling our house, moving, planning next steps), but I have never seen him so happy.
It was the right decision. I am getting impatient to go as well. I'm on the last stages of purging our things, clamping down super tight on the budget, and starting to plan a Xmas visit so we can do some reconnaissance.
We narrowed it down to Malvern, which is where he last lived and near or less than an hour from all of his close friends save one, and about an hour from virtually all of our family.
So we have a plan, a place, and a date. We are just a few weeks from being all the way done with purging (I already purged about a third of our stuff when we moved and we are in a house smaller than most houses we are looking at in Malvern, so not it's just for the convenience of not having to move it). Then after the new year it's gonna be madness.