Bullying in the Workplace

I'm completely slack-jawed at this situation. I've never considered myself to be a target of bullying and am having a difficult time actually putting this into perspective. A little background:

I've been in my current post for ~six months. About four months ago another technologist (I'll call her Helen) was added to the team and at first we got along very well.  Just before Christmas, her demeanor towards me began to change. This came about at the same time that the lab coordinator was interviewing for another job  Helen made comments about wanting the position.  I perceived her change in behaviour towards me to have arisen due to what she thought was competition for the post. So I made very definite and sincere comments about not wanting the position and wished her good luck in getting it. There was never any chance of her being assigned as she doesn't have the managerial experience, but hey, good luck anyway, I thought. Right after Christmas & New Year the situation became even worse. Nitpicking my work, ignoring me and being cold when she did have to interact with me, very obviously excluding me and flaunting it: ie asking everyone but me if they wanted to go to breakfast and then waiting until I was in the middle of a task I couldn't put off to  suggest leaving right then for the cafeteria. I talked to the lab coordinator about it and she  said she had clocked to Helen's behaviour and that she would have a chat with her.  Helen didn't stop, but her behaviour did abate a bit. However, now that the lab coordinator is gone - and no chance of the post being filled anytime soon - Helen is at full tilt once again.  I wasn't able to make it to a dinner the lab had for the out-going lab coordinator. I was held up at the last minute. When I was able I texted and let the lab coordinator know I wouldn't be making it. The next week (last week), Helen went out of her way to say "everyone" waited a long time before ordering because they thought I was joining them and that "everyone" was very hungry and making comments about my tardiness.  Throughout this conversation, Helen kept giving me reproving glances, as if I had been a naughty child and had something to make up for. Also, she strongly insinuated that the other people at dinner were extremely upset at me I laughed it off, but I'm beginning to hit my wits end.

Just recently have I identified her behaviour as bullying. I found a website www.bullyonline.org which is helpful in naming the situation. but very little in the way of actually dealing with the situation. Unfortunately, going the management route is, I feel, going to end up being rather fruitless.  The heirarchy in the company is chaotic at best and as contract workers, nobody really gives a toss what goes on in the lab.  She's done nothing overt enough for me to take to HR or to the recruitment company we work for and ask for intervention.

I'm a bit stumped in how to deal with this. Part of me wants to call the big dogs out and just let her have it.  Hubs even suggested waiting until there's nobody in the lab, then rounding on her and acting totally psychotic. I'm VERY tempted. But I'd rather handle it in a way in which my personal code of ethics isn't violated. I'm already looking for another position but I really hate the thought of having to deal with her behaviour until I find one.

Anyone else deal with a similar situation? Any advice or suggestions really, really greatly appreciated.

~Michelle

There are three things you can do.

1) go one level up and complain;

2) lateralize the competition by drawing in other co-workers as allies;

3) confront her, but passively. When alone with her say that you've noticed that she has a personal problem with you and you'd like to know what it is to smooth it over. Very rarely do people want to admit they have personal dislikes and so will moderate themselves in the future. A friend used to be a long time union rep for reprimand procedures, and he said that he could always scramble management in by saying to the boss, "it looks like you have personal problems with "x", why?

There's another thread in "Grievances" where I recommended to get the book by Tim Field (who actually runs the BullyOnline website), it's called "Bully in Sight". It gives much more detailed info about how to deal with a "difficult" individual, for example. I got my book used for £6 at Amazon but even if you have to pay the full price (ca. £14), it's definitely worth the expense.

I'm glad for you that you've been able to identify the issue at an early stage and that it hasn't dragged you down to the point where you're unable to function any more (as it was in my case). Don't let that person with her own insecurities and frustration get to you. It's important that you stay in control of yourself and don't let her take that over. If she's got an issue with you and can't express it in an adult manner, it's not your problem, it's hers.

Pls. PM if you would like me to flick through the book and type (part of) the appropriate chapter (advice on handling bullies) as a post in this thread!

Connie

Good luck. I'm very curious to know what the advice from the book is. LB has good suggestions, too. Often an in-your-face but calm confrontation does work. You'll get a lot of 'I don't know what on earth you're talking about' replies, but the bully will either back down to a much mor tolerable level OR escalate to a point you really can make official complaints.

... I'm very curious to know what the advice from the book is. ... [snip]

Well, the book is very, very informative and consists of 2 main parts: Part A defines bullying, types of bullies, their tactics and strategies and how/why they get away with it. It then looks at the 'victim' (profiling the victim: "why me"?), why many people put up with it and the symptoms and effects bullying ultimately has on the victim. The book then analyzes what impact bullying has as a cost factor for employers (performance + productivity) and finishes with how the causes of bullying can be identified.

Part B gives advice on how to challenge and combat workplace bullying, first on your own and if that fails, recourse to law. I think that this might be of interest for t'n'cyn 'cause it looks to me as if she's psychologically strong enough to stand up for herself.

T. Field starts off the latter Part B with a 15-step process to unmask the bully because the 'victim' is going to hear arguments such as the "I don't know what you're talking about ..." phrase. He then presents you with the options you have on a whopping 30 pages.

Again, I can't but praise this book. Even if somebody's not personally affected by bullying/harassment, it certainly makes one reflect on what's going on at their job. It's shocking to see how many people tend to look the other way and are simply relieved that it's not them rather than take action against such psychopaths that pollute the workplace!

Thank you for the very good advice, everyone.  Lightbulb -  passive confrontation is probably the best avenue right now. teutonica -  many thanks for the link to bullyonline.org in the first place, it's a great help. I've ordered the book and really look forward to reading it.

Cheers!

~Michelle

Hi, I really keep my fingers crossed that you'll be able to resolve the prob on your own. Get all the support you need from this forum, friends and family, it'll make you feel much stronger and independent.

Since I spent most of 2004 obsessing about why this could happen to me and the quest for finding a legal niche to defend my case, I'm now getting quite worked up whenever I hear about anything similar. That's why I jumped at this thread like a bull chasing a red cloth!
In your case, it simply might be a temporary thing, the co-worker is battling with personal issues herself or suffers from SAD and is merely taking her probs with her to work. Perhaps she's envious that you're happy with the position you've got while she needs a certain job title to feel good about herself and doesn't get it ... uh well, the human psyche works in mysterious ways.

On the other hand, there's no reason why YOU have to put up with it. I for myself let it slide for quite a while and in the final stage, I regretted not having kept track of every single incident! In any case, I wish you the best of luck and if you need to vent/talk/ask ... PM me. Here's another link I have to offer: Workplace Bullying

Do you have co-workers who can back you up? I had a situation a few years ago where a woman who came to work
where I work decided to hate me and she tried really hard to make my life a misery. I am still trying to work out why.  She kept trying to turn people in the office against me. I didn't know what to do, it was hard to say anything without seeming like a school kid. She would do dumb things like send a group email to people I was friends with about going out for a group lunch but leave me off the email.  Ditto social events. Luckily people noticed she seemed to have a problem and would resend the emails out saying "oops you forgot Liz" then I would end up going to the lunch and she would stay behind! It got really childish. Eventually she made herself so miserable she left after a few months.  Good luck, however you end up dealing with it.

Cheers, Britwife. Unfortunately, the only person in the lab who really noticed it was the lab coordinator and she's left the company now.  Of the two other microbiologists in the lab, one I don't work with, the other actually carpools with Helen.  Thank you for the encouragement, it really helps! Glad to see your situation worked out well - it's strange how often this seems to happen . . . it just so rarely gets named.

It sounds like she feels threatened by you, but that's still no excuse. If you can confront her, as Lightbulb suggests, she will probably feel ashamed of herself. 

Keep us posted.

Or, she feels pushed in a corner and gets even more psychotic! Only in rare cases you can argue with those folks, most of them aren't even aware what drives them let alone admit it ...

I've just ordered the book Bully in Sight that you recommended, teutonica. I believe my line manager is bullying me. I didn't even realise that's what it was until a co-worker told me she thought I was being bullied. It's a passive-aggressive type of bullying in a way. She withholds vital tools for me to do my job effectively, then enjoys pointing out the errors I've made as a result. It's really getting to me, but I have such a low self-esteem anyway I've been thinking I'm making errors because I'm such a major screw up. I hope I get some good advice from this book.

I've just ordered the book Bully in Sight that you recommended, teutonica. I believe my line manager is bullying me. I didn't even realise that's what it was until a co-worker told me she thought I was being bullied. It's a passive-aggressive type of bullying in a way. She withholds vital tools for me to do my job effectively, then enjoys pointing out the errors I've made as a result. It's really getting to me, but I have such a low self-esteem anyway I've been thinking I'm making errors because I'm such a major screw up. I hope I get some good advice from this book.

Wow -- she sounds horrible!  I hope the book helps you out.  You seem very sweet and you shouldn't have to deal with her crap! 

Carla, I'm sure the book will make interesting reading! It makes me so angry to hear about stories like yours and Michelles. As with many bullies, most of them have serious self-confidence issues, and the only way of feeling good about themselves is not to bring their own confidence levels up but to bring others' down below the level of theirs. Sad, isn't it. It's a shame that so many of us have to put up with immature people in the workplace! Anyway, if you need to talk and/or brainstorming, you know where to find me! Pls. keep me posted.