Etiquette

As not to offend...

I would like to know the rules of behavior in the UK (and London). What I have found so far-

It is considered rude to get a doggie bag (bites lip - I never finish at a restraunt!)

One should never arrive early for a party, but a few minutes late.

Question:

Is it considered rude to send bad food back?


(if these are wrong, please correct me)

Sprigged, trying to be a Post-er child.

These are my opinions only... others may respond differently! 

It's not exactly 'rude' to ask for a doggie bag, but i've heard it's considered 'low-class'.   Remember, the portion sizes are generally smaller here, so you might not even need it, but if i had a lot of food left on my plate, i would ask for it to be parcelled up to take home with me.  (only done it a few times, with curries, and they were ok about it).  But the actual phrase 'doggie bag'  is not used here...  you might try saying 'could you wrap this up for me so i could take it home?' instead.

Never arrive early for a party.. i agree with that.

Sending bad food back... depends on the sort of restaurant you're in, i suppose.  I personally would not do it, because i have seen too many TV programmes / documentaries about how the kitchen staff spit in your food or whatever, if you complain about it.

The only place we've asked for food to be wrapped up is Wagamama and Pizza Hut.  Both places have been pretty cool about it.   

I work in food service and believe me people send food back ALL THE TIME.  Whether we think they're rude depends on how they act and speak to us and how valid their complaint is.  To this day, my favourite is the girl who brought her baked potato back because the butter was melted.   

As not to offend...

I would like to know the rules of behavior in the UK (and London). What I have found so far-

It is considered rude to get a doggie bag (bites lip - I never finish at a restraunt!)

I would only ask to have my left overs wrapped up to take home, if the restaunt also did take aways.

Way I figure it, is if I'm paying with hard earned money for the service and the food, I should be able to ask for leftovers to be wrapped up, if they don't 'approve', tough really......I just won't go back. Customer service here is so lacking, it doesn't bother me to ask for what I want, and be pushy if I have to. Maybe that's typically american, but there it is......this is a sore spot with me.

I also just ask for a pizza box from Pizza hut.
I used to send things back but Frank was embarrassed. So now I just bite my tongue.

What I usually say is "may I have a box, please?", or "may I take this home, please?"

I am not so concerned about being extremely proper. I just don't wish to embarrass myself with others. 

I'm glad to hear about sending food back. I was always taught to do this (politely, of course!).  I always (and I mean always) call every man my elder sir, regardless of his job, race, etc, and every woman ma'am or a lady. People always look pleasantly shocked when I do that especially service people. Thats the old "all men are created equal..." in me.

A side note - Since I'm very, very mixed race, I am glad that there seems to be less concern over race in London. I don't care for the idea that some people feel that race defines you, and I therefore have no defintion.

I always (and I mean always) call every man my elder sir, regardless of his job, race, etc, and every woman ma'am or a lady. People always look pleasantly shocked when I do that especially service people. Thats the old "all men are created equal..." in me.

In my very first UK job, i was on the phone with a customer and i called him 'sir' a couple of times in the conversation, as i had been brought up to do(!)... he finally said to me in an exasperated voice 'i wish you would stop calling me 'Sir'... i'm not a knight, you know!'
That knocked the 'sir' out of me quicksticks!  I've never called anyone 'sir' or 'ma'am' since that day.

In my very first UK job, i was on the phone with a customer and i called him 'sir' a couple of times in the conversation, as i had been brought up to do(!)... he finally said to me in an exasperated voice 'i wish you would stop calling me 'Sir'... i'm not a knight, you know!'
That knocked the 'sir' out of me quicksticks!  I've never called anyone 'sir' or 'ma'am' since that day.

lol ... I like that story! I never could bring myself to call people "ma'am" and "sir" --  even when I was in the US. It always felt a bit overly deferential, almost demeaning to myself, to do it. I know that's not logical, but that's how I felt so I never did it.

In my very first UK job, i was on the phone with a customer and i called him 'sir' a couple of times in the conversation, as i had been brought up to do(!)... he finally said to me in an exasperated voice 'i wish you would stop calling me 'Sir'... i'm not a knight, you know!'
That knocked the 'sir' out of me quicksticks!  I've never called anyone 'sir' or 'ma'am' since that day.

That is quite funny!

I never thought of that. That is so ingrained in me, I do not know if I am able to break that habit (Do I even want to break it?)

Thanks again, otterpop. You have been incredible in helping me. 

Obviously it's  your choice, Sprigged... but people will most likely take the piss/make fun of you if you use 'sir' & ma'am'.  If you're the sort of person who isnt bothered by that, then go for it! 

I have never really heard anyone say 'ma'am' or 'sir' here except in school and i think those days have gone too.

The first time i went to the States (SC) i started laughing when i was called ma'am...it would have made me feel really old except for the fact that it was preceded with 'i will need to see some id for these cigarettes'    I couldn't believe it....mid 30's and carded for cigarettes...i did a happy dance for the rest of the day LOL

I had never asked for 'a box' from a restaurant. It really isn't done here....but after being in the States for 2 months i was converted. I know i get some LOOKS here for asking, but to be honnest i don't care...i paid for it so...gimme a box LOL

I have no problems sending food back, but i always try to do it in the nicest way. I had an ex who was a top French chef....taught me all i needed to know...about returning food that is      (not liking the thought of my food being spat in...call me naive but i never thought of that before  )

I have to admit that it is probably something of a national character trait that we don't complain enough about bad service/food/anything else.   There really is an underlying "Don't make a fuss" attitude which means that things have to be REALLY bad before we compain.     Maybe the poor service standards in many places are at least partly caused by that. 

Regarding Sir/Ma'am, I fell into using them while in the States and have continued to use them ever since (although perhaps not quite so frequently here).    It just seems like a nice part of English usage which has been lost in Britain.

Mind you, Britain does retain the heavy usage of "Thank you" at times.  You know the sort of situation in a restaurant:

Waitress places knives and forks on the tabe.  "Thank you."
Waitress walks to other side of you and lays a napkin down.  "Thank you."
Waitress returns five seconds later with salt and other assorted seasonings.  "Thank you."   

Even as a Brit I have to say that it seems a little excessive at times.

The consequence is that Americans are sometimes seen as less polite for not inserting "Thanks" after every single action.  Maybe you could counter any such criticism with the Sir/Ma'am issue? 

Could I throw in another question that's related please?   As you know the portion sizes in restaurants here in the states are way too much so my daughter and I always decide on something we both like and ask for an extra plate. Is that considered rude in the UK? Not trying to be cheap but we just cant eat as much as they give you. Or are the portion sizes much smaller as you could eat most of it?

Could I throw in another question that's related please?   As you know the portion sizes in restaurants here in the states are way too much so my daughter and I always decide on something we both like and ask for an extra plate. Is that considered rude in the UK? Not trying to be cheap but we just cant eat as much as they give you. Or are the portion sizes much smaller as you could eat most of it?

I have done that here when my son was about 2 years old. I doubt very much if hubby would approve me to ask for an extra plate for he and I or for me and one of the kids. He can be such a prude!
Portion sizes here are much smaller than what you would be used to in the USA. I'm talking the average US restaurants such as Friday's, Applebee's, Chili's, etc.