Latest grief from the Beast

I should have just hired a hit man.

Its never to late to exercise this option!!

 Ricki,  you did far more then your share. I wouldn't be that nice to that scum. I would've told him he had to pick them up and drop them off,  I wouldn't travel all that way just so he can see them after 5 years of not being around, Then he expects you to pay for his hotel accomodation and food as well My gawd!. He must be mama's boy lol
I say you make reservations at the most crappiest dirtiest roach-infested motel in the worse area , and then give him beans on toast for food...... ..cold beans as well....and don't give him a fork either lol

Yeah, I know what youre saying but the kids dont realize he is an a$$hole (yet) and the deserve not to be disappointed as they are really looking forward to going. I try not to let my differences between me and the beast interfere with the kids rights to see their father.   

This is so true, Pebbles. No matter how much you hate it, the thought of breaking your kids' hearts is ten times worse. I have to bite my tongue whenever my boys rave about how wonderful their dad is and can't wait to see him, etc.  But i'm the one who knows i'm only allowed to drop them off friday after they've been fed and collect them before dinner on a sunday afternoon....he cant be arsed. 

As the child of a crappy father, can I interject something here?

My mother did the same thing.  She never bad-mouthed my father.  She never turned him down when he wanted to see us - even when he wanted to take me (age 9) and my brother (age 5) to Germany for a summer and she was terrified he may just decide not to bring us back...(this was in the 70s).

And I don't think she did me any favours in letting me figure out for myself what a jerk he is.  Really.  Even if she had laid it all out for me and I hadn't believed her and run to "his side," (her biggest fear, I know now) it wouldn't have taken long for his true colours to come through and I would have been able to learn my lesson and go back to the parent who REALLY cared about me and get on with my life.

Instead, I'm an almost-40-year-old woman who can't truly reconcile the fact that my father will NEVER be the father I want and need him to be - the illusion of a father my mother tried so hard to keep alive for me.

My father:

Upon hearing I was getting married, he asked me who was walking me down the aisle because "I certainly am not" - even though he was invited and was actually coming to the wedding!  I had my oldest son walk me.

When scheduling a 10-day trip to the UK to "include" attending my wedding, he scheduled it so that my wedding was on his LAST day in the country.  He also brought my brother and sister-in-law over - they spent the first 9 days sightseeing as far as Bath and such, coming to my wedding the day before they had to leave on a plane early the next morning.  Even though my brother and sister-in-law stayed for the meal, my father left almost immediately after the ceremony.  Didn't say goodbye.  Is not in any of my professional wedding family photos.

When the bombs went off in London, my husband waited 2 days before he finally sent off an e-mail telling my father not to worry, because we were okay - nevermind that he hadn't asked...

These are just the recent things that STILL get to me even at my age and with our history (such as his putting in writing that I was a "slut" when he found out I was pregnant with my first child).

I can't help but think that kids need truth and honesty in their lives more than an illusion of love.  Truth hurts - but it's the only thing you can build on. 

Just my perspective from my own experience.

I understand where your coming from, Peedal but the opposite happened with my father.
My mom divorced my dad when I was just three. For years and years I was told he was such and S.O.B. My mother was constantly b*tching about him to us about how he doesn't want us. But when I was in my 20s I got to know my father all over again and he is a (was a) wonderful, loving, brilliant man. I knew him well for about 12 years before he passed away three years ago.
I just don't want my kids to portray me as the bad one. Let them decide one day what kind of person (animal) their father is.

I understand where your coming from, Peedal but the opposite happened with my father.
My mom divorced my dad when I was just three. For years and years I was told he was such and S.O.B. My mother was constantly b*tching about him to us about how he doesn't want us. But when I was in my 20s I got to know my father all over again and he is a (was a) wonderful, loving, brilliant man. I knew him well for about 12 years before he passed away three years ago.
I just don't want my kids to portray me as the bad one. Let them decide one day what kind of person (animal) their father is.

I bite my tongue when the twins talk about their dad too...though the times they say anything is few and far between. They are too young right now to know what a jerk he is...and that even though he professes that he loves them he has done NOTHING to show any evidence of the fact. I say, for now, let his actions speak louder than your words. I certainly wouldn't lie and say he is wonderful, and I wouldn't take up the slack to make sure he looks like he cares and is competent. I just wouldn't say anything negative.

I understand Peedal too though. My parents were never divorced, but it still bothers me that I don't have the dad I thought others had (that the media portrayed as "normal")...one that I could talk to, one that was interested in me. He did always make sure we had food and clothes and lots of extras. Probably he was too traumatized from HIS childhood to give me what I wanted from him emotionally!

I'm not saying you have to bad-mouth him.  But be honest with the kids about the situations.  Don't "cover" for him - because if he really loved them and wanted to be a good father, he wouldn't be behaving in such a way that covering for him would be necessary.

Don't ever take the "blame" for anything he's done wrong or make things easier for him.  He's not making things easy for you - or is own children!

Can you have him fly over and get them and then you fly to the states and bring them back...just so there are no troubles bringing them back?

Actually that's not a bad idea if you can arrange it that way.  I've done similar w/my ex in the past, although on a smaller scale, but that way I'm a little more assured of getting them back approximately when I expected...

No actually I cant fly after the New Year because of Franks schedule. I wont have anyone to stay with the boys. This is why its best for me to take them and he bring them back. I'm not worried about him not bringing them back on time. He will be very anxious to get back to his precious military assignment.
Do you know he is so military brainwashed he said to me yesterday "Military people are of higher standards than civilians". I asked if he was kidding. Has he opened a newspaper recently? Lyndie England was of very high standards I'm sure. During the entire Iraqi POW scandal I was ashamed to be American.
Also, most the guys he knew when he first joined the AF 20 years ago would have ended up in jail if they didn't join the service. Yeah, high standards indeed!

Military have higher standards that civilians!!! oh really...send the fecker this:

http://www.eastbayexpress.com/Issues/2005-09-28/news/cityofwarts.html

Military have higher standards that civilians!!! oh really...send the fecker this:

http://www.eastbayexpress.com/Issues/2005-09-28/news/cityofwarts.html

OMG! Im sending it to him!!!!

No actually I cant fly after the New Year because of Franks schedule. I wont have anyone to stay with the boys. This is why its best for me to take them and he bring them back. I'm not worried about him not bringing them back on time. He will be very anxious to get back to his precious military assignment.
Do you know he is so military brainwashed he said to me yesterday "Military people are of higher standards than civilians". I asked if he was kidding. Has he opened a newspaper recently? Lyndie England was of very high standards I'm sure. During the entire Iraqi POW scandal I was ashamed to be American.
Also, most the guys he knew when he first joined the AF 20 years ago would have ended up in jail if they didn't join the service. Yeah, high standards indeed!

Unfortantly almost all military men I know are like this.  I dated this marine back 5 years ago,and  I vowed to never date another one after him. he said on a daily basis "lead,follow or get out the way" And bragged about how marines were above everyone including civilians and other branches of the military because they were "the true military and everyone else is just wimps"  ...I really pissed him off when I started calling him Gomer Pyle . Anyway,I hope he stops being a twat Ricki,if he doesn't you can always call him Gomer Pyle hehe

"He who joyfully marches to music rank and file, has already earned my contempt. He has been given a large brain by mistake, since for him the spinal cord would surely suffice. This disgrace to civilization should be done away with at once. Heroism at command, how violently I hate all this, how despicable and ignoble war is; I would rather be torn to shreds than be a part of so base an action. It is my conviction that killing under the cloak of war is nothing but an act of murder."


Albert Einstein

my husbands ex is playing similar games. We're suppose to have the kids this xmas but as we will be in the US we wanted to fly them up to us instead of coming to the UK, both kids really wanted to come but unfortunatly 'she who must be obeyed' has played mind games witht them and said she would be 'really unhappy and lonely if they went'
you can guess the outcome 

She has always badmouthed hubby but we are biding our time until the kids can see for them selves, it hurts yes but every chance we get to right the record we do,I know the kids are greatful we set them straight but with limited access there isnt much we can do but wait.