Expectations vs. Experience

I was just thinking today about some things and was curious about what everyone's expectations of how some things would be when you moved and what your experience once you made the actual move to the UK was.

1) Did you plan to try to keep up your american traditions and celebrate things like Thanksgiving? If so, did you continue to keep up the traditions once living there or is it something that has eventually just fizzled out over time?

2) How often did you plan to call and keep in contact with family and friends back home and how often do you actually do it now that you're there?

3) When you were moving did any of your friends and family say they wanted to come visit you? If any did show interest, have they actually visited?

Oh and I forgot to add...for those of you who haven't made the move yet but are planning to what are your expectations of how these things will be?

1) Did you plan to try to keep up your american traditions and celebrate things like Thanksgiving? If so, did you continue to keep up the traditions once living there or is it something that has eventually just fizzled out over time?

I've always thought it was important for my children to know that part of their heretage.  I've managed to celebrate the 4th of July and Thanksgiving pretty much regularly-maybe not to the extent that I would like, but we make an effort and my kids know what they're celebrating.  

2) How often did you plan to call and keep in contact with family and friends back home and how often do you actually do it now that you're there?

I didn't really put alot of thought into that part of it.  I'd been pretty much living far away from my parents since I was 18-alot of that time in places where it was difficult to phone regularly-Japan and camp.  When we moved here it was REALLY expensive to phone-about a pound a minute, so I didn't.  I probably talked to my Mom about once a month.  Now, I IM my Mom about once a fortnight and still talk on the phone once a month or so.  

3) When you were moving did any of your friends and family say they wanted to come visit you? If any did show interest, have they actually visited?

Well, when we first moved here my Mom had never travelled any where-never even flown.   She and my Dad came over after about a year and a half.  Since then there's been no stopping her .  She comes to see us every other year and sometimes sooner if there's a crisis of some sort.  
My sister came to see me the first couple of years I lived here, but now has her own family so can't get away.  No one else has been, but I wouldn't really expect them to.

I had hoped to keep up the Thanksgiving tradition, not only because I think the family theme and thankfulness thing is superb, but I didn't want to give up the food tradition.

We've managed to do something each year, and usually inviting people over so it's not just the two of us. And for many it's been their first Thanksgiving and seemed to make quite an impression.

I'd planned on keeping up email contact with family and friends from the US, and although it hasn't stopped with family, the contact with friends from Florida stopped. But, in a twist, I am in almost daily contact with at least one or another from my high school in Pennsylvania...30 years after I graduated. You see, I do my class's web site and it's been tremendous fun keeping up with everyone.

Family has visited me, but only one high school friend and no one from Florida (where I lived the past 20 years).

1) Did you plan to try to keep up your american traditions and celebrate things like Thanksgiving? If so, did you continue to keep up the traditions once living there or is it something that has eventually just fizzled out over time?

I planned on keeping them up, yes.  But I haven't really felt the need to go whole-hog the last year or so.  I tried Thanksgiving here the first year but it just wasn't the same so I gave up on doing it here.  Instead, we go back if at all possible for that holiday since it's my favorite.  

We have taken the 4th July off from work, but we don't really celebrate it, as such.  

Once we have kids, I'll want to do the Easter Bunny and Trick-or-treating thing with them so hope to keep that sort of thing going.  

On the whole tho, I'd say it has waned a bit.

2) How often did you plan to call and keep in contact with family and friends back home and how often do you actually do it now that you're there?

I planned on calling once a week and doing a lot of emails.  That has pretty much fallen flat on its face tho.  I found it very difficult to keep in touch with family and friends.  My life is so different now, and it's hard for me to talk to them about that.  I don't speak to them more than once a month at the very, very most.

3) When you were moving did any of your friends and family say they wanted to come visit you? If any did show interest, have they actually visited?

Heck yeah!  I was everyone's new best friend there just before I left.    

But so far, 2.5 years into this adventure, not a single visitor.  Not that I'm bitter...oh no, of course not!  

1) Did you plan to try to keep up your american traditions and celebrate things like Thanksgiving? If so, did you continue to keep up the traditions once living there or is it something that has eventually just fizzled out over time?

I have always prepared Thanksgiving dinner with most of the American favorites I grew up with. Its the one time of the year when I cook what I want! Christmas has all the flavors of both American and British traditions. July 4th is usually celebrated with other Americans/British....and we have a ball!

2) How often did you plan to call and keep in contact with family and friends back home and how often do you actually do it now that you're there?  

I call my family more now than I did when I lived in the US, especially my daughter and mother. I do still keep up with my friends. I usually call them but now and again, I get a surprise call from them!

3) When you were moving did any of your friends and family say they wanted to come visit you? If any did show interest, have they actually visited?

As with most.....they all say they want to come and visit (if they can get a passport). In saying that, besides my daughter visiting, only my best friend and my mother have come to visit....but I haven't given up working on the others!!

Sher

1) Did you plan to try to keep up your american traditions and celebrate things like Thanksgiving? If so, did you continue to keep up the traditions once living there or is it something that has eventually just fizzled out over time?

The Thanksgiving thing was a hit with the in-laws last year, so I think we'll keep that one.  Gives my mother-in-law and I a chance to 'share' the holiday cooking duties.  I do the big thing at Thanksgiving and she does the big thing at Christmas.
We also celebrate Three Kings Day (a Spanish holiday) and we'll keep doing that.  We celebrate the common holidays the way the boys are used to for their sake (Easter baskets and carving pumpkins and the like).

2) How often did you plan to call and keep in contact with family and friends back home and how often do you actually do it now that you're there?

The boys call my mother at least once a week - sometimes more.  I talk to her most of the times they call.  Sometimes call on my own.  (Love that One-Tel.)  Phil and I e-mail her everyday.  She sends care packages once or twice a month.  We send her stuff back, too, but not quite as much admittedly.  Still in contact with two girls I worked with at my last US job, and that's kind of impressive to me!  They've both moved from the West to the East coast of Florida to go to Uni (they're more than 10 years younger than me...) and we've still managed to keep in touch.  Just sent over a box of Marmite crisps for one!  Didn't really 'leave' too many people behind I was really close to.

3) When you were moving did any of your friends and family say they wanted to come visit you? If any did show interest, have they actually visited?

Hoped the 2 friends from work would be able to come to the wedding, but they just weren't able to swing it.  Still hoping they manage a trip over.  Absolutely gobsmacked that my father AND my brother came over for the wedding.  And I have no illusions that I'll ever get my mother back over - the plane ride was a bit much for her.  (Hard to believe the woman was once a stewardess!)    All the visits with family will probably be us going to the U.S.  Not a problem - as any visit to Florida will include a visit to Disney!  

1) Did you plan to try to keep up your american traditions and celebrate things like Thanksgiving? If so, did you continue to keep up the traditions once living there or is it something that has eventually just fizzled out over time?

I would like to do so.  This will be my first Halloween here.  A friend of my husbands owns a pub and we're going there for a Halloween party although I don't think we're going to dress up (which is odd because I ALWAYS dress up) as I don't think the adults are going to do so.  As far as T'Giving goes, we are going to try to do something.  Some of the UK Yanks have advised the Hard Rock Cafe does a T'giving thing so we may do that.  


2) How often did you plan to call and keep in contact with family and friends back home and how often do you actually do it now that you're there?

I have two grown kids back in the states so I'm on the phone with them a couple of times a week.  Speak with my parents about every two weeks.  I have one good friend that I talk to twice a month or more.

3) When you were moving did any of your friends and family say they wanted to come visit you? If any did show interest, have they actually visited?

My best friend says she'll visit but hasn't yet (I've only been here since June though!).  Parents are coming in November (for two weeks, God help us!!) and my sister and her hubby came over to visit in Oct.  My daughter and her best friend will be spending Xmas with us so, at least in the early days, I can say lots are following through.


-Sandy

1) Did you plan to try to keep up your american traditions and celebrate things like Thanksgiving? If so, did you continue to keep up the traditions once living there or is it something that has eventually just fizzled out over time?
  Yes ,when I was there before,I still celebrated things like Thanksgiving,even my British hubby enjoyed the feast
I will this time when we go back also.I think its very important to keep your home country's celebration,esp if you have children.We all have to never forget our roots,I feel.

2) How often did you plan to call and keep in contact with family and friends back home and how often do you actually do it now that you're there?
Friends on a regular basis,but family is a bit tricky.Although I keep in contact with them and celebrate holidays,I have in time distanced myself from them.There is alot issues that I will not go into right now.

3) When you were moving did any of your friends and family say they wanted to come visit you? If any did show interest, have they actually visited?
 The last time,my youngest sister wanted to,but my Mother saw to it,that there wasnt a chance of that.I think this time since she is over 18,the chances might be better
 I do have a friend that has already made plans to come over there for a visit ,next summer

1) Did you plan to try to keep up your american traditions and celebrate things like Thanksgiving? If so, did you continue to keep up the traditions once living there or is it something that has eventually just fizzled out over time?

I got here on Nov 11th last year, so I was somewhat determined to keep up a Thanksgiving celebration. Hubby and I went to Hard Rock (if anyone is considering that, get there EARLY...when we were leaving the line was outrageous!) and while it was nice having pumpkin pie, it wasn't the same.

However, I had conveniently forgotten that it hadn't "been the same" for ages really. I guess when you have something taken away, it suddenly gains in importance...kind of like how much more patriotic I feel now that I no longer live in the US!

My Mom of course had to remind me that I really never even liked Thanksgiving after about the age of 15, when I unfortunately started developing a now decades-long battle with one eating disorder or another. Ugh. Plus, becoming a vegetarian meant I was always a pain to cook for and I always felt I was putting people out.

So for me, maybe no Thanksgiving will be a good thing. I'm not quite sure (and sorry for the TMI).

Christmas was VERY British, on the other hand, but I enjoyed it thoroughly...and I have the pics of me and my silly paper crown thingy to prove it!

2) How often did you plan to call and keep in contact with family and friends back home and how often do you actually do it now that you're there?

I have found that:
1. If I didn't call them, I would NEVER talk to my friends or family. So I make an effort about once a month. Mom is somewhat better about it, but I would still say that I make the majority of the contact.
2. Thank god for e-mail.
3. I don't keep in touch nearly as much as I thought I would, and sometimes I worry about it, but that is silly. You also can't take it personally when you don't hear from people...work, kids, spouses and just life in general come into play and if they're busy, it's no slight on you. You do the best you can. Remember that you matter to them, and they matter to you, and you can pretty much pick up where you left off if they are true friends (and family).

3) When you were moving did any of your friends and family say they wanted to come visit you? If any did show interest, have they actually visited?

A few have said they'd like to come out, but I don't know if I see it happening. My single friends are probably most likely to do so. Mom has already told me that she would rather just give me the money to come there and has NO desire whatsoever to come out here. It's very odd, since she was the one who started me on the path to being an Anglophile to begin with! But she hates flying and has already traveled through Europe, so I think she's pretty much set in her ways.

What IS funny, however, is the people I HAVE seen out here have been friends of friends who heard I lived in London and wanted a tour guide. I've put up plenty of strangers...but no one I knew from home!  

1) Did you plan to try to keep up your american traditions and celebrate things like Thanksgiving? If so, did you continue to keep up the traditions once living there or is it something that has eventually just fizzled out over time?

We've been here for just over one year.  Last year we did a Thanksgiving dinner with some American friends who had moved to London about the same time as us. We did it on the Saturday after T-day, as the guys both had to work on the actual day.  It was a lot of fun and we really enjoyed it.  This year my FIL, MIL, SIL, BIL and nephew are coming for T-day.  We're going to do the whole traditional day on Thursday, starting with Bloody Marys in the morning and a big dinner in the afternoon when DS gets home from school.  Can't wait!  We also celebrated Independence Day last summer - had a very big party for neighbors and friends - we were the only Americans!  Everyone was great and really got into the spirit - dressed up in RW&B, brought us American wine and beer, etc.  Great fun - the people in our village have been nothing but welcoming, friendly, and interested in us and our experiences here.  I can't say for sure, but I think it helps that Americans are not unusual in Surrey, and that we got involved with the village school (DS attends), church, and cricket (social) club.  We've made the effort to get out there and be involved and I think people respond to that.  Sorry, slight digression there.

2) How often did you plan to call and keep in contact with family and friends back home and how often do you actually do it now that you're there?  

One.tel is great!  We call family about once a week, and they call us about the same.  It's a bit harder with DH's family, as the 8 hour time difference (west coast) makes it a bit harder to catch them when they're awake and not at work, but we talk to them about twice a month, or more.  We talk to friends less often, but do keep in contact with e-mails.  Family also e-mails frequently.  There has been a bit of change in some friendships due to the distance, but I think that's natural.  The really good friends will always be good friends, even if we don't communicate every week.

3) When you were moving did any of your friends and family say they wanted to come visit you? If any did show interest, have they actually visited?

Tons of interest in visiting!  In the first year we had both sets of parents and several groups of friends visit.  As I said above, DH's family is all arriving next week.  My brother and SIL are coming in Feb., probably will get some friends in March, my parents in April - and that's just what scheduled so far.  We've also gotten together with friends who've been in London for business, but they didn't stay with us.  We see DH's father fmore requently, as he often flys through London en route to business in Europe.  

So, so far our experience has been pretty positive.

Stephanie