The Ebb and Flow

I'm sorry you two are feeling so lonely right now.  I'm sort of flowing - mostly because I've been too busy to think about anything.  But also, because things are going right for us right now.  I hope that this ebb finishes quickly for you. 

I'm really beginning to understand now how hard transoceanic relationships (or any LDRs) are and what it takes to sustain such an entity.  I had to see off a very special person today, but I prefer to think of it as just saying "goodnight", not "goodbye".  This is the third time we've had an airport send-off, and I think this one was the hardest for us.  The first time we had to part, I thought well I'm a tenacious person, I'll be all right with this until we meet again.  All the tenacity in the world could not counteract the sadness I had this morning.  :\\\'(  It does help to know though that I have a tentative date set for our next visit...but it doesn't fill the odd emptiness in my home this evening.

Even with that said, the full ebb hasn't hit me yet, but I suspect in a week or two it will.  I'll just have to remember a philosophy that gets me through many difficult situations...I tell myself, do something that makes you happy, now.  Now now, even if it's just as simple as getting a fresh-squeezed sweet lemonade to help beat the heat, or visit the sunflower garden near where I work.

I'm really beginning to understand now how hard transoceanic relationships (or any LDRs) are and what it takes to sustain such an entity.  I had to see off a very special person today, but I prefer to think of it as just saying "goodnight", not "goodbye".  This is the third time we've had an airport send-off, and I think this one was the hardest for us.  The first time we had to part, I thought well I'm a tenacious person, I'll be all right with this until we meet again.  All the tenacity in the world could not counteract the sadness I had this morning.  :\\\'(  It does help to know though that I have a tentative date set for our next visit...but it doesn't fill the odd emptiness in my home this evening.

Even though we've gone through this time and time again it always happens like this and TBH I think it gets worst after the first time. Once you've done it 2 or more times it just gets worst and worst and worst...last time was my 4th one and it was the worst one yet. I don't even want to know what's going to feel like next time. Hang in there...that's what were all here for. If you ever need a rant partner feel free to message me.

I went though the same thing!  It's weird how it's difficult some days and tolerable others.  September is almost here, Zeusy....

I just got back from seeing my husband a few days ago, and already i feel so down, i was fine for the first few days, kind of blocked out my emotions, but now i feel terrible. It does not help that he is away training with the military so we cant contact each other for another week and a half.

The good news is i get to see him for maybe 2 weeks over christmas /new year before he deploys for 6 months. BUt it is getting harder saying goodbye each time. It just seems so unfair that we cant be together right now.

In regards to airport goodbyes....It's like you think that the time after the first time would be more tolerable...that you can suck it up, but the more you hold it in, the more it pressures itself inside of you, until it comes bursting out in the form of either crying or incoherent babbling that even you dont understand.

My boo and I have done a total of 6 airport goodbyes...and yea, they suck my big toe.

Ebb, Ebb, Ebb - hence my other post.

Airport Good-byes.....THE WORST!  My last good-bye was quick, like a ripping a bandaid off and then I spent 20 minutes in the car weeping.

Awww Mekaw...hugs to you

I feel like all I've been doing is complaining lately and here it comes.  I'm so, so sad.  I still can't believe he didn't come here this weekend.  I can't believe I didn't go over there all summer.  I still can't believe our life has been put on hold and I'm still here in the US.

I try to understand about the work thing, but it's getting harder to take the back seat.  The whole deal he was working on all summer, just fell through and has put him in this tailspin.  I hate hearing the stress and frustration in his voice and HATE that I can't be there to help him through it.  It saddens me that he tells me he's not eating well and had to hire out his neighbor's wife to clean his house.  I wish so much that I could be there to take care of him and it breaks my heart that I can't.  I just don't know what to do from so far away. It's just make me so very sad.

I'm usually pretty strong about all this and the distance.  I guess I'm having some moments of weakness and doubt.  I can't seem to get out of my own head.
Sorry to be such a downer...just figured no one else I know has any understanding about this and I'm so sick of the judgemental comments.

Awww, mekaw.  I'm sorry that you're going through all of this right now.  Can you possibly make any plans that could give you security?  I know that neither you, nor he, want you to move over on a fiancee visa because you would be forced into unemployment.  And you don't want to have to get married just so that you can live together - do you think that you'll reach a point during your LDR at which you both know that you want to be married?  Or, in your relationship, do you need to get a work permit in order to live together?  (I ask these questions as though it's something you've never thought of, right?     Sorry about that.  I'd just really like to see you two get together after such a rough patch this summer.)

At least treat yourself next weekend in Seattle.

Thanks Carrie -
The original plan was for me to move in May and us get married sometime this fall.  He asked my father's permission over last Christmas and we went ring shopping on New Year's Eve.  So yes, this LDR has always been about us getting married.  We just wanted to spend a little more time with each other first.  Initially the fiancee visa was an option, but then the work thing started.

This whole work deal started for him in April.  It's caused so much turmoil and uncertainty in our future.  Not really between us, but where he'll end up and where we'll end up. There were a few weeks this summer he thought he would be moving over to the US.  It's extremely frustrating for me to not come first right now and to not know whether I should be looking for a new job in the UK or the US.  I'm used to being spoiled by him.  I'm trying really hard to be patient, especially since his work has a big impact on our future.  What most people don't understand is that he doesn't have a normal 9-5, M-F job.  He has a huge amount of responsibility and pressure.  I even lose sight of that sometimes.

He also always thinks he has to have all the answers for me, but I never ask.  Today I told him that I didn't care about the distant future.  That I loved him and wanted to spend my life with him and that hasn't changed.  The details of that will fall into place when we have time to put it together.  All I want right now is a commitment to see each other for two days.

So sorry to hear about this mekaw... what a drag.     :\\\'(

Sorry to hear about how everything  went with the job Mekaw I hope everything works out!

zeusy - How was your trip?!  How excited are you to be in the UK? 

It's all a bit better today. We had a really nice conversation this evening and explained everything to each other and agreed to not revisit this again.  We have both been very frazzled and I think taking it out on each other.  We are both going to focus on what we can control right now.  He has to work out his work situation and I need to focus on my work and the UK job search.  We agreed that we've both taken each other for granted and we do need to relax a little bit.  So right now we are planning for me to come over end of the month or beginning of Oct.  Since he can't come here, I'll go there.

I spent most of today rewriting my CV yet again.  Sent it off to a headhunter friend and scrolled around the internet for postings.  Happy to see that a posting I had found a few months back was re-posted.  I'm perfect for the position.  I'm only hoping that they will offer a permit.  I would be willing to negotiate a lower salary for it. There was nothing on the posting regarding work status, but I was honest about mine.  Keep your fingers crossed for me.  I'm hoping for this ebb to be over soon.
Thanks again for letting me whine.

Mekaw - That's exciting about the job.  I hope that they seriously consider you.  Does the job have a closing date?  Or do you just have to hang out and see if they respond?

I'm also glad that you had a good talk with your BF.