But not for a year!
*long post ahead! beware!*
David & I have been back and forth, and back and forth, and then back and forth some more over the whole "where do we live" issue, really since we met nearly 3 years ago. Our problem was that we kept thinking about what *we* would miss about each country. Moving to the US sounded great until we thought about things like English tv, his ill twin brother, castles, markets, and slow lifestyles. Staying in the UK sounded great until we thought about things like tax, convenience, me driving, cost of living, washing machines, and buying a house. I've always had mixed feelings about moving again.
So a little while back we decided to start looking at it from a whole new perspective. To completely ignore what we want for ourselves, and think of it from our new son's perspective. What do we want for him? We sat down over a nice dinner (and afterwards a pub) and wrote down a list of things we wanted our child to experience growing up. And the biggest things on that list all pointed to America.
We've always known David could get a better job in the US. He's been looking for a new job here for a year and a half, and the job market for his skill here is abysmal. FYI - he's a controls & commissioning engineer/ PLC & Robot programmer for a company that puts their machines in huge factories like Ford, Nissan, BMW, etc. We've always known that living back in Michigan (where I lived when I met him and where he worked for a year and a half with Ford) is a much, MUCH better place to be if you're in the suto industry. We always knew he'd work less hours there as well. Right now (for this month) he's working 12-14 hour days, not including his 3 hour commute each day. And all of a sudden we realized "Yeah, it stinks for us that he's not home a lot, but oh.my.god we don't want our son growing up with an absent father!" (Some more background... DAvid's father had the exact same job David has now when David & siblings were children, and David hated his father being away so much - often for months at a time - because David being the first born, and male, ended up being more fatherlike than he'd have liked. And we don't want that for our son.)
So there's that whole work issue. David would get more time with our child(ren). He'd also get paid a h£ll of a lot better than he does here, with less tax taken out, and with a much lower cost of living. Which means? We can actually afford for us and/or our child(ren) to fly to the "other" country and visit family & experience that culture. If we stay in England on this income - not only can we not afford a house in anything short of a trillion years, but we can't afford to keep flying to America. Living in America, earning more money, means the ability for our child to know both families like he couldn't if we were here.
Plus some other things. Like the fact that I have a huge extended family, there are already loads of babies in the family that Philip would grow up knowing, he already has 5 first cousins with plenty more coming. Here in England he only has one cousin, and that cousin lives quite far away. No babies anywhere. No instant big family community that we want for him.
Another point worth making is that David has desperately wanted to move to America for ages. WAY before he met me in fact! He worked in the US & Canada quite a while before meeting me (at the end of his working stint there) and has always wanted to go back and live/work there. So it's not like I've had to talk him into it! On the contrary, with me nesting like CRAZY with this baby!
SO. We're going to wait until Philip Andrew is born... obviously since I'm so "heavy" with child... and move next January. Hopefully that gives us time to pay off the small debt we have and get some cash behind us.
We know it's going to be hard. We know we don't have the cash and resources that would make the process go so much more smoothly. We know it will be difficult to pry our baby from my in-laws hands. We know moving trans-atlantically will be more expensive than we can imagine. We know it will be a struggle for David emotionally. We know America isn't the promised land, and that it will still be hard when we get there.
But... we've made the decision, and feel like now is the best time to go. If we don't do it now, we won't be able to for a long time. Go while Philip is still a wee baby. Go before we have the expense of more children. Go while David is still in his 30's and has contacts in America that will get him a good job. Go while the auto industry in the US is picking up. Just go for crying out loud!
****
Now, for the legal bit.
We've decided to completely avoid him getting a work visa with anyone. Even if his company lets him transfer (they do have a Detroit branch, but it's unlikely they'll have enough work to transfer him), we don't want him in the States on a work permit. If he lost his job, or wanted to leave it, he'd have to go back to the UK. We know that he could change his status... but that takes a long time. MUCH longer than it would take if we just did a DCF (Direct Consular Filing) here. Of course, it *does* mean there's the possibility of us plopping our butts in America with neither one of us having a job - which is scary to say the least - but we're doing it anyway. David would be able to pick up contract work right away, which would be tempporary, but enough to give us immediate income. He's also willing to stay at home with Philip while I go out to work right away at a temp agency or whatever. It must be said that to start out with, we'll be living with my parents, so we don't have to pay for rent or food right away. Thank all that is good and holy. David will job search, and then we'll move to wherever that job is - though it's almost certain to be back in good old Southeast Michigan - where there happens to be loads of UK expats anyway!
So in August we're starting the paperwork for a Direct Consular Filing. Which means we're applying for a visa for David on basis of marriage to a US citizen. We will also be having one of my family members "sponsor" us financially, since we don't have the assets or cash to do it on our own. From everything I've read the process takes 3-4 months. And he walks off the plane with the ability to work for any US company, and has a Green Card in hand very shortly afterwards. Doing it this way, with the US spouse living in the UK and applying directly to the consular (in London) is the quickest way to get him/us into the US.
I have to file an I-130 as the US citizen in our marriage. He files his paperwork as well (I forget the numbers, but I'll be giving specific details here of everything we do, as we do it... along with a schedule that I'm working on as we speak). Our sponsor in the US files loads of paperwork as well. He gets a medical done, fingerprints, etc... we get an interview at the Embassy, and we get our visa. Then hop on the plane! (Though I know it will be more stressful than what I'm insinuating!)
We're starting the process in late August (on his birthday, actually), which gives us 4.5 months for the whole process to happen successfully. We'll have our flight booked for January. If things go pear-shaped then we'll make adjustments. But we can't let the inevitable stress & mistakes get in our way.
I'll keep everyone up to date with what we do & exactly when, especially since I know a lot of people are and/or will be in our position. Wish me luck!
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