A Little Vent

Hi everyone. I joined UK-Yankee last year, shortly before my husband and I got married and went for my spouse visa. I haven't posted since then, so I hope it's alright that I'm popping up months later! lol It's now been almost 6 months since I arrived here in West Yorkshire. My sweetheart of a mother-in-law surprised me recently by buying me, my sister-in-law, and herself tickets back home to Oregon to visit!  Anyway......we're leaving tomorrow, and I am feeling very excited (of course) to be seeing my family, as we're all very, very close, and I have three nephews I've just been missing so badly. Leaving them and moving over here was very difficult for me (and them), even though it meant finally being with the love of my life. Previously to knowing that we were going back to visit, I had thought that we were waiting until Christmas, and while I was upset to wait so long, I thought I might by then have a better grip on my homesickness and all......so I guess now I am afraid that after going home for a week, leaving again will put me right back where I was when we left.......very homesick and depressed. I've had a really difficult time so far dealing with the relocation, the major life change of leaving home for the first time and moving to another country, but I have recently begun to feel a bit better about things. Tell me someone else here has felt that way! LOL I feel a little odd popping up on here and posting after so long, but I figured the people on here would understand if anyone would.  I am really excited about seeing my family, but I am a bit worried how I will feel after I've left again...  :\\\'( Anyway, pardon my ramble.....any words of advice on how to handle leaving again? I could really use some words of wisdom from fellow expats! Thank you!

I am not from the states myself my fiance is but I have travelled and lived away from my family it takes 6 months to a couple of years to settle in and make somewhere your  home making friends and maybe getting a job going out will help alot if you are issolated then you will feel it more I know I did when I lived in London yet when I lived in Australia I loved it I was so busy the time flew and I had no time to miss anyone.

Good luck think of this trip as a holiday and ask your family to visit you also that might help also.

Good luck again

Chris and Sonya

Hi...i'm new to this site too...I moved back to the US in August after living in the UK  for several years and now i miss the UK something awful--and am regretting my hasty decision.

I can totally identify with you on your homesickness . Leaving my family for the first time for permanent was truly the hardest thing i have ever done....but, like you, it meant the end of having such a long distance relationship with my then-fiance.  The first 6 months were the hardest for me....missing family, friends...having to adjust to the damp, cold weather...plus my fiance-visa restricted me from working so i felt trapped in a country that I had previously loved.   Then i got married, got a job etc and i started to feel ok about it all.

I went home to visit almost a year after i;d moved---and it was very hard coming back.  I know maybe i should gloss it over and tell you that you'll be fine, it will be easy to leave---it won;t.  But you WILL get through it.  Coming back from a holiday at home is (and will be for awhile) really difficult.  In fact, it was after my first holiday home that i started to doubt myself and whether i was up to the challenge of living in another country for the rest of my days....and now i am back here---and not happy about it....I moved JUST as i was beginning to call the UK home (but by that time the tickets were bought, husband has his green card etc)

So here is my candid advice:  Go home...have a great time and really enjoy every minute of it.....just bear in mind when you return to the UK it will be harder for a few weeks.....almost like you felt when you first moved....but time passes quickly and soon you;ll feel a part of the culture, and you;ll learn to love the people and the food, the festivals, the accents, the weather.... It takes at least 2 years to really transition to a new place.  That seems like ages, but all of a sudden you'll wake up and think 'wow, i live here....what a great adventure!' 

My problem was that i romanticised my home in the US....and so the UK was never going to compare.  you know? 
At the moment my husband and i are thinking of moving back to England...i think i can cope with the missing family bit again....It WILL be hard yes, but I feel like the UK has a lot to offer me still....

Above all, have fun at home!  Coming home will be a bit tearful,  but you WILL get through it.....plan a night out the night you get back....or a nice dinner etc.  And it is great that you have people going with you, travelling back won;t be so isolating....  Another thing, try to arrange one of your family members to come over while you are home....that way you have things to look forward to.

You can PM me if you need to chat at all.  I know what you are going through...i really do.  It gets easier though.  It is weird hearing about someone feeling the same way i did....good luck!

Thank you so much for your replies. I wasn't sure if I would hear from anyone, it being less than a day til I go home to visit. It really is so comforting to hear from people who have been in my place, as far as relocating and missing family, e.t.c.. As far as getting out and working, e.t.c., that's difficult at the moment because I am dealing with a major disability: I've had severe problems with my knees and other joints (though mainly my knees) for years now, and after two surgeries, it's come to the point of my being restricted to using crutches for short distances and a wheelchair for the rest. My transportation is limited as my husband works, and public transportation in my area is somewhat limited to handicapped folks; I also don't have the money to spend on public transport, anyway. We don't get out much because we just don't have the money, and he works a lot. So I've mostly been in the house, not really getting out, which makes it difficult to make friends or even get used to being here. That said, we just got back from a trip to Brighton to visit a friend of my husbands, and London for a showing of the War of The Worlds, so that was really refreshing, to say the least! lol Otherwise, you can see as far as getting out I'm limited. That doesn't help, as far as homesickness/depression. I'm working on getting my knees taken care of, but it's slow going, unfortunately. Neither doctors here or in America could figure out what's going on with my knees/joints, though we're still working on it. In any event, I will treasure every moment I have with my family and friends back home, and try my best to keep my head up coming back. lol Thankfully I've got a wonderfully patient and understanding husband.  Again, thank you both for your responses, and I'd love to chat sometime, UStoUKtoUSto!! Like I said, I'm headed off to visit tomorrow, but I'm on every once in awhile, and you're welcome to PM me as well. Thank you again!

Sometimes, you need to leave and come back in order for it to feel like home.