I'm sick of the question "When are you getting married? "

If one more person asks me this, I may just beat them senseless!
(long winded rant to follow)

Maybe it's the heat or because I've been surrounded by lots of family & friends over the past few days (4th of July BBQs and such).  I am cranky!  This is directed to all those friends and family....Last time I checked I was the one in the LDR and not looking for your opinions on if OUR relationship is working.  It's working just fine thank you.  Yes - it's frustrating that we don't get to have a "normal" relationship - I KNOW THIS!!  I do not need to be reminded every flipping 5 minutes!  YES - it's difficult for me to move to the UK...NO-I can't just find a job and move over...NO-he cannot hire me to work for him...Yes - the easy solution is for us to JUST get married.  BUT WE DON'T WANT TO JUST GET MARRIED SO I CAN MOVE TO THE UK!!!!!!  I think I may have this tattooed on my forehead.

This is frustrating because this is not the first conversation about this I have had with any of these people.  They know.  Now before I offend anyone....This is our view and ours only.  We have decided we want to wait to get married.  We have made that decision and it's not based on that we don't feel we are right for each other.  We love each other very much and do plan to spend our lives together.  We both have a lot going on right now and it's silly to consider this now. 

I do not want to move over on a fiance visa because we do not want to be pressured to marry in 6 months.  We could be married in less than that if we decide, but don't want a govt telling us we have to or I have to leave.  Plus - I want to work.  Not because I have to, he can support me, but because I want to.  This is very important to both of us.  This is partly due to circumstances in my past, I moved to be with my ex-fiance and didn't have a job and couldn't find a job for a few months, which left me dependent upon him...He used this on me.  Held it over my head and emotionally, verbally and physically abused me because of it.  I absolutely refuse to take this road again.  I want to have my own means of support and my own outlet for making friends.  Plus I do want to actively contribute to our life - even though I don't have to.

(BIG breath)
I just get frustrated and want to yell sometimes because this is not easy...I also hate to have these conversations with him because I do not want him to feel like I'm pressuring him in anyway.

So back to the subject of my post...I know it's none of anyone's business, I guess I just have to start telling people that.  Instead, I just smile and say...I don't know, after he asks...which will be sometime in the next ten years! 

I feel better - thanks - one more BBQ left!  Maybe I'll pretend to have laryngitis!

*hugs* Having been there, I can say that I understand what you're going through. The people around you obviously care, but it's difficult and irritating to deal with other people trying to tell you what to do with your life and relationship, and more so hearing others trying to tell you how your relationship is working. That's your business, and it's between you and your sweetheart. I think it's perfectly understandable that you would want to wait and be sure that everything is good to go before you get married and begin your life side-by-side with your guy. If that is the way you want to do it, then so be it. It's your business, not anyone else's. Just try to remember that, more likely than not, these people just care about what you're going through, though they may not understand because they have no experience or knowledge in that sort of situation. Anyway, I wish you the best with your plans!! 

I'm so sorry about that!  I guess that's as good an explanation as any why I didn't really tell anyone about df except to say that he was a friend I'd stayed in contact with after studying abroad.  I hated the inevitable questions it would lead to about being together, and marriage.  It did create an interesting phenomenon when I said I was engaged and moving to the UK, but I did it all my way, and good for you for doing it your way too.  The only hard part somedays is being nice when people keep asking you to explain, and it's not their business.  You seem to handle it great though, so hang in there!  Best of luck at the next barbeque!!   

Grass is always greener, I guess.  Sorry you're frustrated, but at least know I envy you that you have someone to wonder that about/with.

Grass is always greener, I guess.  Sorry you're frustrated, but at least know I envy you that you have someone to wonder that about/with.

I'm not seeing anyone at the moment, and STILL get asked that question!!!   

I was lucky, I didn't have to suffer the when are you getting married question from my family.  They know to leave well enough alone!!  DF gets asked it all the time, more so after my first trip out to the US in 2001 (well at least it stopped his mum from asking him if he was gay!!)

We've been together since 98 and have finally decided the distance is too large, and will be getting hitched in Sept.

What we aren't looking forward to is the "when are you gonna have kids?" question!

Best of luck at the next BBQ! 

I'm not seeing anyone at the moment, and STILL get asked that question!!!   

When I was single, my response was "I just haven't found anyone good enough for me yet."  OR to "Why aren't you married?"  "Because I'm crazy!" - that used to keep them quite!
UGH!  I was there for a VERY long time.  My all time favortire, from my grandmother "I just want you to find someone so you'll be happy!"  "Who said I wasn't happy!?!"

Thanks you guys for your kind words!  I was really feeling it last night. 

This is all my bf's fault!  He asked my father's permission over Christmas and intially we thought I'd be moving over in May, but since there have been circumstances that have come up that changed our plans...everyone just assumes that it's negative.  It's not.  I have to remind them that they were all freaking out about me moving 6 months ago.

I do try to look at the brightside...they care, they want the best for me and they really love him and see how happy we are together.  I was just on the edge last night and thinking of bailing on the BBQ today. It's with my mom's very large, very inquisitive, Italian family.  My mother tells them everything and she LOVES to embellish, so I'll spend the day correcting everyone.

Thanks again - I just needed a place to vent and to people who understand the stress of a LDR.

Good luck at your BBQ today.   

You'll make it through - and you can always come back and add on to this thread if it is really rough. 

UGH...I left when it started getting tough.  Luckily I had World Cup as a distraction.
We have a huge family party in two weeks and I really hope he's able to be here for it so I don't have to face them alone.

I just got off the phone with him and he was worried that I was going to take a beating today.  That made me feel a little better.  He knows my family and how pushy they can be. 
Thanks again!!

Paul Reiser had a joke/line about this situation.  I think he might have used it on Mad About You.  Anyway he talks about being a couple for awhile when "those" relatives start to hound them with the question when are you two going to get married?  After the couple is married, when are you two going to have babies?   Once they are nearing their golden years, when are you two going to retire? And then finally when are you two going to die?  I've always found it funny and think about it often when my family are getting to be too much.


*hugs* to you Mekaw.  I hope it wasn't too terrible.

Omg...I hear that question ALL the time. Especially when new people hear about my relationship being LD. The question that's first asked after they realize I can't just move there is "WHEN ARE YOU GETTING MARRIED".

I don't know how to tell them that yes we plan to get married, yes it's in 2008 and we've decided november BUT no i don't have a ring and NO he hasn't offically asked me. They get very confused when you've told them you've talked about it and have it all set out but don't see a ring and you tell them he hasn't "offically" asked you. I've given up telling people I just try to change the subject now, it's to hard to explain and most people that arn't in LDR's don't understand.

Don't stress...HA I just got this yesterday. My grandparents, uncle & aunt all came down from Arizona and the first thing they asked was "how is adam? When are you getting married?!!?"  It seems once you confide in your close family (ie my mother) it gets around to OTHER family members and they want to know details lol.

Good luck...don't let them get to you. There will always be questions...as most people don't understand.

People will always come up w/too personal, none of their biz questions to ask.

We have two beautiful daughters, one only a nearly-7-month-old baby, and get asked, 'When are going to go for the boy?' all the time.

 

People will always come up w/too personal, none of their biz questions to ask.

We have two beautiful daughters, one only a nearly-7-month-old baby, and get asked, 'When are going to go for the boy?' all the time.

 

I used to get that one too...until my sister had three boys! 

I hear you Mekaw, but on the flip side if you are getting married too quickly for everyone's taste you get the same sort of response.  You get questions like "Why are you getting married so soon?"  My response "Because I want too"

Chin up my dear! 

I hope he makes it for the family thing in 2 weeks.  At least you survived yesterday!