Am I being an unreasonable?

DF and I have our wedding set for September, and decided to get married in Scotland.  Due to the fact that we wanted to keep the wedding small, I decided that to be fair if his family couldn't make it then I wouldn't invite all of my family, so if he mum could make it, my mum would go, his gran my gran etc.

I have quite a large family and we are fairly close.  His mum, aunt and cousin are able to come over, but others are not, so my mum, gran (as she helped raise me) and bestest friend who I have known since I was 3 years old are coming for my side.  I am now getting it in the neck about not inviting more of my family and I have tried to explain that I want the wedding small and am trying to keep it fair.

Originally it was going to just be DF and I travelling to Scotland, getting a couple of witnesses from up there and doing things the way we wanted, but we relented and softened a bit to include his and my mum as they were both single parents and we are both only children, so it seemed unfair to leave them out.

We did offer to have out vows renewed or a small belssing in the US next year for the rest of his family, but the idea was pretty much shot down and they said they'd come here.

The way my family are acting makes me feel like a total cow, but part of me wonders if I should just let them go.  One of my aunts is very 'take control' and strong willed, and her kids are as stubborn as she is and I am terrified that she will do the same if she was there, she's not the most tactful of people.

Am I being unreasonable?

yes and no.  I had the same problem, marrying into a HUGE family.  If we had seated in the church according to bride's side and groom's side, the church would have tipped.   I didn't care though and just invited who we wanted.   His family was much more interesting to have at a wedding anyway.

However...  this is YOUR day and you should have it exactly as you want it.  Don't do something just to please everyone else because you will want this day to be a reflection of your relationship with your husband to be, NOT your relatives.  Be strong and stay true to yourselves.

nope, you're being perfectly reasonable- it's your wedding, it should be how you want it.  This kind of thing is exactly the reason I don't want to have a wedding at all (I'd much rather elope!)

you are not being unresasonable, the wedding is about you two. Do what you want to do. This is the very reason why i ended up just flying  to Jacksonville and we got married with Chris's best friends as Witnesses. You can always have a blessin glater for you r family if you want to.

you are not being unresasonable, the wedding is about you two. Do what you want to do. This is the very reason why i ended up just flying  to Jacksonville and we got married with Chris's best friends as Witnesses. You can always have a blessin glater for you r family if you want to.

Jacksonville, NC?   

Yep, Chara, I agree with everyone else.  Do what makes you happy.  It's your wedding! 

Jacksonville, NC?   

Yep, Chara, I agree with everyone else. Do what makes you happy. It's your wedding!

Yes Jacksonville NC. My husband is a Marine based out of Lejuene.

Yes Jacksonville NC. My husband is a Marine based out of Lejuene.

Cool -- I'm from one of the 3 non-military families in Jacksonville! 

I'm joining the you aren't being unreasonable chorus.  This is your wedding and you can have it anyway you want.  The bottom line is that you can't live your life for other people.  If you try to do that, you'll never be really happy as your life won't be your own.  It will be theirs. 

If they must be involed (I'm the youngest of 6 with several Aunts and Uncles so I certainly understand the pressure of large opinionated families) have them throw a nice reception for you.  Then his family can do the same when you both travel to the US the next time.  There's nothing better thsn a big party!

You can't make everyone happy and if you try you will make yourself miserable doing it. This is a time to think of number one (well you and your hubby are number one). Of course everyone wants to witness your special day but it should not be held against you if it does not turn out how they want/expect.

We held our ceremony in a botanical garden and could only accomodate 75 people. When we were drawing up the guest list the one his mom gave me had over 150 people - and that was the scaled down 2nd draft list. His side was way bigger than mine, my family/friends were just enough for my list, and they were inviting his step-dad's office cronies.  But we had over 200 at the reception. I had some people get their feelings hurt because they were not invited to the ceremony but were invited to the reception. We also put in the invitation that gifts were not necessary due to that.  A lot of people were not happy but all I could do was explain that the reception was still part of the day in our celebration.   

I know it's hard but when you stop trying to please everyone it will feel like putting down a sack of bricks. Do what you can to make them happy and try not to worry about the rest. People will understand or they won't. Besides, you'll be living in another country, that will make it easier in some aspects. 

And the two smaller ceremonies for each side of the ocean is a good idea, that way everyone gets to participate.

I agree with everyone else, you're not being unreasonable. It's your wedding and people need to be more understanding of that and not take everything so personally. What is it about weddings that makes everyone think it should be done their way when it's not even their wedding?

I'm in a slightly similar situation... I have a huge extended family (thanks to my dad's italian side) but a lot of them I rare ever see so I hardly know them, they don't really need to be at my wedding. I'm not the type of person who likes to be the center of attention but at the same time, I like a big party. So we decided we'd have a small ceremony followed by a larger reception. I limited the ceremony to only "immediate" family - parents, siblings, grandparents, very close friends, 1st cousins and 1st aunts and uncles ONLY. No Great Aunts and Uncles, no 2nd cousins, no 1st cousins once removed, no casual friends, no long time friends we haven't seen in 15 years, etc. All those people would be invited to the reception, not the ceremony.

Well my Grandpop was not pleased about that - he seems to think that because HE'S very close with a lot of the people who got ruled out of the ceremony, that means they should be invited to the ceremony... never mind that I've met them all of about 10 times in my life and I don't really want near strangers watching a very personal moment. I even asked some of my 2nd cousins who I have been closer to over the years and they said they would not be offended if they were only invited to the reception (since that's the best part for most people anyways lol)

So anyways, I know how you feel, I've been getting a hard time for something similar but just like someone else said, you can't please everyone so you just need to do what you want to do.

Thank you all so much for your opinions!!  It has made me feel so much better