Falling Apart

As Courtney said, while you were visiting your boyfriend, didn't you guys talk about the future or make any sort of plans?   I dont know anything about your situation, so dont know why it is that you are doing this LDR thing rather than taking steps toward being together permanently.

Perhaps if you had some sort of goal within a reasonable timeframe to shoot for, you'd feel better?

Love and relationships should not make you physically ill. 

We have talked about the future several times, but both get overwhelmed by it all. We are where we are because we are both single parents so it's not as simple as just moving one of us to be together. I believe we can be together, it's just the "how" part that gets overwhelming. A goal and timeframe would be so much nicer. It's just hard to know where to even start or what to do. The thing about distance is, you have to make a conscious effort to get rid of the distance. When we are together it's easier just to enjoy that precious time and not worry about the leaving and what next part. Then I end up back where I am right now after awhile, I know this...it's a cycle I have become familiar with. But in the end all the heartache and sadness is worth the time we do have together to me. I am not saying love or the relationship is making me ill, I don't know what is going on with me.  I do know it will get better, it has to!

Are you pregnant, perhaps?  I was in a tizzy when I first fell pregnant, I felt all out of sorts.  That's how I knew something was amiss.

The very thought has crossed my mind a few times lately, but I honestly don't think that's it.  I think it's just me dealing with a loss of sorts, and not doing a very good job at it! I will check into it if things don't improve soon though.

Silly Snip -
I'm sorry you are feeling this way.  I know how you feel.  Having a tough time myself lately.

Hugs back to you Mekaw,  I am not sure what you are going through exactly, but any help I can offer I will. If nothing else, I'm a good listener so I am told.

Thank you all so much for your support and advice, and just hearing me out. It's nice to "talk" to people that have been or are in a similar situations. Or even if you aren't going through anything like this, you all are helpful to me in that I don't feel judged here. That makes a big difference to me and I sincerely appreciate all of you. Now I have to go, the thought of that makes me teary  :\\\'(. I am a nut! 

I wish I had some better words of wisdom for you.  I'm sorry that you're in so much pain right now.

Your symptoms sound a lot like anxiety, which can lead to a down, depressive mood.  What you describe is how I feel when I have work-related stress or family-related stress (like now...).  It's worse too since I'm anticipating a visit from someone here in less than two weeks, and anticipating some important conversations during that time.

I feel like my heart is being broken gradually.  :\\\'( :\\\'(

I know that feeling.  My friends see it more clearly than I do which means it's time to do something about it.  I hope that you can work something out with your BF soon.

I wish I had some better words of wisdom for you.  I'm sorry that you're in so much pain right now.

Your symptoms sound a lot like anxiety, which can lead to a down, depressive mood.  What you describe is how I feel when I have work-related stress or family-related stress (like now...).  It's worse too since I'm anticipating a visit from someone here in less than two weeks, and anticipating some important conversations during that time.

I know that feeling.  My friends see it more clearly than I do which means it's time to do something about it.  I hope that you can work something out with your BF soon.

Thanks for your words, I don't need words of wisdom really, and the thought was nice. It is a little better today, I've been making a point to get up and go places when I am not working all the time so that has really helped a lot. I still feel crappy especially at night when I am here alone but it's getting a lot better.

I am sorry you are having a hard time too, seems there is too much of that lately! I hope whatever you have going on in two weeks goes the way you hope 

Hi

I'm new to the boards but just wanted to say I know how you feel. I'm just coming out of an almost 8 year US-England LDR. It sucks royally when you leave again and are alone without your SO. Like you said a timeframe and plan does help, and chance of setting one of those up? I know I had to finish university before we could get married (my timeframe not his) and surprisingly the 4 years passed VERY quickly! I hope you feel better and everything works out for you xx.

Before Paul...I used to read these fantasy romance novels by a woman called Christine Feehan. They were called the Dark Series. Anyway the premise of the whole thing is that the men must find and bind to them their other half...their lifemate. And that once you have found one another you can't stand to be separated. Event to the point of becoming suicidal.

Now mind you they are fiction, but I think there is some real truth to that. Having just lived through an almost two year LDR and tomorrow being our one month anniversary as a 'real' couple, I can say that during that time I suffered from severe depression, moderate-to-severe anxiety and saw a shrink every week. It is no way to live long term. And trust me I understand how complicated it can be when children are concerned. Sometimes that means you have to make sacrifices. I did.

And at the end of the day...I'm glad I did...and so are my kids...cause their mommy is sane for a change.

Maybe this is your body telling your mind that it can't handle this separation anymore?

Before Paul...I used to read these fantasy romance novels by a woman called Christine Feehan. They were called the Dark Series. Anyway the premise of the whole thing is that the men must find and bind to them their other half...their lifemate. And that once you have found one another you can't stand to be separated. Event to the point of becoming suicidal.

This idea was recorded in Plato's Symposium, as a drunken diatribe from one of the symposium's guests, in about 360 B.C.  Then Socrates follows up w/a theory of love and what it is which is, IMO, far, far superior.  And a nice transition into Republic.

Makes for terrific reading!   

Hi

I'm new to the boards but just wanted to say I know how you feel. I'm just coming out of an almost 8 year US-England LDR. It sucks royally when you leave again and are alone without your SO. Like you said a timeframe and plan does help, and chance of setting one of those up? I know I had to finish university before we could get married (my timeframe not his) and surprisingly the 4 years passed VERY quickly! I hope you feel better and everything works out for you xx.

 Wow four years is a long time! I am happy things worked out for you. Not sure about a time frame or what will happen with us at this point. For now I am just working on keeping busy and trying not to think too much about it! Thank you 

Before Paul...I used to read these fantasy romance novels by a woman called Christine Feehan. They were called the Dark Series. Anyway the premise of the whole thing is that the men must find and bind to them their other half...their lifemate. And that once you have found one another you can't stand to be separated. Event to the point of becoming suicidal.

Now mind you they are fiction, but I think there is some real truth to that. Having just lived through an almost two year LDR and tomorrow being our one month anniversary as a 'real' couple, I can say that during that time I suffered from severe depression, moderate-to-severe anxiety and saw a shrink every week. It is no way to live long term. And trust me I understand how complicated it can be when children are concerned. Sometimes that means you have to make sacrifices. I did.

And at the end of the day...I'm glad I did...and so are my kids...cause their mommy is sane for a change.

Maybe this is your body telling your mind that it can't handle this separation anymore?

Thanks for your reply. I am not familiar with the books you mention and although I love him very much, more than I have loved any man before, I don't feel that extreme about it all thankfully. I am gradually coming out of my slump, and feeling a lot better about things. As for sacrifices, I am willing to make most any, but not my son. As much as I feel for my man and his kids, I couldn't be without my son. He's my whole world. Everyone's situation is different and I understand that, but he and I are all we've had his whole life pretty much and I could never go anywhere to live without him. I think my body is telling me I need to work things out somehow and figure out what path I am taking. The separation sucks and the initial leaving is so hard, but right now that's where we are at and I am doing the best I can to take things as they come. Thank you again, congrats on your anniversary! 

Would you be able to take your son to England to live with your man and his kids?
Or will your son's dad not allow that?

Would you be able to take your son to England to live with your man and his kids?
Or will your son's dad not allow that?

Well up until this point I haven't even been able to get his dad to sign for a passport to take him with me to visit. However, in the past few years his relationship with his dad has been on the decline and at this point it's non-existant. He hasn't heard from his dad in 6 weeks now so I am once again in contact with a lawyer. We're looking at this "joint custody" so it's hard to say what will happen down the road. It is another thing that adds to stress but it's kind of silly to call it joint custody when he picks and chooses when it is convenient to be a parent! 

Well up until this point I haven't even been able to get his dad to sign for a passport to take him with me to visit. However, in the past few years his relationship with his dad has been on the decline and at this point it's non-existant. He hasn't heard from his dad in 6 weeks now so I am once again in contact with a lawyer. We're looking at this "joint custody" so it's hard to say what will happen down the road. It is another thing that adds to stress but it's kind of silly to call it joint custody when he picks and chooses when it is convenient to be a parent! 

 :\\\'(

This seems to be quite common, unfortunately.

Here is hoping that it works out.

FWIW, I was just reading one of Oprah mag's latest columnists, who has been in a 13-year long-distance relationship w/a Swiss man, by whom she has a daughter.  He has to live in Switzerland b/c of custody issues w/his son.

:\\\'(

This seems to be quite common, unfortunately.

Here is hoping that it works out.

FWIW, I was just reading one of Oprah mag's latest columnists, who has been in a 13-year long-distance relationship w/a Swiss man, by whom she has a daughter.  He has to live in Switzerland b/c of custody issues w/his son.

Thanks. Sadly, I am finding it is a lot more common than I had ever thought! 

Wow, I can't imagine that though. 13 years is a bit much!

it's kind of silly to call it joint custody when he picks and chooses when it is convenient to be a parent! 

Do I ever hear you there, SillySnip....sigh....

No advice, but lots of empathy...

Do I ever hear you there, SillySnip....sigh....

No advice, but lots of empathy...

Yes I thought of you on that last one, though your ex seems to out shine mine!   I am glad to see your girls will be back with you again soon!