Falling Apart

So I've been feeling out of sorts ever since I returned home two weeks ago. It's not out of the ordinary for me to be down for a bit after a visit but this time feels so different. I have been literally sick to my stomach daily, sleeping any chance I get, maybe just to avoid the world, and just feeling this heavy feeling in the pit of my stomach that is hard to explain. I make it through the days ok without drawing any attention to myself and my sadness and avoid most conversation. Then when I am by myself again I just fall apart. I have actually thrown up a few times my stomach has been so messed up. I think it's just me being overwhelmingly sad that is making me physically ill? Does that make any sense?? There is a bigger distance between us now than I have ever felt before. I feel like my heart is being broken gradually, just a little more each day and it hurts more than anything I have honestly ever felt.  I wish I could hit rewind and go back in time three weeks, it was much nicer then!  :\\\'( :\\\'(

I've been there myself, back when I was in a long distance relationship. Have you been able to talk/email often?
Hugs  The only thing that worked for me, to make me less sad, was to throw myself in to work/school/friends over here and try not to think about it too much. It didn't make it any easier, just temporarily distracted me.

Susie, this seems to get worse each time you go back. Have the two of you made any new progress in terms of defining your potential future together? If you're still in limbo no wonder you're out of sorts.  :\\\'(

It does not sound like a quick trip to your doc is out of line. There may be an underlying physical problem unrelated to your missing your man. If it is all sress related, there still might be something your doc can suggest.

  I wish there was more I could do.....

I've been there myself, back when I was in a long distance relationship. Have you been able to talk/email often?
Hugs  The only thing that worked for me, to make me less sad, was to throw myself in to work/school/friends over here and try not to think about it too much. It didn't make it any easier, just temporarily distracted me.

No, haven't talked or emailed, other than a few short messages since I have been home. This is the least communication we've ever had in almost two years. Things are busy for him right now which I understand. I just feel terrible and so alone that it really sucks. I miss him and the kids so much it's terrible. I am not one to stay down for long, so this is really hard for me! I have been working as much over time as I can lately to try and keep busy. My son has also been away camping so that just magnified how alone I felt. I hate being away from him for so long! Thankfully the little man came home last night. I still can't shake this feeling, but now I have to try and put on the happy face around him anyways.   Thanks for your replies

As Courtney said, while you were visiting your boyfriend, didn't you guys talk about the future or make any sort of plans?   I dont know anything about your situation, so dont know why it is that you are doing this LDR thing rather than taking steps toward being together permanently.

Perhaps if you had some sort of goal within a reasonable timeframe to shoot for, you'd feel better?

Love and relationships should not make you physically ill. 

Aww I'm sorry. Like others have said...do you guys have a plan or time line? I know after Adam and I talked and set out one that I feel much better about our future. It feels like a huge weight has been lifted off your shoulders when you've got a goal to reach for.

The feeling sick could be because you're missing him terribly but at the same time could it just be you adjusting to the time change and just the stress of being home? It took me forever to recover from mine. I cried for maybe a good week after I got home and felt horribly lost and alone. Like you when I returned there was no one home. The house was quiet and I had alot of time to just sit alone with my thoughts which isn't good when you are down in the dumps.

The best advice for feeling better about your relationship is to just ask. If you don't start feeling better soon you may want to go to the doctors. Depression can hurt your body not just your mind...which most people don't know.

Good luck and I hope you feel better soon. If you ever need someone to talk too you can email me or message me if you like.

One thing that helped me when I was in a LDR was to set up "date" calls. We would pick a specific time to call, and then talk for an hour or two. We would schedule the time the same as if we were actually together and on a date. No other interuptions, no taking beeps. He would still call spontaneously, but that way we both knew we would get uninterrupted time to talk about life.

Are you pregnant, perhaps?  I was in a tizzy when I first fell pregnant, I felt all out of sorts.  That's how I knew something was amiss.

Expat,
GMTA
I was gonna suggest that possibility as well. Hormones do all kinds of things to the mind when preggy.

  SillySnip, I'm sorry you aren't feeling well.  It's hard to be away from you SO, especially if you're going on two years with no end in site.  But you can't let it make you so ill.  If you think there may be a physical cause get it checked out.  If you think it is depression related, have you tried forcing yourself out of the house to move around a bit?  Any type of exercise, ever talking a long slow walk, could help a little bit.  Some people say journaling helps when they feel like this.  It never worked for me, but if aren't actually sick it might be worth a shot.  Good luck figuring things out.

I'm so sorry to read that you are feeling ill.  Talking to your SO is an option as well as speaking to your dr.  Being in an ldr is definitely taking the harder road, but can be worth it.  Even if you don't like journaling or anything like that, I'd take a good look at why you are feeling so awful.  There can sometimes be something lurking underneath there that you may not have realised.  I know this may make you feel a bit worse at the time, but it may give you a result to help you not feel rotten constantly.  But, even if you do some looking inside yourself, you must also find something to relieve the pain because while you are working it out, it will hurt more.  No matter what advice you take, or how you handle it, I just hope you start feeling much better soon!  All the luck to you!   

Silly Snip,

 I just wanted to say that I am sorry that it hurts so much. I know that LDRs are tough. I hope you feel better soon.

 

Silly Snip

I think you should take the idea of being pregnant serious and check out the possibility. Pray you get well.

Silly Snip -

I went through a depressive episode every time my bf left or I left him, and I'd mope around with a big hole in my heart for a month or so. Taking myself to a doc and getting on meds really helped for that, because these are huge life changes!

*hug* It'll get better, I promise.

Silly Snip -
I'm sorry you are feeling this way.  I know how you feel.  Having a tough time myself lately.