wow surprise help me out ??

Hi to all, I am new, was unsure to post but had this burning question I am certain your input could help in my dilemma. For the past couple of years I have been involved in a ldr with someone I think the world of and hoped one day to make a permanent part of my life. However recently I have not been able to contact them due to extensive house repairs. Repairs I delayed so they could visit. Sending the occasional message when possible which I know not enough. The sad news is after two years because of my pre-warned absence, this person gave up completely. On powering up my comp amidst dust mess and builders I found a message explaining to save their heart they were giving up on me. Wow I was so shocked; I never thought this could happen over such a short period. To make matters worse I stumbled across this site to find for most of our relationship there had been a constant stream of messages about us on here?? Wow you could have knocked me over with a feather… For the most part I found it sweet even flattering. Though, another part of me felt very guilty as if reading someone’s diary. But then I found the comments regarding the last month and was bowled over. In a month I had been replaced.. Wow shocked or what she had found a crush. Boy did I feel . To cut a long story short we got chatting online and she said how much she missed and loved me Mid conversation in my honesty I just had to tell her about finding her messages and her new man She has said there was nothing to it.. Thoughts of someone else during the last two years have never entered my head, as I thought we both wanted to be together and were working to the same ends. But viewing my demise in her feelings on a website spanning less than a month. I now find I am wondering if she truly wants to make things work and commit or if we are going in two different directions?
I guess that makes for plenty of questions your comments will be appreciated

I really think you should talk to her. 

Talk to her. It sounds like there was a massive miscommunication to begin with and if you truly love each other, as it appears, you don't want to compound that mistake with more erroneous assumptions. Good luck to the two of you.

Why not ask her what her feelings are?

it's kinda hard as we have a 'relationship' with her.  We've been her sounding board and support for a while.....

i really REALLY think you need to take it up directly with her...posting where she might not see it won't benefit you.

All any of us (i woudl think) would say is to talk to her!

Hello and welcome to the forum. I imagine it was quite a shock to stumble across posts that are about your relationship. I wish I had some magic answers for you ...but I know you weren't really expecting any at all. It does sound like the two of you really care about each other and need to have some long chats. I think sometimes in any relationship but even more so in Long Distance Relationships people reach a need to know that the relationship is going to develop further at different times. I could be completely way off base....but I think maybe this is what happened here.

As far as someone having a crush.....often when people are dealing with a loss (either real or perceived) they  try hard to find someone/ something to fill the hole. Most of the time it means absolutely nothing.

Anyway, just wanted to say Hi.....and hope the two of you are able to talk and work out what is best for both of you.

Helena

I would have to agree.. I think it best you talk to her! There seems to be a lot of confusion and miscommunication for you both that would be best sorted out between the two of you. 

Good Luck to the two of you, whatever you decide!

Talk to her. It sounds like there was a massive miscommunication to begin with and if you truly love each other, as it appears, you don't want to compound that mistake with more erroneous assumptions. Good luck to the two of you.

I couldn't agree more!

No substitute for a good ol' blether.

Why not give her a chat and lay it on the line how you feel? 

After all, better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.

Best of luck.

I would have to agree.. I think it best you talk to her! There seems to be a lot of confusion and miscommunication for you both that would be best sorted out between the two of you. 

aww bless!   

I would have to agree.. I think it best you talk to her! There seems to be a lot of confusion and miscommunication for you both that would be best sorted out between the two of you. 

Well i guess it was quite an awkward subject for some to comment on.I disagree with this view, as i think the input of others is always valuable. That is why people post here? Thank you to all who took the time to make recomendations. Some more helpful than others but all very appreciated. If anyone still has any views i would welcome your input and please do not feel you should not comment.

Dear Busted~

I think your gal would have liked to have heard that she was "someone I think the world of and hoped one day to make a permanent part of my life" straight from your mouth.

Relationships are hard enough and distance ones are even harder. If you read the "Enduring the distance" section, you will see that communication issues are discussed here all the time. They are real and miscommunication can cause a lot of pain between partners.

I agree with everyone else that the two of you need to talk this one out between the 2 of you, which is pretty much what we tell everyone who is having communication issues.

Welcome to UKY. I hope that you and your special someone can work this out for the best! 

Ok here we go Busted old bean a bit of brit male comments for you to help break up all the ladies responses first off I thought your post was very well thought out and written with a touch of humour too (including your name ).  It was a shame it was locked for a while but I do think it was locked in good faith to try not to hurt a regular member of this group, although it is a shame they removed the part of the post that gave people a clue to who you were talking about as this allowed people to think about it before posting (so well done you ).  I could go down a path of telling you to talk it over with her but you allready know you both need to do this anyway.  What I can offer is a friendly ear as a Brit man who has managed to capture one of these American lovely ladies and have made our home in England.

If I can be of help or you just want a chat pm me and dont give up here it would be nice to get a bit more male blood around

Busted,

You mentioned that you sent an occasional message when you could.  Did you ever telephone?  What about snail mail?  Just wondering.  Hope I don't get flamed for this, and I am not being critical at all , but as a woman words can be really important.  I speak for myself and from many long conversations with my 21-year-old daughter (we have always and still do talk about *everything*).  (Geez, I sound like your mother!) Sometimes just a few words are all we need.  Even though you think we should *know* how you feel, sometimes we think the worst if we don't hear it.  Guess it's a girl thing. 

Anyway, I hope all will work out with you two--my heart goes out to you.  I know it's hard but anything worth having is worth working for, don't you think? 

"Mom" Dee

Well, let's see, busted, you posted on here instead of calling - not IM'ing, emailing, etc. - the woman you love to talk to her about how you feel.

Yeah, I'd say there's a bit of miscommunication going on here.

[Putting on the Dan Savage hat for a mo']:  Man, if you love her, stand up and tell her that!  Tell her you love her and think the world of her.  Tell her you want to be a permanent part of her life.  Tell her you're willing to work towards that.

And then do it.

B/c love means trusting yourself and her, love means respect, love means honesty and most of all, love means the tenacity to stand up and make it happen!