My side of the story (gents help me out please!)

Ok this isnt a rant or anything or venting off towards Mlewis_85 this is me just asking for some help to prevent the situations we always seem to get into, jealousy, arguments, etc.

I do not want to sound like a bastard either, as I love her with all my heart, so if anything does come out bad just take it on the chin. Please.

So as you probably know our story by now I won't bore you with it. But, since Morgan has gone, I do have a busy lifestyle, not having time to write emails, make phone calls (especially with the cost - remember im 22, starting off in my working life, not 40 with a nice house, car etc), so the phone bill is always a worry (and anyone thinking of going on talktalk because the offer free international phone calls I wouldnt - there were on Watchdog last night apparently).

I have taken on the role of 2 jobs to save up money for the trip. I also have the 2 other interests, going to Budapest to DJ, and then a music festival at the beginning of December, which is almost paid for anyway. I am saving my money eventhough it might be explained that im not. Every little penny I save, the fat cat sitting on the mantlepiece which says 'holiday fund' is sitting extremely pretty at the moment. But I can't get it through to my girlfriend that I can't afford to pay for my ticket just yet. Yes there is money been saved towards it, but not the 400 it will probably cost. And the reason im doing Budapest and ATP as they are extremely cheaper and easier to pay for now (if you understand).

I also do not play computer games that often. That was one occasion where we were on MSN chatting and I played an online game for 20 mins. I think Morgan will agree that her stories are a little bit over exaggerated, which is fine because I like the fact that she can vent off on here and also get advice and everything.

Yes 4 months is a long time, and I coped with it fine straight away, by working, by getting a second job, by having other plans as well. It doesnt mean that its not my main concern. I'm not one for mulling around feeling sorry for myself. Which is why I got on with things. So my dedication is there but ok, maybe sometimes I dont show it.

But anyway, all in all, I love her. But now I would like some advice on what I need to do as well - Gents help me out here - I would like to know how you have dealt with it.

Cheers,
Rich

Well, I'm not a gent.    But I was in a LDR many years ago.  And since it was in the dark ages, communication was extremely difficult.  This was before e-mail, kids.    Phone calls were like a pound a minute! and the only way was to write letters.  But we made it work.  And the way we made it work was by both knowing that the commitment was real, by both working towards finding a way to be together, and by not ruining what little time we had together by dwelling on negative things. 
And also by letting each other have lives.  A LDR is so hard anyway, but to have the added pressure of one part of the couple being uber demanding is just making it next to impossible.  In my opinion is just too much hard work to be miserable.
Perhaps you could have a serious chat-not argument about goals.  Decide what direction you're heading for and agree how you're going to get there.  Stick to a plan to see each other.  And then, BOTH get active and find something to interest you so that you have something other than your relationship to think about.  Seriously, you both have to be independent and happy in yourselves for this to work.   If one of you has a fun life and the other one doesn't, well, then it's not a good thing.  Encourage your girlfriend to find some things that interest her and maybe it'll be a way for you both to be happy.  And maybe let her know that you miss her once in a while. 

haha

Ok I have to admit I do exaggerate! I just love the fact that he makes me sound it as well!

I know he loves me, I guess its his whole busy lifestyle he has that drives me crazy, because my life isn't as busy as his. So I guess thats where the "me thinking he doesn't care" comes in. Since I do have the time to think about it. 

I have been pretty busy recently. Working and what not. I could go out, but my hometown in two hours away and gas money wastes alot of what I should be saving so I try and stay at home. Which just drives me crazy. Maybe I should get a second job as well.

Everything is going to work out, I know, I just can't wait for these months to past by, so I can be back where I'm supposed to be at. Leaving someplace like England to a place like America, is depressing in itself, but not having your boyfriend, makes it 10x harder! Pretty much 6 weeks! Thats, it! Its already been 3 weeks, and I have to admit it went by quicker than I thought!

Ugh god, I love my stupid giant boyfriend so much! You girls have to admit he is amazing! : ) xxxxx

as I love her with all my heart

Tell her this many, many times.  Tell her you miss her and can't wait to be with her again many, many times.

Another non gent here, sorry.  In my experience, in a LDR, communication is the key to maintaining your sanity.  You may not have the time, it may be costly but find the time & find the money or cheap ways of communicating because it is what will save you in the end. Keep up the romance too, send each other silly presents in the mail now and again, things like that.

I think the fact that you have come on here & asked about this is a good start.  Good luck to both of you.

I never could stick LDRs, so hats off to all who do.

Instead I found someone who was willing to go the marriage route. 

We're still together, going strong, with two lovely daughters as well. 

Great advice given by all so far - but I just wanted to let the Op know about a company we use to call the US - called Just Dial.  We've been using them for years & they're kosher & they've been great.  We dial 08452 44 8282 then wait for the prompt, then dial the US number (inc country code).  It's the same price as a local call, so not free, but not BT prices, either! HTH.

PS- They have loads more info on their website - just put in Just Dial.

Another cheap way to stay in contact is 1899.com  they are only 1p a min to the states and we have been with them awhile without a problem!

...or try http://www.jajah.com/. it's free! i've used it a couple of times and it worked very well. good luck!
kerry

My husband and I read through your post and after a long discussion (okay ten minutes), we basically agreed that our relationship (long-distance for three years) would not have worked if we had not decided to make sacrifices to see each other as often as possible.  So, anything I say in this post is coming from that perspective (which I know isn't the outlook everyone in the world has)

When you love someone and want to be with them you do anything possible to have that.  Steven and I both sacrificed going out and going on trips to see each other and to be able to call each other daily (try Skype - free and one of the many cheap talk options out there!) Yet, when we were not together we got on with our lives, but our relationship was always our first priority, so we needed to adjust other things.

We too were both very young (he was 20 and I was 22) so we had little money as well, but we more than managed and are finally together.  If he had been any less invested in our relationship I would not have stayed in it.  It wouldn't have been fair to me to put my energy in saving money and myself for him, if he wasn't totally invested as well.  IMO, couples in long-distance relationships need to be on the same level or it won't work (unless one person settles for less than they want).

In saying that, I'm not trying to say you are wrong, or that you are a jerk, etc...  I just hope your relationship isn't one-sided (your gf saving up by sacrificing things while you are going out and spending probably almost the amount you'd spend to fly to see her or at the very least call her, etc..).  Obviously I'm not living your life, so I can only go by what you and your gf post and I do wish you both the best of luck.

I just really hope that Morgan isn't settling for less than she would really want in a man because she loves you and doesn't want you to leave her. 

I disagree.

Thanks for all you're advice, although a mans opinion here would still be greatly appreciated.

I disagree.

Thanks for all you're advice, although a mans opinion here would still be greatly appreciated.

 

How do you disagree? Regardless of if your trip to Budapest being inexpensive, that's still money that could have been put away to save for you and her. It's less money than you could have put towards your ticket to see her. I don't understand how that is a ridiculous sacrifice. I'm saving money to go to grad school right now. I want an iPod, but that's $250 I can save for a book in Grad school, or food, or part of tuition. It's $250 more saved for that goal, and $250 less that I will have to take out a loan for. I have a friend in Japan that offered me a place to crash whenever I want to visit her, but it's around $1400 for a plane ticket. While I would save money on a hotel, I'm still spending $1400 that I could have saved for Grad school.

I don't think you understand the concept of saving money and sacrificing. Buying something that's on sale doesn't mean you saved money, it means you still spent money, just perhaps not as much if something had been full price. Regardless, it's still money spent.

Your logic seems backwards to me.

And Uber_Yank mentioned, she discussed with her husband on this, so it was a male and female perspective that she gave you.

(I am a girl, however)

I thought he would disagree with me (and my husband who sat next to me while I typed the post and offered suggestions for my post), because I wasn't telling him what he wanted to hear.

I wish him luck in finding someone who has had a sucessful long-distance relationship tell him any different.  I don't see how any relationship can work when one person wants something that their partner is not willing to give.

If Morgan was okay with the way he was acting (which we all know from her previous posts she's not), then fine, its their lives and some couples work well that way.   But, she doesn't seem to be because she continues to post the same thoughts. 

P.S. SomedayInTheUK - I'm still waiting for my ipod! Now that we are buying a flat, it seems like a washing machine is more important!

Hi all!

Ok so here is my thing. I understand how important this is for Rich to go to Budapest and ATP. He has been working really hard at getting this together, and in a way I am very proud of him. What I do think is that maybe it came at the wrong time. Do I think he is wrong for wanting to go? Of course not. Am I a bit upset? Yea, maybe a bit.

I totally understand where all of you are coming from, because more than anything, I would love to feel like one of his top priorities. I want some help with plans, and saving and such. I know he is trying to save up money, TRUST ME I KNOW HE IS! The thing is is that I don't think he realizes how many things he has to save up for, and I don't want to feel like I'm the last thing to save up for.

I know he loves me. I have no problem with trust issues and I know we are going to be together, its just the way he is doing things, that may look wrong. Maybe he's not doing anything wrong, but from people other than himself, that is the way it seems.

I just miss him so much, and wish Jan was already here! xxx

Hi all!

Ok so here is my thing. I understand how important this is for Rich to go to Budapest and ATP. He has been working really hard at getting this together, and in a way I am very proud of him. What I do think is that maybe it came at the wrong time. Do I think he is wrong for wanting to go? Of course not. Am I a bit upset? Yea, maybe a bit.

I totally understand where all of you are coming from, because more than anything, I would love to feel like one of his top priorities. I want some help with plans, and saving and such. I know he is trying to save up money, TRUST ME I KNOW HE IS! The thing is is that I don't think he realizes how many things he has to save up for, and I don't want to feel like I'm the last thing to save up for.

I know he loves me. I have no problem with trust issues and I know we are going to be together, its just the way he is doing things, that may look wrong. Maybe he's not doing anything wrong, but from people other than himself, that is the way it seems.

I just miss him so much, and wish Jan was already here! xxx

It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks about your relationship.  It only matters what you think and how you feel about it.