Have you changed?

I'm not sure where I'm going with this post, but I'm just wondering if those of you who have lived in the UK for a while now, have noticed any/many/big changes in your personality.  Obviously, your daily routine and some of your traits, and probably even some of the words you use have all transformed since having moved there, but I'm curious to know if it's gone any deeper than that.  Do you feel like a different person than before?  

I did, not in good ways either but these last few days that is changing. Only been here 9 months but I went from being confident, independent & secure to being pitiful. I felt like I hit brick walls everytime I tried to do anything. I had previously been happy & single for 5 years & suddenly I depended on this guy I had just moved in with! He has been gone to Norway for  month now & it's been the best thing for me. I now am having to face these challenges on my own & I can't believe it but I'm really doing it. Feels like when learning to ride a bike & you don't at first realize they let go & you're doing it by your self! The biggest one though is I think I am learning patience. Maybe.

Definately-- some good ways and some bad ways.  Somethings have changed that may be realted to living here and may be related to living with my DH.  For example, I used to be a very health conscious person--cycling or walking everywhere, swimming, hiking, and eat very healthily organic vegetarian.  I have seen that really change here.  I rarely swim, had fried chicken for dinner last night and generally am quite unhealthy.  I think living here has had a lot to do with it--I find it is more difficult to access good organic food and I hate going to gyms and leisure centres are really over crowded.  

I also experienced the phenomenon that LucyAnna described--for the first 2 years, I lost all confidence, felt really shy and unsure of myself and felt really de-skilled by most jobs or anything I tried to do.  It is only in the last 6 months or so that I feel I am more alive and fighting like I used to.  I think that Brits can be quite unaccepting of foreigners and different ways of doing things.  I have always been very independent and a free thinker and when I moved here it really shocked me.  

Kat

Absolutely.  I've changed in a million little ways and lots of big ways too.  I have no doubt that most of these changes are for the good, but it has not been a painless process.

Unlike Kat, I find living here has made me more healthy.  I exercise and eat *much* better here without Taco Bell to sabotage my efforts.    I walk everywhere I go since we don't have a car, and I just find that fruits and veggies are more accessible, better quality, and cheaper than back home.  But that's not to say I couldn't have gone the other way....the first year I lived here was full of pasta and pies!  

I too struggled with confidence for a long time when I first moved here.  I couldn't use the oven, cross the street, and even walking around was difficult becuase I kept triping on the sidewalks for some reason.  But I've overcome a lot of that now....slowly but surely.  

The hard part, I've found, is reconciling who I used to be with who I am now with family and friends back home.  I knew I was changing...my way of thinking about life was different, I was having a million new experiences that I needed to talk about...but I wasn't sure how to say it all so they would understand.  So I started journaling online, trying to put into words what I was going through.  It helped me so much to be able to a) get those thoughts and feeling out there and b) to be able to look back and see how far I've come.

Anyway, to answer your question - Yes, I do feel like a different person now.  Absolutely.  The combination of living here, and being married and "grown-up" for the first time in my life was bound to change me pretty significantly.  I didn't realise how much it would change me though, and I didn't realise it would be such a hard adjustment that would take nearly 3 years to really work through.

The main changes for me were being more shy & hesitant about doing new things on my own. Simple things in the US are just as simple in the UK, but *different*, so I felt like a child when I didn't know how to do a minor, minor thing. Mainly at the post office!

Good changes: I'm much more communicative, in an emotional sort of way, with my family and husband. And while with the small things i'm less confident, with the BIG things I'm more confident... if that makes sense! Plus... I've found that my political opinions have been drastically re-informed!!!

I think I'm much more worldly.  I see the big picture more, and am MUCH more politically aware.
Personally, I think I'm colder.  I think I've learned to cut off emotionally and have learned to keep a distance from other people.
But, I'm also less judgemental and a lot less narrow minded.  

Even though I haven't properly lived there, I find that when I'm there for a good length of time, one of the first things about me that seems to shift slightly is my political outlook.  My view on America and on the rest of the world take a different turn.  Also, in America I'm fairly conservative and always aware of how family will perceive my actions and how it may effect them.  When in the UK, I feel much more independent and open and free, much more liberal.  I feel as though I'm only living for myself there.  The way I dress and act is noticeably different.  I have more confidence.  Then returning to America, I inevitably sink back into my old routine.  I look and feel tired here.  I just don't have as much energy or life or desire to do anything.  

I'm so much more outgoing and chatty and friendly there.  It takes less effort to strike up a conversation with people in England.  There are hundreds of other minor differences, but those are the most noticeable.  

I feel like I'm a different person to who I was 4 years ago.  As Wishstar said, sometimes it's difficult for family or friends to understand how or why I've changed.  Sometimes it's odd for ME to see some of the transformations.  It's not intentional, it's just happened slowly over time.  

I think that I haven't changed being a "PROUD AMERICAN" .. I don't give a crap where I am living and don't care what other people in the UK think about me. If they like me fine, if they judge me because I'm different so be it. I do notice that I feel a lot more bitter here, maybe due to lack of friends, a good job, and strong social/family struture like I had in the states. Although I do love chatting to the people where I am working the conversations always seem to stear towards comparison of American ways and British ways.  I also feel that people where I am working don't work as hard as we do in the states and I get very annoyed that others don't speak up if something is wrong like lazy workers and NO team effort; That would be a sackable offence in the states from my perspective anyway.  So yes I am pretty much bitter, but I love my husband and he's very supportive and that keeps me on the down low   Other than that, I'll never change. - From one proud American !!!  

Yes...

I came here madly in love and happy.  I left the US confident, outgoing, and strong.

It took all of about 2 months to turn  me into the secret locked away in the bathroom cryer. LOL.  Lord, I was not sure about anything.  Not sure of myself...feeling inadequate...stupid...useless...
I WAS NOT the woman that hubs fell in love with.
My anxiety gave in to panic attacks and depression.
I must say that the first year in the UK was hell.
Everything went wrong.  The kids were constantly sick, I was sick...I drove an ancient beater of a car (I had better at 16)..I lived in a small dark cottage...Nobody spoke to me...

Oh, it was NOT pretty.  It all beat me down.  I lost my confidence and seemed to roll backwards.  Everything I worked so hard for in America was lost here.

All this has made me stronger in the end.  It has made me thankful for a wonderful supportive hubby.  Also, it has made me appreciate my own country...when I did not as much before.

I am braver here, because I have to be.  And still, I am not "myself"
I liked my old self better.....Im too much of a perfectionist to be patient enough to accept my weaknesses. LOL
To be honest, after watching me never quite fit in...hubs decided to take me home.  
I never realized how I would lose myself.

I was very independent in the last year of being in the states, here I feel more dependent, which I hate.  I knew that it was going to be different here, and I welcomed the change.  But one change I wasn't prepared for was in my marriage.  We have been married for 15 years, and most of it I had been unhappy.  It was only in the last two years back in the states (1999-2000) that I felt I was coming into my own and was at the stage where I could, and wanted to live without him.  I wanted to live in the UK for as long as I can remember and decided to see what life here had to offer.  So I went to having a very good job that would have let me support myself very well and being independent to have a low paying job in which I couldn't support myself and being dependent.  I love living here, but look forward to the day I can live on my own, hubby free.  My marriage didn't improve with us living where he grew up, it got worse.  So all in all, it was a good move for me and a bad move for me.  I still wouldn't move back, but want to get to a point where I can live here on my own without him.

Since coming to the UK, I've gained alot of weight through curries, beer and trips to the bakery.
But other than that, I don't think i've changed, apart from having a bit of a weird accent.

Since coming to the UK, I've gained alot of weight through curries, beer and trips to the bakery.
But other than that, I don't think i've changed, apart from having a bit of a weird accent.

 Mmm... curry  

I'm FINALLY the person on the outside that I always felt I was on the inside.

I have changed a little too, call it lazy or just dont like unfamilar places. I used to go out when I needed to pack up and get in the car and go to the store or where ever, now I prefer to stay at home during the week, only going out if absolutly having too.  

Sure, I've changed - I think any big life-changing experience changes you.  Now (18 months after our move) I feel I am more confident and a stronger person.  I have handled and dealt with more upheaval and change than I thought I would have been able to handle, but I did it!  My marriage has changed, but for the better, too.  We are definitely a stronger couple now and even more each other's best friend.  Our family unit (DH, DS and me) is stronger and we both have a great relationship with DS, and he with us.  My relationships with friends, both old and new, and family, have changed too.  Again, I think that's natural and bound to happen.  

Overall, even though there were times when we didn't think we'd make it, and didn't think we could pull this adventure off, I wouldn't have not done it.  Life-altering experience, for sure!  

Stephanie