Cultural differences in marriage?

My husband thinks I'm rude in public. He gets embarassed and looks the other way a lot lol For example today we were on the metro and it was absolutely packed as it was 10 after 5pm. We got on and everyone was packed in like sardines and there was no room to move. As the train was approaching our stop this guy starts shoving people out of the way (which was impossible anyway because there was no space to shove people) so that he could get to the door and when he was about to shove me I just looked at him and said "You can wait- there are other people that need who are getting off as well." The whole walk home from the metro station my husband just rolled his eyes and laughed at how 'rude' I am.

I don't think being assertive and unwilling to be treated rudely makes me a bad person, just an American it seems.

I don't even know if that is necessarily cultural. I would have done the same thing you did, an have in fact done similar things in my life. My friends usually can't believe I even opened my mouth, but I always feel good that I stood up for myself. They usually laugh and roll their eyes at me too and say I was rude. But honestly, I only do that when someone else is rude first, so I don't think I'm the rude one. Perhaps it can be a more British thing to view it as rude, but I certainly know that some Americans think it's rude too. (but they still love me!)

I'm terrible about standing up to people or making a scene on either side of the Atlantic, but I definitely interact with strangers more readily than my British half.

There's a story his family tells about how his (Canadian) uncle met his (British) aunt. He was stationed in Britain during the War, and apparently he walked up to her at a train station and said, "can I help you with your bag?" And they all laugh and laugh.

And I'm, like, "what?"

I'm terrible about standing up to people or making a scene on either side of the Atlantic, but I definitely interact with strangers more readily than my British half.

There's a story his family tells about how his (Canadian) uncle met his (British) aunt. He was stationed in Britain during the War, and apparently he walked up to her at a train station and said, "can I help you with your bag?" And they all laugh and laugh.

And I'm, like, "what?"

That's really funny and a cute story! I once helped a little boy pick a bunch of coloring books up off the floor in an airport when his mom was totally ignoring him, and someone asked if he was my little brother. I replied "no, I actually don't know him" and they looked at me like I had some kind of fungus on my face. Why is it so strange to help a stranger?

I think the cultural differences do add to the marital strains in a marriage. Whenever we argument, it seems to just add to it that I am in a foreign country and feel even more foreign b/c I can't just leave if I want to. In general, it's more that I am in a foreign country, with a different culture than actual differences btwn us. He's a very communicative and expressive person with me, so that's not an issue.

More that I am painfully aware that I don't have my family and friends here to support me when I need them most. Sometimes I dream about the day that we move to the US and he is the foreigner just so he has an idea what it's like. Mind you, I've been 2 yrs now and still get homesick, not that I don't like living here, just that I miss friends/family and some things about the US.

Thats totally understandable. While it is not a cultural difference per se, I know that I've definitely started little tiffs before simply because I was in a foul mood over being home sick or missing my family/friends. It seems that no matter how supportive the other half is, they don't really understand what it is like to feel completely and utterly alone. I'm really hoping that feeling goes away at some point!

We're not married yet, but we've had some arguments and misunderstandings because of cultural differences. I think we probably have less than most people would because he's half-American too. This understanding of moving to another country is one reason why I want him to move to the US for a while, so that way we'll both have an understanding of what it's like.

Sometimes I dream about the day that we move to the US and he is the foreigner just so he has an idea what it's like.

I do the same thing! My DF is pretty naive about our lifestyle differences and tends to assume that America is exactly like the UK, only larger. When the differences do come up, it's usually pretty minor and amusing ("No, we can't just ask a shop assistant for codeine in America," or "No, we can't use the F-word on network television.") Still, I'm really looking forward to when the tables are turned a bit, just because it will give him an appreciation of how bewildering all these little things can be a first.

In looking at all the posts I agree that the cultural difference though slight can be an issue sometimes...I am going thru something similar right now...I am more open with my feelings and my emotions...I tell my Bf exactly how I feel and I show my emotions more freely it seems...It may be because I am American and we are used to showing our emotions more....My BF(the brit) isn't used to showing emotion or expressing how he feels. On his last visit over here in March he realized how he felt for me and that he loved me as much as I loved him...but he was so conflicted by the emotion and not being used to showing his feelings it really confused him...we finally sat down and talked and I told him that he can't keep everything bottled up inside and there is nothing wrong with telling me how he feels or what he is thinking....well he must have finally listened cause now he just keeps telling me how he feels...and I love it...
So even though we have these cultural differences and there will be stress and issues between us because of it...I still feel that in the end we can overcome them...


I read the one persons post that said her boyfriend thought she was rude for standing up to the guy pushing people on the metro....I don't think there is anything wrong with being assertive...and I don't think it was rude...now if you were the one doing the shoving then I would think you are rude...but you stood up and said something when others wouldn't....your bf should be proud.

I agree with Suzanne.  The Brits don't show what they're about while Americans are up front about who they are and what they believe.  It's also very difficult to get beyond a superficial level in a relationship with a Brit, whether it's a lover or a friend.  They are pretty reserved and don't normally talk about deep stuff.

I agree with Suzanne.  The Brits don't show what they're about while Americans are up front about who they are and what they believe.  It's also very difficult to get beyond a superficial level in a relationship with a Brit, whether it's a lover or a friend.  They are pretty reserved and don't normally talk about deep stuff.

You will, of course, only be referring to the 'Brits' that you've met.
Not everyone here has found their experience to be the same as yours and Suzanne's.

Wow, so interesting to read that so many of your Sig. Others keep things bottled up.    I really thought that was just the way my DH was raised, and that it was family specific...

I have been working on him for 7 years to tell me when he gets angry to avoid a big fight. Only in the past year or so has he started to come around... I'm very open about every single feeling I have with my DH.

This thread is nearly two years old!

This thread is nearly two years old!

3 years! Someone was bored 

3 years! Someone was bored 

Sorry, 3 years! Wow!