How do you adapt and adjust?

I moved here last year because my husband is going to school at Oxford.  We travel back and forth to USA between terms.  This is my second year and I still have not adjusted -- I still miss home, miss my family and friends.  I like it here less and less all the time.  I only look forward to returning.  How do people adapt and adjust to moving to another country?  What are the best ways?

i dont think i adapted .. it just came natural.. when i first came over it felt like i was in a different state not a different country LOL it took me nearly 3 years to adapt to life in another country.. i dont know what i could suggest to you.. but if ya met some people around here in person i think it would help you cope a little..  

Hi~
I lived in the same midwest town my entire life. I can really relate to how you feel as I am finding it a challenge to adjust to life in Britian.
Having pictures, photos and even familiar things like the linens  from home  available to use have helped immensely.
I try and walk into town every day.  At least faces and places are becoming more familiar and I am establishing SOME sort of routine.
Keeping in touch with  US life using the internet and television (thank goodness for Sky and CNN) helps me enormously. At the same time, I cannot live without the Daily Telegraph, the huge variety of fresh fruits and vegetables available at Sainsburys, ANY type of pickle, Graham Norton, stories about Posh and Becks and the terrific UK pubs. So, In spite of my initial skepticism, I HAVE found lots of things that are purely British that I cannot live without and this makes everything a bit better.  
It does take time so hang in there...Give yourself permission to miss the US and want things from the US  but to explore and enjoy this country, too. It is still a daily struggle but I am adjusting..:^)
Good luck,
Bogey

hey katy welcome to UKY...i think everyone here can understand your frustrations.  ive been living in england now for one year and until just recently feel like i am on my way to adjusting.  i think one of the most important things in adjusting to living in a different country is SUPPORT...my brit husband (uk steve) has been terrific but sometimes i just need to know someone like me (an american expat) can COMPLETELY understand what im going through and this site has given me that.  there has been MANY times i have cried as i typed my disappointments (missing family, friend, etc.) and the frustration of the everyday life of living in england.  but on the other hand ive been able to laugh at some of the stories the UKY members have posted about coping with some of those cultural differences.   ive come to look at the members UKY as being part of a new formed family here in england.  we share good times and bad times, which in turn.....is the therapy i need to adjust and adapt to living here.    just remember you're definitely not alone here and you will always find someone who understands.  

Hi Katy, welcome!  You are not alone,  I have been here for 2 years this month and still wake up sometimes wishing I was somewhere else!!

I have tried to remain as positive as I can, use the phone to call home way too much, and have tried to take advantage of all the travel one can do from here.  It does get better, and you will find that most of the people on this site feel the sam way at some point!! Cheers..maureen/jammie

Hi Katy ....

Yes your story is all too familiar for many of us...and if anyone figures out the secret formula for adjusting I'd love to get a copy since I'm not doing too hot myself at the moment  
I think it's easier for some, much harder for others.
Alot of it depends on your support system and somewhat on the extent of how busy you keep yourself (work, classes, traveling...whatever it takes.)
There are people here with fantastic stories and great advice so feel free to dive in and use whatever help they offer...they can truly be a lifeline.
Hang in there...you're not alone.
Red

I think that being an American and living in America pretty much spoils other countries for you, in a long-term sense, anyway. Years before I had ever been to (much less lived in) Europe, my best friend went on a three-week trip to various countries, and when she got back said, "Europe's a beautiful place to visit, but I wouldn't want to live there." I certainly stopped taking the States for granted as soon as I moved here.

I think a lot of the women here are staying at home with children, and I know that can be isolating. I don't have kids, but I'm self-employed and work from home, so it's the same difference in the isolation department. In your case, your husband's going to Oxford, which means you're in a university town. You should be getting out and meeting people! Plus, if you're just here for the time he's at Oxford, you'll be going home soon enough. There's a light at the end of the tunnel.

Anyway, one of my brother's friends was attending Oxford as of a year or so ago. If he's still there, I'd be happy to put you in touch with him.

Suzanne

I think that being an American and living in America pretty much spoils other countries for you

Huh??      
What do you mean by this, Suzanne?

I think that growing up in a military family (both parents were active duty) and moving every couple years throughout my childhood helped me learn how to adjust to living in a new enviornment.  

I've been here now for exactly 3 years this month.  The first few months were really hard, probably because I wasn't allowed to work right away and was home alone a lot.  Now that I work full time and have met lots of people it feels like home to me now.  I have SKY tv, so it's all American shows all the time!  My husband and I go home once a year to visit my family.  I'm quite happy here.  

I hope things get easier for you soon.  Don't forget that there a lot of us Yanks here so you're never really alone!!!

Personally, I'm happier here than I EVER was in Florida.  So I have a difficult time relating to those going through "homesicknes" - I feel this is my true home.  Florida is just where I happened to be born...

But I think it can help to have an open mind to the fact that living here, even for an abbreviated time, can be such a rewarding experience.  And try to think of things as simply different - not better or worse.   I mean, there are worse places - really WORSE places - you could live.  And you would still find plenty of people in such places who are happy where they are.

I suspect there will be at least a few things you'll miss once you leave the UK for "good" after your husband's studies are over.  

I think that being an American and living in America pretty much spoils other countries for you

I am not over there yet...but from my long visits there each time I believe I do understand what you mean by this.

I was told by my well traveled Step-mom that being American, we are very spoiled to many conviences in life that most countries do not offer.  That we take some things for granted and it is hard for us to adjust to not having most of those things at our fingertips.  She told me that she felt I would never be happy living over there...  

Taking her thoughts to mind...  I did focus on certain things when there...  like showers not being the ordinary for every houshold...  and NO bathroom outlets...  little things like that...

She is right for the most part...  I am spoiled as an American...and I am very glad to have the life I have had living in America...  but once I am in England, I also look forward to adjusting to new ways, different ways...  

a part of me is very excited that I will have to work a bit harder to get things accomplished or giving up one luxury to learn another way...  

Tom always gets defensive (in a nice way)when I say, what do you mean you do not have that there...that is so everyday place here... or, "What, you have never owned a clothes dryer, you must be kidding me"  LOL!, he will go into a  tangent on how England is not living in the dark ages as I might think...  but then something else will pop up that to me (an american) sees it as the dark ages... at first I thought...well we must get a dryer as soon as I am there...and a shower...and this and that...  but now I am more inclined to think...I shall try it their way first...  Then it will be time for dryer...  but shower is still a first priority for me...LOL

so Suzanne you are very correct there...  England however is not as bad as Step Mom made me believe...  there are however some countries that have a whole lot less...

Michele

Well, Michelle, in my 35 years here I've never gone without a single luxury. I had a shower put in in my first house and have always had a washer and a drier and a dishwasher. Showers are very much the norm everywhere now. and so are washers and driers. Not everyone has a dishwasher but you can easily get one. If your kitchen is small you can get a slimline or table top one.
But, one thing I would say, Britain has other things.....and this will depend on where you live...... Cornwall, Scotland, Ireland - these are so beautiful and the people are wonderful. I find here in Cornwall that the way of life is so relaxed and just plain peaceful..... Also, I love living near Europe  and not far from Ireland and not far from Scotland and not that far from other parts of the world for that matter.
I've been here a long time but I do truly believe that the actual "quality of life" (and I don't mean material things here) is much better here. I would say it took me perhaps 5 years to really settle in. I was lucky in that I was married to a man lecturing at a new university where everyone was new and we all became friends right away. so I had friends from the beginning. and then we went on to have out children at the same time... so obviously that helped too...
Susan

I can't speak intelligently to living in Oxford. I spent a miserable day there once and swore I hated England because of it. Chelsea Clinton hated it and wanted to go back home (and there was a huge thing about it in the paper) and I've met an American woman living in Oxford who did nothing but gripe about England. I don't know if your locale has anything to do with your feelings, Katy. It's certainly natural to be going through your adjustment difficulties, but I wonder, just wonder, if Oxford needs to take part of that blame.

Everyone else has excellent advice. I guess I would just add: How about getting away for the weekend?

well...you might try taking a deep breath and thinking "I'm only here for a short time...what's interesting while I'm here?" and if that doesn't work...ask some British peep to say Boogie Woogie (still one of my fav stress busters).  

Also, you could just try laying out everything that bothers you (as well as all the things you like) on the list....I found it very comforting and am doing soooo much better than when I first found this group (a million thanks elle!).  

Hey Jammie....I've been here 2 years now too!  I got here Nov 1st 2000, you?
wench

I am not over there yet...but from my long visits there each time I believe I do understand what you mean by this.

I was told by my well traveled Step-mom that being American, we are very spoiled to many conviences in life that most countries do not offer.  That we take some things for granted and it is hard for us to adjust to not having most of those things at our fingertips.  She told me that she felt I would never be happy living over there...  

Taking her thoughts to mind...  I did focus on certain things when there...  like showers not being the ordinary for every houshold...  and NO bathroom outlets...  little things like that...

She is right for the most part...  I am spoiled as an American...and I am very glad to have the life I have had living in America...  but once I am in England, I also look forward to adjusting to new ways, different ways...  

a part of me is very excited that I will have to work a bit harder to get things accomplished or giving up one luxury to learn another way...  

Tom always gets defensive (in a nice way)when I say, what do you mean you do not have that there...that is so everyday place here... or, "What, you have never owned a clothes dryer, you must be kidding me"  LOL!, he will go into a  tangent on how England is not living in the dark ages as I might think...  but then something else will pop up that to me (an american) sees it as the dark ages... at first I thought...well we must get a dryer as soon as I am there...and a shower...and this and that...  but now I am more inclined to think...I shall try it their way first...  Then it will be time for dryer...  but shower is still a first priority for me...LOL

so Suzanne you are very correct there...  England however is not as bad as Step Mom made me believe...  there are however some countries that have a whole lot less...

Michele

You should be glad there are no electrical sockets in bathrooms here.  Not only is it illegal, but it could kill you.

I cant think what you are talking about when you mention the little luxuries you have in America that we dont have here.  I have a shower, washer/dryer, dishwasher, computers, cable TV (WITH teletext, which is one 'luxury' you dont get in America, as far as i know) mobile phones, a nice car with a CD player in... what on earth is it that you want that you cant get here?