Is this normal?

I was sitting in the living room last night with my wife and looking at a calendar when it hit me that in something like twenty-six days I'm going to be in grad school.  In a completely different country.

I immediately got a weird, ugly feeling--a sort of "Oh my god, what the hell am I doing" coupled with depression at the fact that we're almost never certainly going to see our apartment (which we've liked a lot) again, and most likely won't be back in this city for at least two years, if ever.*

Is anyone else going through this? If so, what have you done to cope with it? Right now, it's kind of paralyzing me--the thought of the logistics involved in selling my car, for instance, is making me want to lie down for a while. 



(*Long story short: Theatre major. Living in Denver. Trying to make a living in Denver doing theatre is a good way to starve. We'll most likely move to a big coastal city if/when we come back.)

Oh, heck yes it's normal. Any big life change, you're going to get those twinges. The alternative is to stay in your hometown forever (not a bad way to go, if you love your hometown).

I grew up in the South. I'd lived in Rhode Island and worked in Mass for years, and one morning I'm driving into work and listening to the weather on the radio, and it hits me, like, "BOSTON?! What the heck am I doing in Boston?" Just a moment's dereality.

I have a feeling Boston to Britain is going to be less of a shock to my system than South to North was...if only because I'm older.

howdy, and yes, the feeling is absolutely normal. i'm from Texas orignally, and had lived in Ft. Lauderdale for 6 years before coming here.

sold car, house, packed everything i owned or shipped it, and arrived on a Sunday morning and tried to learn how to drive on the other side of the road.

At many points along the way, i questioned myself......"what the hell i am thinking"? "This ain't Kansas"! It's another country.....and they don't have ribs or baseball.

I have found the friendly natives at the local public houses are always happy to share in your misery or celebration, so that helps.

as soon as you arrive, book a weekend trip (with "easy jet"....same as southwest airlines) to some exotic sounding European city and you'll know why you came.
Besides, you get to collect T-Shirts along the way.

I grew up in the South. I'd lived in Rhode Island and worked in Mass for years, and one morning I'm driving into work and listening to the weather on the radio, and it hits me, like, "BOSTON?! What the heck am I doing in Boston?" Just a moment's dereality.

HA!  I've had the exact.  same.  thing.  happen to me.    *points at sig line*

Mr. Bad - totally normal.  I think most of us have had the same sort of WTF? moment. 

Yes, we went through it as well.  Several times.  It goes with the territory of being an academic, unfortunately. 

I've had the deep feeling of dread and depression prior to any major life change. I've even had it before going on holiday!!!

Yes, we went through it as well.  Several times.  It goes with the territory of being an academic, unfortunately. 

Ugh, yes. 

For me, the best way to start dealing with it is to recognize that it's completely normal. When I started job-hunting, I was talking with my PhD advisor about the same sort of feelings one day, and he just looked at me and said, "I'm afraid it's going to be a bit of a rollercoaster for the next few months." While not exactly reassuring, that picture of a rollercoaster was actually very helpful to me. You go through both the lows and the highs,  and at the end you get off the ride. Until the next one.

Unfortunately, this is just a warm-up for the "What on earth am I doing in grad school?" moments! 

"I'm afraid it's going to be a bit of a rollercoaster for the next few months." While not exactly reassuring, that picture of a rollercoaster was actually very helpful to me. You go through both the lows and the highs,  and at the end you get off the ride. Until the next one.

that for me, sums it up. (points at sig line)  It is a roller coaster.  Big. Time.  And these days in academia, nothing is predictable either so the path you think you're on, may get blown up or rerouted at the drop of a hat.  You have to learn to roll with it - and hang on tight!!!  Although I'm still waiting for this particular ride to end.  It's been going on for a bit too long, for my liking (3 years at last count..). 

that said, we have had amazing experiences traveling around through grad school, post docs and now positions.  The job situation is grim but it would be grim no matter where we were.  We figure we may as well have an adventure in the meantime! 

My SIL was visiting and she got to witness our roller coaster ride first hand.  She said "I think I could handle the adventure side of your life, but the roller coaster, I don't think I'd survive!"  She's been in the same job for 22 years and in the same house for 16.

We've also done it with kids so for us, it's been doubly hard.   

Currently having those feelings.  I think I need to lie down for a good long time....

We've also done it with kids so for us, it's been doubly hard.   

We don't have any kids to deal with, which is good--I don't think I'd even have been able to consider doing the international student thing otherwise.

I'm feeling slightly better now. I've gotten some things done (selling off CDs and DVDs, boxing up books to sell, and so on), and I'm managing to plan for the larger things like selling my car. Of course, then I realize I've only got three weeks from Saturday before I leave, and I start hyperventilating again...

You can count me in on that. I leave for NYC in about 12 days, and will be in London a week after that. I have had moments that felt like near panic attacks, usually during those idle moments when your brain has nothing else to be concerned over (like right when I lay down to sleep!). Every other given moment I'm either thinking about what to pack, what not to pack, what papers to bring, what to plan for, blah blah. It's insane. I'm also trying to sell my car, too, so I feel that as well.

Checking back in--thanks for all the encouragement, everybody. I'm feeling quite a bit better now. I managed to get my car sold, and this weekend is reserved for the big yard sale. (Then the weekend after that, I'm on a plane--eep!)

I think we've managed to get an apartment, too. We're in the middle of the referencing process, at least. I hope that goes smoothly.

Checking back in--thanks for all the encouragement, everybody. I'm feeling quite a bit better now. I managed to get my car sold, and this weekend is reserved for the big yard sale. (Then the weekend after that, I'm on a plane--eep!)

I think we've managed to get an apartment, too. We're in the middle of the referencing process, at least. I hope that goes smoothly.

Good luck on your up and coming move!

I am currently moved over to the UK, in the process of not only trying to find a job, but also waiting for contracts to be seen, sign, and move into a new apartment with my hubbie from my in-laws(we neeed to get the heck out!!!)

At one pt, a week and a bit ago, I got uberly depressed, and thought I should just pack it all in and give up. Of course, it was a passing thought and life moved on.:-/

No worries and good luck!

Hang in there, Mr. B.E.
Was in a similiar situation 20 months ago, boxed up a few cherished possessions, sold the rest, and took off for uni in London.  The difference is that I didn't have *any* panic attacks before I left....I was ten minutes into my flight before it finally hit me.  "What the &*$% am I doing?!"  A couple of over-priced in-flight drinks later & I was right as rain.   
And, yes, things DID work out just fine...

Mr. Bad Example,
I've been going through the same thing.  The last couple of weeks haven't been so bad though.  Once we got through the selling off everything, getting the visas, plane tickets, etc.  It's been nice.

i've been sitting on my butt for the last 2 weeks visiting family and living off their kindness and waiting to hop on a plane.  It's been very relaxing. I do still have moments of panic.  Just the other day I was looking a letter from the university (the same one I'm sure you got) with a list of preliminary reading and thought...I don't have time to read all of this in a week.

Then the realization hit me that I was currently in small town Alabama with my family and that in a matter of 12 days I'd be in Exeter, England.....People from Alabama don't move to England!  They move to Georgia or maybe Seattle, WA at the most - they don't jump over an ocean.  What can I do in England.

I began to panic a bit about possibly being over my head...buy my mom and wife were very good about calming me down until I grabbed my riverside and read some so I could at least feel like I'd been productive.

Other than a couple of those....it's great!  I'm pretty relaxed and excited until I think about all the work I've got coming.