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Topic: Has anyone else dealt with a parent dying while they were overseas?  (Read 4432 times)

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I'm adding this to my previous post, because I'm not sure anyone has had the same experience. Please bear in mind that my father and I don't talk--that's been his decision, and I didn't really care until now because he was the cruelest bastard in the world during my childhood, both to my mother and to his six kids. He doesn't reply to emails, he hangs up on me when I call. Even now, at the worst time possible, he won't return my emails. I didn't start the silent treatment--he did, and anyone who knew him would know he's been in the wrong. It makes it very difficult to get info about my mom, as all my brothers (those in the D.C. area, anyway) lead busy work lives and don't have much time to spend with her.

P.S. Please excuse me for dwelling on this today. I just found out last night, and I can't wrap my head around it/believe it/think clearly.
« Last Edit: September 06, 2007, 07:54:41 PM by Suzanne »


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Re: Has anyone else dealt with a parent dying while they were overseas?
« Reply #1 on: September 06, 2007, 08:07:46 PM »
Do you have any other relatives (aunts or uncles or cousins) or close family friends you could contact to get info from? I didn't loose a parent while I was in the UK, but one of my favorite aunts died. It was hearbreaking to not be there for the funeral.
"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover." ~Mark Twain


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Re: Has anyone else dealt with a parent dying while they were overseas?
« Reply #2 on: September 06, 2007, 08:16:10 PM »
There's no one nearby, Imiss. All my Mom's relatives live in Louisiana. My parents live in Fort Washington, Maryland, just outside of D.C. There is NO ONE to lean on except my husband, and being British, he doesn't know how to react, other than hug me more in the past 24 hours than he has in the past three months.


Re: Has anyone else dealt with a parent dying while they were overseas?
« Reply #3 on: September 06, 2007, 08:36:59 PM »
I lost my dad about a year after I moved here. I went back but missed the funeral but about 45 minutes.
Last year I lost my grandmother which was a huge blow. She raised me since I was very young and was my best friend until the end. I took care of her after her mastectomy and she took care of me when I was horribly sick when I was pregnant. We were everything to each other. I also don't have any sort of support system in the US. When she died I got a call from my mother at 6am a rather matter of fact call "well she's gone"
I had to plan the funeral and even pay for the casket. I was a mess and all I had was my husband who couldnt go back to the US with me. I was very fortunate American Fox and I became good friends and she met me in chicago. If it weren't for her I would have been a total basket case.
I came back from my grandmothers funeral completely shocked and sort of went off the rails for a good 7 months in a really bad way.  I guess I coped with things the best way I could.
It's very very difficult when you feel you don't really have anyone during hard times.
  :-\\\\
I'm so very sorry you're going through this right now suzanne. With God's help she will recover. When my grandfather was told to get his affairs in order after his cancer diagnosis he lived for nearly 4 more years.


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Re: Has anyone else dealt with a parent dying while they were overseas?
« Reply #4 on: September 07, 2007, 05:47:33 PM »
Suzanne,

I've seen your other thread but haven't responded yet because I've wanted to give myself time to write a post "good enough" for the situation.

My father died last year and the situation was very difficult due to crazy family complications. (By crazy, I mean my family is crazy, not the complications.) I actually have not been back to the US or seen any of my family since I moved here, so did not see my father while he was ill, not go to the funeral, etc.

I wasn't going to mention this to you because
1. I didn't want to make this about my experience when it is you who posted asking for support.

2. as your mother is still alive and the doctor's 6-month estimate is just that, an estimate, I didn't want to talk about someone already having died unless you said it was OK to talk about things like that.

My 80-year-old mother, who is not in the best of health, is having major surgery next week, by the way, and I still have not been to see her or any of my family since I moved and there is no way I will be able to see them between now and the surgery. (More crazy family issues.)

If you want to hear more of the story, have questions, or just want to talk, send me a PM.





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