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Topic: This is new to me...  (Read 3889 times)

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This is new to me...
« on: September 25, 2007, 01:48:00 PM »
So I just found this group and thread yesterday and I am so happy to have found you all, as this separation feeling is new to me.  We met over a year ago in the States, as we have friends in common, and he was passing through.  I just made a month visit over to Scotland and left this past Sunday and never realized how hard it would be.  I am a mess!  I guess I didn't want to admit to myself that I have indeed fallen for someone who lives on the other side of the world.  I am reading through so many of your posts and am amazed by the amount of time that so many of you spend apart yet you make it work.  It is encouraging and thank you for sharing your stories and being so supportive of one another.  I am sure I will have many more questions and comments to come.

Cheers,

Stephanie


Re: This is new to me...
« Reply #1 on: September 25, 2007, 04:56:25 PM »
Not too long ago, someone posted an article here about how common LDRs are becoming, and how, despite perceptions, they aren't more likely to fail than more conventional, closer relationships.

That being said, it is very hard, especially around goodbyes (before, during, and for a while after).  You have to be more independent, and in a way, you're in this weird gray area.  You're attached, yet you have to go to family get-togethers alone.  You are deeply in love, yet you sleep alone hugging a pillow.

But in other ways, it is a very healthy basis for a relationship.  You have to learn to trust your mate.  I don't know if this is universal, but Mr. Moggs and I spend a lot more time talking and communicating than average married couples.  When he's been here for extended periods of time, that has translated to a closeness that I've never had with anyone else.  And after over six years of mostly LDR, the last thing I am worried about is whether or not we will get on well after Saturday.

If you're up for the extra work and consideration, I think that LDRs can eventually lead to the most solid of partnerships.  Don't let naysayers discourage you, but really think about what you and your significant other want and need and go from there.


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Re: This is new to me...
« Reply #2 on: December 10, 2007, 05:01:45 PM »
Hi Loosey,

welcome to the site..i have lived in the UK for 5 years now and still have difficulty adjusting to things....hubby and i will have been married 5 years in February and let me tell you it was up and down emotionally for us both in the beginning of our relationship...we met in the UK and the US so many times...it was like we were meeting all over again....i decided to move over here as a student and we lived together for a short time before getting married....i think it would have been even more difficult had we not decided to go through the marriage visas etc and just carred on with the LDR...hope you get on well...Scotland is so lovely...we went there last summer

we had many, many, many long telephone calls and instant messaged each other constantly..in the beginning of our relationship....
My home for 18 years since June 2002. Became a citizen 2006


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Re: This is new to me...
« Reply #3 on: February 06, 2008, 10:22:24 AM »
Maybe so but I don't think it will ever work out again if my husband and I are split up for a long period in time.

I think I get way to frustrated and I can't 'think' properly when I am away from him.

I dunno, three year relationship having only spent 12 months of it together (suppose I am lucky for that eh?)

Most couples spend less of that together.

He's at work now and I miss him.

Its nothing like it was when I was in the states. Poor pathetic creature that whined all the time about being without him hah.

I don't know if I will be inclined to move back to America if the relationship did not last.
Perhaps I just hate change.

I am no longer a spring chicken.

Most of all I just miss my two Dads, Don, and Daddy,

I love them alot.
There is something to be said for re marriage when you have two Dads that are really great.

I wish I could be home taking care of my Dads but my relationship comes first.

Have a nice day,
Nicole
*Yank or Yankee is one of the lesser derogatory slang terms for any American, whether from New England or not.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yankee
*The Oxford English Dictionary states that one of the earliest theories on the word derivation is from the Cherokee word "eankke" for coward as applied to the residents of New England.

You don't hear me calling you a bloody brit, so don't call me a yank!
**Many people disagree with my signature**
~As a matter a fact my mom does know everything~ http://miperson.com my diary


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Re: This is new to me...
« Reply #4 on: February 09, 2008, 07:39:02 PM »
My wife and I have known each 4.5 years now been together 4.5 years September and been married 2 years May 08 and we have spent more time together than any of the couples we know even when we lived apart.

We have a really strong relationship and we really love being together and doing the things we do do and with our kids also.

We would cry when we parted and hug when we met again and sometimes cry though we only had possibly 6/8 weeks inbetween seeing each other and then we would spend a week or 3 solidly together every hour of every minute the bits apart were compared to us working away from each other, or when one part of the couple works long hours all put into one or two weeks.

I hope we get better weather with the new year I am getting rained out.

Good luck to everyone with respective visa applications.


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Re: This is new to me...
« Reply #5 on: February 09, 2008, 09:20:26 PM »
It's tough sometimes. Requires a lot of trust, as someone mentioned, and willingness to talk talk talk. When you're miles away, misunderstandings tend to blow up into huge hairy arguments quickly, so you gotta be able to confront them early and discuss them honestly.

However, if the healthiest relationships are where the people involved are individuals apart from being a couple, LDR certainly helps with that. It's not a type of a relationship where you can easily disappear into each other.
And if you threw a party
Invited everyone you knew
You would see the biggest gift would be from me
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"Thank you for being a friend!"


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Re: This is new to me...
« Reply #6 on: February 09, 2008, 10:47:18 PM »
I did LDR with my husband for 3 years (this was back in the 1990's, like so last century) and for me, it was the most exciting, most fabulous time of my life! Sure, I missed him, but the meeting up again, was FABULOUS. The excitement and anticipation of those times was pure adreniline. Being in an LDR is a bit like being an extreme sportsperson, normal people have relationships where one person goes to their own home for a shower, they meet up later in the evening for a drink, someone stays over, they go home to go to work etc etc, but an LDR, thats all WOW all the time. The highs are SUPER HIGHS and the lows are SUPER LOWS.  And shall I mention the best thing about LDR's...yes, I am going to say it. REUNION SEX. God, I miss reunion sex.

I think the key is to appreciate the time together, and appreciate the time apart. Explore all those emotions and enjoy the feelings you get! After now being together for 10+ years, sometimes I wish I could send him away! :) (he can take the toddler for a few days, wouldn't bother me:)

Anyway, just enjoy yourself while you are together and you will get through the apart times! Ultimately, someone will have to sacrifice something...whether its your home, his home whatever. But just enjoy being in love!


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Re: This is new to me...
« Reply #7 on: February 10, 2008, 12:08:37 AM »
racheeeee: loved your post. I can totally relate to it.

My now husband and I spent a lot of time apart (10ish years ago), and the anticipation of seeing each other again was SO very exciting!


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Re: This is new to me...
« Reply #8 on: February 10, 2008, 12:33:08 AM »
And shall I mention the best thing about LDR's...yes, I am going to say it. REUNION SEX. God, I miss reunion sex.
LOL!
“Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.”


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Re: This is new to me...
« Reply #9 on: February 10, 2008, 03:07:04 AM »
shall I mention the best thing about LDR's...yes, I am going to say it. REUNION SEX. God, I miss reunion sex.

agreed HA

Wherever you go, no matter what the weather, always bring your own sunshine.


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Re: This is new to me...
« Reply #10 on: February 13, 2008, 11:07:49 AM »
Ahahaha I wasn't going to mention that erm reunion sex..

It may sound shallow, but I think that may be the reason we are still together hahaha! ;D ;D :D ;)

Ah how shallow am I?
I never knew I liked sex till I met him lmao...

As far as the highs being high and the lows being real low, wow, I can totally relate to that.
*Yank or Yankee is one of the lesser derogatory slang terms for any American, whether from New England or not.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yankee
*The Oxford English Dictionary states that one of the earliest theories on the word derivation is from the Cherokee word "eankke" for coward as applied to the residents of New England.

You don't hear me calling you a bloody brit, so don't call me a yank!
**Many people disagree with my signature**
~As a matter a fact my mom does know everything~ http://miperson.com my diary


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Re: This is new to me...
« Reply #11 on: April 23, 2008, 04:10:43 AM »
i just wanted to say that right now my husband and i are pushing the longest we have gone which is 4 months..its obnoxious at this point.i miss him so much...i remember when he would visit me in prague and then go home and it would be about 2 weeks till we met again and it seemed like HELL! and to be spending the first newlywed year so far apart SUCKS!!!
i spend all of my time in the visa section of this forum but got a wild hair up my ass tonight to come here and it really does make me feel better to read others posts but also made me cry.
i just applied online and think we have a strong application but am still scared to death!and mostly tired.
thanks everyone for being out there,really helps to hear this stuff!(and cannot wait for the reunion sex!)
michelle
A pleasant deportation to citizenship!


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Re: This is new to me...
« Reply #12 on: April 23, 2008, 04:34:08 AM »
There are a lot of us here that know what it's like to be so far away. I hated it, but now, it's almost like i miss it a bit. Just the romance of it, though at the time I didn't think it was very romantic. The time passes. We've not spent a day apart for over 2 years and I still remember that ache in my chest when I'd have to get on a plane and leave again.  I hope the time passes quick for you guys (((hugs)))


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Re: This is new to me...
« Reply #13 on: April 24, 2008, 03:24:21 AM »
thanks a million!
it just seems like days will go by where we dont talk about anything but the visa..and tonight it seemed just impossible to have a normal conversation!but i know that we are so much the stronger for it.such a crazy way of doing things this whole process is!!!at this point i kinda wish we could just visit for 2 weeks or something but in our case a break in the working machine would only make the ultimate goal further away!!!
were on the last leg of the first step though!
thanks for the words!
A pleasant deportation to citizenship!


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Re: This is new to me...
« Reply #14 on: April 24, 2008, 10:59:32 AM »
it just seems like days will go by where we dont talk about anything but the visa..and tonight it seemed just impossible to have a normal conversation!

I totally remember those days. :)  Hang in there - it *will* get better, and soon! :D


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