new user, maine to oxford

Hi there.  Just found this website.  I'm from Oxford, Maine now living near Oxford, England.  Moved for love in August 2003, having a hard time adjusting, not happy here at all.  Not found any other americans really, not known where to look.  If anyone out there is living around the Oxford area, it would be great to have a chat.

Hi Jenl76 and welcome to UKY!  Sorry to hear that you are having a hard time in Oxford, UK.  You have however come to the right place and you will certainly find plenty of people that understand where you are coming from.  Please feel free to post in other sections and I hope you are able to find some people in your area!

Hi Jen, welcome to UKY!  

I'm sorry to hear you are having a bit of a rough time.  The first year is really tough!  The second year is a bit better, and I've just finished my third year and it's been so much better!  I finally have hope for the future again.  Took me a heck of a lot longer to adjust than I *ever* thought it would or should.

I'm in London, so not too far from Oxford.  I'm sure there are lots of American's around you what with the university there.  I know what you mean about not knowing where to look though.  But cheer up, you've come to the right place!  Keep an eye on the Meetings board for stuff going on.  Lots of us here get together fairly frequently and there is ALWAYS room for one or two more faces 'round the table.  

Hope to get to know you better soon!  

Welcome Jen.  Great to have you here.

 Hiya Jen and welcome to UKY

 Hon I can only add to what Peeps and Wish has told you by saying you are not alone in your feelings.We have all gone through the same thing one way or the other.We are here to support each other through the good,bad and sometimes very ugly .

 (((Hugs)))
     Rhia

Hi Jen.

All I can say is ditto on the above comments. I have been here since last June and have had a really hard time with the adjustment as well. While I try to keep positive I do struggle with it everyday. I am living not far from you in Reading (about 30 mins south by car or 20 mins on the train). We are having a get together in Reading on 22nd May at Chili's so if you can join us that would be great. See the get-together message thread.


Regards,

Julie

Hi Jen, welcome to UKY...if friends you need, this is the place to be...

hugs

Hi Jen, you are in the right place. We all have similar stories.

Though I came over in 2000 I found my first few years great. This is largely due to the fact I was unhappy at home (crap job, lousy social life, etc). So I opted for the big change by doing a PhD over here and the adventure of it has been great.

Recently however, now that I'm marrying a Brit and know I'll be here for quite some time, it's getting a bit harder. I think this is partially because there are family problems at home that I'm out of the loop on now. We are also really struggling financially on 2 student grants.

I think the hardest thing, and possibly something you are experiencing, is that we are having a hard time meeting people our age. Maybe all you other people could tell me how you are coping.

My fiance is originally from the north of England but his good mates are now scattered. Neither of us have ever had large social circles and now that we've moved to the southwest, we're finding it hard to meet anyone outside his University dept and most of them are younger than us!

We can go weeks without socializing and it's really getting both of us down!

Jen, I know this was a lot about me (!!) but do feel free to tell us how you are doing!

balmerhon, you bring up some great points...I for one didn't even begin to feel adjusted until I actually met face-to-face some Americans. I don't know why that made a huge difference, my husband was always very supportive and understanding. But I felt no one understood me. And event hough one of the first persons I ever met was from 5,000 miles from where I was from, I still felt "finally! someone I can talk to!"

Jen, there are loads of Americans in Oxford, but a lot of them are linked with the university. A couple belong to the OXMacUG (Oxford Mac Users Group) and anyone with an interst in Mac computers can join...they just meet in Oxford. that's just one example.

I know well from past experience that no one was going to come up to me and ask to be my friend. So I forced myself to do things that were 'normal life'. I went to the gym (guess what...there's an American who goes there!), I got my nails done, legs waxed. Then I volunteered for the local village newsletter...talk about meeting folks!

I know it's hard to get out there when you just want to hide the fact you even have an American accent, but it's going to take that first step. Get out, go to the local butchers once a week (I guarantee after three visits, you'll be remembered and greeted the next time!). Do business locally and be seen out by these people...a great feeling of satisfaction when people start recognizing you and wave to you across the street. Start chatting with the person behind you in the checkout line (that happened to me today!)

There are ways to make friends. I found my own confidence by meeting other Americans, who confirmed I wasn't nuts, then that gave me the will to take the next step of getting involved in my local community.

HI Jen! Im from Maine too!!
I grew up in Waterville then spent many years living in Portland.
I just moved to London two days ago and it has been chaotic, so Im not sure how I have settled in yet.  Still just feeling like I havn't caught up on my sleep, so i can't give any advice about settling in.
If you would like to chat or meet up sometime, send me a private message and I will give you my number.

One thing that I find difficult is coming from beautiful and spacious Maine, to a place that is busy, crowded and short on space.  I miss the rocky Maine coast, as the English seaside does not compare.

Hey...I am from Maine too! Right on the rock bound coast at the end of a peninsula! I'm not in the UK yet...but will be in a few months, and when I do move it will be to Geordie-land so I will be waaaay north of you. (Although we're used to travelling distances here in Maine!) Every visit I've made to the UK we've made sure I've gotten some beach time (even in winter) because I NEED the ocean! Luckily I won't be too far from the north sea...about a 10-15 minute drive. On my last visit a few weeks ago there was quite a storm and driving out to Whitley Bay and Sunderland, with the waves crashing over the rocks and onto the parking lot, it was a bit like Ocean Point here...not quite, but still beautiful! I am sure once you get together with some "friends" from this board you'll feel more at home. I can't wait to meet up with the women I have met on here. During my last visit I spoke with Shel a few times on the phone and it was so nice to have her to ask advice from as this was my first long visit involving more cooking and cleaning etc...

Well...good luck!

Thanks to everyone who replied to my post.  I haven't been on the UKY website for a few days, and was surprised to see that I had several responses.  Reading all of your comments really has made me feel better already.  It's good to know that there are so many other people out there that know exactly what I'm experiencing!!  
During the 8 months I've been here I've known that I needed to get out there and make an effort, its just so hard to actually do.  I hate to admit it, but I do have a slight paranoia about people hearing my American accent.  Although most people are pretty cool and ask questions about where I'm from and what its like there, I've also met a handful of people who have become extremely rude when they've realized where I'm from.  I know I can't let a few people ruin my experience over here, but it does make it difficult.  However, getting advice from all of you and hearing your stories is great.  I think knowing that you all have lived through similiar things will definitely help me when I'm wondering if I'll ever make it through my time here.  

Glad you made it back. As for the worry about your accent - be proud of it! If they really are rude, you don't want to have an extended conversation wtih them anyway, but with time, you'll come up with a few witty replies that will at least get them back to polite mode or at best break the ice.  

I wonder if it may be a bit of an Oxford thing. From what I hear, Oxford is a very divided town (the Uni elite versus everyone else).