Sorry, Mort. Can you please elaborate? I'm feeling a bit ... overwhelmed, here. What can I use?
If I got this right, garry is saying that you can use the refusal to prove that you've maintained a residence outside the U.K. for the past four years, which is what you'll need to apply either for the ILE or the Spousal --> ILR visas.
The way I understand it (and please remember I'm a poker player not a immigration professional and I really urge you, before taking any steps consider consulting with someone who isn't a poker player but an immigration professonal: ok, disclaimer over) you have three options at the moment:
1. You can appeal. According to garry, it won't be an easy appeal. I have no clue or even an estimate on time and expense involved.
2. Indefinite Leave to Enter (utilizing the Long Term Partner Provision) which is a visa that's (basically) equivalent to the ILR used by couples who have been married or cohabiting together outside the UK for four years. Since, according to the ECO, you have failed to prove you've resided in the UK the past however many years, garry is saying you can use that refusal to prove you have resided in the U.S. (again this is only a summary) To get the ILE, however, you need to fulfill the KOL requirement, aka pass the Life in the UK test. It is not administered outside the UK at present so you'll need to take a trip here to take it. This might create problems, as per Vicky's earlier post, since you do have a refusal on your record and that might get you bounced.
And 3. Apply for the regular spousal visa. Come to the UK, take the test and apply for the ILR right away as a long-term partner. This is obviously more time and financially intensive than option #2.
This can get you started. Once again, before you decide, talk to someone who knows what they are doing but don't get discouraged. Your case is by no means hopeless. You still have every chance not only to come to the U.K. but to do so quicker than you think at the moment.
Best of luck.
Edited because misspelling garry's name TRHEE times takes serious skill!