just curious!

i suppose this question is aimed mainly at those who have moved to the UK now on work/marriage visas.....but, i'm just curious to hear from all....

how many times have you visited the UK/your s.o. visited you?
I stayed for a week in Kent, and he visited me for two weeks,and here i am, looking for work over there sometimes i wonder, am i rushing into this?  but it is to live with him and work,not marry at this moment.  we have time for that.  but with our chats and emails and phone calls, plus our visits, we have been able to get to know one another. plus, as hokey as this may sound, i feel very comfortable with him and feel like i've known him much longer than i have (and here comes the real trite expression...ready?) made for each other...ok, phew, but it's true..heh

so anyway, enough rambling...any feedback would be great!

It's a difficult call to make, comparing your relationship to another's, as well as comparing yourself to anyone else.  But just to contribute, he spent a month with me in August, I spent a month here in London in December, and then I moved to live here permanently in March.  And I couldn't be happier! 

Basically we spent about 4 days together when we met...though no hint of romance at that point, then after a while of letter writing and calls I went over for two weeks, then he came over for three weeks then I went over for three weeks, we got engaged then and got married 6 months later.  Neither of us had been married before and I have seen people that have dated forever and or lived together still break up.  I don't listen to people that tell me we did not know each other well.  Once you sign the marriage certificate and live as man and wife, then you begin to learn who that person is.  I knew all I needed to know . . . he was kind, respectful, committed, honest, loved me for me and made me laugh.  We have had a few bumps as everyone does, but we are the best of friends and very committed to each other and have similar life goals.  These things above lust and the glow of first love makes a relationship work.  I love him more and more each day in a way far beyond how I ever imagined.  I also fall in love with him over and over again. I too feel as if I have known him forever, but then sometimes I learn something new or he grows in a way that I have to learn about him again and I just love that.

We've been together for one year & 3 months...

We spent (& met one another) at Disney ir Florida for 5 months.
One month seperation.
He came to NY from Florida for one week to see me before he flew home to the UK.
Two months seperation.
I went to the UK to be with him for 6 months. (Almost one month apart during Cmas holiday.)
Now its been almost one month apart.
He is coming here at the end of June for three months. (He is applying for jobs and will hopefully get hired and be able to apply for the Council visa for 18 months.) Unsure how long it will be between the time he leaves this summer and comes back to here to work/live. (paperwork, visa, blah, blah, blah.)
If he does live/work here, after his 18 month visa, we have plans to marry.
If he does NOT live/work here- I will be in the UK for next Cmas~ so another 3 months sepeeration after he lives this summer.......      

We met in August of 1999.

Our first visit (me to UK) was in July of 2001.

Second visit (him to US) was  November of 2001.

Third visit (him to US) was April 2002.

Fourth visit (me to UK) was June 2002.

Fifth visit (him to US) was December 2002.

Sixth visit (him to US) was September 2003 (nine months apart, BUT we got married during this visit!).  :-)

Seventh visit (me to UK) was October 2003....and I've been here ever since.

Don't let anyone tell you how to sort out your relationship! As you can see from above, great relationships can come of the shortest times together. But you have to go in with eyes wide open and be honest with yourself.

As for me, I'm going to be marrying the man who I originally was just having a 'fling' with! I met him while doing an MA degree here in the UK. We're just lucky we realized we actually had something pretty special.

First letter (me to him) 18th March 1985

First in-person meeting (him to Florida) January 2001 for 3 weeks

Me to UK June 2001 for 2 weeks

Me to UK September 2001 - supposedly 5 days, ended up being 2 weeks (was due to leave 12 September...)

Him to US November 2001 for 2 weeks

Him to US January 2002 for 2 weeks

Me (and 2 sons) to UK May 2002 for 10 days

Me to UK June 2002 for 4 days (looking in Medway area for place to move to)

Me (and 2 sons) to UK late August 2002 - then to NY early September 2002 and back to UK 5 days later for good!

Married 21st March 2003

We go back and forth every other month.  Me, i've been there 7 times (for various legnths of a few days to a week or so).  He's been here with me for many weekends and some couple week long stretches!

We met Nov. 1 2002.  Kept in touch via phone/email 2 times a day until beginning of December.  He visited me for a weekend and it was bliss.  I spent a week in the UK wiht him for new years and it just went on back and forth for 1.5 years.  A little before our 2 year anniversary we'll be getting married.

i knew i was going to marry him after the first visit though......it was just that right. 

thanks for the replies, all 

peedal, you were "penpals" at first, and you've known him since 85?? sounds like a very sweet story...how old were you when you began writing him?  lemme know if you have your "story" posted somewhere...talk about patience! 

rolostwinkie - I'm sure it's posted around here somewhere, but have no clue where at this point!

I was 16 and he was 15 when I first answered his ad in Smash Hits magazine, which I used to pay a bundle for at U-Save supermarket so I could get the scoop on the British groups/singers.

We got married 18 years and 3 days after that first letter I wrote! 

We wrote faithfully (and called and sent tape recordings back and forth) for about 2 years, then lost touch, then wrote again when the 1st Gulf War started up (I didn't know if the UK had a draft and was worried he might get called up...), lost touch again, started again about a year later, then lost touch for 7 years until he wrote me out of the blue in late July 1999.  I e-mailed him immediately and we were in snail-mail and e-mail contact for a year before we realised that we'd been "in love" with each other since all those years back...just neither of us could figure how it could work out and we valued our friendship too much to risk it.  In our 30's, we decided it was time to give it a shot!

It was January 2001 before he made it over for our first in-person meeting.  Mind you, he'd had photos of me since the late 80s, but I had never seen a photo of him until July 1999!!!!

Didn't matter.  I had always loved him.  He's always been the keeper of my heart and soul, which is why, as damaged as I may be from other experiences, I'm still in one piece.   

Awww, Peedal, what a great story! I had a British penpal off and on for many years, too and was crushed when he married an Aussie and moved there! Still, one of the reasons I get on so well with my DF now is that we probably *should* have met through the pages of Smash Hits! 

Funny thing is - Phil put his ad in the March 85 issue of Smash Hits, which means he mailed it in something like January.  In March of 1985, a woman started working at Smash Hits...who years later Phil would meet whilst working on a magazine himself and become such good friends with that they set up an on-line art gallery together (which is in the process of being updated) and she ended up being my matron of honour at our wedding!  Second strange coincidence is that this woman (Caroline) shares a birthday with the person who was my best friend at the time Phil and I were writing/calling the first time around.  The person who probably would have been my bridesmaid if we'd stayed friends!

Very strange, indeed!

rolostwinkie - I'm sure it's posted around here somewhere, but have no clue where at this point!

I was 16 and he was 15 when I first answered his ad in Smash Hits magazine, which I used to pay a bundle for at U-Save supermarket so I could get the scoop on the British groups/singers.

We got married 18 years and 3 days after that first letter I wrote! 

We wrote faithfully (and called and sent tape recordings back and forth) for about 2 years, then lost touch, then wrote again when the 1st Gulf War started up (I didn't know if the UK had a draft and was worried he might get called up...), lost touch again, started again about a year later, then lost touch for 7 years until he wrote me out of the blue in late July 1999.  I e-mailed him immediately and we were in snail-mail and e-mail contact for a year before we realised that we'd been "in love" with each other since all those years back...just neither of us could figure how it could work out and we valued our friendship too much to risk it.  In our 30's, we decided it was time to give it a shot!

It was January 2001 before he made it over for our first in-person meeting.  Mind you, he'd had photos of me since the late 80s, but I had never seen a photo of him until July 1999!!!!

Didn't matter.  I had always loved him.  He's always been the keeper of my heart and soul, which is why, as damaged as I may be from other experiences, I'm still in one piece. 

  Peedal,everytime I read your story,I tear up.To find each other again after all that time....really does say that Phil is your soul mate  
 
 

Peedal.....I just had to write and say that I absolutely loved your story! How sweet!

I think you should write to Oprah for a Valentine's day show. Its usually something like "why is my valentine so special". Well, your story would be perfect for a show like that.  You know how they put stories (pictures and events together so well). I am sure many watching would be in happy tears! 

Hi Peedal....what a wonderful story! It makes me feel so "warm and fuzzy" or something! But seriously, I can just imagine all the changes you went through together on and off through the years, even if from a distance, and what a special bond the two of you must have as a consequence! Some things are just meant to be...no matter how impossible it may seem from our limited viewpoints here on earth! Thanks for sharing...
Geally