Cash Bar vs. Open Bar

Good choice.  Congrats and good luck!   

I think I will lean towards an open bar at my UK wedding. I just don't feel right making our friends and family paying for their own drinks. If I need to 'scimp' in other areas- like favors, no dessert table and just a wedding cake (whatever- these are hypothetical) Id do that before I made my guests pay. Ive never been to a wedding here in NY where people get trashed with their drinking... Buzzed, yes. I know it happens but it hasnt amongst my family and friends (or stories Ive heard.) I would assume that our friends and family in the UK would be sensitive and not drink as tho its going out of style. And if some of them do, oh well.

Excellent!  I have a few money-saving tips for you, if I may.

1)  You really only need to serve wine and beer.  At our wedding, the open bar was included in the cost of the reception as a flat fee-we didn't get an itemized charge.  What I do know, though, is that although it was a full liquor/mixer bar, the vast majority of guests drank wine or beer.  They only made 4 or 5 cocktails the entire time.  There is absolutely nothing wrong with only serving wine and beer and keeping the wedding affordable.  (And of course, sodas or water or whatever non-alcoholic drinks you wish.)

2)  Favors.  Ours were little pots of ivy (we had a sort of English ivy theme).  We bought swan-shaped pots for $0.50 each at a Big-Lots type store, then bought a few ivy plants, separated them at the root, and transplanted them.  The entire cost of 50 favors, in this fashion, was about $50, including potting soil and plants.  And the guests really liked them, too.

3) Flowers.  We bought 4 dozen roses the day before the wedding at the flea market.  Total cost-$40.  We then tied ribbons arouns the stems and used those for my bouquet (1 dozen) and the bridesmaid's (1 each, except 2 for the MOH.)  My Mom wrapped green florist tape around a few others for boutennieres for grrom and groomsman, and did the same with a little baby's breath for corsages for the Moms.  The rest we used as decorations.

4)  Wedding cake is plenty for dessert.  Again, our reception had a tray of desserts and chocolate-covered fruit.  Very few people ate them.  Everyone wanted to wait for the cake.  My Mom made a groom's cake, just a regular sheet cake (chocolate), and decorated it to look like a Union Jack.  So for an extra $5, we had a choice of white or chocolate cake, as well as an extra dessert.

I know there are more...some friends of mine made mix CDs before their wedding and didn't bother with a DJ.  They just had a nice stereo there, and played their mix CDs, with a friend to announce their first dance.  If I'm not mistaken, they also got a photographer from the about-to-graduate class of the local Art school, and she did a fantastic job for cheap because it was a good start for her portfolio.  For that matter, we were so disappointed with the quality of our professional photos we never did order the album, and just show people the disposable camera snapshots.  (A little disappointing, yes, but OK.)

Hope these help!  Let me know if you want more!  Anyone else have suggestions?

Phil burned all the music CDs - from the stuff for the ceremony down to the reception.  The registrar "manned" the CD player for the ceremony, but Phil played DJ for the reception.  We had like 8 CD's all burned according to "type" - like 80's music, jazzy stuff, "disco" stuff, et cetera.

We also were lucky enough to have 2 friends who were trained photographers (one who does it for a living, the other who chose a different path after uni!).  Our friend invoiced us only for materials and we sent her a cheque for twice the amount and it still was tonnes less than a professional.

Our decorations were £1.50 hanging lanterns that fit tealights in them - I got I think about 15 of them.  They were left over Christmas stock at an "alternative" shop and they were more than happy to get rid of them!  They were golden w/blue beads and fit our blue & yellow colour scheme perfectly!  We got enough so that every couple/family could take one home with them - and they did!  Everyone loved them (especially my sister-in-law who somehow managed to get 2!).  As the evening wore on and it got darker outside, we lit the tealights inside and the room looked rather magical!

We lucked out in that there had been a huge 300-guest wedding at our venue the day before - and they had left some of their table decorations and a huge balloon which we tied to the cake table!  In an odd coincidence, the little gold baskets they left behind were the same exact ones I had wanted to get but didn't make it to the store in time to get enough!

We did the (English) traditional sugared almonds.  My oldest made up origami baskets out of light yellow paper which we then filled with almonds and covered in blue netting and secured with little wire flowers from the wedding/party shop.

I agree about not necessarily needing anything but wine and beer - especially for a UK wedding!  Most all of our guests drank wine or beer from the bar - in fact I think I was the only one drinking anything else.  I do LOVE my Pimms & Lemonade!!   

Hope that helps, too!

Wow! Thanks *alot* guys. I copied your posts to Word.

As a side note, I am *not* engaged yet (I would've posted if I was!) 
My boyfriend and I have been discussing getting married next July in England- we want to start our Fiancée Visa in February (it lasts 6 months, yes?) But he has not proposed yet... He will be here from the end of June to the end of September and I think that it when it will happen!!!!!  We can not bear to be apart from one another. We were going to try and get a work visa for him thru CIEE but there isn't any guarantee. He needs to be hired first by an employer before he processes the visa. Anyway....

I had a discussion with him today about the cash vs. open bar. He is almost against an open bar!!!! He said its not common at all and will save us money- which we need. I said I felt really uncomfortable doing this and we came to a compromise that we would supply beer & wine thru the dinner and then afterwards- it will be cash bar. We are going to either throw a chunk of money behind the bar OR give a drink voucher to every guest (maybe with a cute saying on it- I thought of "Have a Manhattan from the bride & groom.")

Music.... I would love to have an E-DJ. I've been to alot of weddings here and in California. They are cheaper then normal DJ's and basically they play the music off their lap-top that is hooked up to a pro sound system. It enables the bride and groom to choose whatever songs they want played and in which order (slow and soft during dinner, faster and upbeat later on...) The DJ really doesn't do anything but monitor the process (because one song plays after the other by itself) and will stop the music when needed for the "1st dance", mother/son & father/daughter dance. I'm not sure if Id be able to find that in England but we are definitely having one at our NY wedding.

Favors.... Haven't really decided yet but would LOVE to make them ( SAF- the Ivy pots sound SO nice!) Was thinking of something similar with plants or flowers... I think I will have Godiva chocolates at the NY wedding. There are 2 heart shaped chocolates in a gold Godiva box... Cute and the guests can eat them there and not have to take anything home.

Flowers... was also thinking red roses since it's the official English flower and also my boyfriends favorite. I went to a wedding where the bride decorated the table herself. There was one red rose in a simple crystal bud vase with tea lights and sparkles surrounding the vases. So simple and breath-taking. I would love bright gerbera daisies at the NY wedding. Will carry the same flower theme thru out the wedding. Luckily, I used to work for a wholesale floral corp. here in NY and can get the gerberas dirt-cheap.

Wedding cake... I would be perfectly happy with just a wedding cake at the English wedding. Would like to incorporate the 'fruit cake' tradition in one of the tiers. NY wedding would include the dessert/Viennese table in the package but if I can remove it and it would be less money- good for me! I would like to put a chocolate covered strawberry on everyone's cake plate and I saw a cute idea of writing "love" in a fruit liquid or chocolate on the plate as well.

Photos... I would assume we would have a photographer for the ceremony in England but I would prefer to not have one at the reception. I know too many people with digitals and would rather have candids. I also fancy myself an amateur photographer and would love to snap a few of my own shots at the wedding. Same goes for NY wedding. No videos. I was going to look into hiring a local college student to photograph our renewal of the vows in NY to save more money...

Peedal- the lantern idea is so nice! You really lucked out with the day before wedding decorations.

I didn't realize the sugared Jordan Almonds were an English tradition! They are also an Italian one as my family *always* has them at weddings and that's why I thought of giving the Godivas as something different.

Thank you SO very much for all your ideas and PLEASE keep them coming. I love talking weddings and learning about the traditions of English weddings. I won't have very much time to plan (if we do marry next July) so I'm starting to get organized now. 

If you want to take a look- this is the wedding dress I will get. I fell in love with it years ago and have not found a nicer one for myself since then.

http://www.yumikatsura.com/consumer/
Second column, second dress, #2106

And the place I am looking at for the NY wedding but iffy on the prices...
http://www.ontheatlantic.com/
Check out the photo gallery and sample menus~ yum!

Thank you all *so* much again!

Hi again.  I LOVE that dress!  It's gorgeous!  I got engaged in November and we are getting married on May 30. (Less then 3 weeks now!) I have to admit, my mother did most of the planning, and is paying for the wedding (She and my dad) but she did a great job.  This is a woman who met my dad and married him within 6 months with a beautiful wedding. So I knew she would do well!  I'm from LI and I am getting married in Great Neck.  It's a beautiful place on a lake with windows overlooking it.  Most places in NY that I know have the liquor included in the per person price, which I really liked.   I have a website for you for dresses.  My bridesmaids got them there for $99 including shipping.  They are gorgeous too!  They all fit them perfectly except for the length, but that is the same everywhere.  I paid for my sister-in-law's dress, (Did you know that is the tradition for the bride and groom to buy the bridesmaids their dresses!)  I didn't tell the rest of my bridal party though so shhhh.

http://store.yahoo.com/modernbridalshop/mlgobymolee.html

This is the site and the dress I chose.  The girls went to a bridal shop in NYC to try it on and it flattered all body shapes.  Also they all came in about 2 weeks, so I highly recommend them!

Good luck with it all!  If you have any more questions let me know. 

Hi Stacey!

Im from Long Island too. I grew up in the Baiting Hollow area and have lived in the Hamptons for the past 7 years. Love eastern LI except weekends in the summer (Im sure I dont need to explain to you... Grrr!) 

THANK YOU for the dress link; I have it book-marked now. And thank you for the compliment on my dress. I like that it doesnt really have a full train but there is still something back there to cover up my round bum. 

Ohhh, CONGRATS on your upcoming wedding. You must be so excited. Great Neck is a lovely area. And yes, I like it that 99% of the places here have the alcohol included in the 'per head' price.

I didnt realize that it was custom for brides to buy the bridesmaids dresses here. The other day I learned that was the custom in the UK though... I plan on asking 6 girls for my English wedding- one French, one English, one Dutch, one Norwegian and 3 American- 2 NY & 1 Kansas. I want each of them to wear whatever they choose. My reason is that I love them for who they are want their outfit choices to show their personalities. I will pass on that link though because some of the girls have asked for dress website ideas- a few of them want to 'get fancy' with their outfits.

Have a lovely wedding- if the weather was anything like today you'll be set! 

I hear you!!!  The Hamptons in the summer are the worst!  I used to love the city on the weekends in the summer for that reason!  It just empty's out and becomes this amazing peaceful place, especially Central Park!  You should make the reverse commute;) 

I know what you mean about the dress!  I bought mine and it did just that, though I've lost nearly a stone now so I went down a size anyway!  That happens a lot right before a wedding, I've seen it so much.

It's not a custom here, I just bought it for my SIL because it is the custom there.  But you should not feel obligated at all!  It's not your custom after all, right.  I actually wanted to have my lady's wear what they wanted too, but give them a color, then I thought well maybe it's easiest to just have them wear the same thing.  I am an easy person to please.  I have been complimented on my non-bridezilla way. (If you don't know what a bridezilla is, it's basically a sane woman who in the months before her wedding has some sort of meltdown and goes mental on all her friends and family, they even had a show about it, I think it aired in the UK as well, but it was on the Metro Channel in NYC) 

As far as bridesmaids' dresses, I was lucky enough to be very thrifty there, too.

Allders was having a MASSIVE sale and I picked up my chief bridesmaid's (read "matron of honour") dress for £10!  And it was exactly what I'd been looking for.  Her two daughters were my bridesmaids and I got their dresses for £30 total. 

We had a very small wedding, though.  Just 30 people total (including us and my 2 sons!) - and 4 of them were named Steve!    My husband's brother was his best man, my oldest gave me away, and the youngest carried the rings.  We paid for all the suit hires - bought the younger one's suit because he absolutely fell in love with one that wasn't hire-able, of course! 

Stacy, Ill have to come into the city on weekends now... Usually I stay inside frightened by the mad-house going on outside. Or I head to the north shore beaches (LI Sound) because its much quiter there. Yes, I heard of Bridezilla~ scary stuff. I think a wedding day is a fun day but Ive seen waaay to many women go crazy over tiny details.

Peedal, you have gotten really great prices on the dresses. That is so sweet that your younger son wanted the suit bought!

I guess I want to keep things as low key and simple as possible. I have 'big dreams' but when it comes down to reality- some things just are not worth the money and thought process (does that make sense?) I want our wedidng to be beautiful and personal but I do not want to be a crazy nut over it either. The bridal industry is evil and Id much prefer to have my wedding in England then here in NY. I doubt very highly we would be able to afford Atlantica. Thats OK. Id like to get married on the beach barefoot and then have our family and friends out for a nice dinner. The extra money will go towards a home, car, vacation money to see our families in both countries... We are young and do not have much to our names except love and I feel like the luckiest person in the world to have my boyfriend in my life. That is what I want to portray at our wedding- LOVE and I dont think money will ever come close to equaling that....

Most important thing is to have the people you love all around you!  No one remembers the details!  You want to look back at your pictures and smile!  Whether it's in your backyard or a fancy schmancy place none of that matters, it's having two people that love each other joined together forever no matter what the setting!

Most important thing is to have the people you love all around you!  No one remembers the details!  You want to look back at your pictures and smile!  Whether it's in your backyard or a fancy schmancy place none of that matters, it's having two people that love each other joined together forever no matter what the setting!

Ditto!

Thanks again girls!

Yesterday I went to a huge family party. My aunt and uncle have a really large back yard. They put up a tent with tables underneath. They had the food catered in. They also have a pool with a deck. Almost my whole immediate family was there (maybe 60-70 people.) The weather was beautiful and all the children were running around playing. I thought how wonderful it would be to have my NY wedding 'renewal of the vows' there done in the same fashion- tent, catered food... They have a large grassy area where I could rent a dance floor. Have floating candles in the pool... (dreamy eyes right now.) It was such a wonderful, casual day and I love being with my family. Once we are engaged, I am going to ask my aunt and uncle if we can have our wedding there. It was so perfect! So I will need tips on having my wedding completely 'a la carte.' 

That sound wonderful!!!  One of the best wedding's I've been too was in a friends yard under a tent!  It was just so nice!  My sister and brother-in-law did this also in the UK and it was great too!  They catered it one night and the next everyone pitched in and brought food, both were lovely!