Cash Bar vs. Open Bar

Hello!

Another topic got me thinking of a cash bar vs. an open bar at UK  weddings.

When my boyfriend and I get married, we will have our 1st/main wedding in England with a smaller, renewal-of-vows ceremony and dinner back here in NY.

Ive heard that cash bars are very common in the UK and not considered rude at all. Much different here in America as most people know.... at least very different here in NY that I have never known of one person (or heard any stories) of people having cash bars. To me, very rude.

So, have any of you who have gotten married in the UK (or have attended weddings there) have thoughts about cash bars?

Thanks !   

Um people tend to drink quite a lot and we were not rich so it was cash bar for us.  What we did in the UK is include arrival mimosas, then wine and champagne during the sit down meal and the reception was cash bar.  Kind of a compromise.  I have no idea if it was rude, but it's just what we did and people seemed okay with it.

Hi Vnice! Thanks!

My English boyfriend said a cash bar was not rude at all. I guess wine, champagne and beer would be served during dinner but the after party would be "cash bar?" I am so confused with the proper customs and traditions. I dont want to put anyone off at the same time either.

And I hope I didnt insult you by saying cash bars are rude. In my family and circle of friends where I live, its considered rude but I know everyone does everything differently and I respect that. Just want to make sure Im doing the non-rude thing over there, yes? 

I think you're right that in the US cash bars are considered kind of rude.  But in the UK it is pretty accepted - especially as more than a few wedding receptions are held in pubs!

We did kind of the same as vnice - no arrival drinks, but had a *special* punch available for people right after the ceremony whilst we were taking photos and wine (red, white and rose') during the meal.  I honestly don't remember if we had champagne or not!  (I got seriously drunk on Pimms & Lemonade!!)  We had our ceremony & reception at a hotel, so people just bought their drinks at the hotel bar during the reception bit.

I do know that we purchased what seemed like a lot of wine for the dinner, because we had been to the wedding of friends over a year prior and I was still put out by the fact that we all only got one glass of wine with a 3-course meal!    So it was important to me that the wine flowed freely during the meal!  And it did.  I think we ended up with only 1/2 bottle of red and about 2/3 bottle of white left over! 

When Tom and I had our commitment ceremony in america...we supplied all the wine and beer... and a sister supplied the champagne for toast...  since it was not at a pub type place, we were able to control what was there to drink and afford it.

when we made it legal a couple of weeks ago, our dinner was at a pub...we had opted for a cash bar due to limited funds... except for the toast drink of wine at the tables... but Tom in all his glory of true happiness to be married to such a lovely lady as myself...LOL,  did pull out his credit card to buy everyone the first drink...LOL, he is such a softy!  of course we had loads of wine and beer waiting back at the cottage for after the meal... so I did not feel rude at all about the cash bar for a couple hours.

Cash bar isn't rude. People often feel a bit awkward about having too many drinks at a free bar because they don't want to cause their hosts too much expense. A happy medium that I have come across at a few weddings recently is a £1 a drink bar. It almost covers the cost of most drinks, but it makes the guest feel they have been given something by the host, but the guest has also made a contribution. I think you might find most hotels will do you a deal on bar drinks.

Cash bars are by no means rude. they in fact cut down on waste. I've worked enough open bars and have seen people who would normally be happy with a beer order expensive liquor only to take a sip and decide they don't like it and leave it sitting there, their rationale is "hey, I'm not paying for it" In a lot of cases it's an invitation to gluttony.

It definitely isn't considered rude here, especially if people know you are not well off (might be a different story if you are a known millionaire however!). Some weddings I have been to have gone for a compromise like put a certain amount behind the bar (say £200 or whatever you can afford) so most people will get a drink or two free and then cash bar after that which seems like a good idea to me. 

NY2UK I was not insulted at all! 

Being a fellow NYer, NY2UK, I had never heard of cash bars till I moved to Boston for Uni.  I had a huge fight with my best friend because she had never been to a wedding where there was not a cash bar! And I had never been when there was! I think that is true in most places in the US except NY!  Well at least in the NYC, LI area that I know about!

I'm getting married three times (I KNOW!!!!), the first time was the registry wedding in the UK.  Richard put £200 behind the bar afterwards and that lasted us from 5pm till after 10!  And we had a lot of people there from his job.  The second will be in NY "the fancy one" and there will be an open bar!   Richard is thrilled!  The third wedding is at a pub in our town and we will supply champagne but the rest they have to buy. 

We're providing wine or champagne for either a toast or the first drink (haven't decided which) but as we're poor students, we'll have a cash bar for all else. If we do something in the US, it'll probably have to be cash as well unless one of my richer friends offers to cover it (one can always hope!).

 

 Hello everyone!

I can not thank you all enough for ideas and suggestions. You have truly been a GREAT help to me.

After reading your posts and discussing open vs cash with my boyfriend, I realize that some sort of cash bar would be the way to go.

During the sit-down dinner, I would like wine and beer to be 'free' to our guests. Once the "after party" starts and our other guests arrive, I think I will go with one of two ways. I will either give drink tickets to everyone for 2 free drinks "on us" and then the rest cash bar. My friend in Norway supplied that idea to me! OR I will just keep it as a cash bar. It will all depend on our funds and the price of the drinks.

Another idea that one of my girlfriends had was to have a "limited" hard liquor bar. Wine and beer was unlimited and she chose 5 cocktails of different liquors (I think they were vodka, rum, whiskey, tequila and something else.) Her and her husband concocted a cocktail and named each one with their wedding ideas in mind (one was called "Love", another "Honeymoon", etc.) The guests could choose those cocktails or have simple cocktails made of those 5 liquors (like Jack and Coke...) The catch part of it all was that they bought all the liquor from the New Hampshire Liquor Outlets (yeah!) and the wedding reception venue supplied the beer and wine. I thought that was a nice idea because they knew how much they paid for in liquor ahead of time and most people ended up drinking the wine and beer anyhow.

I haven't heard of many venues that allow you to supply the liquor though so that idea is probably out for a UK wedding. Most of the after party will consist of young friends who will end up drinking wine, beer and alco-pops (yucky!) so I don't think the liquor will end up being a problem.

Like the idea of throwing a chunk of money behind the bar for the after party or giving out 2 drink tickets to each guest and the rest they would pay for themselves.

THANK YOU everyone again for the suggestions. I have alot to learn about the customs and traditions of English wedding and I'm sure this board will be of much help.

I'm going to have to disagree with the idea that cash bars are rude.  I live in the Midwest, and cash bars are very common at weddings here.  What usually happens is there is free wine at dinner and beer and pop are supplied free at the bar.  If you want more wine or liquor after dinner, then you pay for additional drinks.  It may seem somewhat less sophisticated, but I don't think you should have to go broke over other people drinking till they're completely blitzed.  You can easily double the cost of your reception by having an open bar, and if you're on a budget (and realistically, most people are), then a cash bar is a way to help control your costs.  If we have drinks at our US wedding, it will be a cash bar, and I have several friends getting married here doing the same.  A couple of them are doing what you said with having so much put behind the bar for free drinks, and then after that it's considered to be a cash bar.

I'm not sure what we'll do for the UK one, but I would imagine it would be pretty similar, so many free drinks or free drinks at dinner with a cash bar later maybe...we don't have our plans ironed out yet though.

Basically, I don't think your guests will think a cash bar is rude, here or in the US.  It sounds as if things are different in NY, but if you had a reception by me no one would bat an eye at a cash bar.  Do what you can afford to do and I'm certain no one will be offended by it.  The idea of two free drinks or a pound per drink sounds like a really good compromise.  Your guests will be happy they got to join in on your day, and their happiness will not be determined by whether or not the drinks are free.

As far as in the US, I think cash bars are more prevalent in certain areas.  I grew up in the south (NC) and NEVER went to a wedding with a cash bar.  As a result, I think they're kind of rude...but I guess that's because I'm not used to them.  I don't think that a guest should ever have to pull out his wallet at the reception at all.  I feel the same way about the "dollar dance", but I also know that it's really popular in some parts of the country.  So to each his own, but I refuse to pay for anything extra at a wedding reception.

BUT, that said, cash bars do seem more prevalent in the UK.  It seems that wine/beer/champagne are provided during dinner and the toasts, but mixed drinks and "extra" beers are paid for during the party/dancing part of the reception. 

I think the best option is to provide plenty of wine/beer/champagne with dinner and keep replacing the bottles throughout the evening.  Don't offer mixed drinks and you won't have to deal with whether or not to have a cash bar.  Ultimately, that option proved much cheaper for us and nobody complained about the lack of mixed drinks.

Hi!

Thanks again for all the advice.

I think I will lean towards an open bar at my UK wedding. I just don't feel right making our friends and family paying for their own drinks. If I need to 'scimp' in other areas- like favors, no dessert table and just a wedding cake (whatever- these are hypothetical) Id do that before I made my guests pay. Ive never been to a wedding here in NY where people get trashed with their drinking... Buzzed, yes. I know it happens but it hasnt amongst my family and friends (or stories Ive heard.) I would assume that our friends and family in the UK would be sensitive and not drink as tho its going out of style. And if some of them do, oh well.

Ive never even heard of the Dollar Dance... a thought of strippers came to mind. 

Thanks again everyone. I loved reading all your posts.